Soberintexas007

So I haven't had anything to drink today, so this becomes my new Day 1. I had a good talk with my parents today and told them that my plan is to go to as many AA meetings that I can in the next 90 days. My first meeting will be tonight at 6 pm. I have also chosen to attend a meeting place that I have had success with in the past. This meeting seems a bit more "real" than the other meetings, as it is more about the meeting and less about socializing, which can stress me out. The people who also go to this meeting are of lower socioeconomic status, and I feel more comfortable around that at the time (I am not as worried about what I am wearing, how I look, etc. etc.) Also, this place has several meetings a day, so I don't have to worry about driving different places each day. I also told my parents that I would check-in with them each day about my sobriety and what meeting I would be going to. They told me that they just want the best for me and don't want to see me throw my life away.

Also, I am planning on telling my husband on his off days that I am going to such and such meeting, and that we can still hang out together, but that it has to revolve around my meeting. He can come to the meeting with me, or he can stay home, that can be his choice, but I need to go to a meeting on his off days.

So, right now I am going to exercise, take a shower, then go to the meeting at 6 pm. I believe that if I go to a meeting each day for the next 90 days, I can possibly do this.

So, in hindsight, maybe it is good that I had the blowup with my parents yesterday. I guess it is sometimes those things that shake up the system and motivate people to change.

Rivelino

That sounds like an excellent plan Sit. My 2 longest periods of sobriety (18 months and 9 months) started with that intensity of attendance at meetings. The more you surround yourself with people with good sobriety the better chance you will have of remaining sober too.

Really hope it works out for you.

ScottFromWI

Going to the meetings sounds like a good plan

Ruby2

Sounds like a good plan. I did 90 in 90 on my first go around in sobriety and it really set things in motion for me. While ultimately I did relapse after 10.5 months, I didn't stay out very long drinking and quit again 18 months ago. I relapsed because I stopped going to meetings frequently and stopped reaching out for support. I realized what I needed to differently this time, and did it.

Dee74

Your plan has my approval too

D

Hawkeye13

Wishing you success

RobbyRobot

Good to hear you've chosen a path which is very doable and I have confidence in your success! Best hopes going forward!

Soberintexas007

Well, had a nice day today. I thought the meeting went well. I think this is the type of crowd that I more fit in with. When I was going to the other meetings in my area, I just really did not believe that I fit in with the other females there, as I have had a totally different life without children. Don't get me wrong, they were very nice and welcomed me, but, like I said, something just did not fit with me. The meeting that I went to tonight (and I plan on going to the same meeting place), the people seem more disenfranchised and struggling to fit into society for whatever reason, so this fit me more, as I feel sort of disenfranchised in a way for being transgender. In other words, I have sort of had to live on the fringes of society and never really fit in to the popular crowd. My sister on the other hand fits in perfectly to society, and that has created some distance between her and me, although we are close.

Anyways, the meeting went well. Someone shared after my share that he loved what I had to share, and that it is so great for him to see someone starting out on this lifesaving journey (I thought that was nice, but, then again, I only have 1 day sober so let's cross our fingers and not build up our hopes just yet). But I did announce my plans to try and do a 90/90.

So I guess I am hopeful again.

sleepie

Way to go 007, sounds like you really have laid out a solid plan

Soberintexas007

This is so nice being sober at 12:15 am my time. I am getting so much needed studying done for my upcoming examination in probably one month. I wasted so much time in the past few months drinking, passing out, and being hungover that I could have been using for studying. Oh well, I am where I am at now and enjoying it. Tomorrow the plan is to exercise, study, and then go to my meeting at 6 or 8 pm.

Soberintexas007

Husband asked me tonight in bed why I go to AA meetings when I still drink. I told him that I am hoping one day it will stick, and that I don't want to give up. Today is Day 2...

Hawkeye13

Never give up--keep improving your plan and don't give yourself excuses or permission to drink for any reason, and you can do this--

Soberintexas007

Just finished my 66 minute workout. Just to show you how much weight gain is caused by alcohol, when I weighed myself yesterday BEFORE I worked out and now after weighing myself AFTER my workout today, there has been a swing of 8 lost pounds. Incredible! When I was drinking, that was a lot of calories since I drank almost 2 bottles of wine each night, then I ate more, then I smoked pot which made me hungrier, and I ate more after that. It was really bad! My self-esteem was plummeting each day.

