Same old story
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Ireland
Posts: 300
Same old story
Hi all.
As you can see from my join date I have no business in the Newcomers section. I was doing so well recently until this past weekend when I began drinking again. It was a dinner at a fancy restaurant that had been arranged for a while and I wanted to enjoy fancy wine to match. Of course you all know the story from there...
I think I have isolated the main trigger for me - other people and their expectations. I guess everybody in my life drinks so it gets wearying saying no all the time. My plan therefore is to tell everyone I'm stopping for 6mths (a lie) to get in shape and to start getting angry with certain people when they try to question me. I reckon I've got to fight fire with fire in that department. I find once I have a few days behind me I find being alcohol free quite easy. It's these 'occasions' that crop up that derail me totally and once I'm off track I say 'feck it' and really go for broke.
As you can see from my join date I have no business in the Newcomers section. I was doing so well recently until this past weekend when I began drinking again. It was a dinner at a fancy restaurant that had been arranged for a while and I wanted to enjoy fancy wine to match. Of course you all know the story from there...
I think I have isolated the main trigger for me - other people and their expectations. I guess everybody in my life drinks so it gets wearying saying no all the time. My plan therefore is to tell everyone I'm stopping for 6mths (a lie) to get in shape and to start getting angry with certain people when they try to question me. I reckon I've got to fight fire with fire in that department. I find once I have a few days behind me I find being alcohol free quite easy. It's these 'occasions' that crop up that derail me totally and once I'm off track I say 'feck it' and really go for broke.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi and I hope you can get back ok, so many can’t.
I had too many of those frightening moments of almost staying sober until the thousands of BUTs surfaced and being undisciplined I succumbed until it came a point of the pain being so powerful I strongly entertained the thought of ending it all.
Sobriety for me is a job I can’t forget for anything else, no matter how great it may seem. I don’t want to TRY to sober up AGAIN. EVER AGAIN.
That starts by not having that first drink, no matter what. This is what I learned and practice by still going to AA meetings after a lot of sober years. It works IF we work it.
BE WELL
I had too many of those frightening moments of almost staying sober until the thousands of BUTs surfaced and being undisciplined I succumbed until it came a point of the pain being so powerful I strongly entertained the thought of ending it all.
Sobriety for me is a job I can’t forget for anything else, no matter how great it may seem. I don’t want to TRY to sober up AGAIN. EVER AGAIN.
That starts by not having that first drink, no matter what. This is what I learned and practice by still going to AA meetings after a lot of sober years. It works IF we work it.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 26
So you had a glass of wine, what's the big deal? I mean, I get the idea behind "well it's ruined, why not break it", but honestly, a toast at an occasion really isn't ruining anything. Alcohol entered your system, it's not the end of the world. Just move on as if it never happened. Society is going to do this to you, there's no avoiding it.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
newatthis,
sorry to hear you had a drink. or more.
identifying triggers is useful. i think it's useful in two ways: it can point you to what you can decide to avoid if you're not prepared to deal with it, and it can show you where you need to develop skills about how to deal with it if you can't or don't want to avoid.
there will always crop up a trigger once in a while, obvious ones and sudden, unexpected ones.
but it sounds like you saw this coming from a mile away and went for it instead of taking a detour?
ultimately, triggers don't really have anything to do with the fact of drinking. they just trigger the reaction of "DRINK!". but they don't need to be acted on.
occasions and other triggers don't need to end up in derailment.
other than stopping again , what will you do differently? what can you add to what you did before? (you knew that question would come, ja?
)
sorry to hear you had a drink. or more.
identifying triggers is useful. i think it's useful in two ways: it can point you to what you can decide to avoid if you're not prepared to deal with it, and it can show you where you need to develop skills about how to deal with it if you can't or don't want to avoid.
there will always crop up a trigger once in a while, obvious ones and sudden, unexpected ones.
but it sounds like you saw this coming from a mile away and went for it instead of taking a detour?
ultimately, triggers don't really have anything to do with the fact of drinking. they just trigger the reaction of "DRINK!". but they don't need to be acted on.
occasions and other triggers don't need to end up in derailment.
other than stopping again , what will you do differently? what can you add to what you did before? (you knew that question would come, ja?
