Jaddy21

Ya i screwed up too, ran out again not sure if i should order more or just attempt to make it through this. My girl deserves me to give it a shot. Im so tired of being so weak through this. Im literally a slave. I guess it might be time to just cut it out of my life. The tough part is that order button is never too far too reach. Lord help me now. Im literally at my wits end.

tiredcat85

I don't know man, in your situation I think I'd only cold turkey if I had time off. my stints were short and it's still hell on earth to get through and I'm screwing up with work (today the RLS is back, one day of tia was enough to undo like 2 days of acute WD). Just going through motions is impossible, this has got to abate by tomorrow. Gotta make it somehow.

Jaddy21

Ya pretty much me and my girl came to the conclusion that we need to make it until thursday, and jump off and have friday, sat, and sunday to do nothing. Im making a dr appointment for the morning to see if i can get gabapentin or lyrica. Worth a shot. If i can then i might just jump off tomorrow. Ive heard it basically clears withdrawals. And i dont even need that i just need to be physically capable to work. Today isn't unbearable. The phenibut is keeping it at bay for sure. Still have had my fair share of crying in the bathroom and crap like that today. Wondering why i threw my beautiful sobriety away. The ability to feel happiness. Gah I miss that. But my girl has finally thrown me the ultimatum, as i knew it would come. This thursday has to be the last day. After that im off. Ive been in the ultimatum situation before and i always actually follow through with it. This time I definitely won't be looking for a legal high after i succeed. I know i got whole lot of hell coming my way, but i guess im ready to buckle down and take it. Ill be updating you guys over the week and especially over the weekend as ill need all the love and support i can get this weekend.
Good luck guys.
Please PM me if you are going through this and need someone to talk to. I too need some friends. Now more than ever.

tiredcat85

hope you get the gabapentin & lyrica. You have to want it like crazy but I think you can it do it. If it were me in your shoes I'd find a way to do it cold too to be honest, but it's the work that's the problem, you gotta be ready for it...

Such as today I never expected to be this broken, so I screwed up the work but I'm going to sleep early to spend at least 13 hours lying down to try to make it better tomorrow, it's just hard to start a second week like this even if it's my fault.

good luck and thanks

Jaddy21

so 36 hours in, at about 11 pm last night the withdrawals kicked in too 100% straight kicking and going crazy. Wanting nothing but for it to end. I took my usual drink of phenibut and a good dose of cbd. and within an hour all of that subsided and i went back to sleep. I ended up getting 8 hours thanks to phenibut. When I do go through this this weekend i plan on sleeping until i cannot sleep anymore. My body really seems to handle the day better when i get this much sleep. Ive been through this before where i literally couldnt sleep for 5 days and that was really started to kick my ass.
Tiredcat i would seriously consider phenibut only at a low dose like 500 mg in the morning and like 500 at night until you feel better and then just take like 250 mg and keep tapering down. All it does for me is make me able to handle **** and thats after a much worse stint than yours.

tiredcat85

Really glad to hear it helped you sleep. Keep going... I would try it again honestly but by the shipping it'll be too late. The thing is phenibut is personal and it didn't work for me when I tried it alone, I had to overdose on it to feel anything at all and that was bad.

tiredcat85

how are you holding up?

I'm on day 3 or 4 my rebooted WD. I never ever would have imagined a single day of tia would restart the whole WD again. I guess this is what I get but this is gonna make it two weeks of barely any sleep (barely 4h last night, RLS non-stop, nothing made a dent) and wasn't prepared for this, I'm going out of my fricking mind.

Jaddy21

Im telling you man i have been there and the only thing that has helped me sleep is a mixture of phenibut even lower doses, and this stuff called hylands leg cramps you can get at walmart. But i doubt the hylands works nearly as good without the phenibut. If you could get your hands on gabapentin that would work better than phenibut does. I mean you can get phen for like 10$ with 30$ next day shipping so 40 total. I mean like i said for me I know i wouldnt sleep at all without it. And just have no intention to take it longer than needed for sleep. Like you it doesnt have any magic for me, im not looking for magic im looking for sleep lol.

tiredcat85

well I decided to just order it anyway but it's not gonna get til next week at the fastest. If somehow the RLS keeps dragging on at least it'll be one more thing to try again. Even though honestly it never worked well for me, I think I even tried it in a WD before, I can't remember. I'm across the border so the walmarts don't carry the same stuff either. I swear I'm trying everything even the high dose vitamin C.

I almost can't believe it works that well for you!!