Anyways, a woman that I met at a meeting a few weeks ago when I was like 4 days sober texted me and said she was thinking of me. I thought that was really nice. I texted her back of my recent struggles and told her I could meet her at that same meeting on Tuesday, but that I am spending most of my time at this other place that I am enjoying. She texted me back something nice and ended with, "Don't drink!" LOL Sounds so simple.

So I have my individual counseling today at 5 pm, then having dinner with my parents at 6:30 pm, and then I have my 8 pm AA meeting. I am feeling hopeful and just want to keep this going.

Also, I scheduled my first licensing examination in about 40 days (by the way, then there is a second examination after that). So I really can't screw around anymore!!! I need all the time I can get for studying and being prepared for that exam. I have already come this far by getting my master's degree in psychology and 3000 internship hours, and so I don't want to screw this whole process up just because I started drinking again a few months ago! My parents would disown me, and I would obviously be majorly disappointed in myself!

MIRecovery

You may wish to ask in the meeting for a temporary sponsor. Having a mentor to guide you through early sobriety is a big help.

The biggest piece of advice I can give is this. Find people that have been sober for a while and have what you want. Then do what they do.

Soberintexas007

Well, just got out of my 8 pm AA meeting. It went well. My husband called me and asked if I wanted to go to a local restaurant, as one of his coworkers got a promotion and is having a party. I told him that I just got out of an AA meeting and am trying to stay sober, so I don't think that would be a good idea. He understood and said that he really did not want to go anyways. Feeling okay tonight, have been sweating a little bit, so probably still detoxing.

MelindaFlowers

Sounds like a great plan. I've read many success stories from people on here who did 90 meetings in 90 days to give them the kick in the rear they needed to start a sober life.

Hawkeye13

The daily meetings, dinner with your parents, and not hanging out socially where alcohol is being consumed seems to be a very promising start.

I think you should consider a very hard line in the sand for the next several months at least with going out anywhere you can get alcohol with your husband.

His consumption in front of you in these venues seems to have contributed to several of your recent relapses.

As you said, you don't have time for that as you need to get your certs complete and build some stability into your sobriety.

Glad things are going well so far; stay vigilant and focused.

Soberintexas007

Thank you all for your support. I think the four things added to my life right now that should help me stay sober are (1)AA meetings, (2)accountability to my parents since they found out about my drinking,(3)having my licensing exam in about 40 days, and(4)realizing now that a slip takes me into at least a 3 day bender that I'm not sure I can handle anymore.

You know what my husband told me last night (but he was drinking)? He told me that he loved me more than he loves himself. I thought that was really sad.

I also forgot to mention that when my husband was drinking last night and smoking pot, I simply went into my bedroom and studied. He was ok and supportive of this decision, so that was sort of cool.
In fact, when he drinks, he will often start cleaning things around the house, so that made it better!

Soberintexas007

Just wanted to check in. Had some cravings earlier at the grocery store, but they have passed. Feeling okay at the moment. I thought it was considerate of my husband to not ask me if I wanted any liquor when we were shopping, as I think he knows I am trying to stay sober as evidenced by my participation in AA. He simply got his beers, I simply told myself that I need to stay away from alcohol, and that was that. He is letting me make my own choices without making it more difficult than what it needs to be by asking me if I wanted any liquor (I know that even if he asked me I can simply respond no, but it is less triggering for me if he does not even ask. Maybe I also feel he is being more supportive of my sobriety by not asking me, and that makes me feel better.)

Soberintexas007

Husband has had quite a bit to drink tonight, but I am getting through it. One thing I notice he does when he drinks is he loves to cook and wants to make himself and me all of this food. I used to think that was so sweet (which it is), but then I would regret doing all of that eating the next day, especially when I am trying so hard to lose weight before my family vacation in early August. So I had to tell him like 4 times tonight that I didn't want what he made (we already had dinner earlier, and this meal is his drunk/stoned evening meal). Yes, it was a little frustrating that I had to tell him this 4 times, but I'm okay (I know dealing with someone who is drinking is not going to be a perfect time). Anyways, it felt good to tell him no because I realize that if I continue to do things just because they please HIM, then that is not a good way I want to live my life. So, I told him to please respect my boundaries with food, as even though I told him his intentions are good, it really bothers me.

I am also trying to make an effort to go into my bedroom when I have had enough. We had a nice time today shopping, eating dinner, and watching the NBA Finals, but now I need my space from him, and, once again, it is important that I get this space even though he may want me around him.

But, so far, so good with my recovery. I feel like I am getting stronger, and I am so glad I never gave up after my recent slips. I also do appreciate that my husband is not encouraging me to drink. I think he knows deep down it is not good for me.