Dee74

Last part here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-10-a-21.html

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Dee74

Glad you're back LS

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SoberLife2014

MooLu! Perfect!!!

LonelyShadow

I'm glad to be back too Dee!

I'm trying not to think of this as 'starting again', i'm on Day 3 and already my acute withdrawals have all but gone, I'm just trying not to despair over the fact it's happened, it can be so confusing. I think the important thing now is to carry on with all the positives I was doing before and look at the new things I can add to make things easier.

I'm going to get a book on meditation as the small amount that I have done so far has helped dramatically, I think i'll also make sure I talk to my doctor about my anxiety. It might be the first step in understanding why I worry so much over certain situations, completely unnecessarily.

Hope all the febbies are well out there

Torn, come back to us

Keep moving forward.

casinva

Having a couple of crappy days relationship-wise. I find as my sobriety lengthens I am becoming more and more active and my husband is doing the polar opposite. His idea of a perfect evening is nodding off while watching the news. And not the 11pm news - the 7 pm news. I know he works hard during the day but he's acting as though he's 80 instead of 52. It's also like pulling teeth to get him to talk. I realized the other day that if I don't initiate conversation, we'll just sit there in silence. The other night I left and walked around a couple of stores. I'm lonely.

Don't worry - I have ZERO desire to drink. If anything it's empowering me even more to get my act completely together so that I can get a job and start having a life outside of the house. I just needed to vent.

Hope everyone's have a more exciting weekend than I am, lol. ((HUGS)) all!

SoberLife2014

Hi peeps,

Just got back from a ladies night out. It's the first one I've been to in a loooong time. There were 4 of us and while waiting for a table everyone decided to sit at the bar and have a drink. While I expected they'd be drinking, this threw me off a little because I knew it'd be blatantly obvious that I wasn't drinking. There was part of me that thought "Maybe you should have just one to avoid being socially awkward". Then, funny thing is, I thought of having to tell all you about it lol. So, I just got a diet coke instead. Besides, I'm trying to get pregnant. THEN my friend who I've known for quite some time who knows I don't drink anymore (but not why) says "Try my mojito! It's REAAALLLY good!". I don't like mojitos anyway, and by this time I had already reminded myself "I will never drink again and I will never change my mind". I declined. Later I was grilled in the ladies room as to "what's up with the diet coke?". To which I responded "I just don't like to drink anymore. Trust me, I've had plenty. Besides, I might be pregnant". Which is all true. As I watched them sip their mojitos over the course of 2 hours I thought of how that was impossible for me. On the way home I thought about how if I had given in to that one social drink it would have lead to at least one more. On the way home I'd probably stop for a bottle of wine.

I'm grateful for where my mind is at today. I no longer need to drink. But more importantly, I no longer WANT to drink.

Dee74

stay strong everyone - we can do this

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gleefan

((Febbies)) -

LS - I'm glad you're back. I have found it critical during my recovery to focus on ME. When I stop talking about myself - my struggles, my challenges, my triumphs in sobriety - I've lost my focus. Keep working through your issues and reaching out when you need help.

Lulu - I know what you mean about drinking socially to avoid a potentially awkward conversation. It's not worth it. On the other side of the issue, my step mother offered me a drink last night, and without thinking about it I blurted out, "I don't drink." (I could have just said "no thanks" and drawn less attention to the situation). She took pause for a moment, but carried on.

Casinva - ((hugs)) - You know how I've struggled in my marriage since getting sober. Sobriety changes the dynamics of long term relationships. I suppose though that since we are healing, that's only going to make our relationships healthier? For me, recovery from codependency, realizing that I have no control over other people, has helped me "make" happiness happen for myself - instead of looking to other people to make it happen. I'm inspired by your growth, especially your freedom from panic attacks that kept you virtually home bound, and as you grow stronger, I am confident that you will find so many ways to fill your time that you will be over-booked instead of bored.

I am so grateful that when I quit drinking I learned about codependency. The time and effort I spent talking about my sponsor's behavior became a red flag for me. In the past I've turned my frustration with relationships into time-consuming hobbies. I told her a little bit more about myself and about my experiences getting sober and sharing my experience, strength and hope online (I didn't name SR). I explained my goals for the next couple weeks while I prepare for my exam. She continued pounding away at me. I've decided to end the relationship.

She will call this an act of my fragile ego that just can't handle the truth, or something along those lines, and maybe she's right; maybe future me will understand her. But present me is acting with the confidence and self assuredness I've cultivated in sobriety to honor my boundaries and do what's in my best interest today.

Have a good day Febbies!

SoberLeigh

You are handling this in true glee style - proud of you. You will find a sponsor who is a better fit. I think that glee will make a great sponsor one day.

