Getting into AA.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 184
Getting into AA.
Finally, after years of hesitation and excuses, I've attended almost one meeting a day for weeks now. I'm trying to understand the principles of AA more and more. I keep my ears open, I WANT to connect to the people in the rooms, and sometimes I even have a desire to share, (though I don't.) I've downloaded different AA speech apps on my phone so that I can listen to them while I work (I landscape.)
I am still an active alcoholic though.
I feel as if I know what I'm missing. I DON'T share, as I mentioned. I haven't ASKED for help. I don't have a sponsor, and I certainly haven't started working the 12 steps.
I've heard that it helps, and you SHOULD tell loved ones that you're trying to stop drinking. My mother doesn't know, but I believe that if she did, it may help. There are a few other people that I should tell with intent.
Anyhow... I guess I'm writing this out of desperation. I would really appreciate reading any kind of your thoughts.
Thank you.
I am still an active alcoholic though.
I feel as if I know what I'm missing. I DON'T share, as I mentioned. I haven't ASKED for help. I don't have a sponsor, and I certainly haven't started working the 12 steps.
I've heard that it helps, and you SHOULD tell loved ones that you're trying to stop drinking. My mother doesn't know, but I believe that if she did, it may help. There are a few other people that I should tell with intent.
Anyhow... I guess I'm writing this out of desperation. I would really appreciate reading any kind of your thoughts.
Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
Hey Linz, I think you should share with your mom if you think it would help. Why haven't you?
I'm glad you are going to meetings but why haven't you stopped drinking, have you tried? Or shared or asked for help at meetings?
I am only on day 2, and I don't go to AA, so I am not the best to give advice on AA. But I do know you can quit drinking with or without it....one day or minute at a time if you have to.
I'm glad you are going to meetings but why haven't you stopped drinking, have you tried? Or shared or asked for help at meetings?
I am only on day 2, and I don't go to AA, so I am not the best to give advice on AA. But I do know you can quit drinking with or without it....one day or minute at a time if you have to.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,921
There's a saying in AA, that "AA will really mess up your drinking."
One of the wise men in my home group has been sober for about 25 years and has sponsored probably 100 different guys. He freely admits that he didn't come to AA as a willing participant, he did it only to appease his wife. And for the first year he frequently stopped at the liquor store on the way home from a meeting. But gradually, the AA concepts and fellowship sunk in and he finally was able to quit.
My point is, I don't think everyone quits drinking on the exact day they walk into an AA meeting. Sometimes, it takes awhile to catch hold. It did for me.
One of the wise men in my home group has been sober for about 25 years and has sponsored probably 100 different guys. He freely admits that he didn't come to AA as a willing participant, he did it only to appease his wife. And for the first year he frequently stopped at the liquor store on the way home from a meeting. But gradually, the AA concepts and fellowship sunk in and he finally was able to quit.
My point is, I don't think everyone quits drinking on the exact day they walk into an AA meeting. Sometimes, it takes awhile to catch hold. It did for me.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 184
Kitty Cat, I have not shared with my mom for various reasons. The strongest of all of the reasons is that I'm scared that she'll be watching me (checking on my via phone,) like a hawk. I haven't asked for help at meetings. I'm too nervous to speak in public. I have strong anxiety, even when not drinking. I do know that I should though. I keep drinking because I'm an alcoholic. That's the only reason I can come up with.
Zebra1275, thank you for sharing that, it helps tremendously.
Zebra1275, thank you for sharing that, it helps tremendously.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
I think it shows great courage that you go to meetings even though you aren't quit yet. That's OK.
Do you have a plan to quit? I don't know your situation, if it may require inpatient / medically supervised detox or not....I am an alcoholic too so I know what that's like.
My thoughts are with you tonight. I hope you are home and safe. Tonight is a good as a night as any to choose yourself and ditch the booze!
Do you have a plan to quit? I don't know your situation, if it may require inpatient / medically supervised detox or not....I am an alcoholic too so I know what that's like.
My thoughts are with you tonight. I hope you are home and safe. Tonight is a good as a night as any to choose yourself and ditch the booze!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Did they give you some phone numbers? People really want you to call them, honest. It has to start with you.
Look for someone in the next meeting who says something that resonates with you and then talk to that person after the meeting. Just say, "Hi, I'm Linz and I really like what you said about XYZ." They'll take it from there.
Look for someone in the next meeting who says something that resonates with you and then talk to that person after the meeting. Just say, "Hi, I'm Linz and I really like what you said about XYZ." They'll take it from there.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Linz,
You're going to meetings, and that's a great start. Many people don't even get that far, so give yourself well-deserved credit for that.
I've been going to meeting for a while now, and I have seen people quit drinking and jump right into the program, share, get a sponsor and do the steps. And I've seen others that are a bit more cautious or shy and gets into the program a little at a time. Everybody's personality and life experiences are different. It makes sense that everybody is going to approach new situations differently.
