Emotional Maturity Support Thread
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^ Ooh over control, undercontrol... perfect example.
Teetotal Trump and the drinking presidents - BBC News
Donald Trump has never had a drink...not because he stopped but because he feared there might be something in him that would lead to addiction.
Great, but controversial example of what happens with an unexamined tendency to overcontrol
P
Teetotal Trump and the drinking presidents - BBC News
Donald Trump has never had a drink...not because he stopped but because he feared there might be something in him that would lead to addiction.
Great, but controversial example of what happens with an unexamined tendency to overcontrol
P
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No different than those people who were so gifted with common sense at an early age that they never had a desire to experiment with drugs. The rest of us thought, yeah sometimes people get addicted and real messed up, but I wanna try it, I just wanna see what it feels like, and say that I did it once.
I have an acquaintance in my nursing class actually who tried heroin once just to see what it was like. He didn't like it and never felt compelled to try it again but HE PUT A NEEDLE IN HIS ARM JUST OUT OF SHEER CURIOSITY! I'm just saying. Drinking a liquid that gets me high, that I can wrap my brain around.. Some people get hooked on heroin after the first use, and I think besides the whole needle thing, that is what tells people this is not something they want to do..
Most people don't see alcohol as something that destroys you, they see it as something you have fun with, and no number of horror stories in the media sadly seems to serve as enough of a warning to get people to not be enticed by alcohol. We look at someone like Trump, in contrast to the rest of our culture, and his behavior is almost deemed as pathological, he's some kind of control freak.
I have an acquaintance in my nursing class actually who tried heroin once just to see what it was like. He didn't like it and never felt compelled to try it again but HE PUT A NEEDLE IN HIS ARM JUST OUT OF SHEER CURIOSITY! I'm just saying. Drinking a liquid that gets me high, that I can wrap my brain around.. Some people get hooked on heroin after the first use, and I think besides the whole needle thing, that is what tells people this is not something they want to do..
Most people don't see alcohol as something that destroys you, they see it as something you have fun with, and no number of horror stories in the media sadly seems to serve as enough of a warning to get people to not be enticed by alcohol. We look at someone like Trump, in contrast to the rest of our culture, and his behavior is almost deemed as pathological, he's some kind of control freak.
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Brenda I completely relate to your journey from being wrapped up in drama to being so detached I felt like I was on the outside looking in.
By staying on the right path and doing the next right thing I find myself coming to a place of balance.
It reminds me of weight loss. Slow, steady steps in the right direction, followed by a lifetime effort to maintain.
Emotional stability is so sweet though - and definitely worth the effort to arrive at it.
By staying on the right path and doing the next right thing I find myself coming to a place of balance.
It reminds me of weight loss. Slow, steady steps in the right direction, followed by a lifetime effort to maintain.
Emotional stability is so sweet though - and definitely worth the effort to arrive at it.
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Join Date: May 2014
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Then again I wonder if that might just be my personality, to be more head than heart.. I don't know if I even want to be more heart, I just know I don't want to be all head or all heart. My mom's more head than heart but is just reactive, in my opinion.
The 90 year old I used to take care of used to refer to one of her nieces as being "all heart". It means she don't think.
The 90 year old I used to take care of used to refer to one of her nieces as being "all heart". It means she don't think.
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Originally Posted by BrendaChenowyth 
I wonder how I got from a place where I was so willing to allow my feelings to come up, to a place where I now repress everything again.
I put such an emphasis on being non-reactive and managing certain feelings.. I got over the need to be liked and to be involved with people in an emotional sort of way, like a soap opera sort of way, you know what I mean? I try so hard not to feed in to drama that it has left me very disconnected from people around me. Even in my nursing class, there are plenty of conversations had that I can not join in on because I find them very negative, so I'm left standing back and being sort of a loner again, even though I am genuinely interested in people and want friends..
I don't want to be pulled in to drama so I end up being detached sometimes to the point of being brusque and seeming like I don't care at all. I still need to practice detachment to a certain degree, but I need to allow some emotion back in, I want to be comfortable having feelings but knowing how best to respond to them.. I have just been shutting them down completely and it's probably because I am afraid I will react.
Can anyone relate to what I am saying? When I was drinking, I overreacted to everything, but in sobriety I've tried to be so disciplined that I have completely shut down emotionally. How do you bring that back to a happy medium?