Jaddy21

Dang man you probably should have gone ahead and got faster shipping. Ya like i said, when im not withdrawing it literally does nothing for me. But while withdrawing it is the only way to kill RLS, anxiety, and some pain. The key here is its a gaba b agonist and from what i hear its almost just like baclofen. Gaba agonist ,either A or B, can help pain, anxiety, and sleep. I wish you would get some sooner, I hate what you are going through i know how awful it is especially with no sleep. Keep your head up bud, remind yourself this will go away, you can beat this. Soon ill be fighting the damn fight as well. We got this man. No matter what.

tiredcat85

That's the fastest shipping, complete miracle would be it gets here friday.

Yep gotta do this one way or another.

Cherrybreeze

Keep going, guys!

I'm muddling through - I seriously think my brain is broken. :/ Motivation, focus... zero. I'm still freezing, sweating at times, and always feel like I need a shower.

Stepped on the scale tonight... I've lost close to 15 lbs (could be more) very quickly. I didn't even notice, but my BF commented on it the other day and he's right. Still no appetite either. Ugh.

Jaddy21

Don't know where else to turn guys. Im deathly afraid of this beast. I know i have to do this and i want it more than anything in the world. But I am so afraid of what this has done to my brain. I'm terrified of how long this will last. And I'm terrified ill lose my mind. Im praying for anything right now just, like anything in this world to bring me calmness and the fear to be gone. I really hope this is just the blunt of the anxiety getting to me and it will go away soon.
Last night i woke up multiple times feeling like i couldnt breathe.
I gotta get this junk out of my system because it is literally destroying my body. But im afraid doing so in this manner will destroy my mind. I pray for all of you guys out there reading this and scared of the same thing. Unfortunately there is no cure and there is no easy way out. I wanted to play the game and now i gotta pay up. As the day and time goes on ill update on how im feeling. Im at work so i gotta be careful there.
Good luck to everyone. I can't wait to feel again and be a normal human being.

Cherrybreeze

I've had the same feelings, Jaddy... I feel short of breath all the time and like my brain is broken. That's how I describe it.

Remember that part of this is AD withdrawal, not just opiate. It's bound to be more complex. I believe our minds are resilient, I just wish I knew how long this will take!

Cherrybreeze

My body also feels like it's in fight or flight mode all the time. That's probably where my weight went. I've had what feels like anxiety attacks every morning, from a couple of cigarettes. It's crazy. Just had another one, this time I'm just sitting here.

It will pass, though. I really think it will. This is day 12 for me. I'm still exhausted, but my BF (who's been so good through this) was goofing around with me last night and commented that that was the biggest smile he's seen from me in awhile. So it's under there anywhere. 12 days isn't a long time, even though it FEELS like an eternity. Just don't go back. Don't start over. You've come too far already!

tiredcat85

I getcha both. I had all that too, the massive anxiety and the fight or flight. when I have the fight or flight I know it because I'm freezing to death plus the flu-like...

Cherry that's 12 days cold? That's awesome... you gotta be past the worst

Jaddy you brain will be fine at the end, don't worry about it, even if it was a long habit... I've read too much about this at this point... it's just fricking hard to endure while it's happening. The only thing that helped that anxiety for me was high dose inositol (10g / day, 2x / day) but it only works in some people.

My RLS was less bad last night. anxiety is better but I just can't wait for that to be gone.

Cherrybreeze

I did have comfort meds, but 12 days no tia. Feels like 6 months. I'm sick of freezing to death and feeling like I need to shower from sweating. I hope this part passes soon.

Jaddy21

Yeah i wish there was more info out there about this but pretty much most people that go through this stop posting either meaning they made it or went back. Ill do my best to keep people updated because i dont have a choice i have to make it this time.

Cherrybreeze

Last night was my first night of NO sleep (ran out of my benzo rx, can't refill yet). Full day of work ahead. I'm exhausted and petrified.

Jaddy21

Well here we go ladies and gents. I'll be taking super small doses today through out work to keep me useful. But after I leave here its a done deal. Like I said still the old worry about going crazy and ****. I just see so many talk about how terrible it is when there dose was minuscule compared to mine. Its hard not to give in to that fear but im doing the best i can. Last night i slept a good amount. I kept one small dose next to bed in case things got bad so when they did i went ahead and took it. Already the bad side effects from taking that much are dwindling. Its crazy it got to the point where even taking my dose made me manic and boy im glad that is gone. That was tough to endure alone. Well here we go. I gotta walk around im dozing off already. Just gotta get through work and im out.
Good luck guys ill update tonight or in the morning.