StevenT

To me being physically dependent means to suffer if something is not in my body, doesn't matter how I suffer or how bad it is. To be mentally dependent is to crave something and to be in a different temperament both when that something is present and when it is not.

I can say both of those things exist with many things in my life: alcohol, drugs, sex and cigarettes; the list is not much longer then those things, but I'm sure there are a few more things in my life that have become crutches or that I depend on both physically and mentally.

The reason I don't drink or drug today is because my powerlessness regarding their use after the first time I use leads to unmanagability in my life that has consequences that I don't like facing or dealing with.

It's not that I choose to not do it either. I made the choice to quit. I found the power to stay quit. For some people that power comes from within, as in willpower. For people like me willpower is not strong enough. For some like me that power comes from structure and habit, as well as accountability. It is my belief that those people that stay sober solely on this board fall into these two categories, as well as people that go to treatment and stay sober for long periods, even til the day they die.

For me that power comes from a Higher Power and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, for nothing else has worked before. I tried structure, habit and accountability. At the end of the day that still requires a certain amount of willpower, and for me, mine wasn't strong enough.

Just my $.02

TrixMixer

Hi Katie,

IMOO--You are asking ONE of the many questions "alcoholics" ask when trying to justify they are NOT an alcoholic. I grasped at straws , dissecting every action I took with regards to alcohol. Now I realize I was looking for a way out --a way to tell me I am fine just drink a little too much.

I think the Physical dependence is the need to NEVER just be able to have A drink once you have taken that first drink. The body will not let you stop at one--the physical NEED for more pretty much says it for me.

Music

Fr. Joe Martin, a recovering alcoholic and priest once asked, "is alcohol causing you problems? If alcohol is causing you problems, then alcohol is a problem!" Most people I know who ask how to define alcoholism are looking for a way to not qualify to be alcoholic. So, the question is, is alcohol causing you problems? If it is and you can't stop on your own, you need help. Bottom line is only you can answer the question as to whether or not you're an alcoholic. You say you aren't "physically addicted". Have you ever gone out with the intention to not drink, to only have one, or to not get drunk and failed to live up to your intention?

Doug39

I feel that when alcohol consumes your life, you are an alcoholic.

In my early days of drinking I just bought beer or went to the bars and had fun when drinking. I never thought of the health risks, the cost of alcohol, or the problems that could arise from drinking everyday.

But as the years went on my whole life and daily thoughts were about hangovers, getting booze, health issues from drinking, trying to quit or slow down my drinking, trying to rationalize why drinking is ok, feeling guilty from the things I did or said when drunk, etc.

Enough was enough. If you are drinking, drunk, hungover and/or alcohol related issues are on your mind a large percentage of everyday then yes - you are an alcoholic.

I have always had a job, a home, a car, a woman, money in my pocket. I have never really wanted for anything. Some people still believe in order to be an alcoholic you have to be a broken down loser. Not true.

Katie1846

I could go days without it and without any serious urges, mentally or physically. I don't get shakes or any normal withdrawal symptoms. Today marks 3 weeks, it's only been hard mentally/emotionally but actually even that is getting easier.

Katie1846

Not trying to deny what I am, just get a better understanding/look at it. I'm done denying lol. Did that so many times I lost count. But yea you're right, my inability to stop once having started could be a physical issue as well as the more stereotypical withdrawals that ppl think of. Thanks!

Katie1846

This is me lol.

dayover

This is how I have felt too. But I also think that is a bad trap to fall into. I know for a fact if I had a drink with my friends, maybe I wouldn't chug 9 beers immediately. Maybe I could drink 'moderately' for a while. Months even. But eventually, I would be the black out queen once again, passed out in a bush, with so much humiliation and regret I would be miserable for days.

And I don't want to be like that.

Stopping drinking was easy for me because I did not have cravings, or with drawls, or any of the physical symptoms, like you.

Staying stopped wasn't as easy, but as long as I didn't take the first sip I knew I could be OK.

Living while stopped was a different story. Because now that I don't have that escape even if it was once a week or once a month (because I did actually go for a few weeks at a time here and there without drinking) I am actually having to look myself in the mirror and the fact is that while drinking, I was unhappy. When I stopped drinking I was this big blob of unhappy. Not normal, not right.


I know I'm an alcoholic. I could tell you "I've never lost anything" from drinking and I suppose that's correct in a way - I lost a few friends who weren't that great to begin with, but I never lost a job, a house, or my family. I was ok.

I mean, sure I guess I may have missed out on some opportunities. Done things I really never should have done. Been a miserable wreck. But someone out there was much, much worse.

Do you hear that? That's the sweet sound of my addiction telling me that because there are other people out there "worse" than me, I can't be that bad. You're not an alcoholic. You just abusedddd alcohol!! And in a few months it'll be you used to abuse alcohol, but now you know better! Go ahead and take a sip! Trust me!


Eventually it gets easier, yeah. Eventually maybe I won't be full of the same turmoil and upset emotions I was the week I first stopped drinking. But here's the thing - as soon as you drink again, that will all come back. And that's how I know I'm an alcoholic.

foolsgold66

First things first, great job on the three weeks!