The important thing is that you are going to meetings, listening to others and see something at those meetings that you want.
Simple things like just saying hi to people or telling someone after the meeting that you connected to what they were saying might help you break the ice and you might seem more approachable to other people.
No matter what, keep going and don't lose hope, and above all, be proud of what you have done so far. John
You're going to meetings, and that's a great start. Many people don't even get that far, so give yourself well-deserved credit for that.
I've been going to meeting for a while now, and I have seen people quit drinking and jump right into the program, share, get a sponsor and do the steps. And I've seen others that are a bit more cautious or shy and gets into the program a little at a time. Everybody's personality and life experiences are different. It makes sense that everybody is going to approach new situations differently.
The important thing is that you are going to meetings, listening to others and see something at those meetings that you want.
Simple things like just saying hi to people or telling someone after the meeting that you connected to what they were saying might help you break the ice and you might seem more approachable to other people.
No matter what, keep going and don't lose hope, and above all, be proud of what you have done so far. John
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
Linz,
I was pretty gun shy when I first went to AA - kind of like I wanted to stop drinking but was afraid of publicly committing to it. That and... I was afraid that if others knew that I was in AA, I could never drink in front of them. Alcohol was my escape, and I didn't want to burn that bridge in case I needed it in the future.
As Zebra pointed out, people get to sobriety in different ways and at different rates. I would add this though: it's dangerous to assume that it will always be possible to get sober. Some folks don't survive that long - a friend of mine drowned during his last binge. He went to meetings, but didn't have a sponsor, never seemed able to put the plug in the jug for long.
It is important to open up to someone else. It need not be your mother or boyfriend or family at first. This is what sponsors are for. If you haven't found anyone who has what you want, I suggest you try other meetings. I don't know if you are anywhere near Greensboro, but if you are I would be happy to make suggestions of meetings that I have been to in this area.
Regardless, keep at it. Sobriety has given me far more than I ever dared to hope. It DOES take work, and is scary at first. But there is nothing special about those people with years and years of sobriety other than they took the risk and stuck with it.
Good luck - you CAN do this.
I was pretty gun shy when I first went to AA - kind of like I wanted to stop drinking but was afraid of publicly committing to it. That and... I was afraid that if others knew that I was in AA, I could never drink in front of them. Alcohol was my escape, and I didn't want to burn that bridge in case I needed it in the future.
As Zebra pointed out, people get to sobriety in different ways and at different rates. I would add this though: it's dangerous to assume that it will always be possible to get sober. Some folks don't survive that long - a friend of mine drowned during his last binge. He went to meetings, but didn't have a sponsor, never seemed able to put the plug in the jug for long.
It is important to open up to someone else. It need not be your mother or boyfriend or family at first. This is what sponsors are for. If you haven't found anyone who has what you want, I suggest you try other meetings. I don't know if you are anywhere near Greensboro, but if you are I would be happy to make suggestions of meetings that I have been to in this area.
Regardless, keep at it. Sobriety has given me far more than I ever dared to hope. It DOES take work, and is scary at first. But there is nothing special about those people with years and years of sobriety other than they took the risk and stuck with it.
Good luck - you CAN do this.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Bay Area, Ca
Posts: 20
The only requirement of AA is that you have the desire to stop drinking and I think you do.
Congratulations on taking the first step of going to meetings. It takes a lot of guts--good for you! People in AA are generally some of the nicest and most helpful people around I have found. And most have heard (and done) it all.
I urge you to ask for help. I felt the same way about telling my mom and other family. But the only way I stopped drinkng was by laying it all out and having to have some accountability to myself and others. I didn't reach out to others for so long because I wasn't ready to give up alcohol completely. When I hit my personal bottom I had to lay it all out there.
Be safe tonight and I hope you can quit in 2015. Life will be much better, I promise.
Congratulations on taking the first step of going to meetings. It takes a lot of guts--good for you! People in AA are generally some of the nicest and most helpful people around I have found. And most have heard (and done) it all.
I urge you to ask for help. I felt the same way about telling my mom and other family. But the only way I stopped drinkng was by laying it all out and having to have some accountability to myself and others. I didn't reach out to others for so long because I wasn't ready to give up alcohol completely. When I hit my personal bottom I had to lay it all out there.
Be safe tonight and I hope you can quit in 2015. Life will be much better, I promise.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
I attended meetings drunk and left meetings and went and got drunk too.
It's not the end of the world.
I went for it when I was ready and willing.
The desire took a while to build.
But eventually I got to the point of surrender, after that, I got a sponsor, and started the steps.... 6 months sober now and I'm through to step 12.
Carrying the message as a result of having had a spiritual awakening.
