So depressed....help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 207
So depressed....help
Hi everyone,
I posted here a while ago about my husband who died of OD. I just feel a need to vent, I guess. I am feeling so bad and so low, and it feels as if it's getting worse with every passing day and I need some words of encouragement, advice or anything you can give me. It feels so good to turn to you because you have been through so much, and I am sorry we are all here going through this.
I was supposed to give birth to our son a few days ago, but still awaiting for that to happen. I just don't know how I am going to make it through the delivery. I was supposed to be there with my husband, happy, expecting this child with joy. It was supposed to be one of the happiest days of our lives. But now I only see myself crying throughout the whole process. It hurts to see other couples sharing their joy of becoming parents. I don't have a partner to share the joy with and my son won't have a father ( which hurts even more) and I am just a broken, tragic mom who doesn't even have the strength to live. I am sad and angry because I am not happy becoming a mom, though both me and my AH were more than anything when he was alive. I am heartbroken and mad because my husband took all the joy and happiness away with him when he died, AND because he died the way he did and abandoned me and the child. How am I going to make it through this? Where to find the strength to live and to take care of another human being? How to go on living?
I have never felt worse.
Hugs to you all
I posted here a while ago about my husband who died of OD. I just feel a need to vent, I guess. I am feeling so bad and so low, and it feels as if it's getting worse with every passing day and I need some words of encouragement, advice or anything you can give me. It feels so good to turn to you because you have been through so much, and I am sorry we are all here going through this.
I was supposed to give birth to our son a few days ago, but still awaiting for that to happen. I just don't know how I am going to make it through the delivery. I was supposed to be there with my husband, happy, expecting this child with joy. It was supposed to be one of the happiest days of our lives. But now I only see myself crying throughout the whole process. It hurts to see other couples sharing their joy of becoming parents. I don't have a partner to share the joy with and my son won't have a father ( which hurts even more) and I am just a broken, tragic mom who doesn't even have the strength to live. I am sad and angry because I am not happy becoming a mom, though both me and my AH were more than anything when he was alive. I am heartbroken and mad because my husband took all the joy and happiness away with him when he died, AND because he died the way he did and abandoned me and the child. How am I going to make it through this? Where to find the strength to live and to take care of another human being? How to go on living?
I have never felt worse.
Hugs to you all
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Sweetie, sometimes life hands us more than we feel we can handle and we get overwhelmed and feel defeated and sad...like you do.
It's hard to get through this, but if we just keep walking and believing that bad days don't last forever and good days await us once we have processed the pain, then we find the courage to make it through each day.
You will have a beautiful baby very soon, and the love you have for that child will sustain you and help you continue.
Perhaps this is a good season to remember another child who was born in a manger with no place to go and a life of uncertainty ahead.
Like that child there will be wise people to help you and the child both, there will be light and joy one day and the gift this child brings will be like no other. God loves all his children, including your baby. Trust that and know that we all are with you in spirit when you give birth one day soon.
Hugs
It's hard to get through this, but if we just keep walking and believing that bad days don't last forever and good days await us once we have processed the pain, then we find the courage to make it through each day.
You will have a beautiful baby very soon, and the love you have for that child will sustain you and help you continue.
Perhaps this is a good season to remember another child who was born in a manger with no place to go and a life of uncertainty ahead.
Like that child there will be wise people to help you and the child both, there will be light and joy one day and the gift this child brings will be like no other. God loves all his children, including your baby. Trust that and know that we all are with you in spirit when you give birth one day soon.
Hugs
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Oh, dear 
I lost my husband a little over one year ago. He died suddenly and unexpectedly. Yes, I have never been through so much pain in my life.
Your situation with the baby on the way just makes it that much more difficult, and I am just so sorry!! I can tell you, that I have begun to notice some small changes...a little bit of light here and there through the clouds.
Just know you are not alone
I lost my husband a little over one year ago. He died suddenly and unexpectedly. Yes, I have never been through so much pain in my life.