SoberLeigh

(((Casinva)))). Hope hubby wakes up from his nap and sees the beauty in front of him.

Way to stay strong, Lulu, and self-aware. Sigh - we all know too well where that one drink will take us. I find myself thinking lately "My alcoholism - it IS what it IS; my drinking - it WAS what it WAS".

LS, I have been thinking about trying meditation (or maybe, meditative yoga) for a long time. I think it is time I finally did something about it.

Torn, where are you, girl????

LonelyShadow

casinva sorry to hear you're feeling lonely with your husband, do you have friends you can ring or hang out with when he's being distant? Takes the edge off

Lulu, well done, that was some good work right there! I sometimes find it strangely easy to say no when someone offers me a drink because it's like a physical, real manifestation of the AV, when all the battles are won mentally already the AV showing up in person doesn't look so appealing.

Glee - thanks as always

SoberLeigh - I wish I'd tried meditation sooner, I don't know why I've put it off so long. I sometimes get scared when I wonder just how many things i've wanted to do but havn't have been because my addiction had always been whispering doubts and causing inaction.

I made a big descision today to join a rugby team for some training sessions. I asked a co-worker about training and he said i should definatly come along. Just like that my social isolation could be solved. So simple!

What was holding me back was 1. the prospect of injury and 2. the drinking culture. But now I think i'd rather get injured playing a sport with friends than by drunk driving and crashing into a nursery school or something and 2. there's a drinking culture EVERYWHERE in this town, not drinking at rugby wouldn't be any more difficult.

So this is my first attempt in a while at reaching out for some social interaction, it feels like a positive step already

Peace and strength all

casinva

Love this.

Glee - You most certainly are handling this in true Glee style! I'm proud of you for realizing you're worthy of more than she is able to give you. To be honest, she sounds like a real piece of work. The right sponsor for you is out there.

Lulu - I find it amusing when people question why I'm not drinking. I want to ask them why it's so important that they know, but I don't. Instead, I tell them that it just doesn't agree with me anymore. Which is the complete truth.

LS - The Rugby training sounds fun. I think, lol. It seems like such a rough sport to me and the mother in me is worried you're going to get hurt, lol. Yes, I was THAT Mom that wouldn't let her kids play American football.

I'm over my pity party of one. Like any long term marriage, we go through peaks and valleys and this is just one of those valleys. Either we'll grow back together or we won't. I just have to keep trucking forward. I realized that part of my sadness was also due to the time changing back an hour, meaning it will be darker sooner. But I also realized it's going to be lighter sooner and that's a good thing since I like mornings now that I'm not drinking. I'm also going to start playing racquetball again in the evenings. And if my husband doesn't want to come, I've got my 2 teenage boys that will play with me.

gleefan

LonelyShadow - Rugby! There you go! Drinking is everywhere I turn, too. Maybe because I cultivated relationships with drinkers? Maybe because partying is put on a pedestal in society? Even people who don't drink alcoholically brag about how they're going to drink so heavily when they get together. When I was active, I never understood people who'd say that then be found sipping one drink all night and leaving half behind. (I'd pour their leftovers into my cup at the end of the night...) As a nondrinker, I'd never leave the house if I couldn't handle being around booze - and when I couldn't handle being around booze, I didn't go to many social events. The loneliness and isolation became too much to bear. I'm glad that I'm at a point where I can be around alcohol, but I'll admit that it gets old after a little while. (That's when I leave.) I'm happy you've found something fun to do!

SoberLife2014

Hey everyone,

Casinva- I think understand about those peaks and valleys a little. I'm glad you're feeling better today.

Glee- I think you made the right choice. It didn't sound like your sponsor was a good fit for you.

SL- "My alcoholism - it IS what it IS; my drinking - it WAS what it WAS" I love this too!

LS- Good luck with your rugby team! That sounds like fun. I hope you're able to fill that social need. It sounds like you're doing well and I'm glad

You know, last night scared/ surprised me a bit. As I was sitting at the bar with my friends I realized how fragile my sobriety is. I realize that sometimes I might be in situations where no matter the amount of AA meetings I've been to, SMART recovery stuff I've studied, gratitude lists I've done, it might come down to having to look my AV right in the face and say no. I won't have any armor and I'll just have to stand my ground. Of course, there are ways to avoid situations like that, and that would be the wisest thing to do. Like I said, I expected them to be drinking, I just didn't think I'd end up sitting at a bar.

