Warhawk

I need to get to a meeting tomorrow. However, I have a bad taste in my mouth about the last few I went to.
It seems the court system around here is "sentencing" DUI offenders to AA meetings. So, these are folks who aren't truly seeking sobriety, but instead are serving out a punishment.
I feel this ruins the program and robs us real AA's the privacy & support we need.
My work shirts bear my employer's logo. I'm even considering taking an extra shirt with me so none of these impostor AA's can "tattle" on me to my employer or co-workers.
Keep in mind that I struggle with anxiety equally as bad as I do booze...AM I MAKING TOO BIG AN ISSUE OF THIS?
I am literally losing sleep over this.

EndGameNYC

Just bring another shirt.

Most folks who are court mandated to meetings don't give a damn who's there or what's happening.

BarbieKen

Hi Warhawk,
I can only share my opinion with you. For me (sober 9 + months) I just love going to meetings. It's a crazy mix of people at any meeting. When we were in Vegas last week on vacation, someone extremely famous came into the meeting 10 minutes before the end. My husband and I have no knowledge if this person is seeking sobriety or is going because of court requirements. It's wonderful that anybody with a desire to quit drinking can just come to a free meeting. My recovery is between me and my HP....not who comes in 'n out of meetings. Or their "motivatation". Just my thoughts. Bobbi

Grungehead

If it's an open meeting I don't have a problem with it since anyone can attend an open meeting for any reason. If it's a closed meeting I would have a problem if they didn't meet the requirement for membership, a desire to stop drinking. One cool thing I have seen in the last 2 months is two different "paper signers" that are still coming to meetings even after their obligation has been met.

Boleo

I travel an extra 30 minutes to find a meeting that I am comfortable with. However, I hope to some day become detached enough from my expectations to be comfortable anywhere.

"All expectations are seeds for resentment".

(Chuang Tzu)

BarbieKen

I hope you find that peace that will allow you to go anywhere you want. My husband will be 8 years in December. Me? 10 months in a bit over a week. My BIL has over 17! I can recall the feeling of shame, the wanting to say "shhhh" when they both openly shared their experiences. The jokes that they made about their alcoholism. I did not "get it". I was so embarrassed for ME.
Instead of being detached, as you say, I feel whole (sounds weird), I am owning that I am an addict. Everybody who knew me got that fact....when the lightbulb came on for me...what a HUGE RELIEF! Bobbi

Mountainmanbob

FeenixxRising

Are you sure that's true of all of them? Do you know this for a fact? Some may "truly" be seeking sobriety. Yes, they may have been court-ordered into the program, but they may have decided they've had enough of "the life" and really want to get better. They may have decided they will make the best of a bad situation. There are many long-term members in my groups who were originally court-ordered.

I'd just change my shirt and try to keep an open mind. If they aren't disruptive or intrusive, I don't see too much of a problem.

Mountainmanbob

Lenina

war hawk, You might try going to Step Study meetings. I found more people seeking a deeper meaning to sobriety there. Find the people who are actually working the program of AA and see where they go to meetings. I was so confused my first year of sobriety, I felt most connected to my rehab program after care support groups. You ask around, maybe call the
AA GSO and see if they can help you. I hate that I'm saying this but avoid Newcomer meetings, they get too crazy if you're in need of AA. no offense, just my personal experience.

Love from Lenina

redflags

I have a couple of guys in my home group that were originally court ordered & had no desire of sobriety... And now each of them has over 3 years. They are the two most inspiring young men & lots of newcomers are drawn to them. They can relate & I appreciate it. Watching what they do to be of maximum service & carry the AA message helps me.

I also like a variety of meetings - Big Book, Step Studies & Speaker Meetings. I drive 30 miles for a meeting once a week just because there's a lot of sobriety & great speakers. :-)

Best wishes!

seahorse661

I understand. One of the meetings I attend is held in the hall of the rehab centre in my city. The patients are required to attend as part of their treatment. Very few pay any attention, they talk to each other, some sleep and it's really distracting.

I like the speakers and the fellowship of the AAs in that meeting though, so I keep going. I also attend meetings at other groups to balance it out.

GracieLou

I was the chipmunk and the secretary last night and I guess this is my new job. Love how they just pass that on to ya..lol

Anyway, I signed a lot of papers last night. Not all are court ordered. Some where outpatient from a treatment center. Now maybe they got in treatment due to court order, not sure, but it does not really matter.

I would say half are people I see there regularly. They are making an effort. They share at meetings and they make comments after the lead. Some have more sobriety than me. I don't think it really matters how you get there, it is that you are there. What you do with it after you get there is up to the individual.

Change your shirt if you want. Some people come straight from work with work related clothing. However, I don't see people rushing up and noticing this about them and the only thing it does for me is give me your name if it happens to be on your shirt.

I highly doubt some court ordered person is going to notice and think "Hey that guy/gal works at ABC company. I can't wait to get over there and blab to their boss/coworkers. If they are really alcoholics that are court ordered and not in any way wanting the program then they are heading to the bar or liquor store after the meeting, not to your job.

ersatzmatriarch

change your shirt. try out different meetings.

for me, i go to meetings for my own recovery... why other people are there is not my business.

now, while i fervently hope that everyone in the rooms gets a recovery program going, whether they do or don't, whether they want to be there or have to be there, whatever... i can't let that affect my own recovery. i know why i'm there, and my business is the only thing in life i can control. for everything else, i ask for the serenity to accept it, and move on with my own recovery...

Ptcapote

Hi Warhawk, thanks for this post and I get where you're coming from. A few random thoughts, though. Like redflags' story, there are two folks in my home group who came in as court-mandated and have now been there for over fifteen years. They are two of the brightest lights in the group and I can't help but think that in every AA room there is one or two people sitting there under court order who might be like these two. Lifesavers. I've only been in the rooms for six months but I too have seen people stick around after their mandated time had expired and that is always reason to celebrate since the primary purpose of AA is to also help other drunks get sober.

Finally, if someone recognizes you in a meeting and wants to blab...they are going to have to qualify that by stating that they themselves were in a meeting, you know? Most people don't "hang out" in AA without a reason for being there so by calling you out, they would of course be calling themselves out too.

Thanks again for the post and best wishes to you!!

Mountainmanbob

tomsteve

yup, you can see paper pushers at meetings. it happens. some of them really don't have a problem with alcohol. some of them do and are in denial. some of them have been waiting for the help appear.
I have seen AA plant a seed in quite a few paper pushers. they have came back when they were ready.

"I feel this ruins the program and robs us real AA's the privacy & support we need."
heres my opinion on this:
the program cant be hurt. the program is in the big book. any damage to AA has come from sober members who don't take the time to explain things to the newcomer.
theres 2 things to consider;
beings how each group is autonomous, what is the group conscience on the matter?
what would the master do?

2livesin1

I've heard people say that they were court mandated and they were only going to meetings until their case was over. Years later some of them came back to AA because they knew where the help was. Even though they may not seem interested now, I believe the exposure to the program is a positive thing.

I suggest you bring another shirt to save yourself from worrying.

Warhawk

Guess what???
I went to a new meeting today. I didn't change my shirt. I took a deep breath, walked in there and focused on what I was there for.
By the time the meeting was over, I decided that this was my new home group & I even started the process of getting a sponsor.
Matter of fact, I just got off the phone with him & for the 1st time in my 108 days sober, I feel like I'm not alone.
Goes to show what I would have missed out on if I let anxiety hold me hostage.
Can't wait to go to my meeting tomorrow.
all for your responses.

ersatzmatriarch

nicely done, warhawk!!! this is wonderful news...