Tianeptine a fight like no other
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Tianeptine a fight like no other
So I don't know where to even start. Man I have really dug myself in deep. I really need help guys, so I'll ask the most important question first, for those of you with anti depression history or knowledge. Will my mind ever be the same again. The drug is called tianeptine and it doubles as an opiod in higher doses but its main action is a TCA or tricyclics antidepressant or something like that. The onset of the withdrawals include a huge urge of dysphoria and make this nonsense end no matter the cost. I'm just worried I will never be happy again or my brain will always feel zapped.
Anyways, my story goes as this. I'm a 23 year old drug addict. I've never known that better than now. About 2 years ago I was sent to rehab for hydrocodone addiction for what I thought was the lowest I could have been. Within 3 days at treatment I was at almost 100%. And I've been through the opiate withdrawal fight a few times. Well fast forward to more recent. About six months ago I found an evil little drug called tianeptine. The first time I tried it I remember it gave me a nice little rush of euphoria and from that moment on it was all hell breaking loose. All while working a full time job with high responsibilities, I managed to up my way to where I was about 2 months ago at about 5 grams a day. This amount is unreal high considering the standard dosing is 12.5 mg 3 times a day. When it got that high I knew I could no longer sustain that or I would die or something. So I dropped off it. And found myself in an unforgiving hell hole. I was in such a way that my mom ended up taking me to the hospital because the doctor didn't know what to do with me. The hospital did nothing. Except make me feel worse about myself and put me in a spot of more self pity. I broke down that day and ordered more tianeptine for it to arrive the next day. From there on I went on binges on and off until the last two weeks it was getting bad again. Last night I put my foot down with my girlfriend and she is somehow sticking with me through this no matter how depressed I come out. I really wish I could taper I really do. But that would require hundreds of dollars and the short half life requires hourly dosing and with my work that is really difficult. Also my girl is fed up with me trying to taper and I absolutely understand why. I don't have the willpower for it I don't think. So now I'm at work at 6am feeling absolutely like dogshit. Unfortunately the workload is high this week, and I don't have a way to take it easy. I really need some support guys I'm doing everything I can to stay away from the order button because I know I can't do the taper thing but it seems so nice right now compared to this.
Somehow right now I will admit it is not near as unbearable as the first time I went through this. I don't know if it's the good lord having my back for some reason or if my mind is just getting used to it. It should be at 100% withdrawal at this point so. I gotta do this guys I got a lot resting on it. My job and the girl I wanna marry. But most of all I don't want this drug in my life anymore. I don't want to rely on a substance. I need to break this chain.
I have the following at my disposal to help:
Loperamide: to try and ease the opiate receptor pains
Valerian root
OTC pain relievers
And L theanine
I ordered tianeptine sulfate and phenibut that will be here tomorrow.
The sulfate is a longer acting version that doesn't have the abuse potential of the sodium. All it will do is ease the mental side of things. The phenibut is for sleep as gabapentin and things like that are the only reported things that help for rls from this drug. Not even benzos cut it. Of course my girlfriend is going to be giving these out to me to make sure I don't **** up. If anyone has any advice I surely welcome it...
