Originally Posted by
melsworld 
Hi - im back to these forums after a pretty long time. Worse, of course. Here's my question for you guys that have long term sobriety-how do you keep your desperation?? I get low, low, low, quit drinking, do a bunch of recovery stuff...then get bored and shame/pain fades and i convince myself it wasn't that bad.
First, welcome back! That must've taken a lot of courage to return.
My answer to your questions is from my 12-step experience.
I don't keep my desperation from when I was new, so to speak. I was told early on I had a choice: to live a spiritual life or die an alcoholic death. I chose the first one.
Whenever I have thoughts that pop up in my mind that tell me it wasn't that bad, I pause and ask myself, "Was that a thought from ego/my mind or was that a thought from God/higher power?"
Alcoholism is a disease that centers in the mind. It's a disease that tells you that you don't have it.
If I listened to my mind during my recovery, I would not be here. I needed to learn how to trust and rely on God/Higher Power.
I'm clearly on a downward spiral, and have been living this pattern for over 15 years. I'm desperate to stop-today-but I just know it won't last.
I am so sorry to hear you've been in this pattern for so many years. I hope you can find someway to separate your mind from your true self.
How do you keep the reality of your addiction fresh enough to keep you motivated day in and day out??
It's not something I have to consciously remind myself of. I rarely think about the insanity of my alcoholism/addiction unless I am sharing on steps 1, 2, or 3. I just try to turn my life over to the care of God every morning, ask Him to guide me and tell me what His will is for me, and ask for help when I need it.
I know God's will is for me to not drink. If I discipline myself to connect with God (or your Higher Power within, whatever you feel more comfortable with my writing here), then I am okay. If I listen to my mind that tells me that I really wasn't that bad, then I will relapse.