Diary of a Mad Cow, Part III - Beware all ye who enter!
[QUOTE=courage2;
Hugs, Cow. Stay off the caffeine. And stay off the booze! Or I'll have to come to the west coast and pimpslap your AV.
Hey, courage; I'll fly out with you. Be afraid, Cow's AV, be very afraid.
Hugs, Cow. Stay off the caffeine. And stay off the booze! Or I'll have to come to the west coast and pimpslap your AV.
Hey, courage; I'll fly out with you. Be afraid, Cow's AV, be very afraid.
Got two things:
Little Thing !: I thought my AV was my whole me. I thought addiction was my identity. But completely to my surprise, something else really weird is starting to emerge. It's a personality, and it's an addict, but it's got other stuff going on too, stuff the active addict/alcoholic didn't leave any room for. So far, in the last 24 hours, it's been someone who riffs on the cultural distinction between a burnout and a stoner, and someone who can talk intelligently about the relative merits of teaching or not teaching matrix algebra to graduate students, and someone who crowd-sources her every decision to an online recovery forum LOL. Someone who invites a bipolar alcoholic survivor of incest experiencing a depressive episode to sleep on her couch, because even though she doesn't exactly care, she'd like to help. Oh, and someone who's becoming a little bit self-aware. This may all be some new kind of insanity. It may be a little bit of mania. But for a change, I'm taking my AV for a ride instead of the other way around.
Little Thing 2: My FS pointed out that for longterm addicts/alcoholics, the substance became our only motivator for any behavior. So when you decide to have caffeine, you suddenly feel better-- the motivation is so highly associated with the gratification that it triggers the relief even before the caffeine hits you. When I absolutely knew I was going to relapse, I felt like a rocket blasting off. It was like I'd been wandering around for a full year with no purpose or reason to live, and all of a sudden, I was purposeful. I knew what I was doing and why! I was going to get booze, so I could drink! Hooray! Unlearning that gratification system is hard, but ask any cognitive-behavioral scientist. It can be done.
Hugs, Cow. Stay off the caffeine. And stay off the booze! Or I'll have to come to the west coast and pimpslap your AV.
Oh, and Dee =
Little Thing !: I thought my AV was my whole me. I thought addiction was my identity. But completely to my surprise, something else really weird is starting to emerge. It's a personality, and it's an addict, but it's got other stuff going on too, stuff the active addict/alcoholic didn't leave any room for. So far, in the last 24 hours, it's been someone who riffs on the cultural distinction between a burnout and a stoner, and someone who can talk intelligently about the relative merits of teaching or not teaching matrix algebra to graduate students, and someone who crowd-sources her every decision to an online recovery forum LOL. Someone who invites a bipolar alcoholic survivor of incest experiencing a depressive episode to sleep on her couch, because even though she doesn't exactly care, she'd like to help. Oh, and someone who's becoming a little bit self-aware. This may all be some new kind of insanity. It may be a little bit of mania. But for a change, I'm taking my AV for a ride instead of the other way around.
Little Thing 2: My FS pointed out that for longterm addicts/alcoholics, the substance became our only motivator for any behavior. So when you decide to have caffeine, you suddenly feel better-- the motivation is so highly associated with the gratification that it triggers the relief even before the caffeine hits you. When I absolutely knew I was going to relapse, I felt like a rocket blasting off. It was like I'd been wandering around for a full year with no purpose or reason to live, and all of a sudden, I was purposeful. I knew what I was doing and why! I was going to get booze, so I could drink! Hooray! Unlearning that gratification system is hard, but ask any cognitive-behavioral scientist. It can be done.
Hugs, Cow. Stay off the caffeine. And stay off the booze! Or I'll have to come to the west coast and pimpslap your AV.
Oh, and Dee =
cow, I was thinking....do you remember a show about a woman TV journalist who went to the Betty Ford and got sober? maybe Cow could do that? introduce the sober cow? many, many folks I know in recovery have well-developed sense of humor. I know I like to have fun, but not make fun of myself in a demeaning or unkind way.
you could talk about your new sober stuff? I worry maybe you think you'll lose your creative ability or won't be fun any more if your sober?
just a thought. moo--Wah!
love from the CAL girl
you could talk about your new sober stuff? I worry maybe you think you'll lose your creative ability or won't be fun any more if your sober?
just a thought. moo--Wah!
love from the CAL girl
Lenina, no, I not worry I no be fun any more if I sober, cuz I not any fun now!
Yes, I does write more when I drinking, lot of writer do. It just a thing. I not think I NEED drink to write or be funny, but is just a thing. Drinking put you in more fluid mood to write. Is same with lot of comics. They drink. So for comic writer --holy crap! So far, when sober, I does lose lot of interest in writing, but that cuz I go so dead, so I not has given fair chance, you see? But is why I say I maybe needs to leave my life altogether to really get clean.
Yes, I has thought about make Cow sober on Ima Cow show. And Cow has gone to rehabs in previous season (but only hilarity ensue, not sobriety). Ima Cow is complex character with no consequences. (Unlike real Cow.) He like, a fantasy character who say and do what other wish they could say or do and not have consequence, so is important aspect to him.
