littlebluedog

Hi there. I can definitely relate. I would send messages to people on myspace all the time when drunk. They could have been much worse than they were, but still embarrassing, none the less. Choosing to live sober means you never have to worry about doing those things ever again.

eddybaby

Hi everyone.

I googled 'sending inappropriate facebook messages to an ex girlfriend when drunk' and this forum thread came up. I joined the forum just so I could post here. My girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me a few months back and now she's been seeing this new guy. Last night I was with my friends having a few drinks and for some reason, I got home and made the terrible decision to send her a very rude, very hurtful facebook message.

This morning I feel terrible, firstly because of the hangover, and also because of that message. I've sent drunken messages before but never quite as awful as the one I sent last night. I've sent 1000s of apology messages, and tried calling but got no answer.

I literally want to never drink again because of this incident, because the beer made me this nasty, horrible person that I don't want to be.

Well, that's my introduction anyway. I'm at least a little relieved to see that this has happened to other people. How would one go about seeking redemption, because my ex and I are (were) still friends and I don't want her to hate me or think I'm weird because of this?

Dee74

welcome to SR eddybaby

I did the same thing once - way before facebook was invented, on email.

You can't take it back - all you can do is apologise - you've done that.

I think the best thing you can do right now is keep moving on...and if you stop drinking you'll never have to deal with this again.

D

eddybaby

Thank you for the welcome, D

I wish I could take it back but you're right, I can't.

I've been trying to move on but also making the mistake of trying to 'soothe' any negative emotions with drinking. But all it does is make things worse, and harder to move on from.

My life will be better without drinking. I'm looking forward to becoming a better person and not making these disastrous decisions.

deeker

This thread brought up some horrible memories of when I used to constantly leave messages for this guy I was obsessed with. Day after day after day.

And nasty emails I sent my brother. I just breathed a sigh of relief that, that is no longer my life. I can really relate to the shame and fear of the next day and the absolute loss of control and the doing it all over again.

If you are ready to stop that insanity and give sobriety a shot. Keep coming around. Take suggestions. Ask people on here how they are staying sober. There are people on here with some good quality sobriety with a lot of experience, strength and hope. Search them out. Look at their Profiles. By you reaching out to them you are actually helping them too.

Many in here have found real solutions to their alcoholism and are living happy and productive lifes. I know, cuz I am one of them.

Living clean and sober brings such freedom. I can't even explain to you how good it feels to wake up and think to myself "Wow, I don't feel shame, I don't feel guilt, I don't feel fear, I don't feel sadness, I remember every second of last night, I can make plans today and not have to revolve it around my drinking. I can keep my promises today. I feel happy just doing absolutely nothing. I don't have to keep myself busy doin, doin, doin to avoid my uncomfortable feelings today." All I can say is that it is total freedom.

behindblueyes

Suspended my FB account because of this. I used to have to wake up and look to see who I messaged and pray they didnt read it and that blocking them would work before they read the message (It never did). I would friend request people I didn't know then wonder how they got on my page. Read emails I swore I never wrote. And the posts were humiliating. The first thing Id do every time I woke up after drinking was go on FB and try to "undo" damage. I would delete the entire account if I didn't have over 2k pictures. After you suspend it so many times, you have to wait 24 hours to log in at all.

Saw a friend today I humiliated myself with on Facebook. Im pretty sure I hit on him thru drunk email and he's about to get married. Then I got drunk again and said I was hacked and tried to re-add him but he wasn't buying it. Thankfully he didnt see me.

CLM808

OMG this has been the most awful part of my drinking career in the last couple of years. The shame and embarassment when I wake up, and I spend all day vowing never to do it again. Then it happens again! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it...........

eddybaby

It's awful because it makes one push away important people that they care about and frightening because I never thought I was capable of saying such things to a friend. Its horrible to think that this terrible person exists and is hidden beneath the surface, then gets revealed by alcohol. Better not to let him (the horrible drunk me) ever surface by not drinking.

cleargoals

I can certainly relate to this! I am very ambivalent about the whole Facebook thing to begin with...

I have written some pretty cringeworthy things while under the influence. Mostly just rants about things nobody cares about, stupid attempts at being funny or clever responding to posts, etc. Staying or getting in contact with people who are not part of my life anymore due to various reasons, writing elaborate, rambling emails to my girlfriends of past, replying to work email and not remembering the day after, being very relieved I did not write anything damaging but obviously my writing style was very different from normal/sober.

Never wrote mean or inappropriate things but obviously wrote nonsense or awkward stuff or liked pictures of people I don't even know.