It's there if you want it, and it's been a cool journey so far.
It's not the end of the world.
I went for it when I was ready and willing.
The desire took a while to build.
But eventually I got to the point of surrender, after that, I got a sponsor, and started the steps.... 6 months sober now and I'm through to step 12.
Carrying the message as a result of having had a spiritual awakening.
It's there if you want it, and it's been a cool journey so far.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by Linz 
Finally, after years of hesitation and excuses, I've attended almost one meeting a day for weeks now. I'm trying to understand the principles of AA more and more. I keep my ears open, I WANT to connect to the people in the rooms, and sometimes I even have a desire to share, (though I don't.) I've downloaded different AA speech apps on my phone so that I can listen to them while I work (I landscape.)
I am still an active alcoholic though.
I feel as if I know what I'm missing. I DON'T share, as I mentioned. I haven't ASKED for help. I don't have a sponsor, and I certainly haven't started working the 12 steps.
I've heard that it helps, and you SHOULD tell loved ones that you're trying to stop drinking. My mother doesn't know, but I believe that if she did, it may help. There are a few other people that I should tell with intent.
Anyhow... I guess I'm writing this out of desperation. I would really appreciate reading any kind of your thoughts.
Thank you.
I am still an active alcoholic though.
I feel as if I know what I'm missing. I DON'T share, as I mentioned. I haven't ASKED for help. I don't have a sponsor, and I certainly haven't started working the 12 steps.
I've heard that it helps, and you SHOULD tell loved ones that you're trying to stop drinking. My mother doesn't know, but I believe that if she did, it may help. There are a few other people that I should tell with intent.
Anyhow... I guess I'm writing this out of desperation. I would really appreciate reading any kind of your thoughts.
Thank you.
I just saw my own recovery experience repeated in the last few weeks.
A woman turns up at a meeting badly mixed up. Every problem you could imagine. 15 years on and off trying to get the AA message through not drinking and going to meetings. The she met someone who said, "i cant fix your mental health, business, medical or marital problems, but Ive got this book with these steps. Perhaps we should give that a try and see what happens." here's what happened.
Week 1, step one taken. Major problem with reactions to others, gets drunk twice, once in quite dangerous circumstances. People around thinking she will have to be locked up.
Week 2 steps 2,3,4, with her sponsor, step 5 with a minister of religion.
Reaction to life changes, no more blow ups. Drinking stops abruptly.
Week 3, steps 6,7,8, and a start on 9. Reaction to life getting better still. No desire to drink, no major flare ups.
Week 4, compelled to go away for a week on a business trip where drinking will be one of the activities of the group. No AA where she's going. Our book promises that if she goes to such an event with the right motives, God will keep her unharmed.
Week 5, returns from trip unharmed. Continues with steps 10,11 and 12, finds longer term sponsor to continue with step 9, and living 10,11,12.
Other effects noticed. Complete change in reaction to life. Fellow workers cant believe the change. Husband over the moon. Mental health service discharges her as possible mental health issues have dissappeared.
What happened is almost text book Big Book stuff. I don't often see such a turn around, but then I dont often see someone get into the program with such willingness and sincerity.
The big parallel to my own experience, which was quite similar over all, is that neither of us overcame drinking until after we began work on the steps, and both of us stopped abruptly after step 5. Our recovery came as the result of the steps, not as a result of us trying to stop drinking in order to get well enough to work the steps. You will find exactly the same pattern in Doctor Bob's story.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Long Island NY
Posts: 22
Linz,
Just keep coming back. Raise your hand even its just to say your name and I am alcoholic is a giant step in the right direction. If your interested in stopping Living Sober is a great book and most meetings give it to you free of charge. Read the book it has a lot of great advice for the newcomer. Also, go early to the meeting and start striking up conversations with people and stay after the meeting. Don't be scared it works if you work it.
Just keep coming back. Raise your hand even its just to say your name and I am alcoholic is a giant step in the right direction. If your interested in stopping Living Sober is a great book and most meetings give it to you free of charge. Read the book it has a lot of great advice for the newcomer. Also, go early to the meeting and start striking up conversations with people and stay after the meeting. Don't be scared it works if you work it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by Linz
I feel as if I know what I'm missing. I DON'T share, as I mentioned. I haven't ASKED for help. I don't have a sponsor, and I certainly haven't started working the 12 steps.
to get and stay sober and work the AA Program ?
