constable80

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constable80

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jamdls

Accepting and admitting the fact that I did black out when I drank was the only thing that got me to quit drinking. I didn't drink every day and very rarely drank 2 days in a row, the hangovers were too horendous so "I couldn't really have a problem"...; but 98% of the time when I drank I would black out. I don't even remember taking the first drink of my last drunken night and I wound up in the hospital for a week due to a prescription drug overdose that could of/should of killed me, the drugs burned a hole in my liver and my liver was failing. I have no idea why I took the meds, the entire evening is blacked out. I don't think that was the 'worst thing' I did while in a blackout but thankfully it was the final thing.

OceanSize

the last thing i did in a blackout is all i can "recall"

i verbally abused my bf of 2.5 yrs while in a blackout just when had just fallen back in love. but then i drank, on a day i didn't plan to drink, and i blew it. in a blackout.

it has taken a lot of work and continues to take work to begin to understand how to forgive myself for hurting someone i love. however, i have to be grateful for this, and i am, because as a result i am sober. and haven't had a drink in 113 days, trying super hard to live in each moment. I didn't do it for him, i did it for me, because i never want to feel that level of shame and pain again. One too many hangovers. for 20 years.

one too many vicodin, too.

it was a 5-6 hour blackout.

basically, i think i've likely done many many terrible things in the midst of a blackout but when it came up to smack me in place and turned into my bottom (whatever "it" was) it had to be the worst, because it sprung me into action. and most of my actions, until recently have been fear based and highly reactionary.

I am screwing up still, but a lot is also different; reactions are in check. I'm finishing step 4. going to a meeting tonight. i go to a very early early meeting every morning.

something is different. I wake up and meditate. i get on my knees to stretch and pray. i breathe. i think about higher power more than i ever thought i might, and i don't believe in any traditional sense of a bearded man in a chair or his son.

so i guess what i'm saying is, regardless of the worst thing i did in a blackout (and there were many blackouts) is also the thing that got me where i am now, which is sober and alive, feeling more purposeful and capable in some way. even when i feel depressed (which i definitely feel a bit of today - i feel the sting of loss) i still have "new tools"

it's cheesy to say these phrases i.e. "new tools" but um...it's true. i do have new tools. when i use them, i feel better. different. alive. when i was blacking out i was trying to die.

AcceptingChange

This is true for me too. I almost never drank on weekdays. Friday night was usually my habit. I wouldn't black out 98% of the time. More like 5 times a year. BUT, a blackout is
(a) dangerous & scary
(b) something people never forget
(c) makes every drinking occasion a game of russian roulette.

Burned into my head is the day-after looks i'd get from a couple friends (now acquaintances) looking at me the next day.

Vanilla28

wow this sounds just like i was. right down to limiting what i drank with other people, then going home and drinking alone. i was always a lone wolf drinker too.

i did have a couple nights out though where i was driving and could have killed myself or other people. one specifically i remember was turning too short on a left hand turn and driving into oncoming trafic for a while...till i realized what was going on, then thinking my lowered honda civic could jump the meridian back to the side where i was supposed to be...didnt work, my cars undercariage got stuck so i coiuldnt get off.

glad i dont do scary stupid irresponsible stuff like that anymore. that was a major gut check point for me. still makes me sick to think about how i could have killed someone.

Vanilla28

also, xmas eve drinking too much and having to stay at my sisters sister-in-laws place (slept on the couch) and woke up in the morning soaking wet...i had peed in my sleep all over their nice couch....got up, too hungover to be completely mortified, flipped the couch cushions and left. :/

i have alot more embarrasing stories like that..but i will keep them to myself lol

collegegirl

Was in DC on business, took the train to see a friend in Baltimore for the weekend. Left my phone on the train. Went to a bar with a group of people, vaguely remember going back to my friend's house for the night... next think I know I'm in the middle of the street, with my purse and overnight bag, in a shady part of Baltimore. Knocked on doors until some teenagers answered. We tried calling a cab, no one would come at that time of night. I even drunkenly looked up my hotel and called them, asking for them to send a car (they didn't). I paid the kids 300 dollars to drive me to DC and drop me off in front of the White House (because I couldn't remember where my hotel was). Finally stumbled into my hotel at about 7am.

That could have turned out much worse.

AcceptingChange

Ugh, this same thing happened to me. I was in a bad neighborhood, lost on the buses. One time i just walked off a bus into a terrible neighborhood. I was standing on the corner, and i vaguely remember one, then two, 20 somethings starting at me. I really feel they were going to jump me. I saw a bus going the other way and ran in front of it and caught it. I had my cell phone in my pocket, but i never thought to use it. I was completely vulnerable, my mind unusable, intelligence disabled. What an effing mess i was. It took me hours to get home. When i think of it, i shudder.

Mavis1

I don't remember, I was in a blackout.

Elphaba

Being detained after a flight for drunken misconduct. What a way to start a vacation! Once released I couldn't get to the bar fast enough.