Anyways, my story goes as this. I'm a 23 year old drug addict. I've never known that better than now. About 2 years ago I was sent to rehab for hydrocodone addiction for what I thought was the lowest I could have been. Within 3 days at treatment I was at almost 100%. And I've been through the opiate withdrawal fight a few times. Well fast forward to more recent. About six months ago I found an evil little drug called tianeptine. The first time I tried it I remember it gave me a nice little rush of euphoria and from that moment on it was all hell breaking loose. All while working a full time job with high responsibilities, I managed to up my way to where I was about 2 months ago at about 5 grams a day. This amount is unreal high considering the standard dosing is 12.5 mg 3 times a day. When it got that high I knew I could no longer sustain that or I would die or something. So I dropped off it. And found myself in an unforgiving hell hole. I was in such a way that my mom ended up taking me to the hospital because the doctor didn't know what to do with me. The hospital did nothing. Except make me feel worse about myself and put me in a spot of more self pity. I broke down that day and ordered more tianeptine for it to arrive the next day. From there on I went on binges on and off until the last two weeks it was getting bad again. Last night I put my foot down with my girlfriend and she is somehow sticking with me through this no matter how depressed I come out. I really wish I could taper I really do. But that would require hundreds of dollars and the short half life requires hourly dosing and with my work that is really difficult. Also my girl is fed up with me trying to taper and I absolutely understand why. I don't have the willpower for it I don't think. So now I'm at work at 6am feeling absolutely like dogshit. Unfortunately the workload is high this week, and I don't have a way to take it easy. I really need some support guys I'm doing everything I can to stay away from the order button because I know I can't do the taper thing but it seems so nice right now compared to this.
Somehow right now I will admit it is not near as unbearable as the first time I went through this. I don't know if it's the good lord having my back for some reason or if my mind is just getting used to it. It should be at 100% withdrawal at this point so. I gotta do this guys I got a lot resting on it. My job and the girl I wanna marry. But most of all I don't want this drug in my life anymore. I don't want to rely on a substance. I need to break this chain.
I have the following at my disposal to help:
Loperamide: to try and ease the opiate receptor pains
Valerian root
OTC pain relievers
And L theanine
I ordered tianeptine sulfate and phenibut that will be here tomorrow.
The sulfate is a longer acting version that doesn't have the abuse potential of the sodium. All it will do is ease the mental side of things. The phenibut is for sleep as gabapentin and things like that are the only reported things that help for rls from this drug. Not even benzos cut it. Of course my girlfriend is going to be giving these out to me to make sure I don't **** up. If anyone has any advice I surely welcome it...
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
Hey we are here for you. oh man I feel for you. Remember your recovery comes before work. if you can't do your work then so be it. There has been many times I have had to call off and sit meetings. kid just woke up. hang tight.
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Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 46
Thanks for the response final time. Oh how i wish i could take off the week and go into a coma and get past this. I do have sick time and vacation time, however work knows of my troubles, and im running on thin ice with missing because of it. As long as i show up they are generally ok. So theres that. Luckily my girl keeps pushing me. Im strongly fighting the urge to order more knowing that just one dose will break this insanity. However the thought of lying to her is out of the question and she will catch me and i will be single this time. So thats out of the question as well. It looks like i have to bite the bullet and serve my time.
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Oh it's extremely nasty. I find it disgusting this stuff is unregulated. Though I can't blame anyone but myself for the pain I'm going through. Today is morning 3 and with the assistance of some phenibut (the closest I could get to gabapentin) I'm feeling actually decent. Really just sore, mentally I'm fine. I would def reccomend use of this for anyone going through this. Gotta keep drudging forward!
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Join Date: May 2016
Location: Northeast WI
Posts: 163
Jaddy....I am in your same boat. I could've practically written your post (I almost started one, then decided to answer yours instead). I have the last few grains of my sodium left, and then I have to be done. No more funds, even if I wanted to order more, but I don't want to. I've wanted off the stuff for awhile now, and it's come down to now.
I've had wd's for short times before, waiting on orders, and know I'm in for hell. Like you, missing work is absolutely not an option. A nurse friend of mine is getting me some neurontin on Monday, I've got a couple tramadol (which that few cost me $$$) and hydroxyzine to get me until then. I need to go buy some loperamide and either Aleve or Advil. I've got magnesium somewhere, too. I need to buy these as cheaply as possible, since while I just got paid, I have rent and other things due before two weeks and I don't have much left.
I've only been taking the stuff since Oct, but how quickly my dosage and tolerance went up, and how often I was ordering and how much I've been spending truly shames me.
