meditation

Yeah Amy I remember the case manager saying that and me thinking what's in his coffee?

I had an eval by a hardened psych examiner to determine what level of "care" I needed back 2 years ago. If it would be IOP from home, 30 days inpt then IOP from home or what ever level was required to help me the best. I got the extended hard version lol because I was red flagging all his checklists. I started calculating when I'd be back as in BACK you know able to be functioning again in my beloved career. I told him, I think If all goes well I should be able to start my life up again in Jan of 2011. He scoffed at me, saying, "you think it will be that easy?" You think?" And "I'm doubtful that you'll get your license back, I've been surprised when some did that I thought would never be able to do it." Which was depressing to hear his lack of support on top of being told that I was headed to a locked facility for my own good. and now to think it's happening even maybe before I even thought. I wish this man could find some happiness in his line of work and find that his judging of others when they are most down is a disservice to his profession. I have harbored a resentment towards him and I'm thinking of writing him a letter but I doubt I'd send it. I think I just want to rub it in his face him a doubting Thomas .... but it would not benefit me to do it. I need to work out this resentment and give it up. Maybe I can now. I wasn't able to before.

But my case manager is awesome. He is like you Amy, the light in the dark showing the way.


I hope your demo goes great. We're here rooting you on... and come back on here and tell us how it went. Yes, I want details. Love love love

glitter

Good morning hen-housers! Guess what my plans for today are......




Have a bee-u-tree-ful day!

Impurrfect

(((Glitter))) - have fun!!!

(((Med))) - I thought about writing a letter to the workman's comp lady, too - saying "I TOLD you these were the same guys, and I pray you never have to go through what we do or you have some pull with your job to get mental health covered" but I'm going to let it go.

Got to go find a plastic punch bowl for the demo tomorrow, on my way to work...so got to go.

Love, hugs, and prayers,

Amy

meditation

Glitter, when daughter's bf gets here, they get to trim the tree. Maybe he can dig out the big tree, hubby stuffed it on the 3rd shelf in the garage and it's been up there since 2003, as nobody can get it down now, hubs had bilateral knee replacement and can't get it down. It's up there with all the ornaments from the past. I've had a small tree and made ornaments for it in replacement. Daughter wants to do this with her friend so I'm all okay with it, going to hunt the xmas music up and pop some popcorn, make some fudge and let them enjoy a tradition.

meditation

Punch sounds good. I've got a glass punch bowl with the cups somewhere in the basement in a closet. I wish we lived closer you could have used it. Have fun, i bet when it's over you are hooked on demos.

Impurrfect

(((Beth))) - thank you, SO much. I really needed to read your post tonight!

(((Med))) - I think I have it worked out. I got a plastic bowl at the dollar store, then got to thinking it's not big enough, so had to go by wally-world after work and just decided to get a plastic (smallish) storage thing...it will work great, and it was $4.97 Also found a $5 Christmas-y tablecloth, put the table up, when I got home and it looks like it will work, just fine. Just need to take the table DOWN as I have a feeling a fat cat may lay on it and break it?

Okay....I tried, I really, really tried to keep my mouth shut at work. Considering I don't even remember what started the show-down, I'm thinking I'm having a PTSD flare. All I know is, it wasn't pretty. What part of it I DO remember, is D saying "most of you are on my shift because no one else wants to work with you". I said "Gee, THAT'S a great way to encourage your employees". She said that she hadn't mentioned names, and since I was taking it personal, I must have a problem, or something like that.

I told her "I've been working longer than you've been alive and that's totally unprofessional". I was told "you don't like it? you can quit" at least 5 times. I told her I was well aware of how to get and quit a job....done that for decades, then said "this conversation is over".

At that point, she started talking ABOUT me to other employees, where I could hear her. I said "you just don't stop, do you?" She told me she wasn't talking to me, and I said "no, you're talking ABOUT me and I don't appreciate it".

I finally got a break, and had to vent to Tess by e-mail. When I came back in, everything was fine but I just couldn't be my cheery self with anyone other than the customers. I just felt beat down.

I told Dotty and my new buddy, Chat about it, and they told me that this MGR is the problem, and don't believe a word she says, which made me feel a little better. I didn't stay late, told Dotty I had the demo job tomorrow, but I had stocked everything I could, for her, and she understood.

I had been to the dollar store, and found a decent sized bowl for the demo, but got to thinking it wasn't big enough (have to put ice and 3 46-oz juice bottles in it). So, went to wally-world and found a plastic storage thing that is just the right size, a Christmas-y tablecloth and got some new flannel sleep pants. Ran into another lady who works 3rd shift, but was off, and told her what happened. She told me "D is the one everyone can't stand...YOU are just fine!" That made me feel better.

Got home, set up the table, put the tablecloth on it and the storage container to make sure it will work (I have to be there in less than 9 hours) and it will be fine. Think I need to take the table down, as some fat cat may decide to lay on it and I don't want that.

Got here, to SR, and saw that ((J/Dreamscape)) was clean and that made my day. I talked to dad, a bit (the treadmill is working!!) and just vented a bit, but I'm over.