TheOjibway84

That is kind of hard to describe what my worst was. Everytime I drank and blacked out alot of things would happen. Family-wise..... My parents went away on vacation for the weekend and I was gaining their trust again with not drinking. Well my brother who was living at home too was out for the day with his ex girlfriend (then girlfriend) and they came home and saw me plastered. What happened was I figured I could drink without anyone ever knowing. I had it all planned in my head. 1) work my shift to 5pm 2) Stop by the liquor store and buy stuff since no one will be home until my brother gets home very late at night 3) Have a few rounds and play PS3 4) Go to bed before brother gets home 4) Sleep. Well it ended up being work till 5pm go to the Liquor store and buying a crap load of booze and promising myself I'd only have a few. I nearly drank everything and while playing ps3 got bored and decided after being drunk to go to the bar I haven't been to in awhile and play some pool. Got a taxi and went and drank even more there. I was goine from 7pm to 10pm. I was so plastered by the time I got home that I was blacked out by then and went to play more games and drink more booze, then my brother showed up and I didn't realize the time and he was yelling at me and such and I got agressive after he said he'd be telling our parents. Apparently I'd have none of that so I attacked him and we fought around the house. He pinned me down and held me down till I'd calm down but I kept saying Im Going to Kill You! I'd finally snapped out of it and was sent to bed and I unchanged only to go back out there and pick a fight again and this time he was so furious I ran to my room and slammed the door shut and he tried barging through but I put all my body weight into the door resulting the siding of the door to break... I was blamed for it and for sure deserved it despite knowing he was responsible for trying to get in my room. If I didnt drink that wouldn't have happened so I take full blame for it.

But that wasn't it. I have so many stories that would make some wonder why I didn't stop. Long story short.... Got drunk, was suppose to work next day, called in sick... called mother to transfer funds to my account so I could buy "Lunch" went out drinking, felt sorry for myself, considered suicide, wrote a note on paper my suicide note on a piece of paper the bartender gave me, placed in my backpack and went to the bridge over the highway, set my backpack down and looked over the edge but couldn't jump. Was that it? Nope. Even suicide in my mind didn't stop me from drinking. Recently I drank 4 days straight and it was terrible.

But I am very thankful that I have found myself again because I didn't want to be that way no more. BuI know it was too much to say I'd stay sober for life so I say I'll stay sober for today. It helps. Im so grateful for everything now and next week I'll be chairing my first meeting in over a year.

GregMan

I woke up in jail (at the age of 19) with no recollection of how I'd gotten there. Turned out I got a DUI. When I went to get my car out of impound, the front end was totalled, and I had to make up a BS story to my dad about how it happened, since I had no idea. There are countless otheres, but this one was devastating because of the sheer length of my blackout, and the damages done. I've broken bones, gotten kicked off a cruise ship, shot an AK47 in my street to threaten a friend and neighbor who had started seeing my ex, made up crazy stories and lied to people about varied retarted things, left stoves on for 2 days straight, etc etc etc. Scary stuff, glad to be where I am today. I'm far from perfect, and have ALLOT of recovery work to do, but I'm happily moving forward with a new outlook on my future, one that doesn't include the downward spiral I was on previously.

TheOjibway84

That reminded me of another time. Just like you I was smashed out of my mind and was on a 3 day bender. Called in sick to work 2 days in a row when I was really drunk. Then knowing I hadn't eaten in 2 days got out the frozen pizza my parents bought me and by dinner time I was so drunk I turned on the oven to preheat then I decided to go to the bar so I went out while the stove was on. Now the scary thing was about this? there was a cooking ware in the stove I was unaware of and I had forgotten the stove was on! I get in the cab and go drinking even more and get home 4 hours later to smell burning rubber. It was a cake ware rubber thingy and it was starting to burn! I get scared thinking what could have happened if I got home and the whole house was on fire and my dog was inside! Man I was messed. So luckily the rubber cake maker I was able to clean up and no one knew what happened but today I know I could have burnt the house down and killed the family pet at the same time... heck I vaguely remember coming home once when I was pissed off drunk and the dog actually growled at me! Like he didn't know who I was. and I was a different person because I remember yelling back at him to stop growling at me and his fur was sticking up. scary. Im thankful Im sober today and not dealing with stuff like that anymore SUPER HAPPY wellllllll Im off to the InterGroup d to do some service work picking up the phone and helping lost and confused alcoholics who are looking for AA and help another step in recovery is doing service

dawnrunner

Just want to say thank God (or whatever other Higher Power) everyone posting on this thread is still here today!! What a great collection of horror stories.

I'm too ashamed to post mine (it is blood-curdling). Don't want to relive that ever.

lyle

The sad thing is i would have to ask my kids.
Lyle

FattyMcFatty

I had made plans to go downhill skiing with a friend. It was on the calendar and everything for the following weekend. I don't even remember speaking to that friend, and she was at my house for a party. I don't remember much of the party either, and who was or was not there. I mastered the art of nobody really knowing I was drinking, then really hitting it hard after everyone left. (I think). Nobody has told me I was drunk, or did anything drunk, however, I do not remember most of it. The skiing was fun though..

BullDog777

i've told this a few times on these boards and my wife threatend to you tube it if i ever relapsed, but there is a video of me in a blackout pissing in my dishwasher at some ungodly hour of the night singing "never surrender" by corey hart at the top of my lungs.

rws177

Hahahhahaha, that made me laugh pretty hard!! Both thinking of you doing that and the fact that she threaten to put it on youtube, lol.

luckylilshark

was possibly date raped. I will never really know. it haunts me.