Opiate Taper - Trying to Be Sober by May 23rd. Need Your Support!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Hey Snow,
That is pretty incredible. Good job. I hope you print this thread out in its entirety to keep somewhere to read when you have days when your "addict brain" is shouting at you.
I did the "adverse reaction" thing, because indeed opiate dependence IS an adverse reaction. ALL drugs have side effects, one of which is its intended effect by the way. Some side effects make the drug intolerable. Getting "high" is a side effect that some people actually do not like. Hard to believe, eh? Ha!
The pharmacist only needs to know about actual allergic reactions, particularly anaphylaxis where the effect can be life threatening. Other adverse reactions are listed so that other prescribers, when reading your medical records, won't be inclined to use a drug as a first line choice for you.
Just make sure the doctor knows the reason for canceling the rx. The pharmacy does not need a reason at all -- just that the doctor is withdrawing the request.
That is pretty incredible. Good job. I hope you print this thread out in its entirety to keep somewhere to read when you have days when your "addict brain" is shouting at you.
I did the "adverse reaction" thing, because indeed opiate dependence IS an adverse reaction. ALL drugs have side effects, one of which is its intended effect by the way. Some side effects make the drug intolerable. Getting "high" is a side effect that some people actually do not like. Hard to believe, eh? Ha!
The pharmacist only needs to know about actual allergic reactions, particularly anaphylaxis where the effect can be life threatening. Other adverse reactions are listed so that other prescribers, when reading your medical records, won't be inclined to use a drug as a first line choice for you.
Just make sure the doctor knows the reason for canceling the rx. The pharmacy does not need a reason at all -- just that the doctor is withdrawing the request.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: SF, CA
Posts: 40
Good for you Snowflake! I had to take willpower as much out of the equation as possible, addiction always overrode the part of my brain that makes good decisions. You could ask your doctor to change your prescription to a non-narcotic pain reliever like prescription-strength Alleve or Tylenol.
Congratulations on a great choice, best wishes to you!
Congratulations on a great choice, best wishes to you!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 4,252
Snowflake, how are you? I'm thinking of you. Way to go on flushing those pills. That is the first step. That was a very strong and brave thing to do. I don't know if I would have been able to do such a thing. In fact, I'm not sure there are many addicts who could have done it. Keep it in your head how strong you are when you get out there to day 5.
You may have mentioned it earlier and, of course, you don't have to answer, but I am curious how many pills you were on and for how long. I was taking about 10 10/325 mg a day at the end of my six year habit. Of course, I started out with only a pill now and then.....but I was hooked from the first one. Before the pills I had to stop drinking. That was very hard, too. (Understatement). As soon as I stopped the drinking I picked up the pills. Traded one addiction for another.
I am thinking of you and sending you my very best wishes. If I made it through you can, too. SR was my lifeline. I could not have come this far without it. Do not be afraid to post often and honestly.
You may have mentioned it earlier and, of course, you don't have to answer, but I am curious how many pills you were on and for how long. I was taking about 10 10/325 mg a day at the end of my six year habit. Of course, I started out with only a pill now and then.....but I was hooked from the first one. Before the pills I had to stop drinking. That was very hard, too. (Understatement). As soon as I stopped the drinking I picked up the pills. Traded one addiction for another.
I am thinking of you and sending you my very best wishes. If I made it through you can, too. SR was my lifeline. I could not have come this far without it. Do not be afraid to post often and honestly.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 173
Hi guys! I'm having a great day today. It's amazing how liberating it feels to know I don't even have to stress about or wrestle with if I'm going to relapse in the future. Day 5 won't even be an issue, because the beautiful thing is:
No matter how bad I feel, or how much I'm craving... I won't be able to use it. It will be gone. GONE. No stash. No potential refill. There's no willpower needed anymore because the only option is to be sober. Thank you guys so much for helping me get to this conclusion!
Lablife - the straw was just the most disposable thing I could find to stir the concoction, lol. Don't worry, I didn't slurp it up like a slurpee...EWW lol.