I put such an emphasis on being non-reactive and managing certain feelings.. I got over the need to be liked and to be involved with people in an emotional sort of way, like a soap opera sort of way, you know what I mean? I try so hard not to feed in to drama that it has left me very disconnected from people around me. Even in my nursing class, there are plenty of conversations had that I can not join in on because I find them very negative, so I'm left standing back and being sort of a loner again, even though I am genuinely interested in people and want friends..
I don't want to be pulled in to drama so I end up being detached sometimes to the point of being brusque and seeming like I don't care at all. I still need to practice detachment to a certain degree, but I need to allow some emotion back in, I want to be comfortable having feelings but knowing how best to respond to them.. I have just been shutting them down completely and it's probably because I am afraid I will react.
Can anyone relate to what I am saying? When I was drinking, I overreacted to everything, but in sobriety I've tried to be so disciplined that I have completely shut down emotionally. How do you bring that back to a happy medium?
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Emotional maturity- 2 words that say so much. I have woken up my natural default thoughts and emotions enough to know that I am changing, but not enough to feel happy with the process. Kind of like going from being a petulant teenager- to a young adult who sees potential and is still working it all out on their own terms- instead of just believing what they heard when a child. Comparison- 'I vote for this political party because my parents did' to ' I am going to think about this and make up my own mind- because an informed vote is more effective'.
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Emotional maturity has been a slow process for me too - although I'm admittedly early in the recovery game. I'm realizing just what my emotional deficits and patterns ARE, and what I need to avoid in order to not repeat them.
That means NO dating or romantic relationships. That's hard for me, because I fear being single and 'alone'. As soon as I fixate on someone, everyone and everything else takes a backseat. I can't do that with my recovery, and I can't do that to the friendships that I'm slowly developing.
I told myself I wouldn't even begin to contemplate these things until I've completed my 12-step process.
That means NO dating or romantic relationships. That's hard for me, because I fear being single and 'alone'. As soon as I fixate on someone, everyone and everything else takes a backseat. I can't do that with my recovery, and I can't do that to the friendships that I'm slowly developing.
I told myself I wouldn't even begin to contemplate these things until I've completed my 12-step process.
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Test Your Emotional Intelligence, Free EQ Quiz, EI Test Emotional intelligence test.. we were talking about it in class today.. also effective communication..
In my early recovery (like second, third month) I was working through my codependency issues, and I was learning that it was okay for me to speak up about things as long as it was respectful of myself and anyone else involved. So I would even look for opportunities to be assertive and make phone calls. I have really gotten away from this, and fallen back in to the mindset of "I don't want to be a bother" at the cost of not doing what is probably the right thing to do.
So it's kind of trivial but it's a good example of this, last night we ordered pizza and we didn't get what we ordered. We asked for a white pizza and it came with the red sauce, and we didn't get the raspberry dipping sauce for the little donut balls even after the kid taking my order had to ask someone else in the shoppe for help finding it in the computer, so I know he heard me ask for it.
Of course after waiting for an hour, we ate the pizza and it was good, but it wasn't what we ordered and an item was missing - two errors! And it was late, cause the kid got lost. Now, I didn't pay for it, but the person who did wanted me to call and complain (he has speech difficulties).. You know where I'm going with this, I didn't want to be a bother. In my mind, if I called the shoppe, they would think I was being a bitch and they would also think my complaint invalid, as we finished the entire pizza.
I was more concerned with what someone else would think of me than about doing the right thing. So that's where I'm at, that's what I've relapsed back to... I feel in a lot of ways that I have relapsed, just without taking any alcohol, because my thoughts and behaviors are all the same as they were when I was actively drinking and in the first couple weeks after quitting.
I have real trouble with right is right and wrong is wrong sometimes, there is always a bias of some sort.. My right and wrong are still dependent on what allows me to stay in my comfort zone, protect my own ego. Calling the place and telling them they screwed up our order was the right thing to do, but if it would make me look like this, that or the other thing, I didn't want no parts of it.
Back in November I would have been right on that phone and I would have enjoyed the heck out of getting a free pie.
In my early recovery (like second, third month) I was working through my codependency issues, and I was learning that it was okay for me to speak up about things as long as it was respectful of myself and anyone else involved. So I would even look for opportunities to be assertive and make phone calls. I have really gotten away from this, and fallen back in to the mindset of "I don't want to be a bother" at the cost of not doing what is probably the right thing to do.