Your situation with the baby on the way just makes it that much more difficult, and I am just so sorry!! I can tell you, that I have begun to notice some small changes...a little bit of light here and there through the clouds.
Just know you are not alone
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,680
SoDe- have you thought of a name for your son? Your partner- sadness and grief. He left a legacy- of who he was- before all this. The part of him you cherish. Please keep posting. I am praying for you and your son No you are not alone. I am a real person on this planet, as are all here. You are NOT alone- are there with you. In though, in prayer, in support- share your grief. I have had a bit of that this year- share. Cry- celebrate your son with tears of happiness mixed with your grief. You are not alone. You will never be alone. You are okay and safe. Grief hurts like hell, it will lessen. Share. Peace with you and your son PJ
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,240
I too am so sorry to read about this. You have
sadness for a loss on one hand and joy of a
beautiful bundle to soon to arrive on the other.
So many emotions.
However, you are here with us in SR reaching
out to us for help and yes we are here for you
so you don't have to feel alone in this situation.
When one door closes another door will
open for you and that door is open for the
arrival of your precious bundle of joy.
There is a strength inside you that is needed
for this little one as he or she will need to
depend on. It will take your courage and
willingness to guide and teach about love,
care, forgiveness, goodness, etc in people,
family, friends.
There is a purpose in your life today as
that door is open for you to walk thru
with the birth of your new born in a
few days.
With love and care we here in SR
support you with open arms and so
does our Father in Heaven.
sadness for a loss on one hand and joy of a
beautiful bundle to soon to arrive on the other.
So many emotions.
However, you are here with us in SR reaching
out to us for help and yes we are here for you
so you don't have to feel alone in this situation.
When one door closes another door will
open for you and that door is open for the
arrival of your precious bundle of joy.
There is a strength inside you that is needed
for this little one as he or she will need to
depend on. It will take your courage and
willingness to guide and teach about love,
care, forgiveness, goodness, etc in people,
family, friends.
There is a purpose in your life today as
that door is open for you to walk thru
with the birth of your new born in a
few days.
With love and care we here in SR
support you with open arms and so
does our Father in Heaven.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: NORTHFIELD
Posts: 188
I am so sorry for your pain and all that you are carrying. I know that you are scared and wonder how you will ever begin to even survive , let alone be happy.
On the days that you don't feel you can, your baby will be your motivation. He will be the reason you keep getting up, even when you don't want to. That baby can be a reminder of the happiness and love it was created out of.
Be gentle with yourself. Your feelings (all of them) are valid. You wont always feel this way. Keep reaching out. (Also keep in mind that the baby hormones are throwing your stability off also. powerful swinging emotions.)
On the days that you don't feel you can, your baby will be your motivation. He will be the reason you keep getting up, even when you don't want to. That baby can be a reminder of the happiness and love it was created out of.
Be gentle with yourself. Your feelings (all of them) are valid. You wont always feel this way. Keep reaching out. (Also keep in mind that the baby hormones are throwing your stability off also. powerful swinging emotions.)
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Sending you an enormous hug. Sometimes things just suck beyond all measures.
Your baby will know only love in your world. There's that and that is no small gift and having him to focus on will pull you through.
Wishing you better days.
Your baby will know only love in your world. There's that and that is no small gift and having him to focus on will pull you through.
Wishing you better days.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Sweetheart, have you talked to your doctor? Given the fact that you are about to give birth, there may be hormone issues that are responsible for some of your feelings.
When I gave birth to my youngest son, my husband ( now ex) was living with another woman ( he had already informed me the marriage was over), and my dear mom had just died of cancer a month before. And, it was one week before Christmas. I felt little joy. I felt overwhelmed and angry.
When I held my son for the first time, something in me changed. Here was this healthy beautiful perfect baby. How can I be angry with God for taking my mom and allowing my husband to be an a$$, when I was just given a little miracle?
That day, I was changed, and I often remember it when I look at my now grown son.
