IfYouCanDream

Hello Everybody and a Happy New Year!
Day 5 for me today, I'm new here and I've done a lot of reading in the last few days. I'm trying to find a method that will help me stay sober for the rest of my life and after all the reading I can see that there's different methods working for different people. People go either with 12 steps and AA or Rational Recovery (and there's of course a group doing it without any particular method, but I'm not interested in that since I've tried and failed many times).
I'd be interested to hear which method worked for you and why? Is it possible to combine the two? This is what I'm leaning towards to right now... though in a few points those two approaches seem to contradict each other, which can leave a newbie quite confused.
Thank you, any input will be much appreciated.

If a similar topic has been discussed previously please point me in the right direction - I tried 'search' function but didn't quite find what I'm looking for.

Soberpotamus

I'm picturing a boxing ring, two fighters wearing some gloves, and a cheering crowd

I've used both and continue to use different elements from each camp. Interestingly, I've found people to be slightly more receptive in AA of my using elements from RR than the RR camp is of my using elements of AA. This is understandable once you read about RR and AVRT, and specifically that it views any sort of recovery work or ongoing recovery groups as detrimental and AV supportive.

I don't go in "whole hog" to any program. I figure out what parts of it I like and work with that. So far, this method has worked brilliantly for me.

There are parts of the Big Book I absolutely adore and relate to, and then there are parts that make me howl with laughter and roll my eyes.

I don't have a "big plan" or curse at my "beast" either.

If you are curious about something, go for it. See what fits.

mfanch

For *me*:

Disease vs. moral failing: does not matter.
Genetic vs. familial: does not matter.

What matters: does mfanch want to DO something about her addiction or not. Do I want to be RESPONSIBLE?!

Once I answered "yes" and made THE DECISION to be sober, I ended up doing a hybrid of RR+AA. It is 12-step, secular, and includes modern science (CBT/DBT, etc). I also identify "the beast" or the "committee" and I understand that I cannot drink and will not change my mind. I wanted to avail myself of all that could help me that was abstinence-based. I figured as many barriers between me and the drink, the better.

The kicker: make a PLAN and then FOLLOW THE PLAN. I was pretty good at making plans, but then I would never follow them. I am now sober and free for 5+ years off the needle and bottle because day-to-day, I FOLLOW the plan I made. Every day.

Boleo

There are only a couple of thousand posts around here debating this subject already. But I will give you my take on it:

RR = Don't drink. Nothing else is required.

12-Steps = Work on the underlying issues that caused you to drink in the first place.

desypete

i think it all depends on the state you in, if you stil have a job, money, and family left then there is plenty of help out there that you can spend you money on etc

its like a shopping trip but on sale are plenty of recovery methods

if you end up with nothing left then where do you go for help ?

that one of the main reasons i so much love aa as its out there 24 / 7 for anyone that includes people who have no money, no were left to sleep, etc

where as for the well off drinker there is a huge industry of help with there own way of trying to show people this is how its done etc

so pick and choose and compare prices for what you get would be a consideration, how many people have got sober and have something like 10 or 20 or 30 years sober living ? would be another good pointer to me as to what can help me

Soberpotamus

Desy, I've spent more money on AA literature than on RR. I'm not sure why you think RR is for "well off" drinkers. I'm scratching my head over that one.

desypete

you missed the point

how would you have got your rr help if you have nothing left ? no money, no computer no where to live ?

the point is people can walk into an aa room and have nothing at all, they dont have to buy any literature, more often than not members will give new comers literature and pay for it them themselves trying to help those who have nothing and they do a lot more than that believe me

in my own case i was given money for food one member always gave me a bag with a chicken in it and some tin stuff for me every Friday night in one meeting
he has died now but he was a lovely man and all he wanted to do was help me in his own little way

what he gave to me i have gave to many others these days who end up in the position i was in

i think you have to be there jenny to really understand what it is i am on about
even though i was penniless i still had pride in me as i would refuse there help but they wouldn't listen to me they just stuffed it at me and told me the only way to pay them back was when my own time came and my life was changed for the better that i will do to others what had been given to me

and thats what i try to do hence i notice other recovery methods require money first.

Soberpotamus

I respect your experience, Desy. And no I haven't been that down and out. I am lacking that particular experience. Though I've suffered my share of pains in this life and I've not hit 40 yet.

I think AA is more prevalent than any other program, sure. But I spent less than $10 on RR overall. The meat of the program, the AVRT crash course, can be had for free and accessed from a public library by anyone.

AA is visible. You can walk in and sit down and be helped. I get it. Yes, that's it's strength.

sugarbear1

we're supposed to pay for AA literature??

Soberpotamus

Somebody has to, apparently.

Boleo

In Desy's defence; AA has meetings, Alano clubs, conventions and Alcathon holiday events. They are a huge support to alcoholics down on their luck. Not to mention a Help Line with volunteers who will sometimes drive us to a hospital or rehab.

Correct me if I am wrong, but as far as I know, RR & AVRT have nothing like that.

Boleo

I have been to meetings where it is announced "We will give anyone a Big Book who can not afford it".

I know that there are arguments on both sides of this issue but I know members who donate BB's by the case

Soberpotamus

Desy doesn't need any defense, because I'm not attacking him

Also, if someone is averse to AA, they can access free help at a Salvation Army or other charity just as easily. And print off the free AVRT crash course at a public library.

Coldfusion

Here's another thread on this topic:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post5071557

Hawks

without even knowing it, I used the basic RR method to quit pot, coke, lsd & meth.

Just decided I was never going to do them again, they were no good for me, so I quit & I never changed my mind.

Using thoughts lingered for a few months & then just went away

this gave me a false sense of security about quitting booze.

The harder I tried with booze, the worse it got.

If I could have just changed my mind ...... I would have done it a decade ago.

AA for me

Gottalife

I tried the rational RR = Don't drink on many occasions, once lasting almost 5 months. At the end I was almost suicidal, took some drug to make me feel better, and was drunk in no time.

Later, having run out of options, I tried for the irrational idea that a miracle was needed to save me. In a few short months I was delighted with the result.

Based on the outcomes, the rational thing to do was pursue the irrational.

Anna

I don't think it has to be complicated.

Just do whatever feels right and works for you.

Boleo

I actually looked into RR before I tried AA in any form (Book or meetings). At first I liked it; I found the book clear and concise. It made perfect sense. It appealed to the intellect in me.

However, I failed to identify with Jack Trimpey. His wife told him he needed to quit drinking... He simply quit drinking. My wife told me I needed to quit drinking a thousand times... I tried and failed to quit drinking a thousand times. Without knowing anything else about alcoholism, I guessed I had a lot more brain damage than Jack.

Based on the outcomes, the rational thing to do was pursue the irrational.
I read the AA Big Book. I thought that it was kind of cutezy but irrational. Turns out nothing rational in recovery ever helped me. The things that did help me were irrational.

Thus my tag line>>>

Carlotta

Or maybe your wife is not as scary as Lois Trimpey?
Seriously, when I read his book I got really resentful about it myself. It was hurtful that he loved his wife enough to quit for her but that my X never loved me enough or cared enough about how much he was hurting me to quit for me.
I had to bring myself back to reality and away from the crazy codie thinking or like Hammer on the F&F side says:
Not my monkey, not my circus.

anattaboy

Wow! I can ditto everything SJ said. I use both and other things effectively.