billck1

I have been to a therapist for around six months who has basically said he has seen the type of withdrawal experiences I am suffering many times.
I came to the PAWS conclusions with him, which he has agreed to.
My wife also saw a very highly rated psychologist and she mentioned my situation and my research regarding alcohols effects on the GABA and Glutamate neurotransmitters and the cessation of alcohol that leaves the brain depleted of the natural/normally produced chemicals alcohol disrupts, and the needing of time to readjust and repair the normal natural brain provided chemicals (homeostasis), which would explain all the mood issues and weird thinking, anxiety, depression etc. He was impressed at her knowledge and my research. He was in agreement with my thoughts and beliefs regarding my attributing PAWS to myself..

Satory1377

Hi, I'm at about eight and a half months sober and I'm really going through the ringer with the depression, anxiety, no energy and mood swings. I drank for about 22 years and am 42 now. I didn't drink everyday, but would drink heavily 2-4 times a week on a regular basis. Around the same time I started drinking I got diagnosed with GAD and depression. I never had anxiety or depression I can remember until a bad trip on acid in February of 1996. My fear is that I'll be stuck with this constant feeling of dread/unease. I've also been on antidepressants since the beginning of my GAD/depression. In the eight months of my sobriety I've had one full month of where I felt completely normal around three months and some spread out weeks that I go back to normal. I keep worrying I'm bipolar, but my psychiatrist insists I'm not. My hope is that I have PAWS and a great deal of this will subside over the next two years, but reading some posts saying they are still in bad shape 3-5 years later really scares and depresses me. This site has been a great source of hope, and the last time I had a consistent run of great days a couple of week s ago was when I found this thread. It seems whenever I find hope to convince me there is a light at the end everything gets really good again, but then I tell myself if I already have anxiety and depression I'm stuck and this is what I've got left. I go through days where I feel I'm barely hanging on and have to really push through my days, most of which end up with me crying in bed telling my wife I'm sorry for being a mess. My wife has been my biggest support in this and without her I may have become suicidal. I'm really disappointed that I was a selfish ***** for twenty two years, and when I come to want to be a better person with all of my being I'm crushed by my own thoughts and fears making it misery to get through the day. There are some folks on here that have mentioned they went eighteen months until two years and things really turned around, I hope with every fiber of my being in sometime between now and sixteen months that will be me.

Tetrax

Yeah I feel ya Satory, similar time sober, in treatment for depression. I just started a new thread over in Newcomers that sort of describes how lost I feel. I guess it's just the length of time we did damage to ourselves, there's gonna have to be some real time needed for proper recovery. I dunno. For now it's a struggle.

ttamelbon

Hi Satory,

I started this thread while in the throes of PAWS from my first detox, and got through it. Drank responsibly after over 1000 days sober, had a massive panic attack, was put on benzos and am now tapering off them while dealing with my second round of PAWS *and* benzo withdrawal at the same time.

At eight months out, I was a basket case. The symptoms were pretty unforgiving, but by about 15 months, I was generally okay. I still was a long way from being "normal", but I could live. By the third year, I was thriving but battling the occasional bout of depression that would last a week or two and retreat for another few months. I would trade anything to be back there.

Now, I'm battling agoraphobia, monophobia, and altogether more intense symptoms this time around, anxiety being the absolute worst of them.

If you're this far, take heart. It'll get better and better until you'll feel like a normal human again. I did, and I got PAWS so badly that many people on these forums told me I had psych issues, I had health issues, etc. For me, withdrawal and PAWS were the causes of my issues. Time and sobriety were the only cures.

And I was always dubious that one slip would put you back to square one. And one slip probably won't. But if your GABA system is already fragile, you just may be the type who should never tinker with it again. I always learn my lessons the hard way, so do yourself a favour and learn from my screw-up. I'm paying more than I ever thought I would right now.

Good luck to you, and if you have any specific questions or concerns, (or anybody here, for that matter) please feel free to PM me.

Take care,

Matt

billck1

I must thank you Matt as your OP was a tremendous help it giving me a small light at the end of a seemingly rather long tunnel.
I hope you get through this second bout of misery.
I know without question what alcohol really is now and along with the PAWS issues, I will NEVER drink alcohol again deliberately.
Thank you

uncle holmes

August252015

Matt- so sorry to hear that you have replayed and relived all of this after drinking. I am pretty darn sure I would have it worse than I did in 2016 if I were to drink again, as in...dying.

From the first time I saw Dee post this- it made sense, clicked and gave me hope for my future. Hope it rings true with others -
https://digital-dharma.net/post-acut...r-immediately/

I've always put myself in the "5 yr category" for the huge shift forward - and headed to 4yr mark, have indeed seen that play out. It seems like a tremendous amount of time, I'm sure, and in one way it is - but the markers along the way, like 2 (described well in the article) were also hugely significant for me.