Wishing you peace and joy in the days ahead.
When I gave birth to my youngest son, my husband ( now ex) was living with another woman ( he had already informed me the marriage was over), and my dear mom had just died of cancer a month before. And, it was one week before Christmas. I felt little joy. I felt overwhelmed and angry.
When I held my son for the first time, something in me changed. Here was this healthy beautiful perfect baby. How can I be angry with God for taking my mom and allowing my husband to be an a$$, when I was just given a little miracle?
That day, I was changed, and I often remember it when I look at my now grown son.
Wishing you peace and joy in the days ahead.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 207
Thank you my dear friends
Thank you Ann, aasharon, Sephra, Ariesagain, Phoenix, Cece and Seren for these words of encouragement. My pain is overwhelming and I never thought my life would turn out this way. It means a lot to hear about your experiences and that you are trying to comfort me. I feel that I am not alone and that you understand my situation and pain.
Thank you for your prayers. I need them more than anything right now. I too,have to put my trust in God and that he will help me and my son to get out of this dark place one day.
Phoenix, I think I will name my son Aaron Isaiah. I'm Christian and want my son to have a Christian name. Thank you for praying. Cece, thank you for sharing your story about your childbirth - it gives me a gleam of hope knowing that I am not the only woman giving birth to a child without her husband ( even though it mostly feels like I am ). I have talked to a doctor about getting antidepressants after the birth so I can get myself together and take care of my son. I think it's the grief causing it.
Seren,* thank you for reminding me of that I'm not the only one in the world who has lost her husband and that it will get better, little by little.
My son, the pregnancy, has been my life saver. I don't think I would have found the strength to go on in life if it weren't for him, and I hope that as you all are telling me, that he will keep me going and alive.
Sending my love to you
Thank you for your prayers. I need them more than anything right now. I too,have to put my trust in God and that he will help me and my son to get out of this dark place one day.
Phoenix, I think I will name my son Aaron Isaiah. I'm Christian and want my son to have a Christian name. Thank you for praying. Cece, thank you for sharing your story about your childbirth - it gives me a gleam of hope knowing that I am not the only woman giving birth to a child without her husband ( even though it mostly feels like I am ). I have talked to a doctor about getting antidepressants after the birth so I can get myself together and take care of my son. I think it's the grief causing it.
Seren,* thank you for reminding me of that I'm not the only one in the world who has lost her husband and that it will get better, little by little.
My son, the pregnancy, has been my life saver. I don't think I would have found the strength to go on in life if it weren't for him, and I hope that as you all are telling me, that he will keep me going and alive.
Sending my love to you
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
sodevestated....I try to always remember this....that every first cry of a newborn baby is living proof that God has not given up on us!!!!!!!
When You first see your new baby and hear his cry...new life and love and joy will come flooding into your heart....
And, it all happens in an instant.......
When You first see your new baby and hear his cry...new life and love and joy will come flooding into your heart....
And, it all happens in an instant.......
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 468
Sodevastated - I am so, so incredibly sorry for what you are bearing. I wish I could give you a real hug. My heart truly aches for you.
I understand what you mean about longing for the picture perfect experience of childbirth - both parents together, crying happy tears. I did not have that either. My husband was back and forth out of the hospital getting his fix. It hurts. But I can promise you this. Having a baby boy in your arms brings such a peace that you probably have yet to experience with anything else in life. It is truly a gift. As my husband (for the first 1.5 yrs of our son's life) essentially left me to be a single mother, I can tell you my son was my strength through a large part of it. Your bond will be beautiful, strong, and healing. He will look up to you with adoring eyes, and you will be his hero. As a fellow Christian, I can promise, failure is no potential when you choose to put God first in all that you do. Apply His principles with raising your son and putting each foot in front of the other each day, and He will not fail you. He will bless you, you will actually begin noticing small blessings, and the cloud with lift some for you. Rely on His promises, not on your feelings and emotions - because there will be a lot of them.
