Class of July 2012 Part 5
Anyway, I'm doing ok.... feeling better emotionally/mentally... taking a break from 'stuff'. Yesterday, cleaned and it really felt good to see how much I accomplished. I didn't drink that beer I found.... I was going to keep it around but thought WHY?? It went down the drain yesterday.
My mood seems to be lightening up a bit. I realized that this is the time of year that I had a twin that was killed when we were three. And the fact that I have a fear of going insane that God wants to help me with in Step Three is weighing a bit heavy on me.
Colonoscopy tomorrow.... yea
Marj - glad you had that talk with hubby... get back up and try again on the alcohol. Maybe it will be easier this time since you're not holding all of those thoughts and emotions in?? Got some of them out...
Mel... FUNNY on the melatonin
Later, my friends.... keep it going
My mood seems to be lightening up a bit. I realized that this is the time of year that I had a twin that was killed when we were three. And the fact that I have a fear of going insane that God wants to help me with in Step Three is weighing a bit heavy on me.
Colonoscopy tomorrow.... yea
Marj - glad you had that talk with hubby... get back up and try again on the alcohol. Maybe it will be easier this time since you're not holding all of those thoughts and emotions in?? Got some of them out...
Mel... FUNNY on the melatonin
Later, my friends.... keep it going
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 604
R4R sorry to hear about your twin. Anniversary reactions can be really powerful. I'm not doing AA so don't know much about the steps, but good luck in working through what you need to to move forward. No fun re colonoscopy-week will only go up from there eh?
Marjoram, how are you doing today? Hope you're feeling better!
Did anyone do anything fun this weekend? I've been in kind of a fog, very tired last few days so very boring here.
Marjoram, how are you doing today? Hope you're feeling better!
Did anyone do anything fun this weekend? I've been in kind of a fog, very tired last few days so very boring here.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 39
Nothing to drink. Incredibly lonely. Worst anxiety since I quit in July over the weekend. I read up on PAWS, thanks to those who offered support. It's both encouraging and discouraging that it may be years before I feel normal. Encouraging that I could possibly return to normal. Discouraging it could be awhile. I think back now, and wonder if my normal is normal. After all, something drove me to drink in the first place. I wanted to get away from something. My bedroom smells damp and dank. Its been raining all day. Musty smelling old house.
I'm supposed to be finding what makes me happy now. In the past I've relied on a man to make me happy. Or a relationship with one rather. With love, happy, without, sad. So what makes ME happy? I've been told I have to find this out before I can ever know what kind of man will make me happy.
My mental breakdown this weekend has left me weak, beaten, defeated. Anxiety ruined a dream of mine. I feel handicapped.
I'm supposed to be finding what makes me happy now. In the past I've relied on a man to make me happy. Or a relationship with one rather. With love, happy, without, sad. So what makes ME happy? I've been told I have to find this out before I can ever know what kind of man will make me happy.
My mental breakdown this weekend has left me weak, beaten, defeated. Anxiety ruined a dream of mine. I feel handicapped.
I took a half day off...
Thanks R4R
iwillwait - I'm not sure what link you read but this PAWs link is a good one - it has suggestions on how to deal with, minimise or even avoid some PAWs symptoms.
PAWS « Digital Dharma
It's important to realise not everyone gets PAWs, and very very few of us suffer for years.
I had a couple of days here and a couple of days there...it disappeared around 120 days for me
If you find you're constantly anxious or depressed or plain just not feeling well, seeing a Dr could help, iwillwait?
D
Thanks R4R
iwillwait - I'm not sure what link you read but this PAWs link is a good one - it has suggestions on how to deal with, minimise or even avoid some PAWs symptoms.
PAWS « Digital Dharma
It's important to realise not everyone gets PAWs, and very very few of us suffer for years.
I had a couple of days here and a couple of days there...it disappeared around 120 days for me
If you find you're constantly anxious or depressed or plain just not feeling well, seeing a Dr could help, iwillwait?
D
R4R, good for you for chucking the beer.
Marjoram, glad for the breakthrough with your husband, your friend. You guys keep communicating and remember each of you needs to be whole in order to do justice to your relationship.
iwillwait... so sorry for your lonliness. Not sure if it's any "consolation," but people can feel lonely even when they are coupled up with someone. I certainly feel that way sometimes. I understand wondering what makes "me" happy. I'm with you... it's love. I guess what we ought to do is find what we love about ourselves and go with that. I think perhaps that part takes time and patience. *argh!* But I want it Right Now! Hang in there, I think "it" is right around the corner.
Mel, I'm late in my response, but please do natter on. I like your perspective on things.
TIG and NFW and blue and all others whom I have not named, hope you had a fine day. Glad you took some time off, Dee - well deserved, I say.
I worked yesterday and it was cool. My youngest kid and a friend came along so they could hang out in the big city and I was glad to play host. They ran around, I worked and was happy to see them every few hours. I'm working on a software implementation and struggling with some of the things I'm assigned to do, such as making sure everything prints where and when it ought. Given that I am SO not techie, this is a stretch, but I do like a challenge. Of the six document types I need to print, I got two to work correctly and one to work incorrectly and of this I am proud. And today I cleaned my house. Again, proud. So that might not be "fun" for a weekend, but it's what I got and I'm more than ok with it.
Marjoram, glad for the breakthrough with your husband, your friend. You guys keep communicating and remember each of you needs to be whole in order to do justice to your relationship.
iwillwait... so sorry for your lonliness. Not sure if it's any "consolation," but people can feel lonely even when they are coupled up with someone. I certainly feel that way sometimes. I understand wondering what makes "me" happy. I'm with you... it's love. I guess what we ought to do is find what we love about ourselves and go with that. I think perhaps that part takes time and patience. *argh!* But I want it Right Now! Hang in there, I think "it" is right around the corner.
