Sally1009

Cant seem to post anymore. Must be a technical fault...

Sally1009

Oh ok. Technical fault resolved.. Mot so good today. Fine earlier, but got nausea and withdrawals this pm. Couldnt stand it, and had two bottles of wine. Feel terrified and trapped.. Like The Beatles song; Wish there was a way to get back homeward..

Sapling

That doesn't sound good...What's the next plan Sally?...You really need a medical detox...Where are you getting this wine from anyway?...Do you have a lot in the house?

Sally1009

Sapling: i have a shop within walking distance. I dont keep alcohol in the house. Think I need a home de-tox, so will call the doc tomorrow and ask again. Going to try to sleep now - it's 1am here, and hope by tomorrow the craving/ withdrawal will be gone.

Sapling

Good night Sally.

katrinka

Hi Sally, You will get good advice here on SR. I hope you can get the help you need, it seems you're running into a lot of red tape. I'm sorry about your husband.

Sally1009

Horrible withdrawals today. Doc refused to let me do a home de-tox because my own doctor is away this week. Hoping to feel well enough for a meeting tonight. Thank you all so much for your support everyone.

Sapling

How you doing Sally?....You hanging in there?

Sally1009

Yes thanks, Sapling. Got a temp doc to finally give me a few extra Librium, so thats helping, though my heart is racing. Feeling very blue though. Life doesnt hold much meaning, especially if this is how its going to go on..

Sapling

If you stop drinking...You won't feel that way...You know what AA is about...Why don't you give your all to it...Get a sponsor and put in the work to do those steps...That works Sally...That's why I'm here. You have to make this happen...For you. Start Living!

Sally1009

Well, I have stopped the drinking at last. I do want to get back to AA, it just seems so hard, like a boat that is sailing away into the distance with me frantically trying to paddle up to it.
I know its the only way out, but there's this uncanny resistance, which I suppose is the disease talking.

Sapling

That might have something to do with it....Do you still have a sponsor?

Sally1009

Not really. I think I have mentioned it before, she was terribly controlling, always putting me down, hypercritical, negative. And for me, worst of all, a religious fanatic. She said she wasnt religious, but she mentioned God every 3rd word, was always getting me to pray etc.
So you're right, I need a new one. But I'm going to take my time choosing!

Sapling

As long as you get one Sally...Find one that will take you through the steps...The sooner the batter.....Announce in a meeting what you are looking for....It will make a big difference Sally...And no walks to that shop today...I want to see you make it.

desertsong

For some reason, Sally, you have really touched my heart. Your pain is palpable in these posts. But I also hear very clearly that you want a better life. We want that for you too. The first days are incredibly rough (I'm there myself right now), but you can get through it. The meetings really do help and are even better when you have the right sponsor. When you're depressed and feeling alone, the fellowship and support in the meetings can be just what you need. There is much support here too (as you've seen from Sapling .... he's a good soul).

I'm pulling for you, kiddo.

Sally1009

Thank you Desertsong, for your kind words. It's hard, isn't it, this de-toxing business? What day are you on? Are you in AA? Pulling for you too x

desertsong

It is hard. I had to detox in the hospital this last time. Ugh. This is my fourth time getting sober over the past year. I had almost 60 days sober until my birthday a couple of weeks ago and then relapsed after thinking I could have "just a couple" glasses of wine to celebrate. Yeah, right! So I'm on Day 9 today. That first week was tough ... but I'm glad you have something to help you. When I detoxed at home previously, I took Librium as well and it was a godsend. The first three days are the toughest ... it will get better from there. Just hang in there and know we are thinking of you and pulling for you. Any time you want to chat or need support, please feel free to PM me. xx

desertsong

And yes, I'm in AA.

Sally1009

Woken up with fireball of anxiety in my solar plexus. Day one for me again.

2granddaughters

I know the feeling, just paddle and keep paddling back to AA.

You will get what you need there, not necessarily what you want.

Wishing you the best.

Bob R