I quit drinking in May successfully, I don't know how I let this happen. I didn't know of all the dangers until it was too late. I'm at 5+ grams per day, I've spent thousands. Thousands that I could ill afford, and I'm having to deal with that stress right now, too.
No one close to me knows. My BF, family, and boss were super-supportive with the drinking, I can't bring myself to tell them how badly I messed up, again AND so soon. Boss knows SOMETHING is up with me, I know I haven't been myself even on it, and he's been watching me like a hawk, so I'm worried there, too, about my job.
I did everything wrong, and I'm smarter than that, so I'm so mad at myself. No self- control, not measuring doses, you name it. A slow taper won't work, when I've dosed lower in the last to attempt it, I still had w/d symptoms so it doesn't help, it just prolongs it. Hopefully the comfort meds and a "sick" excuse help get me through the week. I contemplated phenibut and sulfate, but fear my self-control with those, too (plus I can't afford to buy much, if any at all, and too small of amounts will just put me in prolonged withdrawal, even if it's not AS bad as it will be cold turkey). I hope they work for you. I might just be trying to tell myself that since the option isn't on the table.
Sorry for the long hijack... I'll follow your updates, so please post them as you can! Know that I'm rooting for you. I have faith that we can both do this, and we'll be clean and feeling well in the near future.
I've had wd's for short times before, waiting on orders, and know I'm in for hell. Like you, missing work is absolutely not an option. A nurse friend of mine is getting me some neurontin on Monday, I've got a couple tramadol (which that few cost me $$$) and hydroxyzine to get me until then. I need to go buy some loperamide and either Aleve or Advil. I've got magnesium somewhere, too. I need to buy these as cheaply as possible, since while I just got paid, I have rent and other things due before two weeks and I don't have much left.
I've only been taking the stuff since Oct, but how quickly my dosage and tolerance went up, and how often I was ordering and how much I've been spending truly shames me.
I quit drinking in May successfully, I don't know how I let this happen. I didn't know of all the dangers until it was too late. I'm at 5+ grams per day, I've spent thousands. Thousands that I could ill afford, and I'm having to deal with that stress right now, too. No one close to me knows. My BF, family, and boss were super-supportive with the drinking, I can't bring myself to tell them how badly I messed up, again AND so soon. Boss knows SOMETHING is up with me, I know I haven't been myself even on it, and he's been watching me like a hawk, so I'm worried there, too, about my job.
I did everything wrong, and I'm smarter than that, so I'm so mad at myself. No self- control, not measuring doses, you name it. A slow taper won't work, when I've dosed lower in the last to attempt it, I still had w/d symptoms so it doesn't help, it just prolongs it. Hopefully the comfort meds and a "sick" excuse help get me through the week. I contemplated phenibut and sulfate, but fear my self-control with those, too (plus I can't afford to buy much, if any at all, and too small of amounts will just put me in prolonged withdrawal, even if it's not AS bad as it will be cold turkey). I hope they work for you. I might just be trying to tell myself that since the option isn't on the table.
Sorry for the long hijack... I'll follow your updates, so please post them as you can! Know that I'm rooting for you. I have faith that we can both do this, and we'll be clean and feeling well in the near future.
Last edited by Cherrybreeze; 02-25-2017 at 11:58 AM. Reason: Added info
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Join Date: Jan 2017
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I think your in the right spot you know what you need to do. I think your right it's better to bite the bullet stop now and the sooner you do the sooner you will get over the withdrawls, from what I have heard Tramadol really helps, immodium as well as its basically a opiate that can't cross the blood brain barrier but will help the body with some wd. I am on day 5 of a major opiate addiction. I feel your pain. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!
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Join Date: May 2016
Location: Northeast WI
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I called some clinics and an NP I know by association and a rx for Tramadol is out of the question, unfortunately. No one will do it, I can't have another ER bill (no ins) and I know they won't do it either. So the couple doses I have I hope will do something.
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Originally Posted by Cherrybreeze 
Coming up on 48 hours. Feel like hell but the comfort meds are definitely helping, it would surely be worse. Trying to keep my mind positive, mind over matter!
