What is a 'Dry Drunk'?
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What is a 'Dry Drunk'?
Dry Drunk, please explain? My wife said I was a dry drunk. I don't quite know why or what that is. She said it was something her therapist called me. Her therapist has never met me, so I don't know why.
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Dry drunk - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
It's not a term I use - too subjective, and I've seen it too often used perjoratively.
D
It's not a term I use - too subjective, and I've seen it too often used perjoratively.
D
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 228
I've been wondering the same thing, for it's a term I've never heard used before until I joined SR. I would suppose I could be considered a "dry drunk" these days since I've quit drinking but haven't given up my daily lifestyle. I still frequent bars for the sake of playing music, and while many of my friends continue to drink, they've all been supportive of my "dry" behavior. I guess the term really doesn't hold any weight for me one way or the other.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
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My moments of being a "dry drunk" are usually connected to me skipping AA meetings. I am back to being a recovering alcoholic rather then a "dry drunk" when I am working the twelve steps and being in touch with my spiritual journey.
Best wishes to you.
Best wishes to you.
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Originally Posted by LillieB 
A dry drunk is a myth..like unicorns. It's a phrase people use to put others down. Ignore it and anyone who uses it.
I disagree with her use of the term because I have changed my behavior. I'm not perfect, I have my moments, but compared to where I was 60 days ago there is much improvement in my personality IMHO.
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JustDave, sometimes it is a put-down and sometimes it has to do with disagreements over what a person is doing to maintain sobriety or to be a different person. Often when it comes up for discussion here, you can see people aligning themselves with certain methods to embrace recovery. Some people see it as a distinction of camps between AA and non-AA. Others see it as fingerpointing in general.
There are dynamics to every relationship, and I don't know what the situation is with your wife and I don't know what you do differently or the same now that you are not drinking. The important thing for any person is probably to ask themselves what they think about the notion honestly (after removing the accusation factor in the "dry drunk" phrase). Think of any attribute owned by you that fed your alcoholism. Are you still doing that, does nothing else appear to cancel it out? A lot of people think about their resentments and self-image and what they used to do as drinkers (blame others, stew over it, miss the point, blah blah; whatever applies to them). The goal doesn't have to be becoming an angel, but finding what's better than what-used-to-be and growing with that.
Some people would find themselves returning to drinking if they hadn't worked on changing the things that they did as drinkers. Other people don't return to drinking, but become really good at pointing out flaws in others as a way of creating a foundation of self-esteem. Find out whether you are being the same person only minus alcohol in your system - or whether you are moving beyond all that.
There are dynamics to every relationship, and I don't know what the situation is with your wife and I don't know what you do differently or the same now that you are not drinking. The important thing for any person is probably to ask themselves what they think about the notion honestly (after removing the accusation factor in the "dry drunk" phrase). Think of any attribute owned by you that fed your alcoholism. Are you still doing that, does nothing else appear to cancel it out? A lot of people think about their resentments and self-image and what they used to do as drinkers (blame others, stew over it, miss the point, blah blah; whatever applies to them). The goal doesn't have to be becoming an angel, but finding what's better than what-used-to-be and growing with that.
Some people would find themselves returning to drinking if they hadn't worked on changing the things that they did as drinkers. Other people don't return to drinking, but become really good at pointing out flaws in others as a way of creating a foundation of self-esteem. Find out whether you are being the same person only minus alcohol in your system - or whether you are moving beyond all that.
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Join Date: Oct 2008
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I quit asking my wife how she thinks I am doing... at first, maybe not directly..... I would say to her, early on, that I was doin' OK and things seemed to be getting better and she would look at me like I had two heads... I don't ask her to take my inventory anymore, if she needs me to know something, she'll tell me... 
Hmm... lots of stuff there... LOL.... Oh yea, OP, Dry Drunk.
My own experience is that I have periods of restlessness and irritability that I describe as dry drunk, and, thankfully, a lot more where I have serenity and purpose... But it is for ME to say, not someone else... This recovery thing isn't always easy and I believe that we should offer others support, not criticism... Sometimes, support may come across edgy... like; "WTF is wrong with you today?" ... but worse than that would be to show indifference.
Hmm... lots of stuff there... LOL.... Oh yea, OP, Dry Drunk.
My own experience is that I have periods of restlessness and irritability that I describe as dry drunk, and, thankfully, a lot more where I have serenity and purpose... But it is for ME to say, not someone else... This recovery thing isn't always easy and I believe that we should offer others support, not criticism... Sometimes, support may come across edgy... like; "WTF is wrong with you today?" ... but worse than that would be to show indifference.
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Originally Posted by Dee74
Dry drunk - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
It's not a term I use - too subjective, and I've seen it too often used perjoratively.
D
It's not a term I use - too subjective, and I've seen it too often used perjoratively.
D
She used to say, "There is nothing worse than a dry drunk telling you what to do!" Meaning a reformed alcoholic trying to get her to quit her booze.
Weird way to jolt my memories back to forever ago. By the way, at 50 she looked 90 and both she and my father in law died of alcohol related disease at very young ages, he in his 50's and she at about 60 I think.
