Andante

It's slightly OT, but I wanted to share an observation.

It’s amazing to me how rapidly people’s behavior has evolved, as evidenced by the ability demonstrated here to discuss potentially divisive topics like this rationally.

It seems to me that even as recently as 3 years ago when I found this site, a thread like this wouldn’t have lasted an hour. It would have disintegrated into an acrimonious debate and gotten locked down in a hurry.

It’s almost as if people’s adaptation to the rules governing exchanges on forums like this one, as well as social media in general, is driving a sea change in how people interact. I see a definite trend towards more courtesy and open-mindedness.

I wish I knew enough about psychology and sociology to be able to discuss this intelligently, and I hope those who are better informed will pick up the topic.

And to return to the original topic, I have found both the "never again" approach of RR and the "one day at time" approach of AA to be useful in my recovery.

Oh, and props to the moderators of SR for helping make this trend happen. Sort of an online Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Carlotta

I am afraid it might still be abysmal
Whatever method used, it seems that two key components are willingness and acceptance.
I have an old friend who is an alcoholic. One of those times he was talking about quitting, I got him an AA Big Book and offered to take him to meetings. He told me he did not like AA so I ordered him a used copy of Rational Recovery: The New Cure
Both books are collecting dust side by side and I seriously doubt he opened either one of them. Meanwhile it is 11 am at the beginning of the month and I'd bet anything that he is either already drunk or passed out.
I think the same saying applies to all method: It is for those who want it, not for those who need it

Boleo

My thought exactly. Willingness is the key to any and all schools of recovery.

Aellyce

Adante, if this is true... I think it may be related, at least in part, to the easy availability of information and many different perspectives in this era. I wasn't using SR much until January last year, so no experience with the dynamic over a long period of time on here. But I do think that people have become generally more open-minded compared with many years ago, and much better informed. It's hard to remain close minded, hold extreme beliefs, and push only one perspective when so many different things are accessible. I remember that when I was much younger, I always had to really look for people I could have quality discussions with, the way I liked. Nowadays this does not seem to be a challenge at all. There is also the factor that the culture of the internet has generally evolved over time, people learn from experience. But there are enough more heated debates here on SR still

NoelleR

[QUOTE=Andante;5123151]...I have found both the "never again" approach of RR and the "one day at time" approach of AA to be useful in my recovery...QUOTE]

Actually, AA does NOT have a 'one day at a time' approach. That phrase comes from the Serenity Prayer line.....: "...Living one day at a time..."

'One day at a time' is NOT in AA's Big Book. There IS the line.......: "...if you really and truly want to quit drinking liquor for good and all...we know that we have an answer for you..."

Seems to me that 'for good and all' sounds an awful lot like a 'never again' approach, but that could just be me...........

So, for me, I'll live my life one day at a time, and I quit alcohol/drugs for good, to never do them again.

(o:
NoelleR

miamifella

I wonder how my recovery would have been different, if I had started now when the literature is available online.

LBrain

One must also remember that when aa was first introduced, the folks of that time period were ostracized for their drinking habits. It was a much smaller world back then. And the methods they used for treating alcoholism in the medical field are laughable by today's standards. So much of the aa book comes across as archaic itself. But it can still be useful for many.

desypete

all i know is my own experience of giving up drink for 15 years on my last outing and then drinking again

my first 3 years were in aa then i left aa as i didnt think it was for me anymore

i had a good job, earning decent money, i had a family and a home life was good for me so i didnt need aa at all

i never ever believed i would drink again etiher and i went 15 years without

then one xmas i had a drink and i was ok after that one drink i didnt get drunk like i used to

so i tried drinking again and had 2 drinks and i went home everything was fine, i didnt get drunk, i didnt smash the home up, i didnt wet the bed, i didnt end up in a police cell etc the normal stuff for alcohilcs like me to happen didnt happen

so i went and had a go with 4 drinks the next time and it was the best night out i ever had drinking
not trouble just good fun, i came to think maybe i wasnt a real alcholic at all maybe all the dont pick up that first drink was a load of rubbish

maybe now i was in my 30s i could now drink like a normal drinker and behave

8 years later from taking that first drink

my drinking had progressed to 24 / drunk drinking, i had nothing left, i had been to prison a few times for my drunken ways, i had lost my driving license my 2 small kids were removed from both my ex wife and myself care as the pair of us were now unfit to look after them thanks to drinking the way we was
my business had gone long with all the money and the home.

in short i had nothing left and ended up living in a flat that was given out to people who came out of prison with no where to go run by a charity housing thing

i still was drinking and throwing up in buckets everyday to get another drink inside of me

my mattress was cover in sick and pee stains the flat stunk like a sewer

i looked like a tramp and smelt like one and there wasnt anything left and no one left who give a dam

so forgive me if i dont listen to anyone who thinks there drinking is the same as me and thinks also that all i have to do is make my mind up to stop drinking and i can

i use my own personal experience of what happened to me to say no it will not work for someone like me.

now was your experience like mine or not ? if not then i dont think you can sit in judgement on what help aa gives out to people like me based on your own experience

all you can say is what works for you and based on your own drinking experience
by the sounds of it you was miles away from were i ended up so there is no way your anything like me

i can give up drinking cola with ease i can make my mind up to never drink it again and i guess if i wanted to then i could stick to it, same as giving up cream cakes, or choclate, or anything really

except booze of course as thats my problem its what the booze does to me when i take they first drink, how it feeds my hunger for more and more until i get insanely drunk

i am very lucky in all the trouble i have been in over the years that i never killed anyone

in my time doing prison service work i have met people who have killed people in drink and believe me when they woke up the next day and remembered what happend they would give anything to change it

but its to late after the event

i dont want to ever go back to were i came from and aa was the only place that could help me, i had nothng left like a computer and please dont tell me to pop along to a liabary as i was scared of people and places going to an aa room was scarey enough but they come and got me and took me under there wing and i have never looked back

one last point is
when i came back to aa can you imagine how it felt when i seen some of the guys that were still there in aa that i had been with all those years before ?

there lives never ended up like mine, they kept there wives and familes and jobs and sure they have had problems to deal with in life but thats normal

they thanked me for coming back and proving to them that there on the right track

i thank them for still being there keeping the meetings open for me and many many others like me who will one day walk through the doors of aa


so for me i have thought i would never drink again and went for 15 years staying sober and i guess i would be like you saying look at me i am sober now because i made my mind up

the only people i know who beat this thing are now dead and there fight is over

the only way i will ever be able to tell anyone i have beat it is when i am about to die myself

until that time i can pick up a drink again at any given moment i dont kid myself anymore that i am invincible

take my experience with a pinch of salt as many do as most dont believe what happened to me would ever happen to them but that ok

its still just my experience