You've got this.
I understand what you mean about longing for the picture perfect experience of childbirth - both parents together, crying happy tears. I did not have that either. My husband was back and forth out of the hospital getting his fix. It hurts. But I can promise you this. Having a baby boy in your arms brings such a peace that you probably have yet to experience with anything else in life. It is truly a gift. As my husband (for the first 1.5 yrs of our son's life) essentially left me to be a single mother, I can tell you my son was my strength through a large part of it. Your bond will be beautiful, strong, and healing. He will look up to you with adoring eyes, and you will be his hero. As a fellow Christian, I can promise, failure is no potential when you choose to put God first in all that you do. Apply His principles with raising your son and putting each foot in front of the other each day, and He will not fail you. He will bless you, you will actually begin noticing small blessings, and the cloud with lift some for you. Rely on His promises, not on your feelings and emotions - because there will be a lot of them.
You've got this.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
Hi Sodevastated,
I can't even begin to relate to the heartache you are experiencing, but I can tell you for certain that once you hold that baby in your arms, your life will take on new meaning! It really is incredible. You will fall in love instantly, and that love will pull you through.
You have so much to live for, so much to be excited about!
Blessings to you.
I can't even begin to relate to the heartache you are experiencing, but I can tell you for certain that once you hold that baby in your arms, your life will take on new meaning! It really is incredible. You will fall in love instantly, and that love will pull you through.
You have so much to live for, so much to be excited about!
Blessings to you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Oh my goodness. I really feel for you. You are not alone. There are many women who give birth where the father is not present, off somewhere getting high, with another woman, incarcerated, overseas, etc. But there also fathers who are there physically, but not really dialed in and supportive. They sort of 'check out' and just aren't really there for you.
But what is about to happen to you in giving birth is truly a miracle. You may find that you feel empowered after giving birth. This is your first and the first is soooo special. Something you've never done before and words don't do it justice. My thoughts are prayers are with you.
But what is about to happen to you in giving birth is truly a miracle. You may find that you feel empowered after giving birth. This is your first and the first is soooo special. Something you've never done before and words don't do it justice. My thoughts are prayers are with you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Dearest SoDev, I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are going through this. I pray that the miracle of giving life to another person will lift your spirits. Holidays are so HARD when we are living with a loss. And even those of us who have a living addict, its like they are already gone. Please do see your doctor, because these hormones will also contribute to your feelings and emotions.
Hugs,
TT
Hugs,
TT
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,235
Sodevastated, I'm so sorry you have to give birth in circumstances that you can't even comprehend.
So many people have given you rock solid advice, including talking to your doctor. I can only add this piece which really applies to all moms: don't be afraid to reach out to your friends and family for the support you'll need. If somebody can cook you a freezer meal to heat up later, that's fantastic. Before I had my son I used to make elaborate meals but most days now I just want to throw everything in a pot and call it a day. Schedule some time for somebody to be there so you can take a nap/shower/space out. You may want to be there for your baby 24/7 but your baby needs a well-rested mother.
You are in my prayers.
So many people have given you rock solid advice, including talking to your doctor. I can only add this piece which really applies to all moms: don't be afraid to reach out to your friends and family for the support you'll need. If somebody can cook you a freezer meal to heat up later, that's fantastic. Before I had my son I used to make elaborate meals but most days now I just want to throw everything in a pot and call it a day. Schedule some time for somebody to be there so you can take a nap/shower/space out. You may want to be there for your baby 24/7 but your baby needs a well-rested mother.
You are in my prayers.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 207
My heart is filled with tears of joy thanks to your words and your support. I don't know what to say, or how to thank you for your feedback. It means so much to me. It doesn't take away the pain, but it gives me some hope - that I will cope and get through this somehow. I wish I could give you all a real hug for caring and taking your time to post. You are all wonderful people and I wish and hope that your lives will be better and that you too, will feel better one day. God bless you all.
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