Whatever we do, staying sober is the only way to live the best version of life each of us can.

Mydruthers

amh293

This might be a dumb question, but does PAWS happen right after leaving rehab like within the first few months? Would PAWS make someone feel things differently that they would leave their significant other due to not feeling the same anymore or is PAWS more physical symptoms rather than mood/ emotional? I keep trying to figure out of my ex's eractic/ drastic behavior is due to a relapse (which there are plenty of red flags that suggest that) or simply him being completely sober and going through PAWS and not feeling the same about me anymore :'(

stillpooh19

It could very well be both! Lots of mental emotional things happening too. My husband thought I had relapsed when I was only dealing with PAWS.

shortstop81

PAWS for me has included both physical and emotional symptoms. My moods have been ALL over the place, and I'm at about 8 months sober now. It's been so bad that it's been a real strain on my marriage.

It's different for everyone how soon or how long PAWS comes and goes. I've seen a lot of people say that things seem to level out after about a year.

Hope that helps!

sadforldr7

Issues with my physical health and what I attribute to PAWS have been so unbearable that there are more days than not now that I'm not sure if I'm going to make it. I've even gone so far as to verify my life insurance policy and review clauses.

I'm not sure I'll be able to get through more months of this of it's anything like the last 4 months. The hopelessness and fear of health issues have completely broken my spirit.

Dee74

Have you read the link here sadforldr7?

There is a part about things we can do to lessen the effects of PAWs?
https://digital-dharma.net/post-acut...r-immediately/

JTele

Well, here I am once again after quitting what I thought to be "responsible drinking" that ended up being not so responsible.

Long story short, I quit drinking four weeks ago while going cold turkey, and the first two weeks were actually quite easy, unlike my acute withdrawal in 2011. I went through little to no acute withdrawal after drinking rather moderate amounts of alcohol over several months. Although, there was an occasional binge thrown in every once in a while. However, for the past two weeks it feels as though I might be experiencing PAWS. I have all of the telltale signs of fatigue, anxiety, mood swings, irritability, insomnia, brain fog, etc., but I've also been having fluctuating blood pressure spikes that sends my BP numbers through the roof. I do have periods of time between spikes where my BP numbers are perfectly normal (115/75).

With that being said, and without reading this entire thread, I have a couple of questions: While I understand that I'm likely experiencing PAWS, is it normal to have these kinds of sporadic blood pressure spikes? If so, how long do they usually last? When I quit drinking in 2011, I don't recall having blood pressure spikes quite like this. I've tested negative for diabetes and kidney issues as well as other potential culprits, so it's appearing as though PAWS has likely settled in.

Have any of you experienced a similar issue with PAWS? Thanks in advance!

doggonecarl

From what I understand, PAWS, or Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome, usually strikes much further down the quit path than four weeks. You might be experiencing plain old early recovery withdrawals. You can't compare this event from your last quit. Kindling insures that our withdrawals get worse.

JTele

Thanks for your reply! Yeah, I definitely sensed that this would be quite different from my earlier withdrawal, for I was drinking much less than I previously did. Still, I was drinking consistently enough that I shouldn't be surprised by what I'm experiencing now. In short, I was just a damn fool to allow for it to happen again in the first place. This is the second time I've relapsed in about two years. Other than that, I had quit drinking for about seven years or so.

If there's a silver lining, at least I haven't had any strong cravings to drink again. If I can successfully quit drinking once for many years, I can certainly do it again.

Bear2020

Yes, I have had similar blood pressure spikes. I quit cold turkey seven and a half months ago after 20 + years of drinking. Along with the blood pressure issues I have had nervousness, occasional light sensitivity, heart palpitations, and brain fog. I have had a full physical, EKG’s, heart sonogram, and two weeks of heart monitoring. All were reported to be fine. I am hoping all this clears-up in the next couple of months. Ugh!

Dee74

welcome to SR Bear2020

D

JTele

Thanks for your reply, Bear! I hope things improve for you soon! I'm having another spike as we speak and, for the life of me, I have no idea what's triggering it. They seem to pop up out of the blue with no warning whatsoever! Ugh! It actually appears as though things are getting worse, even though I've done nearly everything in my power for the last few weeks to live a healthy life. One thing for certain is that I'll never allow myself to go through this again.

LazaB

My PAWS are very weird , i don't have any depression , fatigue ( i work out and i am stronger and stronger every week ) or anything else except anxiety , but that is the problem , anxiety turns into panick attacks and even though i get through them by myself they are very annoying.
I have read this entire thread and i could feel my anxiety rising as i was reading symptoms of other people , the worst thing is when i read that this can go on for years.
As wonderful and amazing as the brain is as an organ , it really is a little bitch when it comes to PAWS , liver heals in a matter of just a few months but brain sometimes needs years.