)
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Originally Posted by seemedrink 
So you had a glass of wine, what's the big deal? I mean, I get the idea behind "well it's ruined, why not break it", but honestly, a toast at an occasion really isn't ruining anything. Alcohol entered your system, it's not the end of the world. Just move on as if it never happened. Society is going to do this to you, there's no avoiding it.
the idea of moving on as if it hadn't ...how would that possibly be helpful?
if that's the strategy, there is no reason not to pretend all kinds of stuff didn't happen...to me, sounds like a recipe for more disaster.
what a toast at an occasion is for an alcoholic who's trying to stay stopped is a return to something they weren't going to return to. what a toast ruins is continuous sobriety. it ruins the same thing getting drunk ruins.
it also provides an opportunity to reflect on what was missing/not working well in the preceding abstinence which made it such that the return to drink could happen in the first place.
if NAT were to pretend it never happened, that opportunity would be missed.
this is why to me any return to drink is a big deal.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Ireland
Posts: 300
Originally Posted by fini
but it sounds like you saw this coming from a mile away and went for it instead of taking a detour?
TBH I don't even enjoy it anymore, I much prefer being alcohol free. I don't really know what my plan is except avoid certain situations for a while. For example there is a big weekend happening soon and I may tell our friends that I'm not up to hosting a bunch of drunks in my house right now. If I don't then I can see a repeat of this past weekend occurring.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Ireland
Posts: 300
Re-reading my post I sound so f**king helpless, as if anyone is forcing it down my neck.
I think part of what will be my plan is to say that "I'm not drinking for 6 mths for health reasons", and use that time as a breathing space from questions etc and then when I'm 6 mths down the road surely people will (a) have lost interest or (b) got used to this new me and then I can just continue in abstinence, citing my improved life/body/mental health etc
I think part of what will be my plan is to say that "I'm not drinking for 6 mths for health reasons", and use that time as a breathing space from questions etc and then when I'm 6 mths down the road surely people will (a) have lost interest or (b) got used to this new me and then I can just continue in abstinence, citing my improved life/body/mental health etc
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 770
Having a reason not to drink , such as the weight lost , really helps me.
the last time I said no I told my friends that I wanTed to be able to take a yoga class In the morning
I was waiting for the "whomcares, drink with us instead! " typical argument
but In stead my friends said good for you! I should do that more often!
It was a nice surprise.
either way it's aboUT being sure of myself and standing my ground
the last time I said no I told my friends that I wanTed to be able to take a yoga class In the morning
I was waiting for the "whomcares, drink with us instead! " typical argument
but In stead my friends said good for you! I should do that more often!
It was a nice surprise.
either way it's aboUT being sure of myself and standing my ground
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 44
Sometimes, I think we can be too hard on ourselves. You knew the event you were going to would supply alcohol? You knew. You thought about it in advanced? You can't undo what is done. You can just make a better decision the next day. Best of luck.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Newatthis34
I think part of what will be my plan is to say that "I'm not drinking for 6 mths for health reasons", and use that time as a breathing space from questions etc and then when I'm 6 mths down the road surely people will (a) have lost interest or (b) got used to this new me and then I can just continue in abstinence, citing my improved life/body/mental health etc
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Newatthis34
I think I have isolated the main trigger for me - other people and their expectations.
My doubting it doesn't make it untrue. But I've found my own problems with alcohol and substance abuse to be a bit more complex...requiring a recovery plan to match said complexity.