Elseware - At my height, which was up to 2 weeks ago, I was taking 10-15 10/325 hydrocodone pills on top of 1 30mg oxycodone. During the brief time I was out of hydros and only had oxys I took 5 30 mg oxycodones in one day! It was getting bad. So thankful I'm truly done with this.
And when I see someone wrestling with access like I did, I'm just going to kindly point them to this thread and hopefully they will realize what they have to do. Thank you, everybody.
FT - Thanks for clarifying what I say. I'm gonna tell my doctor tomorrow morning I've not been using them anymore because it was causing me to get constipated and I'm doing well without them... so much so that I'd like to cancel the remaining refills." This will be music to my doctor's ears, trust me. He will be so happy and relieved to no longer prescribe this to me. He was just trying to be helpful, but he really needed to say 'no' at some point.
No matter how bad I feel, or how much I'm craving... I won't be able to use it. It will be gone. GONE. No stash. No potential refill. There's no willpower needed anymore because the only option is to be sober. Thank you guys so much for helping me get to this conclusion!
Lablife - the straw was just the most disposable thing I could find to stir the concoction, lol. Don't worry, I didn't slurp it up like a slurpee...EWW lol.
Elseware - At my height, which was up to 2 weeks ago, I was taking 10-15 10/325 hydrocodone pills on top of 1 30mg oxycodone. During the brief time I was out of hydros and only had oxys I took 5 30 mg oxycodones in one day! It was getting bad. So thankful I'm truly done with this.
And when I see someone wrestling with access like I did, I'm just going to kindly point them to this thread and hopefully they will realize what they have to do. Thank you, everybody.
FT - Thanks for clarifying what I say. I'm gonna tell my doctor tomorrow morning I've not been using them anymore because it was causing me to get constipated and I'm doing well without them... so much so that I'd like to cancel the remaining refills." This will be music to my doctor's ears, trust me. He will be so happy and relieved to no longer prescribe this to me. He was just trying to be helpful, but he really needed to say 'no' at some point.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 173
Elseware - you cry and whine all you want. What we are doing is probably one of the most difficult things to do in life. And you are doing so well!
Mamahawk - Since I dissolved it with white vinegar, I'm not so sure you would have slurped it up, lol. Can you imagine how bad dissolved pills alone would taste? Blech. I had gastric bypass surgery in 2004 and for the first few weeks I had to drink all of my vitamins and pain pills. I'll never forget how bad that was. That was worse than the pain of the actual surgery!
Those pills I was holding onto, and those remaining refills were such a heavy weight to be carrying around. It made me have to rely on willpower, which is why I felt such a lack of confidence. Now that I've removed the access, the weight is lifted and now I'm totally free. There's no battle to fight anymore. The war is over. Problem solved. All I gotta do is make a phone call tomorrow morning at 10am. I'm practicing what I'm gonna say. I'll let you all know how it goes.
Mamahawk - Since I dissolved it with white vinegar, I'm not so sure you would have slurped it up, lol. Can you imagine how bad dissolved pills alone would taste? Blech. I had gastric bypass surgery in 2004 and for the first few weeks I had to drink all of my vitamins and pain pills. I'll never forget how bad that was. That was worse than the pain of the actual surgery!
Those pills I was holding onto, and those remaining refills were such a heavy weight to be carrying around. It made me have to rely on willpower, which is why I felt such a lack of confidence. Now that I've removed the access, the weight is lifted and now I'm totally free. There's no battle to fight anymore. The war is over. Problem solved. All I gotta do is make a phone call tomorrow morning at 10am. I'm practicing what I'm gonna say. I'll let you all know how it goes.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 2,249
Wow Snowflake! I have tears in my eyes for the courage and strength you show to kick this once and for all. Really proud of you. I know it wasn't easy. God bless you snow. May this night be a good one and tomorrow bring you relief and happiness with the ending of your prescriptions. I am here cheering you on and praying for your continued strength. I know you've got this.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 173
Thank you, NeedingABreak 
Thank you for crying for me. Thank you for caring. Everybody here (well almost everybody) has shown so much support. In my real everyday life nobody knew what was happening to me, and I remember feeling so desperate to talk to somebody about it. I'm so grateful I found this site. If it wasn't for this site, I'm 100% positive I'd still be popping pills, or miserably trying not to, while keeping a stockpile in my cabinet that would call out to me the moment I felt a little under the weather.
