Gilmer

I wish I could give you some of my shallowness, Cow! I mean that.

alphaomega

((((COW))))

I still have my mom on the earth plane.
Discretion being the better part of valor, lets just say old girl is an, ahem, "work in progress".

I fully relate to that hunger, the aching for a very specific comfort that you speak of.

I have learned to lean on my tribe of girlfriends to nurture me and fill that part of my heart and soul that only the Divine Feminine seems to be able to satisfy.

I sense you have cast a wide net in that regard. Let them love on you and take care of you as you move through your transition. I feel like most of them would be honored to step in and share your journey.

You picking up what I'm puttin' down gurlfran ?

Cow

I hear you AO. But even BFFs is not gonna sit by you bedside hour after hour, day after day. In account they got they own life and issues and job and kid and partner and pet and other friend and stuff. I not anybody first priority and probable will never be again.

My Noopept came! Is legal "smart drug" that has scientific study that it help regrow damage brain and lot of anecdotal review for depressions. Worth a shot. I wanna "dry out" couple more days from latest stint in the hole though, before I tries it.

Noopept Benefits: Why We Think This Is The Best Nootropic

ESD907

cow...yes..it is about Grief ... losign a mom is horrible.

Cow

My momma was not momma of the year. By any mean. She was lot of time scary, abusive, raging, hurtful momma. But few time I remember her being true MOMMA BEAR was so powerful I still has visceral memory of it. Like time I had tonsils out and stiches broke open. Was very painful and I bleeding into stomach which making me throw up. We go to ER and first doctor just spray some lidocaine in there and start to cauterize my throat. I literal kick my shoe off. My momma charge him and growl, "Stop! Do not touch her again!" I immediate go from severe pain, fear and distress to total relief, cuz I knew is all okay now. And was okay, cuz my momma rip that ER a new one.

I think because I only get little "taste" of this side of her, and was tempered and confuse by abusive side of her, I still has very strong desire for true mothering.

ESD907

thats what moms do cow....the good ones protect their babies. which your mother did, when it came down to it, she did it. I miss mine, I miss her like crazy. and I had what everyone on earth would call a GREAT one..she was the one who was there with chicken soup, and when I aged a check or cash.... but all moms, are MOTHERS. I'm so sorry. I do get it.

gardendiva

My mom was no coddler, thats for damn sure. But I never doubted her love and support. She did not hesitate to voice disappointment, but she also told me when I made her proud. She made me strong, which I think is the best thing a mother can do for her daughter. No one's mama can be with them constantly or forever. A big part of parenting is teaching your kids how to make their way in the world without you.

Gilmer

My mom never, ever had my back. I got closer to her after I was an adult, and I grieved for a couple of months or so after she died--but I hardly ever think of her now. I left home when I was 21 and never looked back.

Cow

Neither of my parent teach me anything about how to make it in world, which explain why I has the total arrested developments. Only advices my momma ever tell me was "whatever you does, not get married or have kids cuz it ruin you life!" So I didn't!

How you doing Guinea Pig? Still in the hole?

Lenina

My whole post went pooft. Too tired to rewrite.

Just know I am here.

Love from Lenina

ESD907

so sorry

gardendiva

Oh Cow, my dad was full of advices and such. Not like Ward Cleaver, more like WC Fields. A drunken bigoted Fields ... Wait, that's redundant.

Yep, still down the hole.

Cow

How you feeling 'bout that? It funny how alcoholics worry about each other, yes? It like how my friend who addict to oxycontin worry about me. ...Really? But we do.

SoberLeigh

I am behind on this thread. So sorry to hear about the loss of your dear Maggie, Cow. Hugs, Cow, for your loss and other struggles.

(I lost a friend this week and one last week - these losses are so difficult on so many levels - more hugs, Cow; more hugs . . . . )

RevivingOphelia

My mom never SAID that, but that's what it FELT like growing up. She expressed no joy in being a mother and there was no unconditional love or support experienced. I think it's definitely one of the reasons I didn't have children (only one out of four us did).

Cow

RO, my older brother was only one of us 3 to get marry and has kids. And he TERRIBLE father. Those girls total headed for doom. OMG, is painful to watch.

Thanks for hugs, Soberly. Hugs back to you. I sad for you losses.

silentrun

Unconditional Love? I am 46 years and left home at 19. I left with $50, a broken down car and the promise that God was soon going to destroy me at Armegeddon. This past summer my mom announced to me that she would have nothing to do with me unless I return to the religion she raised me in. Once again God is about to destroy me. Growing up it was always about how spiritually strong(read obedient) to the organization a person was. I actually got in big trouble with the "Elders" because I took an academic award and brought glory to myself. Glory to myself? Really? I thought everything I did reflected on God so I better not screw up. If I do something smart God gets POed at me though. I am actually relieved that she shunned me. That spit mitt thing she does when she eats drives me up the freaken wall. Is it wrong I'm glad I don't have to deal with this anymore?

Cow

SR, I not believe in gods anymore, but gods or no gods, as one who raise Catholic with crappy parents, I personal believe that learning to think for one self, especially under such pressures, is something to be very very proud for. Good for you, babe.

Gilmer

I'm a practicing Christian--but I've gotta say, some folks are just messed up.

gardendiva

I'm okay. Been working outside, gettin my hands dirty, gardening.