MB
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 343
Linz,
I recognize that you are reaching out, both in AA and on this site, in the best way you can. It is probably more than I did when I knew things would not get any better unless I made some changes. It was threat of jail time that led me to treatment and AA, but once there I was thrilled that there was an answer for what ailed me. I remember the early months of meetings: I am painfully shy, yet I knew that I needed to make my presence known. At times I was so overcome by anxiety as I prepared to speak up in a meeting that I missed what others had to say. I learned that I could just announce my presence--"I'm here today, sober but hurting," for example--was enough to connect with others both during and after the meeting. My drinking had isolated me to the point that I had no idea how to interact with people, and this was a necessary threshold to cross. I surrounded myself with other sober, getting-sober, thinking about getting sober people in the early days: I wanted them to call me out on risky behaviors. But I understand what you mean about not wanting to be under a microscope. Some well-meaning but uninformed people try to advise us, it seems. Much as I believe in AA I am annoyed that the courts prescribe it as part of sentencing! I've heard substance abuse counselors who expect someone to work 12 steps in 12 days. Anyway, that's another topic.
I quit smoking several years after I quit drinking. By them I was somewhat "reintegrated" into society (insofar I will ever be!), and I recognized what I needed to quit. I told only people who would be supportive of me, some who were former smokers themselves, and I enlisted the aid of an on-line support. I did not tell others who did not understand addictions. I have not smoked in nearly eight years.
I found it important to connect with people who knew more than I, and that required a leap of faith out of my comfort zone. I am shy and introverted, and while I embrace those qualities today they could have led to my demise while I was drinking. No, I don't like drawing attention to myself. No, I don't like to speak in groups. But while I think most cancer patients dislike having surgery, they do it to save their lives. It's hard, but it's worth it.
I recognize that you are reaching out, both in AA and on this site, in the best way you can. It is probably more than I did when I knew things would not get any better unless I made some changes. It was threat of jail time that led me to treatment and AA, but once there I was thrilled that there was an answer for what ailed me. I remember the early months of meetings: I am painfully shy, yet I knew that I needed to make my presence known. At times I was so overcome by anxiety as I prepared to speak up in a meeting that I missed what others had to say. I learned that I could just announce my presence--"I'm here today, sober but hurting," for example--was enough to connect with others both during and after the meeting. My drinking had isolated me to the point that I had no idea how to interact with people, and this was a necessary threshold to cross. I surrounded myself with other sober, getting-sober, thinking about getting sober people in the early days: I wanted them to call me out on risky behaviors. But I understand what you mean about not wanting to be under a microscope. Some well-meaning but uninformed people try to advise us, it seems. Much as I believe in AA I am annoyed that the courts prescribe it as part of sentencing! I've heard substance abuse counselors who expect someone to work 12 steps in 12 days. Anyway, that's another topic.
I quit smoking several years after I quit drinking. By them I was somewhat "reintegrated" into society (insofar I will ever be!), and I recognized what I needed to quit. I told only people who would be supportive of me, some who were former smokers themselves, and I enlisted the aid of an on-line support. I did not tell others who did not understand addictions. I have not smoked in nearly eight years.
I found it important to connect with people who knew more than I, and that required a leap of faith out of my comfort zone. I am shy and introverted, and while I embrace those qualities today they could have led to my demise while I was drinking. No, I don't like drawing attention to myself. No, I don't like to speak in groups. But while I think most cancer patients dislike having surgery, they do it to save their lives. It's hard, but it's worth it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Originally Posted by Linz
Finally, after years of hesitation and excuses, I've attended almost one meeting a day for weeks now. I'm trying to understand the principles of AA more and more. I keep my ears open, I WANT to connect to the people in the rooms, and sometimes I even have a desire to share, (though I don't.) I've downloaded different AA speech apps on my phone so that I can listen to them while I work (I landscape.)
I am still an active alcoholic though.
I feel as if I know what I'm missing. I DON'T share, as I mentioned. I haven't ASKED for help. I don't have a sponsor, and I certainly haven't started working the 12 steps.
I've heard that it helps, and you SHOULD tell loved ones that you're trying to stop drinking. My mother doesn't know, but I believe that if she did, it may help. There are a few other people that I should tell with intent.
Anyhow... I guess I'm writing this out of desperation. I would really appreciate reading any kind of your thoughts.
Thank you.
I am still an active alcoholic though.
I feel as if I know what I'm missing. I DON'T share, as I mentioned. I haven't ASKED for help. I don't have a sponsor, and I certainly haven't started working the 12 steps.
I've heard that it helps, and you SHOULD tell loved ones that you're trying to stop drinking. My mother doesn't know, but I believe that if she did, it may help. There are a few other people that I should tell with intent.
Anyhow... I guess I'm writing this out of desperation. I would really appreciate reading any kind of your thoughts.
Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Originally Posted by Linz
Finally, after years of hesitation and excuses, I've attended almost one meeting a day for weeks now. I'm trying to understand the principles of AA more and more.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Alcoholics Anonymous is
a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism.
The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.
There are no dues or fees for A.A. membership; we are self supporting through our own contributions. A.A. is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses nor opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.
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