BTW, my husband and I quit ETOH over 20 years ago, together.
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I have heard it used, respecfully though, when refering to newcomers, up to about 3 months sober. Mostly during the "honeymoon" phase.
It was said to me once by a wiser old timer, then I observed the person being refered to as a "dry drunk", it was no longer apparent after they started going to BB workshops and "got" Step 1. Then they settle in.
More or less the outer first layers of an onion waiting to be peeled off in Gods time preferably.
However, it can happen again on a "bad hair day", then can snap out of it.
It used to happen to me, it still can, it's part of the "cunning" section of "cunning baffling powefull" temperment side of the alcoholism.
My "dry drunkness" is "silent attitude", probably slam a coffee cup at worse, or firmly shut the car door, so it gets some attention. or, I'm pissed off.
But yes, it can be used to put another down, but I don't listen to a person if they do that.
If used in a sympathetic manner, and to offer help IF asked for, then I understand what's being said at the time and to let go and let God in, and mind my own business, or sort of say, "lets go for coffee" after the meeting type of thing if I know the person.
That's been my experience so far.
A very real scenario of a dry drunk, is when one loses the plot literaly, and abuses everyone at the meeting to an extreme the meeting has to be closed and everyone quietly walks away from a possible dangerous situation.
That is the extreme, have seen it happen twice in the past 4 years.
The last time, I just knew not to say anything, not even look the person, just go, quietly. And yet the member was sober, acting and yellling as if they were drunk, in blackout.
In both cases, it ( dry drunk attatck) has no gender barrier, God granted me some experience to view both, 1 gender of each.
Treatment: Humilty and Serenity Prayer and go for a long walk.
It was said to me once by a wiser old timer, then I observed the person being refered to as a "dry drunk", it was no longer apparent after they started going to BB workshops and "got" Step 1. Then they settle in.
More or less the outer first layers of an onion waiting to be peeled off in Gods time preferably.
However, it can happen again on a "bad hair day", then can snap out of it.
It used to happen to me, it still can, it's part of the "cunning" section of "cunning baffling powefull" temperment side of the alcoholism.
My "dry drunkness" is "silent attitude", probably slam a coffee cup at worse, or firmly shut the car door, so it gets some attention. or, I'm pissed off.
But yes, it can be used to put another down, but I don't listen to a person if they do that.
If used in a sympathetic manner, and to offer help IF asked for, then I understand what's being said at the time and to let go and let God in, and mind my own business, or sort of say, "lets go for coffee" after the meeting type of thing if I know the person.
That's been my experience so far.
A very real scenario of a dry drunk, is when one loses the plot literaly, and abuses everyone at the meeting to an extreme the meeting has to be closed and everyone quietly walks away from a possible dangerous situation.
That is the extreme, have seen it happen twice in the past 4 years.
The last time, I just knew not to say anything, not even look the person, just go, quietly. And yet the member was sober, acting and yellling as if they were drunk, in blackout.
In both cases, it ( dry drunk attatck) has no gender barrier, God granted me some experience to view both, 1 gender of each.
Treatment: Humilty and Serenity Prayer and go for a long walk.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Bingen
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Ignore everything . Being sober is more important then anything else . They are referring to fact that you are feeling and looking miserable without drink and it is fine . If you really feeling worse I can recommend a book called seven weeks to sobriety by Joan Sanders , you can search for it on met
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Originally Posted by justdave
Dry Drunk, please explain? My wife said I was a dry drunk. I don't quite know why or what that is. She said it was something her therapist called me. Her therapist has never met me, so I don't know why.
No doubt the the therapist would change their opinion if they actually met you.
Right?
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 270
Originally Posted by LillieB
A dry drunk is a myth..like unicorns. It's a phrase people use to put others down. Ignore it and anyone who uses it.
If they insist that "dry drunks" really do exist, and don't have "true sobriety," unlike they do, I suggest that they change their own "Date of Sobriety" to coincide with their “true” date of sobriety instead of their mere "dry drunk" date of sobriety.
- JBC
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Can i just add to the thread that i have seen several medical professionals including doctor, CBT counselor and psychiatrist who have all used this term when i was receiving treatment...it's a medical term for the description that i posted below...
I understand people don't like labels but from a medical standpoint there has to be some kind of label to avoid saying the paragraph that explains the label every time it is referenced?!
Of course it can be used as a put down as much as someone who is suffering from mental illness can be put down by calling them mentally ill in a condescending way...its how the labels are used not the labels themselves!
I understand people don't like labels but from a medical standpoint there has to be some kind of label to avoid saying the paragraph that explains the label every time it is referenced?!
Of course it can be used as a put down as much as someone who is suffering from mental illness can be put down by calling them mentally ill in a condescending way...its how the labels are used not the labels themselves!
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Join Date: May 2008
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Originally Posted by Bingen
Ignore everything . Being sober is more important then anything else . They are referring to fact that you are feeling and looking miserable without drink and it is fine.
Recovery is not-drinkin and feeling good about it.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
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Originally Posted by Boleo
Abstinence is not-drinkin and feeling bad about it.
Recovery is not-drinkin and feeling good about it.
Recovery is not-drinkin and feeling good about it.
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