What I'm most grateful for is how people didn't give up on me. I know I seemed so inflexible, particularly around the issue of ditching my stash, even though I promised I was listening. As long as I held my position, I would have given up on myself if I were another member reading my posts. But instead, you guys persisted in telling me what I had to do, and that made all of the difference.
So you all really have saved my life. How often do you get to say you saved someone's life? Well, you did. And soon I will be ready to give back and help others as you helped me. Words can't express how thankful I am to all of you.
Thank you for crying for me. Thank you for caring. Everybody here (well almost everybody) has shown so much support. In my real everyday life nobody knew what was happening to me, and I remember feeling so desperate to talk to somebody about it. I'm so grateful I found this site. If it wasn't for this site, I'm 100% positive I'd still be popping pills, or miserably trying not to, while keeping a stockpile in my cabinet that would call out to me the moment I felt a little under the weather. What I'm most grateful for is how people didn't give up on me. I know I seemed so inflexible, particularly around the issue of ditching my stash, even though I promised I was listening. As long as I held my position, I would have given up on myself if I were another member reading my posts. But instead, you guys persisted in telling me what I had to do, and that made all of the difference.
So you all really have saved my life. How often do you get to say you saved someone's life? Well, you did. And soon I will be ready to give back and help others as you helped me. Words can't express how thankful I am to all of you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 173
I DID IT GUYS!!! This morning, first I called my doctor and told him I'd like to cancel my prescription. I must have caught him at a bad time, because he seemed bothered and snippy. He took down the pharmacy phone number. (He doesn't have the greatest bedside manner even on his better days).
Four hours later I called the pharmacy to confirm the prescription had been cancelled. They said my doctor did not call, but that the pharmacist said he would cancel the remaining refills at my request. I said, "Yeah... I'm really not using them anymore... they were making me constipated so I'm not really going to be taking them anymore." He said "no problem" and did not seem sketched out. If I got flagged, so be it. Maybe I need to be flagged.
SO IT'S DONE! After I take the tiny bit of pills I rationed out to get me to the weekend (4, 3, 2 ,1) I'll be clean and this time I'll stay clean because there's no way to relapse! I will have NO MORE PILLS AND NO MORE ACCESS!! WOOHOO!!!
Four hours later I called the pharmacy to confirm the prescription had been cancelled. They said my doctor did not call, but that the pharmacist said he would cancel the remaining refills at my request. I said, "Yeah... I'm really not using them anymore... they were making me constipated so I'm not really going to be taking them anymore." He said "no problem" and did not seem sketched out. If I got flagged, so be it. Maybe I need to be flagged.
SO IT'S DONE! After I take the tiny bit of pills I rationed out to get me to the weekend (4, 3, 2 ,1) I'll be clean and this time I'll stay clean because there's no way to relapse! I will have NO MORE PILLS AND NO MORE ACCESS!! WOOHOO!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 173
cleaninLI in the 9 pages of this thread you would see how I originally thought I could quit with 180 pills on hand and 3 more refills of that. I put value on the pills and told myself maybe I'd need them in the future.. like if I had an injury or even a really bad hangover. Sometimes I was using my pain pills to cure a bad hangover (which is terrible I know - but it worked). But that was with the assumption that I could just take one and be done with it.
But I proved I can't do that just last week, when I took a pill after 5 days, thinking, once again, I could just take one and be fine.