You might expand your recovery plan to encompass the other possible reasons you drink and include a process for embracing the sober life.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 26
Originally Posted by fini
but it did happen.
the idea of moving on as if it hadn't ...how would that possibly be helpful?
if that's the strategy, there is no reason not to pretend all kinds of stuff didn't happen...to me, sounds like a recipe for more disaster.
what a toast at an occasion is for an alcoholic who's trying to stay stopped is a return to something they weren't going to return to. what a toast ruins is continuous sobriety. it ruins the same thing getting drunk ruins.
it also provides an opportunity to reflect on what was missing/not working well in the preceding abstinence which made it such that the return to drink could happen in the first place.
if NAT were to pretend it never happened, that opportunity would be missed.
this is why to me any return to drink is a big deal.
the idea of moving on as if it hadn't ...how would that possibly be helpful?
if that's the strategy, there is no reason not to pretend all kinds of stuff didn't happen...to me, sounds like a recipe for more disaster.
what a toast at an occasion is for an alcoholic who's trying to stay stopped is a return to something they weren't going to return to. what a toast ruins is continuous sobriety. it ruins the same thing getting drunk ruins.
it also provides an opportunity to reflect on what was missing/not working well in the preceding abstinence which made it such that the return to drink could happen in the first place.
if NAT were to pretend it never happened, that opportunity would be missed.
this is why to me any return to drink is a big deal.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Nat,
i've been sober quite a few years, and i wouldn't be "up to" hosting a bunch of drunks in my home. good heavens no. my home is my space, cozy and safe. why would i want a bunch of drunks carousing here?
anyway, to me, you don't sound helpless. just unsure
and it sounds, too, like you did a limited time thing this time around ( but everyone expected me to resume after the specified time was over.) , so i'm not seeing that setting another time frame will be useful if it didn't "work" this time around.
you might need to consider some more fundamental changes.
other than using SR, is there support for you in real life? it sounds like many of your friendships include drinking a lot? are there people you can get involved with to do sober activities?
i've been sober quite a few years, and i wouldn't be "up to" hosting a bunch of drunks in my home. good heavens no. my home is my space, cozy and safe. why would i want a bunch of drunks carousing here?
anyway, to me, you don't sound helpless. just unsure
and it sounds, too, like you did a limited time thing this time around ( but everyone expected me to resume after the specified time was over.) , so i'm not seeing that setting another time frame will be useful if it didn't "work" this time around.
you might need to consider some more fundamental changes.
other than using SR, is there support for you in real life? it sounds like many of your friendships include drinking a lot? are there people you can get involved with to do sober activities?
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Originally Posted by seemedrink
This sounds like borerline OCD to me. Nobody is perfect. When you screw up on a diet you don't just throw your hands in the air and go eat an entire cake. It's really not a big deal, just move on. Nothing is ruined because a liquid touched your lips. Now if he went and got smashed, fine, I understand that. Toasting, however, is a social thing that really can't be avoided in many situations. Spit it back in the glass if it's really that big of a deal.
thanks for the free diagnosis, seemedrink
ah. hm. see you drink. unavoidable toasts.
hm.
i'm finding no need to spit anything into a glass as it's real easy to avoid having the stuff go in my mouth.
comparing "screwing up" on a diet with drinking again is faulty: no need to ever drink again or have a relationship with alcohol, whereas we do all need to eat and cannot simply avoid the substance.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Originally Posted by seemedrink
So you had a glass of wine, what's the big deal? I mean, I get the idea behind "well it's ruined, why not break it", but honestly, a toast at an occasion really isn't ruining anything.
I know this because one toast did exactly that a few years back. One 'night off' from recovery led to me drinking full on for the next two and a half years.
Once I drink, everything changes.
I am addicted to the stuff., I am an alcohol junkie. No offense but telling me one toast is not going to ruin anything is like telling me one shot of heroin will be ok too - y'know?
Alcohol entered your system, it's not the end of the world. Just move on as if it never happened. Society is going to do this to you, there's no avoiding it
It wasn't easy, but I'm glad I did it -= it was a great foundation for my recovery...and when I did rejoin society it was when I knew I preferred being sober and nothing would sway me.
When you screw up on a diet you don't just throw your hands in the air and go eat an entire cake.
Originally Posted by seemedrink
Toasting, however, is a social thing that really can't be avoided in many situations. Spit it back in the glass if it's really that big of a deal.
D
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi New
I think to get away from the 'same old story' we need to do different things.
This link is a good one for making up a recovery plan that suits you. Check it out
https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...0/SMA-3720.pdf
I think to get away from the 'same old story' we need to do different things.
This link is a good one for making up a recovery plan that suits you. Check it out
https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...0/SMA-3720.pdf
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