Back to Black
Sally1009
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 467
Back to Black
Oh dear, thought I'd finally beaten it. But yesterday I hit a ten on the depression/grief scale...so I relapsed, despite all my best intentions. Ended up in hospital with terrible back pains. No one examined me- I was just left in a side room with a tank of gas and air. Discharged at 4pm, and had to pay £60 for a tAxi home.
Drinking again today..not what I want, but its the only way I cN blot out the scary and heartbreaking images of my dead husband.
Now Im terrified I cant get back-and part of me
doesnt want to, as life has no meaning without my Andrew. But this isnt really how I want to go..
Drinking again today..not what I want, but its the only way I cN blot out the scary and heartbreaking images of my dead husband.
Now Im terrified I cant get back-and part of me
doesnt want to, as life has no meaning without my Andrew. But this isnt really how I want to go..
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by Sally1009 
But this isnt really how I want to go..
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
I feel your pain. I have sympathy and empathy for you now.
Wouldn't Andrew want you to be alive in this realm and live fully without the crutch of alcohol? I do know the pain you are going through. I've been totally in love 3 times and my life has surpassed all 3 of theirs. It hurts, but alcohol has yet to bring anyone back and I refuse to waste more time wallowing in self pity than I already have.
What about a grief support group? Isolating with a glass is not living, it's existing, barely.
Be alive for you! for your grandson, your children
With great love & hugs,
Wouldn't Andrew want you to be alive in this realm and live fully without the crutch of alcohol? I do know the pain you are going through. I've been totally in love 3 times and my life has surpassed all 3 of theirs. It hurts, but alcohol has yet to bring anyone back and I refuse to waste more time wallowing in self pity than I already have.
What about a grief support group? Isolating with a glass is not living, it's existing, barely.
Be alive for you! for your grandson, your children
With great love & hugs,
Sally1009
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 467
Thank you...yes youre rightAndrew would want me well..Im so grateful I was sober during his illness. Yesterday was a very bad day-I wanted to die.all the daffodils are out now, and they remind me of his last few days in the hospice. I do want to stop, for his sake, for mine, for my children and grandson.
I will go to the doctor tomorrow and ask about home detox/possibly rehab.
I will go to the doctor tomorrow and ask about home detox/possibly rehab.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
That's all you can do Sally...Just keep moving forward...Talk with your doctor...Use this site for support...We'll see if we can get a plan going where you can stop this for good...For all of them...For all of us..And most important...For you...You can do this Sally...And we'll do it together...
AA member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: United Kingdom.
Posts: 3,007
Glad you have a plan sally and it sounds a good one.I lost my husband several years before I got sober,all the time I continued to drink it all got worse.Today I am nearly 9years sober and I love my life more than I ever did.
Wishing you well.This is doable.
Wishing you well.This is doable.
High on Life
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Been to Hell and Back
Posts: 1,157
Everything time you pick up, the road to sobriety just becomes longer with twists and turns. Drinking isn't healing your grief about your dead husband, it just masking the pain. It will be there when you sober up, if you sober up. I haven't read too much of this thread and don't know much about your story, but have you tried going to a grief therapist? Obviously you realized, it's your underlying feelings about your husband that make you drink, so you need to work on those, if you want to have any chance at sobriety.
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