Class of July 2012 Part 5
TiG
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Chicago Area
Posts: 381
My kids have some learning disabilities which both my Wife and I have struggled with since they were born. This morning, I found a web site with forum discussions on the topic, and I couldn't get through it. It was bringing up a mix of anger and frustration, but then I realized how buried these emotions were. I think my drinking covered them over. Thought I would tell you guys about it, because not drinking has let me face these issues again. I felt a little bad for allowing myself to go numb. Like I should be fighting harder, but I'm going to accept the fact I'm human and move on with the gifts I have to make it better for them. There's a whole lot of negative out there to focus on if I wanted, or there is a whole lot of great things for them that we all can share. My choice, and its pretty simple which way to go.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 39
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I think everyone ponders it...if my experience of 20 years counts for anything, the answer is no.
Alcohol, any amount, changes me, and I lose control - maybe not right away but inevitably, iww.
Same thing with pot for me...the destination's the same, regardless of the drug i used.
I was trying to escape myself and I went from drug to drug trying to find a way to do that.
I never escaped anything - not even consequences.
I always ended up in the same dark place that I bet bought us all here.
What do you think is driving you to think of these 'outs' now, IWW - is it your friend ?
or something deeper?
D
Alcohol, any amount, changes me, and I lose control - maybe not right away but inevitably, iww.
Same thing with pot for me...the destination's the same, regardless of the drug i used.
I was trying to escape myself and I went from drug to drug trying to find a way to do that.
I never escaped anything - not even consequences.
I always ended up in the same dark place that I bet bought us all here.
What do you think is driving you to think of these 'outs' now, IWW - is it your friend ?
or something deeper?
D
ANewBeginning
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,822
Running does it for me IWW.... takes my mind off everything else. Sure, have to come to the 'real' world eventually, but we deal with it. Little by little, we learn - it really is a process. Dwelling on the fact that I can never drink again, still is a bit depressing, but I really don't want to have to start posting on yet ANOTHER monthly thread 
TiG... Sort of glad you were getting in touch with those feelings... now you can learn to deal with them... part of actually living as a human being, dang it anyway...
TiG... Sort of glad you were getting in touch with those feelings... now you can learn to deal with them... part of actually living as a human being, dang it anyway...
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
It'd be nice to take the weight of the world off for awhile. I can't imagine never being able to do that again. Sure there's relaxation techniques, but nothing really takes your mind off everything completely. Like you say- escape. Maybe I'm just lazy.
The fact is - I like not checking out now.
I've learned to face a lot of situations I used to run away from and I've found that the biggest fear was actually the fear itself.
I've been sad, I've been lonely, I've been scared, I've had grief, and pain, and anger...and it's uncomfortable, but it's *not* unbearable...
and most times, I wake up the next day, or maybe the day after, and I'm feeling better.
That's a lot better outcome than a week long bender I reckon
D
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Hello, all.
This discussion about going through the fire is very timely for me.
I was just sitting here thinking about facing down this beast of an addiction and how it's important to really experience this. Not skirt it or ignore it or try to distract myself from it, but just go through it. In all of my attempts to stop, I have never simply faced this head on.
This is key.
Perhaps THE key.
From where I sit, I think it would be insane to drink again. Why would that be a good idea? What would make it worth taking the risk?
Best to all.
Hope to see you soon, MTN.
This discussion about going through the fire is very timely for me.
I was just sitting here thinking about facing down this beast of an addiction and how it's important to really experience this. Not skirt it or ignore it or try to distract myself from it, but just go through it. In all of my attempts to stop, I have never simply faced this head on.
This is key.
Perhaps THE key.
From where I sit, I think it would be insane to drink again. Why would that be a good idea? What would make it worth taking the risk?
Best to all.
Hope to see you soon, MTN.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 209
Hope you all had a good Saturday. Fairly quiet day, spent time with friends and family.
Problems sleeping again - keep waking up with my heart racing, and feeling very anxious. Not sure if it is related to the drink I had last week, or just stress related.
Problems sleeping again - keep waking up with my heart racing, and feeling very anxious. Not sure if it is related to the drink I had last week, or just stress related.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 604
Obladi..From where I sit, I think it would be insane to drink again. Why would that be a good idea? What would make it worth taking the risk?