I made it a rule to not write emails or go on FB while drunk, but of course this rule was broken many times. I am so glad I do not have to deal with this anymore... the worst just seeing messages I can not remember writing, even harmless ones.

rubbersoul

I've said, done and texted things that I am very ashamed of a countless amount of times. I guess I was nearing the last straw when I started this behaviour with a coworker and have made a drunken fool of myself around everyone from work (drunk, cross eyed and crying at a social get together). Since I've become sober its been very painful seeing these same people day in and day out but I've comforted myself by saying that they will never see me behave like that again, ever. I have control over that. I will not let it happen. 6 months later I'm sure people still remember but its not like they're thinking about this constantly (they are mostly thinking about their own lives)!! Someone on here gave me similar advice and I want to pass it along, I find it very helpful. Good luck to you and try not to beat yourself up so much about it!

eddybaby

Thank you for that advice, rubbersoul. In my scenario, I doubt that person will ever forget the demeaning filth that I wrote to them and know that I've lost her respect. But at the very least it's given me an opportunity to realise just how bad things had gotten, and how the drinking was ruining my life. Also, I have an opportunity to forget about the failed relationship and move on with my life, soberly. Maybe a few months down the line she'll forgive me, maybe not, but by then it won't matter as much to me in any case.

AdviceNeeded33

Hi Everyone,

I'm here for advice on how to approach a friend on this topic. He doesn't drink all that often but when he does he will start messaging girls drunkenly. Friends and I knew that he had done it a few times before but had not known the extent of it. In recent weeks we have heard from a lot of different girls that we know that he has drunkenly messaged them creepy things and a lot of their friends too. He never mentions it and acts like it never happened. It had been mentioned before by one of the girls to him one night, almost jokingly, before we knew the extent and he got awkward and went really quiet, eventually leaving. He's obviously very embarrassed about it and he wouldn't dream of doing anything like that sober, not that kind of person and he is really shy with girls.

We feel like we have to confront him about it as it is already tarnishing how people see him and I'm not even sure if he realises it. Does anyone have any advice as to how to do this? Should we do it one on one, 2/3 friends or a group of his friends? What should we focus on it the conversation: the drinking, the messaging, what could happen if he continues doing what he does?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

paulokes

I think this happens pretty regularly in the modern world.

One thing worth mentioning...blackout drinking. People might do this when they are in blackout...inhibitions are lowered and the person is unable to form a memory of what happened. Just have hazy recollection, maybe some evidence and a whole heap of shame the next day.

The temptation is to push it away, pretend it didn't happen or pretend noone noticed.

If it is disturbing the people he is messaging maybe someone can point this out and suggest the link to being drunk. That might not be taken very well?

P

Bunny211

oh yes! i would write completely random and embarrassing emails to people and be 100% mortified the next day.

i'd want to die i would be so mortified.

i stopped drinking and have not sent one of those emails since. i'm sure all those folks have since forgotten. People spend a lot less time thinking about us than we, as alcoholics, think they do.

it will pass. it will blow over. stop drinking and life will get much better. i promise.

CreativeThinker

This was just one of the reasons I decided to get sober again...for good! That horrible feeling in the morning (almost worse than the pounding head from the hangover), wondering what was texted the night before, not wanting to look, waiting until I'd had a few drinks again in order to read the damage that was done. Drunken emails to my boss, my boss's boss, stupid texts to people who reported to me (mostly links to songs that I thought were appropriate to our business)...SO STUPID!!! Then, having to face these people in person, acting as if it never happened, or laughing about it...as if it was an intentional joke. WOW...what a relief not to have to get up in the morning and face THAT stress any longer.

Briar

As to your friend who is suffering with this awful problem, I guess I'd say start one on one. Hearing about it from multiple people will be hard, especially because he's probably punished himself for it already. That said, you care enough about him to try to help him stop, and he's lucky to have that. I'd start with a few people meeting with him one on one with their concerns. I know it would have made a huge impact on me had my friends done that. Good luck!

I remember the shame of waking up and finding the things I'd done. I had a rule for myself, "no drunk-booking," but of course I broke it. And texts and emails were fair game, as were ridiculous conversations. I'm so glad that' over!

ThatWasTheOldMe

I did this every time I was drunk.
And it was horrendous to come to the next day.

NYCDoglvr

Typical alcoholic behavior that fortunately I haven't engaged in since getting sober. It's part of the reason we suffer enormous shame when getting sober.

Dee74

Welcome to SR

I hope folks will realise you bumped the thread

I think straightfoward is the way to go - either one on one or you and another friend if you think you need backup.

Be prepared for the fact he may not like you involving yourself and he may not change depending on how deep his drinking problem is.

D

Forward12

Drunken stupid texting/messaging is a staple when under the control of alcohol. I would simply bring it up that he needs to put the phone away if he chooses to drink because he has been sending inappropriate messages that is bothering people. I'm sure the embarrassment alone should be enough to get it to stop.