This is a difficult spot to get to for many, if you've had life problems caused by drinking, and if this hasn't been too difficult for you to abstain for this period of time, a good way of seeing the benefit might be to compare it to a cancer caught early and treated, and the prognosis is extremely high that you will not die from it, but something else.

Now, let me ask you this one other thing though. Did your tolerance level increase or decrease over however long you have been actively drinking regularly? Did you feel more or less intoxicated having consumed the same amount of alcohol as time went by.?

Put in the vernacular, in the situation most commonly experienced by early to mid-stage alcoholics, did you need to drink more to get a buzz, or feel satisfied that you were happily intoxicated?

OR

Did you get notice getting drunk on a lesser amount of alcohol during the period you had been actively drinking regularly?

Katie1846

i

Katie1846

Ignore that other post lol. To answer your question, I always had a decent tolerance, but yea, at its worst point, like 2 years ago, I was able to drink a DISGUSTING amount of booze quite often and I would in fact be wasted but not like other people. Other ppl could probably have died trying to drink what I was drinking then. The last two years were less ridiculous but still over the top and almost always more than the other people I would be hanging out with. So to answer your question, yes, I do believe my tolerance increased. That's probably a physical sign, isn't it lol?

foolsgold66

Yes, there are a number of references that this is a sign of physical addiction. You can google around yourself and find plenty. Here's a good 'executive summary' style one that I like.... Alcohol Dependence

Many do overlook this. I think you understand this already, but let me be clear anyway, the only reason I engaged in this is to help you. I know others told you it didn't matter, and you said it didn't matter, and in terms of fixing things I agree it doesn't matter too, but doubt on this subject (now or later) is what gets in the way of recovery sometimes, and if I could help you pin down that last piece I thought it worth doing.

Please hang around here, post, learn, and keep extending that 3 week period forward. IMO and experience the absolute worst thing that will happen by abstaining from alcohol is that your life will still suck sober but you will cope with it better.

PhaseTwo

This was me too for awhile but eventually that period ended and I could go a couple days but had urges to drink those days. Then eventually I had to drink a little bit everyday to feel normal, not to get buzzed. Just remember it only gets worse in the long run you don't ever want to get to that point it sucks, and I could've let it get way worse too.

DylanS

Hi Katie,

Here're the simplest criteria I've come across:

1. Can I, when I really want to, stop and stay stopped? (and no fudging like, "Well I had decided to quit, but then I changed my mind.") That 'mind changing' thing? That's the alcoholic thinking at work.
2. After I have 1-2 drinks, can I stop? Or do I have little or no control over the amount I drink? Again, no fudging. I can't say, "Well, I decided I wanted to party after all." Uh uh - if you made the decision beforehand that you were only going to have 1-2 and your mind changed, it wasn't you doing the changing, pardner. It's the alcoholic craving - the physical component of alcoholism, at work. You can check out an excellent explanation of the biological component of alcoholism here: The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com (Excerpts from "Under The Influence")

I, too, was a binge drinker for a pretty long time. I almost think it'd have been better if I was a daily drinker; maybe it would've helped me see through my persistent belief, against all evidence, that I wasn't an alcoholic. I can't say if you're alcoholic; we each need to gather information and determine it for ourselves. It also helped me to sort of 'interview' someone whom I knew was a normal drinker - find out how they drink. There's a line in the AA text that says, "To them [alcoholics], there life seems the only normal one." To find out if I was abnormal, I checked in with the normal.

I agree wholeheartedly with this; I had doubts about the biological component of alcoholism, just never could quite come to terms with it and I "went out" (started drinking again) over this after 14 years sober.

caboblanco

I think when you get any symptoms of true alcohol withdrawal you crossed over that line...into alcoholism

karate

YES ,and don't go there !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1


Its ROUGH ,from that point .

IOAA2

For me, I was asked if I could guarantee the results if I picked up the first drink. NO.
The above question led me to the fact that I cannot drink in safety, even with + 30 years under my belt. BE WELL

makomago

I don't know how your boyfriend can admit you don't have a physical dependency, but perhaps he could look up the word co dependency for you?

It was important to me to know what an alcoholic was, so I knew if I was one, so I could get treatment for the right disorder i.e alcoholism.

My recovery has come with help from AA and other sources. Without knowing a definition, I could have gone for years not even knowing there is a solution to my problem...

Here is a definition from a man I much respect...

"An addict is anyone who sustained use inhibits the realization of the potential for experiencing their own life."

How about this standard definition;

"A body that can't take it and a mind that can't leave it alone"

or

"A physical compulsion, with a mental obsession"

The physical compulsion can be very subtle, it doesn't have to be in the form of a half crazed loon fighting for the last drop from the bottle frothing at the mouth type lunatic ...

An alcoholic is just addicted to alcohol. Although there are other traits (not the sole preserve) of the alcoholic that may distinguish one from say a non addict.

freshstart57

There is much discussion about the definition of 'alcoholic' or 'alcoholism'. There are medical criteria, psychological criteria, there are spiritual criteria.

There is one group of people who are not alcoholic, by any definition. This group consists of people that never drink. Are you ready to join them?

fini

There is one group of people who are not alcoholic, by any definition. This group consists of people that never drink

can't agree with you there, freshstart.

i didn't stop being an alcoholic when i stopped drinking.