This kind of thinking is what's making me more successful this go around I think.
Really facing it and analyzing the real consequences. I can't come up with any answers why it would be a good idea, so I don't pick up the drink.
R4R I can relate to needing to go through it instead of around it. Ties in with what TIG is saying. I think it's very common that we drank or drugged to numb the emotions and not feel them as strongly. To make the unpleasant feelings go away or subside. To put off dealing with problems. Sober there's nowhere to hide. I find myself grieving things in the past that I didn't let myself truly feel when they happened. I expect there will be more of that in the future.
TIG putting a focus on the positive will be great for the future and for your family. You'll be better equipped now to help your children.
I realized one escape for me is swimming laps-that actually takes me away like drinking did. I need to find an indoor pool!!
This kind of thinking is what's making me more successful this go around I think.
Really facing it and analyzing the real consequences. I can't come up with any answers why it would be a good idea, so I don't pick up the drink.
R4R I can relate to needing to go through it instead of around it. Ties in with what TIG is saying. I think it's very common that we drank or drugged to numb the emotions and not feel them as strongly. To make the unpleasant feelings go away or subside. To put off dealing with problems. Sober there's nowhere to hide. I find myself grieving things in the past that I didn't let myself truly feel when they happened. I expect there will be more of that in the future.
TIG putting a focus on the positive will be great for the future and for your family. You'll be better equipped now to help your children.
I realized one escape for me is swimming laps-that actually takes me away like drinking did. I need to find an indoor pool!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 209
It is a gorgeous fall Sunday morning!
TIG - I have been through the learning disabilities issues with my kids. What I learned was that I had to be their advocate, because there was no one else to fight on their behalf in this education system. My son, graduated with a masters degree - and received support and accommodations for learning disabilities since primary school!
Emma - you are just awesome!
R4R, Blueshades, IWW, NFW, Obaldi,Blueshades, Dee - I had my lapse last week. Granted it was "only" one drink, but I have obsessed about it all week and still wonder why I did it. I don't want to do it again. Don't want to hide or escape. I need to face whatever is going on, and deal with it - go through it - and come out the other side still standing.
So..one that note, happy sunday everyone.
TIG - I have been through the learning disabilities issues with my kids. What I learned was that I had to be their advocate, because there was no one else to fight on their behalf in this education system. My son, graduated with a masters degree - and received support and accommodations for learning disabilities since primary school!
Emma - you are just awesome!
R4R, Blueshades, IWW, NFW, Obaldi,Blueshades, Dee - I had my lapse last week. Granted it was "only" one drink, but I have obsessed about it all week and still wonder why I did it. I don't want to do it again. Don't want to hide or escape. I need to face whatever is going on, and deal with it - go through it - and come out the other side still standing.
So..one that note, happy sunday everyone.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 39
I am happy to report that I am Xanax free! My last bit was Thursday night. I am planning on keeping it on hand for panic attacks only. Now my brain can finally heal completely. I am praying some of my memory comes back and the anxiety gets lesser and further apart. Woohoo!
I actually jogged both days this weekend.
I actually jogged both days this weekend.
Stingy athlete recovery method
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: U. S. A.
Posts: 754
The wife and I just returned from a two-day car trip; sorry for not giving a heads up on my absence. A quick update:
The icky basement beer of evil intent has been liberated from its bottles, freed to go down the drain, to evaporate and become beautiful clouds.
Even though it disrupted my sense of schedule, this road trip was a welcome relief from the usual sources of stress.
I missed two days of exercise and feel stiff and weak after too much sitting. I will be at the gym early tomorrow.
A boring update, I know, but, from where I sit at the moment, I must admit boring is good. I hope all is well with you, friends from July and beyond.
Mel
The icky basement beer of evil intent has been liberated from its bottles, freed to go down the drain, to evaporate and become beautiful clouds.
Even though it disrupted my sense of schedule, this road trip was a welcome relief from the usual sources of stress.
I missed two days of exercise and feel stiff and weak after too much sitting. I will be at the gym early tomorrow.
A boring update, I know, but, from where I sit at the moment, I must admit boring is good. I hope all is well with you, friends from July and beyond.
