Guidence please
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Detroit michigan
Posts: 25
Guidence please
Hello to all,
I am so new to this so please be patient. I have come to terms with the fact that I am one messed up dude. I've been wanting to have a normal mind set for a very long time. However this life I've had for the past twenty years keeps getting in the way. I have a great family, good job, no criminal problems, live in a good neighborhood with good schools, have great credit and three of the best children you could ever ask for, but when the day ends and the night begins, it's there, it's always there, calling to me to drink. It has gotten so bad that I can't even go into my basement without wanting to open a beer. I feel like a vampire hiding in my cave, alone with my diease, drinking or craving it when the sun goes down. I don't even remember what normal is like anymore, since about age 20 it's been like this. I self medicate, and have always put bandaids on my problems. I work in the field of law enforcement, which you don't go to rehab (however i believe would really help me) you don't talk about it with coworkers, or supervisors. You just pretend all is well and continue the cycle. Not to sure what to do at this point....
I am so new to this so please be patient. I have come to terms with the fact that I am one messed up dude. I've been wanting to have a normal mind set for a very long time. However this life I've had for the past twenty years keeps getting in the way. I have a great family, good job, no criminal problems, live in a good neighborhood with good schools, have great credit and three of the best children you could ever ask for, but when the day ends and the night begins, it's there, it's always there, calling to me to drink. It has gotten so bad that I can't even go into my basement without wanting to open a beer. I feel like a vampire hiding in my cave, alone with my diease, drinking or craving it when the sun goes down. I don't even remember what normal is like anymore, since about age 20 it's been like this. I self medicate, and have always put bandaids on my problems. I work in the field of law enforcement, which you don't go to rehab (however i believe would really help me) you don't talk about it with coworkers, or supervisors. You just pretend all is well and continue the cycle. Not to sure what to do at this point....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 57
Hi Hope!
Welcome to the Boards, I think you posting here is a great start....and I can totally relate on all aspects of your drinking patterns, sounds like me to a T.
If you are interested in rehab could you check into out-patient? I go myself, it's three nights per week for three hours and Phase I goes for two months. I did this on my own using my insurance, the folks at work don't have any idea what I'm up to nor is it their business.
Welcome to the Boards, I think you posting here is a great start....and I can totally relate on all aspects of your drinking patterns, sounds like me to a T.
If you are interested in rehab could you check into out-patient? I go myself, it's three nights per week for three hours and Phase I goes for two months. I did this on my own using my insurance, the folks at work don't have any idea what I'm up to nor is it their business.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: North America
Posts: 1,628
Hi brother 
Congrads on doing so well at so much, and thanks for being a good person. It is good that you recognize this important flaw that threatens all you have worked so hard for and much, it seems, of what you believe in. You would be surprised at the rates of alcohol abuse to be found in law enforcement (i.e., Alcohol abuse in policing: prevention strategies | FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin,The | Find Articles).
The above artical has some suggestions and background info that you can expand on. In meantime, this thought experiement might be of use:
1. Imagine that due to the laws of probabilty, you found yourself with alcohol still in your system in the early morning hours. Imagine an event occurs that brings you to the attention of your formal system (even though you do not feel intoxicated and you have attempted to do all the right things). This would put you in a pickle.....
2. Imagine that due to inforeseen circumstances, an evening event occurs where, again, alcohol is identified in your system.
In both of these cases, you might find yourself forced into being more open about your alcohol use concerns. In both of these cases, your professional position would be much weaker then if you were more open without such events forcing you to be so.
I know things vary from department to department, just wanted you to consider that.
Beyond this, I hope you stick around and read up on the site; there is a lot of good info here. You have taken the critical first step of seeing an issue and wanting a change, the challange now is to turn it into something more.
Best Regards~~~
Congrads on doing so well at so much, and thanks for being a good person. It is good that you recognize this important flaw that threatens all you have worked so hard for and much, it seems, of what you believe in. You would be surprised at the rates of alcohol abuse to be found in law enforcement (i.e., Alcohol abuse in policing: prevention strategies | FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin,The | Find Articles).
The above artical has some suggestions and background info that you can expand on. In meantime, this thought experiement might be of use:
1. Imagine that due to the laws of probabilty, you found yourself with alcohol still in your system in the early morning hours. Imagine an event occurs that brings you to the attention of your formal system (even though you do not feel intoxicated and you have attempted to do all the right things). This would put you in a pickle.....
2. Imagine that due to inforeseen circumstances, an evening event occurs where, again, alcohol is identified in your system.
In both of these cases, you might find yourself forced into being more open about your alcohol use concerns. In both of these cases, your professional position would be much weaker then if you were more open without such events forcing you to be so.
I know things vary from department to department, just wanted you to consider that.
Beyond this, I hope you stick around and read up on the site; there is a lot of good info here. You have taken the critical first step of seeing an issue and wanting a change, the challange now is to turn it into something more.
Best Regards~~~
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi Hopeless
Welcome
I'm not one, but we have a few police or ex police here so I hope you'll hear from them.
If rehabs not an option how do you feel about something like AA or another recovery meeting based group like SMART? There are non meeting based options too like Rational Recovery.
You'll definitely find support here anyway - sometimes a little support can really make all the difference to that commitment to change
D
Welcome
I'm not one, but we have a few police or ex police here so I hope you'll hear from them.
If rehabs not an option how do you feel about something like AA or another recovery meeting based group like SMART? There are non meeting based options too like Rational Recovery.
You'll definitely find support here anyway - sometimes a little support can really make all the difference to that commitment to change
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Central Texas
Posts: 223
Hi Hopeless,
Welcome to SR!