Yes, I does write more when I drinking, lot of writer do. It just a thing. I not think I NEED drink to write or be funny, but is just a thing. Drinking put you in more fluid mood to write. Is same with lot of comics. They drink. So for comic writer --holy crap! So far, when sober, I does lose lot of interest in writing, but that cuz I go so dead, so I not has given fair chance, you see? But is why I say I maybe needs to leave my life altogether to really get clean.
Yes, I has thought about make Cow sober on Ima Cow show. And Cow has gone to rehabs in previous season (but only hilarity ensue, not sobriety). Ima Cow is complex character with no consequences. (Unlike real Cow.) He like, a fantasy character who say and do what other wish they could say or do and not have consequence, so is important aspect to him.
Ha! Shes a bit old and bedraggled...too much of the fast life (plus my kitten used to play with her)....I found them today when I was sorting out my room and they wanted to say hi .
They want you to be ok, as we all do
They want you to be ok, as we all do
Chop wood, carry water. I heard this before and I forgot it. This feels like an intervention. I spent the the day turning things over to my " higher power"! Maybe this is my answer. Feels sort of right. ((Exciting))
Cow, how was your day?
Snarkbunny did not have the best day. Snarkbunny took out her tongue and used it as a weapon, repeatedly, in public, against a kind, non-snarky sociologist. Snarkbunny had to apologize but that doesn't make it ok. It's painfully evident that when Snarkbunny isn't sedated, she's not a very humble or patient rabbit.
Snarkbunny did not have the best day. Snarkbunny took out her tongue and used it as a weapon, repeatedly, in public, against a kind, non-snarky sociologist. Snarkbunny had to apologize but that doesn't make it ok. It's painfully evident that when Snarkbunny isn't sedated, she's not a very humble or patient rabbit.
Snarkbunny, is okay, you already take responsibilities and apologize, yes? Cow only have the crazy mouth when I high. Or worse, sometime I has the hysterical freak out! Then is time to get the nets. Is you changing up you meds or something?
Olive, I still upset they kills AJ! WTF?! And yet KiKi lives! Son of bitch!
Well I not drink today. I maybe had the caffeine. Okay I probably did. Okay I definitely did. But I not gonna tomorrow. No. Uh uh. Nope. No Sir. Not happening. Done and done. Cord cut. End of story. Lid put on it. Over. Gone. Buh bye ... ... ...
Olive, I still upset they kills AJ! WTF?! And yet KiKi lives! Son of bitch!
Well I not drink today. I maybe had the caffeine. Okay I probably did. Okay I definitely did. But I not gonna tomorrow. No. Uh uh. Nope. No Sir. Not happening. Done and done. Cord cut. End of story. Lid put on it. Over. Gone. Buh bye ... ... ...
handing Cow a fork.......To stick in the Done.
Snarkbunny, it's been a bad week for good manners. I was a bit impolite to my coworkers. I should be more patient. not so quick to judge.
Olive, are you talking about a soap?
love from Lenina
Snarkbunny, it's been a bad week for good manners. I was a bit impolite to my coworkers. I should be more patient. not so quick to judge.
Olive, are you talking about a soap?
love from Lenina
Yes, one of the last remaining daytime soap operas. General Hospital.
And, yes, they did kill off AJ, but they had a nice reunion of all the dead Quartermaines. And Maxie came back and she brought with her a nice, cute Aussie.....Dee, perhaps?
And, yes, they did kill off AJ, but they had a nice reunion of all the dead Quartermaines. And Maxie came back and she brought with her a nice, cute Aussie.....Dee, perhaps?
They killed AJ? the son of Luke and Laura? I used to love GH. this was back in the day before DVRs so you had to catch it live. or as it aired. I got so frustrated with Annie and Jeff. And Heather....she was just hateful. GH lost me when they got the whole Ice Princess thing going.
Love from Lenina
They brought Dee? Well, I guess Dee knew Cow and Olive would be watching. he doesn't like to disappoint, he's that kind of gentleman
Love from Lenina
They brought Dee? Well, I guess Dee knew Cow and Olive would be watching. he doesn't like to disappoint, he's that kind of gentleman
No, it's just me. Auntie D (that's my antidepressants, not to be confused w/our beloved Dee) is same as since Feb. I've named my shrink Papa Xanax, tho, 'cause that's what he'd suggest if I told him that I'm a little tense and lashing out.
Soberleigh, the sociologists I know are pretty wimpy. Helen Keller could take them down in an argument with one hand tied behind her back.
Cow, I hope you went lite on the caffeinated beverage. Maybe you're cutting yourself off cold from the booze and weaning from caffeine? Anyway, get yourself all safe & tucked in for the night, away from trouble. Tomorrow is another day. (I sure hope so.)
Soberleigh, the sociologists I know are pretty wimpy. Helen Keller could take them down in an argument with one hand tied behind her back.
Cow, I hope you went lite on the caffeinated beverage. Maybe you're cutting yourself off cold from the booze and weaning from caffeine? Anyway, get yourself all safe & tucked in for the night, away from trouble. Tomorrow is another day. (I sure hope so.)
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