Olive1

Hi Freethinking,
It is my opinion that you need to give sobriety a chance. And I mean months of sobriety. I was a completely different person at 3 weeks sober, again at two months sober, different still at 9 months sober. It was well into two years of being sober that I started to level out. It seems everyone wants a quick fix these days in the world. I wanted to be cured and done once I had stopped drinking, I wanted my life to be fixed. But it wasn’t. It took getting my being and my soul better and then I started fixing my life.
You should give yourself a chance.


I wish Cow would give it a chance, too.

SoberLeigh

Free - my feeling is that you need to give sobriety more of a chance. But, given my experience in early sobriety, you may feel a little worse in some areas before you feel better; for me, a rather pervasive feeling of lethargy and, perhaps, depression set in. That may be happening to you also, Free, and causing you to feel detached from your children. This went on for me, at varying levels, for about six months. If you can "tough out" this stage, you may see things very, very differently and experience a greater and more beautiful connection to your family.

I have heard it said that major decisions should be back-burnered for at least two years after experiencing a major life event. I consider sobriety to be one of those events.

Adding a relationship to your life will probably ultimately (if not immediately) add confusion to an already complicated situation.

We are here for you, Free.

Elseware

I weep for you FT. I also understand. At 7 months give or take off the pills/booze I am not in a good place yet. I sorta hate everything. Maybe this is how I really am. I hate to think so. I expected a lot when I got sober and it is just the same old crappy me. But at least I can say I'm sober. And I keep hoping. And the hope keeps me going. But it's been a tough year. I surprised my husband hasn't kicked me out because I'm so irritable. But he is very patient. I am very lucky because I want to be with him. Keep trying FT. We have no other choice if we want to live.

aussieblue

Cow and Free I wish you both could give it a go. Dee had to drag me by the hair LOL but we got there coming up to 2 months now. Be kind to yourselves.

Olive1

You keep going too, Elseware!
It gets better.
I promise.
It gets better.

freethinking

OK, my husband is sitting here next to me watching Chappelle's show - a very crass and annoying ******* show. He's laughing his ass off. Oh.MyGod. Well okay, he is pretty funny. But my hubby is white - he should not be laughing so hard!! (kidding)

I married my husband because I thought he was hot and successful. The *mildly* drunk part of me knows we are not compatible. We had the craziest sex, just did the most insane stuff- he sobered up and I did not. I have to move on.

freethinking

Can't do it - not as strong as you.

SoberLeigh

It does get better; I promise, too.

Dee74

I'm just wishing you the best FT.
Make good healthy life affirming choices - you deserve it.

D

Dee74

and back to Cow...how you doing?

D

jdooner

FT - You do realize this is not about what is best for the kids this is about you rationalizing how to continue being an alcoholic. You and this new guy are a fantasy. Your husband may or may not kick you out but your not even trying. Can you check into a rehab? While I would not recommend you for mother of the year, the detachment and damage that will be inflicted on them is severe.

You are not giving sobriety a chance in my opinion. Good luck.

jaynie04

This thread sort of reminds me of Andy Warhol's Factory, sans tin foil and drugs….

bigsombrero

Yes, Cow - I hope you aren't drinking. Easier said than done. Sure would mean a lot to some people here, I bet, if you didn't pick up today.

Lenina

FT, please think about this. I think if you cut all the way to the bottom, this disease wants you to keep drinking. It's inventing reasons and excuses so you can continue to kill yourself with alcohol. it took about a year for my head to fully clear enough to make major life altering decisions.

I think your best move would be to check into inpatient rehab. Stay at least 30 days, more if you can. Take the suggestions, give your poor body time to heal a bit, your poor brain a chance to clear.

It will also give your husband and children a chance to get some help too. If after one year of sobriety, you still want to move on, you can be ready to do so.

Give yourself this chance. Give your kids this chance to know their mom. It may well be over for your marriage but the kids deserve this effort. And don't tell yourself you can't go inpatient because of the kids. you're disabling yourself everytime you drink. You're not able to care for them then. Surely you can find just 30 days to give these kids a better Life.

This is a bad time to make big decisions. And you will note our dear Cow is argreeing with Dee. Surely a sign in the Cosmos !

Love to you, FT.

Lenina

Cow

I sober since April Fool Day, that 3 whole day kittens! Will be very fitting if that stay my sober day, no? Cuz is no bigger fool than Cow! But yeah, I does drink even after harrowing ER experience, so that super eye-rolling lame.

But I does take shower today! But only cuz friend threaten to calls my brother and tell him I not change clothe or take shower in whole week and is severely depress. I like, why in hell is you gonna call my brother! My brother not capable to hear about my pain and depression, and it only make me more feel like crap to sees him even attempt to engage with it. Then I has to convinces her I not suicidal so she will back off! So I give her Cow's patented "Why I Not Suicidal" speech:

"I promises I not suicidal. I atheist. To quote Richard Gere in "Officer and A Gentlemen": I gots nowhere else to go! Plus, I never do that to you or any of friends, let alone my brother, who is living perfectly happy life. I will rather to suffer every single day rest of my life than to diminish his life with that burden. So please not worry about me hurting self, however, I can assures you, the bawling, bitching, whining and moaning will most certainly continues."

She seem to buy it. I mean, it true, but I think she believe me.

jdooner

Way to go Cow, Way to Cow!

Officer and a gentleman way to go Paula - YouTube

alphaomega

Cowbaby - way to go on those days !,

Now, you may not consider yourself "suicidal" in the traditional sense of wrist slitting or hanging, but sending yourself to the ER, driving while in blackout, and mixing substances that short circuit your already very fragile brain, is suicide in sheeps clothing.

It's thoughtful that you wouldn't want to burden your brother as such, (my sister accidentally overdosed from prescriptions and alcohol). She was a pharmacist.

And I assure you, she wouldn't have wanted to leave me with this cross either.

But she did.

Accidentally.

aussieblue

I moved in with my husband (not married then) on April fools day and we are still going strong after 33 years, so I hope April fools day will stick for you to Cow.

SoberLeigh

April Fool's Day can be a really good day for important things. I got engaged on April Fool's Day. You cannot believe the trepidation with which I responded "Yes"; there I was committing a lifetime to a man while simultaneously plotting his demise if he was joking.

Lenina

((((Cow)))). Thank you. suicide leaves so much pain behind. And guilt. Please try to groom. It's almost like the effort helps lift the mood a bit.

Can you order in some nourishing foods? Will the deli deliver some chicken soup? Do you have some B12 and B6 vitamins? And VitaminD too. I don't know what is good for healing the neuro stuff. I'll ask my friend who knows natural medicine. Cow, now don't let this spin your head. It we may do a healing meditation for you, you don't have to believe it.

But I have a whole box of this fresh beeswax candles that I'm anxious to use. So there.

I'm going back to bed. I have few more hours before I have to get up and sparkle.

Love from Lenina