ontherightpath

Passed out in the bar I work next too, was a 6 block ride home (the owner drove me), and it took nearly an hour for me to find my own house.

Numerous cab rides not remembering a single thing.

Acting a drunken fool in front of my kids.

Passing out at the neighbors house and waking up at 5 am in the same spot I "just had to lay my head down for a minute"

Going to work at 8 am after starting drinking at 6, because my coffee pot wasn't working. I was in the verge of a hangover and that couldn't happen so I hit the sauce

And last but not least--- living in denial for so many years and then thinking I could go back to it, like a normal person.

I am here sober today by the grace of god.

wheresthefun

^YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I only had two black outs, both while in my 20s, I had and still have zero recollection of what happened, although I do remember my now ex asking me what drugs I had taken the night before (for the record, I hadn't taken any drugs, just lots and lots and lots of alcohol). That was almost 30 years ago.

As my drinking went on, it was normal to not fully grasp what happened the night before, you know having to watch a DVRed showed four times, and still not sure if you could recall the whole episode???? BUT, those two black outs were true black outs, there's no jogging the memory and saying, "oh I did do that, didn't I." Or, waking up in the morning and saying, "how did I get these bruises all over my body? Oh yeah, I tried to change a light bulb, while standing on a swivel stool - at 2:00AM."

Being that I continued to drink for more than two decades, it's amazing that I never had another true black out.

joshlyman

I ruined my reputation with coworkers and friends and worst of all I lost my self respect and dignity.

lunar

I don't remember

Duffster

Me too! After 20+ years of blackouts they become a way of life. In college, our morning routine was to sit around and try to put the pieces of the prior night together, including where the car of whoever drove was parked. Nice.

There are so many but some of the highlights:
-passing out under a tree in the middle of the night in Budapest - not sure how I got there or what happened before that;
-passing out in Penn Station, somehow getting on a train and waking up in the wrong county;
-Going to start my car and realizing the under carriage was totaled - no idea how;
-Losing my engagement ring - apparently I threw it at my husband in a drunken fight

Oh there are so many more, and much worse than that tiny list, but it's painful to look back on them. Never again.

Ryno03272009

So many horrible things occurred during blackouts for me because I wouldn't drink if I wasn't going to drink enough to black out...

On one occasion my best friend at the time invited me over to his house which was FOR SALE while his parents were away for a "few beers." A few beers got boring for me and him so I suggested we have more people over. He agreed but didnt want it to be a "party." Long story short... I invited some people and then we drank then more people we drank and i blacked out and invited close to 100 people to a 1family 2br house.

I dragged a couch with another person from the 2nd floor down a narrow stair case to the celler where I priceeded to put large holes in the drywall with the couch along the way.

I got into a fight with someone there. I knocked someone out by swinging my best friends wooden "family rocking chair" which caused it to break.... my friend kicked me out and locked door but I had beers still inside I wanted. i yelled in anger asking for my beers but people refused to give tgem to me or let me inside. I broke down (kicked) his door and punched him sever times. I got my beer and went out to my truck with a "friend" I invited that night.

As I was getting into my truck to leave, my best friend at tge time whos house I was at came running out of his house his his baseball bat. (He was a baseball player who hit avg of 350rbi) I blew donuts (drove in circles at fast pace) in his families nice green lawn outside and ripped up the lawn real bad. He smashed his bat my my truck so I hit him with it and drove off and about 15 miles of wooded roads home (drinking the entire way.

My amends have been made to him and his family since getting sober but to this day we are not best friends and his family will never think the same of me again.

SoberHoopsFan

Sometimes it's good to recall these things as a way to stay sober. Over the past decade, the below has happened to me in blackouts:

- Driven and not remembered driving
- Forgot where I left my car
- Woke up in handcuffs on a curb being accused of things by the police I don't remember doing
- Woke up in a jailcell
- Sent texts to friends, family, and exes, saying the absolute most awful stuff, unforgivable stuff
- Picked fights with those weaker than me
- Picked a fight with someone way stronger who punched me and fractured my cheekbone and eye socket (requiring major surgery)
- Unprotected sex
- Woke up next to women I don't remember meeting, some of whom I would never be attracted to in sobriety
- Woke up in different city/town than I started in, no recollection how I got there
- Maxed out a credit card purchasing a $6,000 TV and other useless items
- Vandalized property

The list goes on. That's why I can never drink again, or that will keep happening, probably until I'm dead.

Try18

This thread sends shivers down my spine but has got me thinking. I became a blackout drinker almost every time I drank. Hospitalised several times, put myself in danger on a regular basis, humiliated myself and family and friends, long phone calls telling elaborate and pointless lies, shoplifting booze (how I never got arrested is beyond me). my mother once found me two streets away from her house lying semi conscious in the middle of the road in the dark in the rain in my pyjamas. How I got there no idea, how a car never drove over me a miracle. This list just the tip of the iceberg.

Would never do any of that sober. Complete Jekyll and Hyde. Frightening.

Grungehead

I was living in a small town about an hour away from the city I grew up in. I drove to the city to meet friends and party at the bars. I was driving back home and somehow ended up in a different state when I came out of my blackout and had no idea where I was at. I had to stop at a all night convenient store to ask where exactly I was at.

Another time I went with my best friend to a party and we dropped some acid and were drinking heavily. I went out for some cigarettes and the next thing I know my BF's brother was waking me up to tell me my BF was on the phone and was pissed. I used to crash at my BF's house on the sofa regularly after partying hard and apparently after getting cigarettes I drove to his house and crashed, leaving him at the party.