But instead... one pill turned into "well didn't really feel anything, so better take two." Then, two pills turned into "well I may as well take three and feel a buzz." Then that gave me enough of a withdrawal hangover the next morning to say "well may as well take one this morning to cure my withdrawal" and then I was back in the saddle. All the while, the bottle of pills in my cabinet were calling out to me... screaming at me. The only time they weren't was ironically when I was physically detoxing off of them. But once I started feeling better, the bottle screamed "take me!"
So I proved to myself, those pills don't have value. Maybe they did when I first started taking them, but now that I'm addicted to them, they don't have value at all... they are poison to me. And thanks to the people on here, I came to the conclusion that I had to rid myself of the poison for good. I know I'm probably preaching to the choir, but I thought I'd explain my thought process in the last few days for what it's worth.
But I proved I can't do that just last week, when I took a pill after 5 days, thinking, once again, I could just take one and be fine.
But instead... one pill turned into "well didn't really feel anything, so better take two." Then, two pills turned into "well I may as well take three and feel a buzz." Then that gave me enough of a withdrawal hangover the next morning to say "well may as well take one this morning to cure my withdrawal" and then I was back in the saddle. All the while, the bottle of pills in my cabinet were calling out to me... screaming at me. The only time they weren't was ironically when I was physically detoxing off of them. But once I started feeling better, the bottle screamed "take me!"
So I proved to myself, those pills don't have value. Maybe they did when I first started taking them, but now that I'm addicted to them, they don't have value at all... they are poison to me. And thanks to the people on here, I came to the conclusion that I had to rid myself of the poison for good. I know I'm probably preaching to the choir, but I thought I'd explain my thought process in the last few days for what it's worth.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Snow, I think your taper plan sounds fine.
I actually did do a rapid taper like that after many failed attempts to taper oxycodone. In the end, choice was taken from me when my pill doc got arrested for prescribing high quantities to addicts and hiding his money from the feds. I arrived at his office one day to a room full of twitching addicts, all of us whom were told to go the ER if we had withdrawal we couldn't handle. No warning. I was literally sick because I had already run my supply dry after taking two weeks of drug in a few short days.
It sucked bad, but I did it. I had several docs all prescribing, but only the one who was doing massive amounts. I had run myself out of options, and instead of begging for more from another doc, I bit the bullet once and for all.
You can do this, and you should be proud. You voluntarily put yourself into a position of zero access over the next couple of days.
I'd like to see you on here helping others who ask what tapering is like, what worked for you, what didn't. I've tried to do that because I received so much help here when I was hurting badly.
Keep up the great work.
FT
I actually did do a rapid taper like that after many failed attempts to taper oxycodone. In the end, choice was taken from me when my pill doc got arrested for prescribing high quantities to addicts and hiding his money from the feds. I arrived at his office one day to a room full of twitching addicts, all of us whom were told to go the ER if we had withdrawal we couldn't handle. No warning. I was literally sick because I had already run my supply dry after taking two weeks of drug in a few short days.
It sucked bad, but I did it. I had several docs all prescribing, but only the one who was doing massive amounts. I had run myself out of options, and instead of begging for more from another doc, I bit the bullet once and for all.
You can do this, and you should be proud. You voluntarily put yourself into a position of zero access over the next couple of days.
I'd like to see you on here helping others who ask what tapering is like, what worked for you, what didn't. I've tried to do that because I received so much help here when I was hurting badly.
Keep up the great work.
FT
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Hikkaduwa, Sri Lanbka
Posts: 40
Hey, Snowflake,
So good, my friend. Now, I know you may not like this idea, but if you get into a program or stay as a regular here, you can continue to inspire others. Here and in face to face meetings, you can tell your story which will give others the courage and strength to get and stay clean and sober. It will also keep you sober. Just a thought! So happy and proud of you.
So good, my friend. Now, I know you may not like this idea, but if you get into a program or stay as a regular here, you can continue to inspire others. Here and in face to face meetings, you can tell your story which will give others the courage and strength to get and stay clean and sober. It will also keep you sober. Just a thought! So happy and proud of you.
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