Mel
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 604
Good job Mel, that beer never had a chance
Katan, it's good to analyze what triggered the slip but don't go too crazy over it. Figure out what led to it, and then move on. Just a blip on a large screen...
IWW congrats re Xanax!
Emma and TIG glad you're doing well!
I had 2 insanely hectic days at work this weekend. In the drinking days I would have been on that bar stool the second I was able to break free from the work stuff to "unwind". Now I wonder how I even had the energy to get to the bar lol I do know I couldn't do two days like this back to back while drinking. So, even though I'm exhausted I feel a sense of progress which is exciting because it was all feeling boring and routine.
Katan, it's good to analyze what triggered the slip but don't go too crazy over it. Figure out what led to it, and then move on. Just a blip on a large screen...
IWW congrats re Xanax!
Emma and TIG glad you're doing well!
I had 2 insanely hectic days at work this weekend. In the drinking days I would have been on that bar stool the second I was able to break free from the work stuff to "unwind". Now I wonder how I even had the energy to get to the bar lol I do know I couldn't do two days like this back to back while drinking. So, even though I'm exhausted I feel a sense of progress which is exciting because it was all feeling boring and routine.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Emma, good to see you - thanks for checking in to let us know you're still "good."
NFW, I like swimming too. Dropped my membership to the local club because we weren't using it, but perhaps I should sign up again. It would be something to carry me through the winter when I'm not so likely to bike. (Not that I've been doing THAT either, lol.)
TIG, something about your constancy is tremendously comforting to me. Thanks for checking in every day. I know it's not for me, but I appreciate it nonetheless. I selfishly and selflessly hope that you keep us in the loop at least a little bit as you go through what life has to offer.
Katan, I hope you figure it out soon or decide to let it go soon. I'm not sure obsessing over "why" is very helpful. In fact, I'm sure it's not. If you can see it, good. If you can't, it doesn't really matter. It's not what you want and so you are moving forward with what you DO want. That's cool.
Dear Mel, how good to see you. Boring is ok. Glad you got somewhat of a respite this weekend with the change in routine. I wonder if... maybe you could set a goal of breaking one or two rules every week and go with a spontaneous instinct when it arises... how would that be for you? Just an idea.
Dee, R4R, blue and all others (especially those who lurk)... happy Monday to you.
NFW, I like swimming too. Dropped my membership to the local club because we weren't using it, but perhaps I should sign up again. It would be something to carry me through the winter when I'm not so likely to bike. (Not that I've been doing THAT either, lol.)
TIG, something about your constancy is tremendously comforting to me. Thanks for checking in every day. I know it's not for me, but I appreciate it nonetheless. I selfishly and selflessly hope that you keep us in the loop at least a little bit as you go through what life has to offer.
Katan, I hope you figure it out soon or decide to let it go soon. I'm not sure obsessing over "why" is very helpful. In fact, I'm sure it's not. If you can see it, good. If you can't, it doesn't really matter. It's not what you want and so you are moving forward with what you DO want. That's cool.
Dear Mel, how good to see you. Boring is ok. Glad you got somewhat of a respite this weekend with the change in routine. I wonder if... maybe you could set a goal of breaking one or two rules every week and go with a spontaneous instinct when it arises... how would that be for you? Just an idea.
Dee, R4R, blue and all others (especially those who lurk)... happy Monday to you.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
IWW, I skipped you!
You sound pretty psyched (pun intended) to be through with the Xanax - good on you! And I am impressed as well as jealous that you jogged both weekend days.
My ankles won't jog.
But they will do other things and I am very ready for them to signal their readiness!
You sound pretty psyched (pun intended) to be through with the Xanax - good on you! And I am impressed as well as jealous that you jogged both weekend days.
My ankles won't jog.
But they will do other things and I am very ready for them to signal their readiness!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 832
Good Morning everyone. Some great reading I've missed, but just got caught up. And I agree with facing problems sober. It takes on a whole new approach. We've always numbed so much in our lives, good or bad, that we've missed out on so much.
I had a failure yesterday. But, I'm happy to say September has been a very good month for me so far, and I've dealt wtih some things that in the past I would have washed away with alcohol. I could have not gotten this far without those here. I'm further ahead then I've been in a year, and I just have to keep pushing on and using the methods that have gotten me through all the days that I did.