There were others but those two were the scariest since I was driving and don't remember doing so at all.

Ken33xx

I fell down the stair and banged my head (needed stiches.) Did this twice.

Was arrested for public drunkenness twice.

Also passed out a few times while cooking.

Most of my blackouts were embarrassments where others would let me know the next day they were pissed off.

When I ended up getting sober no one who knew me when I was drinking ever said, "You stopped? Why?"

GwenCummings

There are many. One in particular sticks in my mind.

I was 18 years old, away from home for the first time, at college. I woke up on my bed fully clothed including my coat. (It was winter and freezing outside.) Both my legs were encased in thick mud up to my knees. I was and still am totally baffled by this. Later in the day the college chaplain sought me out and started trying to converse with me about the night before. I had never knowingly met him in my life. I was very rude to him and sent him away. I have told this as an "amusing story" all my life since then . (34 years.) The reality is that I could have fallen outside and died of hypothermia. I was rude to a good man who tried to help me.

I was 18 years old. Someone's daughter. Someone's brother. Someone's friend. It just makes me feel very sad now.

LBrain

I said something...

rlxsn

I'm told by my SO that there is no such thing as a blackout and that I use it as an excuse. As if i'm not disgusted enough with myself by what I'm told I did, I was told that I'm lying about not remembering.

Katsmeeyow

I've heard that too. Either they don't want to hear any "excuses" or acknowledge it, or they have never experienced a blackout.

Kllme

So many things, but another one besides throwing a brick at a cop car was in Washington DC I used to always pee off the balcony on people when drunk while yelling racial slurs. And I always pissed in cabs. I was a true ********

mburnsc

unsafe sex, including prostitutes
walking home in the dead of winter for 3 hours with just a sweater on
drugs galore
asking, buying and using drugs in a public place
hitting on my friends girlfriend
fighting my friends
attempting to drive cars that i had no keys to
almost driving my friends cars when i have no license and im 20 beers in
ending up places i would never be sober
spending insane amounts of money

nymets86

I'm not sure if the brownouts or blackouts are the worst. To be honest, I'm not quite sure I know the difference. I guess maybe I brown out more than blackout, but when I remember brownouts, it's a few flash frames and some vague idea of what I might have been talking about. Hopefully if I feel a relapse coming, or have one and want a reminder about why I need to get right back on the wagon......

-Woken up in jail twice, both definitely blackouts. Once just allowed to leave, which was shocking since I was 20 at the time and had been cited (while sober) for possessing alcohol 10 months before. Once was on New Year's Day. Um, that was fantastic, ugh. I had friends staying at my apartment who had no clue where I was. I was sitting in a cell in manhattan with NO CLUE what I'd done. I was bruised up badly, but somehow had not pissed myself or ripped my clothes, which was about the only positive. Turns out I'd been busted for urinating in public (probably why I didn't later pee myself in jail.) wound up doing community service on one of the coldest days in NY history.

-Woke up in a hospital after a rangers game. Had gone with some coworkers and last thing I remember was taking pickle back shots after the game. Very vaguely remember trying to get a cab or maybe get on the subway. Had pissed myself in the hospital bed, which broke my phone. Shamefully went to the store to get it replaced and said the water damage was from a spilled beer. Had to pay $200 for the phone and $550 for the ambulance. Over a year ago now and the hospital never billed me since they apparently had the wrong name. I felt bad and tried to correct it days later, but I guess I got lucky on even more embarrassment with that. Oh, and I lost a shoe, so I walked home from the hospital with some splint for people with broken feet. Oh, and I had my computer from work with me and the screen was smashed. Somehow, nobody I know saw this happen. But wow, that was scary. Easily coulda fallen in the train tracks, been hit by a car, etc.

I have more, but I'll stop there for now.

As someone said earlier, the embarrassment/shame is horrible after an episode and then simply not knowing what I said and if my friends will be mad at me is just anxiety inducing as hell.

W2782

Oh lord.. shameful, horrible things.

In no particular order:

-Didn't want to go to work, so tore up my own face so I could make an excuse like I was robbed. Got fired because apparently I "smelled like a distillery"

- Ran around my friend's house completely naked because it was too hot. I don't remember this at all.

- Woke up next to women I don't remember

- Woke up next to a man.. twice... wtf?

- Lots of unprotected sex

- Spent ENDLESS amounts of money on booze

- My GF at the time wasn't picking up the phone so in protest I got a kitchen knife and cut my arm open, and sent her the picture. She sent it to my friend who lived 7 blocks away and he almost broke my door down and took me to the ER. As he was getting me out of the house I did drugs and had to finish a huge gulper of vodka before I went. Im so embarrassed about that. AT THE HOSPITAL I was hitting on the doctor, and making her extremely uncomfortable. Then I was hitting on the nurse.. 6 stitches later...

- One night listened to music in my old apt, and downstairs neighbor banged up. It was 2 am, and I was in such a drunken rage, I remember standing up on my table and jumping down onto the floor to shake her out of her sleep. I wrote a 8 page handwritten letter to her and shoved it under her door, and rang her bell for 20 seconds at almost 3 am.

- Woken up in strange places, in strange positions, and almost always lied, talked for hours about nonsense the night before, or pretended to be someone I wasn't, only to have to deal with the lies and BS the next day.

- Usual text message and phone call horror you look at the next day.

The sad thing about all this is, it just makes you want to drink more... or at least I did back then... The guilt and shame and loss of dignity is a very hard hurdle to overcome, although threads like this help get it out, so it does help.

~W

dollpart

Some things too horrible to talk about.

degadar

That's exactly what I was going to say.