I don't know if anyone else feels this way, but I feel like the longer I'm sober the easier AND harder it becomes to remain sober. It's easier because your AV pipes down a bit and you acquire tools to remain sober. You also get a taste of how wonderful life can be without alcoholism. HOWEVER, it gets harder in that it becomes easier to forget WHY you're sober. I personally had to keep a decent amount of documentation to remind me from time to time. To be honest, lately I've been wondering if it's truly possible that I'll be able to remain sober for the rest of my life. Part of me doubts it, which is the AV talking. Either way, I tell myself "perhaps I'll slip one day, but not today". One day at a time folks. Don't worry though, I'm not even close to that day. I'm not planning a relapse or anything.

Anyway, I hope you're all doing well tonight. I'm freezing. I can't seem to get warm. And I want to hibernate. I'd be perfectly content dressing like an eskimo and staying in bed the entire day except when it's time to eat delicious treats. Not gonna happen though lol

Torn, we miss you.

LonelyShadow

Lulu I know exactly what you're describing there. After a good few months of sobriety the doubts start to creep in

"Was it really that bad?"
"Maybe things are different now"
"Perhaps I was depressed, and now I feel better I won't drink as much!"

This is categorically, unequivocally and absolutly WRONG. The AV is surreptitious, and any time I find myself thinking anything CLOSE to "Maybe..." I have to take a long hard look at myself, play your tape until the end. Think of the mornings, the shame and guilt and gut-wrenching horror. The more often you recognise the AV for what it is the more often you are training your mind to quell those thoughts instantly. Eventually I think the AV becomes far less potent.

Don't doubt yourself Lulu, you're doing great. You are winning.

And yes, I think sometimes we have to face the AV alone. But with all the tools at your disposal the odds are stacked in your favour.

Hope you're good today Lulu

DiggingIn

Wow I missed a lot this weekend!

Good too see your return LS. You got this.

Lots of talk about relationships, isolation, etc. I reached out to a friend who meant very much to me over the past several years. We had a falling out and then I made it worse with drunk texts. He initially broke the ice a few weeks ago, but then I didn't hear from him again. I emailed him and told him I'd like to take him up on his invitation for lunch. We go on Thursday. I've truly missed this man's support and friendship. I pray it goes well and we can begin to rebuild our friendship. I isolated from him because I didn't trust myself and the months piled on. So many things have changed for both of us in that time. After lunch I am meeting his babies for the first time. They are over a year old now. I'm somewhat nervous about this all.

gleefan

Hi everyone,

Gazza - Hi, if you're out there!

Lulu - On the "One year and under" thread, SparkyMcSparky had a great post today about toying with having one or two drinks.

SoberLeigh - I like your "it is what is is, it was what it was" quote. While my alcoholism needs to be taken into consideration when I do things today, the past mistakes, regret, consequences, and losses because of drinking are over. I never have to experience them again if I don't drink again.

DiggingIn - Ah, drunk texts. I don't miss checking my phone in the morning to remember what I talked about the night before. I am lucky that I never said anything out of character via text or Facebook when drunk; I just never remembered what I said! I hope your lunch goes well. I'm curious, what kept you away from your friend. What didn't you trust about yourself?

I am in kind of a cruddy mood tonight. I opted to study for my exam instead of go to AA. I was in a pretty good "zone" studying, and I felt like I wanted to keep going, but the library closed. It didn't make sense to go anywhere else, since everything else would have been closing soon, so I came home. My husband was drunk.

I was just talking about my feelings about being around heavy drinkers a few hours ago on the Undies thread! Early in my sobriety I was resentful when other people drank because they were getting buzzed while I couldn't. Today I am not resentful that I'm not getting buzzed when I'm with people who are drinking, but I find it isolating to hang out with people who are drinking for the purpose of getting drunk. There's something dull about the company of a person who's only thinking about their next drink. (Even though that used to be me!) I'm not looking for meaningful conversation and soul baring intimacy, but it's hard to talk about even basic stuff with folks who are choosing to sever their connection to reality with booze, repeating themselves, etc.

I suppose I'm just trying to sort through my feelings about all of this. My mood is cruddy tonight, and my emotions are a bit raw. My first reaction is to blame it on my husband drinking: He's choosing to do something I can't/won't do. He's choosing drinking over me.

Then a lightbulb went off. I realized I feel cruddy because I'm isolated and alone, studying is challenging, and I'm tired. I can choose activities that will make me feel connected, satisfied, and at peace. I opted to hang out in a different part of the house. I logged into SR to sort through my feelings. Next I'll make a cup of hot tea, wrap up in a blanket, read a magazine before bed. Bliss!

I can relax and unwind after a long day of learning and studying by practicing acceptance and self-care.

dSober

Save me the reading and googling Dee please... the Cookie Monster art is... ? not Picasso... Degas or something... ???

Dee74

Dali - The Persistence of Memory - dS

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dSober

Aah yeah, Sal.