R4R you make some great points in your post above and I'm really glad you shared it. The analogy of the fire stuck with me and will be sure to hold it near.
Mel - I'm so glad of your "boring" life as you call it. I agree, that boring can be very nice. We did nothing "exciting" this weekend, but we did get some things done around the house. I enjoyed the "boring", too, until I blew it.
Still trying to make headway with my relationship with my husband. Some more things have come out that I'm not holding back anymore, as he still has to find in his heart that he can find happiness in the "boring". He always has to be going somewhere or visiting someone. I'm not sure if he's getting away from home or me, so I have to find that out. Not sure if it's sinking in, but all I can do is try.
R4R - I'm like you, not an overly "religious" person, but right now, I have been working on bringing God closer into my life like in the past. That has actually helped along with the AVRT approach. And I'm with you, being northern - I love fall, and I love winter. I hope we have snow this year as we love to winter camp. Nothing like a winter sky.
Well, I'm babbling gang, but I'm so happy to see those here doing so well. Obladi, Blueshade, TIG, Katan, NFW, Emma, IWW - have a wonderful week everyone. I have my highlighter in hand and ready to work on more days in a row. Boy, I'd love to see a month.
I had a failure yesterday. But, I'm happy to say September has been a very good month for me so far, and I've dealt wtih some things that in the past I would have washed away with alcohol. I could have not gotten this far without those here. I'm further ahead then I've been in a year, and I just have to keep pushing on and using the methods that have gotten me through all the days that I did.
R4R you make some great points in your post above and I'm really glad you shared it. The analogy of the fire stuck with me and will be sure to hold it near.
Mel - I'm so glad of your "boring" life as you call it. I agree, that boring can be very nice. We did nothing "exciting" this weekend, but we did get some things done around the house. I enjoyed the "boring", too, until I blew it.
Still trying to make headway with my relationship with my husband. Some more things have come out that I'm not holding back anymore, as he still has to find in his heart that he can find happiness in the "boring". He always has to be going somewhere or visiting someone. I'm not sure if he's getting away from home or me, so I have to find that out. Not sure if it's sinking in, but all I can do is try.
R4R - I'm like you, not an overly "religious" person, but right now, I have been working on bringing God closer into my life like in the past. That has actually helped along with the AVRT approach. And I'm with you, being northern - I love fall, and I love winter. I hope we have snow this year as we love to winter camp. Nothing like a winter sky.
Well, I'm babbling gang, but I'm so happy to see those here doing so well. Obladi, Blueshade, TIG, Katan, NFW, Emma, IWW - have a wonderful week everyone. I have my highlighter in hand and ready to work on more days in a row. Boy, I'd love to see a month.
Stingy athlete recovery method
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: U. S. A.
Posts: 754
Dear folks,
When I get back tonight I look forward to responding to all the great posts of the past three days, though I have to exit the building now.
But I just wanted to quickly report (with a shout out to TIG!) that I hit my workout hard this morning and feel like a million bucks at the moment. I feel great so rarely that I ran to SR to document the event. Here's hoping for all of us that PAWS is on the run--after all, isn't running what paws are for?
Mel
When I get back tonight I look forward to responding to all the great posts of the past three days, though I have to exit the building now.
But I just wanted to quickly report (with a shout out to TIG!) that I hit my workout hard this morning and feel like a million bucks at the moment. I feel great so rarely that I ran to SR to document the event. Here's hoping for all of us that PAWS is on the run--after all, isn't running what paws are for?
Mel
TiG
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Chicago Area
Posts: 381
Good morning,
A little later post today. Mondays are busy. Thanks for all the shout outs! Glad you're doing well Mel. Sounds like you had a couple days of well deserved relaxation from the day to day hum-drum.
Friends I'm meeting decided the events will be sushi then bowling. How's that for boring! Looking forward to it though. They'll be drinking, but I feel strong enough to abstain.
A little later post today. Mondays are busy. Thanks for all the shout outs! Glad you're doing well Mel. Sounds like you had a couple days of well deserved relaxation from the day to day hum-drum.
Friends I'm meeting decided the events will be sushi then bowling. How's that for boring! Looking forward to it though. They'll be drinking, but I feel strong enough to abstain.
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