Lots of good support here. You may want to check out the class of March 2012, for those working on sobriety this month.
I also work in a field that has rampant substance abuse problems/potential, but everyone pretends they are fine and have everything under control. Having a place to not pretend is really helpful.
Welcome to SR!
Lots of good support here. You may want to check out the class of March 2012, for those working on sobriety this month.
I also work in a field that has rampant substance abuse problems/potential, but everyone pretends they are fine and have everything under control. Having a place to not pretend is really helpful.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: in the shadow of the rockies
Posts: 338
just gonna echo the above advice - have seen lots of professions represented at meetings- including high ranking judiciary. If you are in a large town, you might still think about a meeting. Frankly, if I know a co worker is getting help , my reaction is: support and respect.
You, maybe even more than most, know the inevitable consequences [in NA we say: "jails, institutions and death"] in AA we call it the YET: You Eventually Too
But it DOES NOT HAVE TO BE THIS WAY- many of us here are living proof. Good luck.
You, maybe even more than most, know the inevitable consequences [in NA we say: "jails, institutions and death"] in AA we call it the YET: You Eventually Too
But it DOES NOT HAVE TO BE THIS WAY- many of us here are living proof. Good luck.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi upward
to start your own thread - to tell your story. ask a question, or start a new topic - use the big blue New Thread button
at the top left hand side of the main page of every forum - in this case
Alcoholism - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Otherwise, if you have something to add to existing threads, keep posting like you are
to start your own thread - to tell your story. ask a question, or start a new topic - use the big blue New Thread button
at the top left hand side of the main page of every forum - in this case
Alcoholism - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Otherwise, if you have something to add to existing threads, keep posting like you are
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Detroit michigan
Posts: 25
Just checking in.....
Well I've been reading a lot, I understand it, but I don't like it! 5 days sober now, really want to drink though...
I just cannot wrap my brain around NEVER AGAIN. Everything in my life has been tied to drinking in some form or fashion, I'm afraid to fail at this...I'm afraid to keep it up...
Guess I'm hitting the rack soon and will wake up to face day 6. I should be happy about that, but I'm not... Hope I will be one day soon though.
Well I've been reading a lot, I understand it, but I don't like it! 5 days sober now, really want to drink though...
I just cannot wrap my brain around NEVER AGAIN. Everything in my life has been tied to drinking in some form or fashion, I'm afraid to fail at this...I'm afraid to keep it up...
Guess I'm hitting the rack soon and will wake up to face day 6. I should be happy about that, but I'm not... Hope I will be one day soon though.
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
Hopeless, if you can't do "never again" yet, then just do "today." I'm in early sobriety too, and while I know I can never drink again FOREVER, I'm not yet at a place where I can wrap my brain around that either because drinking was part of my life for so long. That doesn't mean I think or want to drink at some point down the road, it just means that for right now, the best I can think about is today. And if I do this EVERY day, then it will eventually add up to "never again."
Five days is awesome and Day 6 will be even better. You can do this - hang tough, my friend. We're here for ya!
Five days is awesome and Day 6 will be even better. You can do this - hang tough, my friend. We're here for ya!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Washington
Posts: 176
Hang in there....you are going to wake up tomorrow on day 6 and feel totaly different about it. If you cant do it for you today or tomorrow on day 6, then do it for your 3 kids. You really want this. You said you are sick of putting a bandaid over your problems, drinking is putting that bandaid back on. You don't want to do that. I know you don't. Stay strong. WOO HOO on day 5!!!
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by Hopeless71 
... I work in the field of law enforcement, which you don't go to rehab (however i believe would really help me) you don't talk about it with coworkers, or supervisors. You just pretend all is well and continue the cycle. Not to sure what to do at this point....
Random Guy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: America
Posts: 2,034
Hopeless,
Trust me I know a thing or two about working in a proffesion where alcohol use and abuse is almost encouraged and revealing yourself to have a problem just dosen't happen. Not the police but one could certainly assume that there are some definet similarities. In fact unless you get in trouble because of alcohol you are free to drink with impunity. Most of my coworkers knew (to some extent) how much and often I drank but as long as I showed up and did my job "no problem". I am tackeling this on my own now to and have 5 days behind me. This is after 4 months of trying. Thought I would just say that and tell you you aren't alone brother, though it sounds like you know that already.
Trust me I know a thing or two about working in a proffesion where alcohol use and abuse is almost encouraged and revealing yourself to have a problem just dosen't happen. Not the police but one could certainly assume that there are some definet similarities. In fact unless you get in trouble because of alcohol you are free to drink with impunity. Most of my coworkers knew (to some extent) how much and often I drank but as long as I showed up and did my job "no problem". I am tackeling this on my own now to and have 5 days behind me. This is after 4 months of trying. Thought I would just say that and tell you you aren't alone brother, though it sounds like you know that already.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Welcome!!
Alcoholism has no boundaries, it doesn't discriminate, and you aren't the only one in your field to have this problem. Try a program, any program, and work it to save your life!
You aren't alone anymore!
Glad you are here!
Alcoholism has no boundaries, it doesn't discriminate, and you aren't the only one in your field to have this problem. Try a program, any program, and work it to save your life!
You aren't alone anymore!
Glad you are here!
SHARING THE LOAD
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: In the Slowlane
Posts: 878
Thanks for droping by the old recovery locker room.You will get many varied suggestions here and I would suggest some good old spring
cleaning in your basement. Dump all that beer out and take a break from the man cave
for a while.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
The forever thing is one of the addictions key tricks to undermine resolve. There is a way to peace, through getting past the early tough times. Tomorrow never comes, it,s always now. I found reading the big book free online very helpful early on.
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