Mel, I'm late in my response, but please do natter on. I like your perspective on things.
TIG and NFW and blue and all others whom I have not named, hope you had a fine day. Glad you took some time off, Dee - well deserved, I say.
I worked yesterday and it was cool. My youngest kid and a friend came along so they could hang out in the big city and I was glad to play host. They ran around, I worked and was happy to see them every few hours. I'm working on a software implementation and struggling with some of the things I'm assigned to do, such as making sure everything prints where and when it ought. Given that I am SO not techie, this is a stretch, but I do like a challenge. Of the six document types I need to print, I got two to work correctly and one to work incorrectly and of this I am proud. And today I cleaned my house. Again, proud. So that might not be "fun" for a weekend, but it's what I got and I'm more than ok with it.
Starting off very good. Yesterday was a very good day. I'm looking at my calendar and happy with what I'm seeing. It's my constant reminder that you are a big part of each day that I make a success.
Have a good day everyone.
Have a good day everyone.
I love this company and have purchased many inspirational, motivational books. I subscribe to their email newsletter, and this came across today. I hope you can view it, as I have the framed print of the ending line on my wall.
Hugs to all.
One Choice
Hugs to all.
One Choice
Thanks very much for the PAWs link, which reassured me, given that I am navigating what looks like a borderless sea of depression and indecision. I had figured that my current limbo state would be transitional, but it is nicely orienting to read that article, which gives me a hawk's eye view of the terrain before me. This too shall pass!
Mel
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 604
IWillWait, I also did some reading on PAWS-it must be hitting us at the two month mark. I actually can't tell if it's that or if I'm just getting sick, but I feel like I'm slogging through mud, tired, headaches, zero motivation. Bummer after feeling so much better the last couple of weeks.
It's so hard to feel lonely. It's not something that there's a quick fix for. Like Obladi said, you can be lonely with someone, or in a crowd. Maybe you can find something you can take a class in where you might meet some new like minded people? Are there any sober meet ups in your area? Do you have any pets? Try to find things that soothe the anxiety-lighting candles, music you like, taking a walk, etc. I once read a quote "it takes a special man to replace no man at all".
Once you're comfortable being alone you may not feel as lonely. Murphy's Law that's usually when you meet someone and there goes all your personal space
Any activity that does not trash my body, mind, and liver on the following morning I am classifying as grand fun of a rarely seen variety. LOL!
Mel
Love this Mel! Good way to look at things!
Obladi, sounds like you had a productive few days, that's great!
Dee, glad you got a break!
It's so hard to feel lonely. It's not something that there's a quick fix for. Like Obladi said, you can be lonely with someone, or in a crowd. Maybe you can find something you can take a class in where you might meet some new like minded people? Are there any sober meet ups in your area? Do you have any pets? Try to find things that soothe the anxiety-lighting candles, music you like, taking a walk, etc. I once read a quote "it takes a special man to replace no man at all".
Once you're comfortable being alone you may not feel as lonely. Murphy's Law that's usually when you meet someone and there goes all your personal space
Any activity that does not trash my body, mind, and liver on the following morning I am classifying as grand fun of a rarely seen variety. LOL!
Mel
Love this Mel! Good way to look at things!
Obladi, sounds like you had a productive few days, that's great!
Dee, glad you got a break!
Good morning one and all!
Great job getting through the weekend! I feel much better today... no hangover. I do have a headache though - probably because I haven't eaten anything since Saturday night - the 'procedure' is in about 4 hours - oh joy
Actually just doing nothing most of the weekend was 'fun' for me. I did clean the house... which made me feel better - it's the cleanest it's been in months.
Keep your heads up everyone... we are doing great!
Great job getting through the weekend! I feel much better today... no hangover. I do have a headache though - probably because I haven't eaten anything since Saturday night - the 'procedure' is in about 4 hours - oh joy
Actually just doing nothing most of the weekend was 'fun' for me. I did clean the house... which made me feel better - it's the cleanest it's been in months.
Keep your heads up everyone... we are doing great!
Dear folks,
After reading the PAWs link, as an experiment, today Mr-never-eats-sugar (I am speaking of myself) ate some sugar at the time that I usually want a martini. Eating the sugar did eliminate the craving--but my success on this score is not why I am writing this message.
It occurred to me that in addition to being Mr-never-eats-sugar, I am also Mr-must-never-miss-a-workout, Mr-must-do-my-job-perfectly, Mr-must-this, Mr-must-that, Mr-must-blah-blah-blah . . ., and so forth.
My two brain cells have finally met! I get it! I need to cut myself a break, because to keep up with all my self-created "rules" while ALSO having to quit drinking is just too much to ask.
In any case, I did not drink today. It's tough, but, folks, we can do this thing. I am starting to believe it.
Mel
After reading the PAWs link, as an experiment, today Mr-never-eats-sugar (I am speaking of myself) ate some sugar at the time that I usually want a martini. Eating the sugar did eliminate the craving--but my success on this score is not why I am writing this message.
It occurred to me that in addition to being Mr-never-eats-sugar, I am also Mr-must-never-miss-a-workout, Mr-must-do-my-job-perfectly, Mr-must-this, Mr-must-that, Mr-must-blah-blah-blah . . ., and so forth.
My two brain cells have finally met! I get it! I need to cut myself a break, because to keep up with all my self-created "rules" while ALSO having to quit drinking is just too much to ask.
In any case, I did not drink today. It's tough, but, folks, we can do this thing. I am starting to believe it.
Mel
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