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Ah how relieving it is to see someone else in my shoes and know im not alone. Unfortunately my fight still continues a month later. Right now Im in a cold turkey of about 26 hours. Assisted by phenibut and kratom. Somehow i have managed to avoid most withdrawal symptoms today. Except super soreness which i only escape for the first like 5 hours of phenibut dose. I have another order tomorrow to continue my taper down. My girl is helping me regulate it and has been working. So im excited to finally finalize my escape. tomorrow im starting my taper back at 1.5 grams. And should be off completely in 2 weeks with this same order. I feel so incredibly stiff today lol. I pray for myself tomorrow morning.
Cherry I feel your pain and im here for you every step of the way! share your story with me! Message me, or whatever way you wanna contact me please do.
Cherry I feel your pain and im here for you every step of the way! share your story with me! Message me, or whatever way you wanna contact me please do.
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Join Date: May 2016
Location: Northeast WI
Posts: 163
I considered phenibut (kratom is a no-no here) but was able to get most of my comfort meds for nothing...I managed to call in favors I didn't even know I had! Hoping clonidine and neurontin help me sleep tonight.
Keep going! This will not last forever... I remember how freeing letting go of the alcohol was. How I dug THIS hole so soon well....I have to live with it, but I'm trying to forgive myself. I'm falliable after all.
Keep going! This will not last forever... I remember how freeing letting go of the alcohol was. How I dug THIS hole so soon well....I have to live with it, but I'm trying to forgive myself. I'm falliable after all.
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So last night was a bit rough. I could tell it was really starting to kick in full WD tia blast mode. And I know you know what I mean Cherry. You said you never messed with other drugs? Well let me tell you that you and I 120% picked the hardest one to get off. At least in my experience and others. Never have I had this much of an issue. Anyways i woke up last night at about 2 covered in sweat and RLS became a nightmare. Took some phen and kratom and within about 2 hours sleep came on strong. Just got to work its 6 am. I got 4 hours before my taper resumes and i feel somewhat normal.
Hope your day was better than mine. You are one lucky mf with the neurontin and clondine. Couldnt get those on my best days.
Keep posting ill keep up as well
Hope your day was better than mine. You are one lucky mf with the neurontin and clondine. Couldnt get those on my best days.
Keep posting ill keep up as well
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Join Date: May 2016
Location: Northeast WI
Posts: 163
Neurontin during the day is going to be a big no for me...I was drunk-looking last night. Will have to maybe be a bedtime only, but I slept some. I'm having an energy drink, took some naproxen and clonidine, and have to get ready for work. I'll see how it goes. :/ Headache and chills at the moment.
I was actually prescribed heavy pain meds for about 4 years, quit those a couple years ago (my choice). Methadone and oxy. So I did know what I was in for, but not until my tia use was out of control. No wonder I took such a liking to it.
I'll be thinking of you today. I heard Rachel Platten's Fight Song on my drive home last night....currently my anthem now!
I was actually prescribed heavy pain meds for about 4 years, quit those a couple years ago (my choice). Methadone and oxy. So I did know what I was in for, but not until my tia use was out of control. No wonder I took such a liking to it.
I'll be thinking of you today. I heard Rachel Platten's Fight Song on my drive home last night....currently my anthem now!
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Oh I understand that. I had to find the sweet spot dose of phenibut to where it took away the WD and pain/chills but didnt make me drunk feeling. You could try a lower dose of neurontin? That would be my plan of action.
But I'll be thinking of you too. We need people to talk to when going through this crap.
But I'll be thinking of you too. We need people to talk to when going through this crap.
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Location: Souris, PEI
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Be careful with the clonidine it reduces blood pressure, when I was prescribed it I didn't know that and as an addict I figure well if they say 1 4 must be better, I ended up dropping and getting an ambulance ride where I learned that clonidine effects are
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