So it's kind of trivial but it's a good example of this, last night we ordered pizza and we didn't get what we ordered. We asked for a white pizza and it came with the red sauce, and we didn't get the raspberry dipping sauce for the little donut balls even after the kid taking my order had to ask someone else in the shoppe for help finding it in the computer, so I know he heard me ask for it.
Of course after waiting for an hour, we ate the pizza and it was good, but it wasn't what we ordered and an item was missing - two errors! And it was late, cause the kid got lost. Now, I didn't pay for it, but the person who did wanted me to call and complain (he has speech difficulties).. You know where I'm going with this, I didn't want to be a bother. In my mind, if I called the shoppe, they would think I was being a bitch and they would also think my complaint invalid, as we finished the entire pizza.
I was more concerned with what someone else would think of me than about doing the right thing. So that's where I'm at, that's what I've relapsed back to... I feel in a lot of ways that I have relapsed, just without taking any alcohol, because my thoughts and behaviors are all the same as they were when I was actively drinking and in the first couple weeks after quitting.
I have real trouble with right is right and wrong is wrong sometimes, there is always a bias of some sort.. My right and wrong are still dependent on what allows me to stay in my comfort zone, protect my own ego. Calling the place and telling them they screwed up our order was the right thing to do, but if it would make me look like this, that or the other thing, I didn't want no parts of it.
Back in November I would have been right on that phone and I would have enjoyed the heck out of getting a free pie.
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Originally Posted by shortstop81
Emotional maturity has been a slow process for me too - although I'm admittedly early in the recovery game. I'm realizing just what my emotional deficits and patterns ARE, and what I need to avoid in order to not repeat them.
That means NO dating or romantic relationships. That's hard for me, because I fear being single and 'alone'. As soon as I fixate on someone, everyone and everything else takes a backseat. I can't do that with my recovery, and I can't do that to the friendships that I'm slowly developing.
I told myself I wouldn't even begin to contemplate these things until I've completed my 12-step process.
That means NO dating or romantic relationships. That's hard for me, because I fear being single and 'alone'. As soon as I fixate on someone, everyone and everything else takes a backseat. I can't do that with my recovery, and I can't do that to the friendships that I'm slowly developing.
I told myself I wouldn't even begin to contemplate these things until I've completed my 12-step process.
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Originally Posted by PhoenixJ
Emotional maturity- 2 words that say so much. I have woken up my natural default thoughts and emotions enough to know that I am changing, but not enough to feel happy with the process.
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I agree- after reading my stuff- I replace the word 'happy' with 'peace'. Peace, contentment, calmnesssess.
BC- I get the ego bit. Am I doing this action to justify my dysfunctional ego default?
Do I rationalise not doing another action - or is it okay NOT to sometimes just enjoy the moment.
BC- I get the ego bit. Am I doing this action to justify my dysfunctional ego default?
Do I rationalise not doing another action - or is it okay NOT to sometimes just enjoy the moment.
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Join Date: May 2014
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The definition of happiness IS contentment. Since according to Maslow, self-actualization is an ongoing process, built on top of having ALL of our other needs met, our personal growth never stops. Do you think that contentment comes from reaching a certain level of self-mastery, or does contentment (happiness) come from enjoying the process? Or arriving at a place where all needs are met and the focus can be self-actualization, living your life's purpose with 100% confidence? And how many people do ya think attain that??? Sheesh! Not too many.
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I was a zen baby growing up...did martial arts as a kid, found meditation very early and was always fascinated with all things Japanese.
Meditation though...looking for that peace...was this kind of forced thing. "Enlightenment" some kind of state I was trying to get to where things wouldn't get to me, I'd be above all that.
My perspective has changed. Definitely I would say enjoying life is about relaxing into it...taking the good with the bad...experiencing the uncomfortable, not trying to avoid it or graduate beyond it
Maybe life's a dance...the point of a dance isn't to get to a particular spot in the room, and the point of a symphony isn't to get to the last note
P
Meditation though...looking for that peace...was this kind of forced thing. "Enlightenment" some kind of state I was trying to get to where things wouldn't get to me, I'd be above all that.
My perspective has changed. Definitely I would say enjoying life is about relaxing into it...taking the good with the bad...experiencing the uncomfortable, not trying to avoid it or graduate beyond it
Maybe life's a dance...the point of a dance isn't to get to a particular spot in the room, and the point of a symphony isn't to get to the last note
P
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