I have to realize it's just two nights a week I have to work with D. The karma police will get her, in the long run. This really is "accepting the things I cannot change", but damn...it's hard.

I'm hoping that a few days off will be a good thing, though I'm not really OFF, as I have the other jobs to do.

In all honesty, I wanted to be numb, but that's no longer an option, thank God.

Oh yeah...I "wrote" a letter to Darryl, the ringleader of the gang that's brought on some icky feelings. It wasn't nice....basically said "I hope you enjoy getting beaten up, I hope you become some guy's gf, and I hope you rot in hell". Okay, so that's not very recovery-like, but it's where I'm at. I DID, at least, pray that I could forgive him and the others, and be at peace with the whole thing.

I'll get there...I know I will, but it's going to take some time. I thought him and the others being locked up would be closure, but it seems my mind hasn't figured that out, yet.

HOWEVER, I'm clean, I'm home, and I have people in my life that I love dearly, and they love me. Life is good, even when it's tough

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Dee74

good luck with your demo (((Amy)))

Hope your tree went ok Glitter!

hey Beth!

Hope you ended up having a good day J - and yeah - let it go - we hurt ourselves the most with resentments...

hugs to all

D

windysan

today i'm cooking chicken curry while watching the Saints beat the pants off the Bengals.

WWWHHHHHHHHOOOOO DDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

karma35

hey amy - ur were a victim of SOMEONE'ELSES actions - i too have been there.. i felt much the same - so glad something has happened as a result - ie them jailed... good..

med lovely - i'm so pleased for you bout lines in the sand disappearing..heres to the rest bein smooth sailing... ur great hun!

i know i'm glossing real fast but phones are a nightmare posting -
windy i love chicken curry.. and the advice don't do dope works lol -

i wish i had u guys as my neighbours.. then cozy cat coffee corner could exist...my restaurant name for the future,,, grinning stupidly lol

as we all state at one time or anuvver - thanks for being my family when my own hasn't and couldn't and for having the insight i so often seem to lack - specially for my own stuff lol..blessed is how i feel..
35 days today... i think.. i'm istening to really uplifting vocals as my day has been not so great due to more opinions than i care for here at home - funny if they'd put this much energy into being there when i needed them...ahh well - i'm in a good place -

my biggest news is that i'm leaving uk for portugal in the new yr with motorbike to go on yey - and i'm setting up an global NGO with friends - very cool that i have an idea that might work...
hope all we know, those i haven't mentioned and the ones who are coming this way are keeping as well as possible and knowing that if we can brave all we've been through we r stronger in the long run..

amy..
bob marley said.. Light up the Dark.. thanks for being a v bright candle in my life.. how you analyse and give is a good lesson for me..

so Dee and Jay, norty and 40 glitter and all ... love you
Karma

karma35

ok u must have seen whats happeninng in uk... this just made me smile- my m8s are the producers... lol
after last time i hope this works - lol dee..


love ya all..
Karma (can be a beeaattccchhh....lol)

meditation

Karma~~ I hope your trip to Portugal is freeing, liberating and lovely. All I have ever seen of Portugal is on the Real Estate channel here in the US. People from the UK checking out homes etc, and it's lovely. Or if TOP GEAR guys go on a trip. I love that show. Thank heavens for BBC America. But Portugal looks incredible and my secret longing is to be able to speak Portugese. I've been a fan of bossa nova jazz for a long time, I hope it's the same language as Portugese but it's soft and so lovely.

Yeah it would be great to have face to face hen meetings. I am waiting on them to invent that teleport travel machine. It would be utterly fantastic to just imagine being at a place and poof there you are. Of course it would take out the hotel/airline industry.

So Karma if you get some nice pics send them to us. And please please pop in here if you get the chance to wifi or hook up with a computer on your travel. I want to know how you're doing and how things are and I've found that connecting with people is my sanity and I love to hear about how people in the family are doing. You are part of the family here. SR is a lovely place. I know you're not leaving for a bit around the new year but I'm thinking of you.

Hope all hens are well. Amy I hope you have a great demo blasting day. Love to Lenina, Amy, 40T, Dee, Glitter, Anada, CQ, Jay, Karma Norty and dreamscape Windy. All my love.

Impurrfect

((Karma)) - I hope you have a great time in Portugal. I don't know much about it, except that, at the other restaurant I worked in, we had several people from there come in and I couldn't understand much of what they said I know just a few basic words in Spanish, but beyond that, I'm lost. oh yeah, I LOVE motorcycles! Love the link, and am grateful that no one would be singing about ME like that!!

My demo went great. There were only 11 bottles of juice on the shelf, but I sold them out and came home early! I was a bit uncomfortable, at first...just standing there, but as business picked up, and I had a couple people taste the juice, say "hey, this is good" and then go put it in their carts, well I got more relaxed. The other side of my aisle was the pet food aisle, so talked to people about their animals.

Came home, helped dad move the old TV out to the carport, and now he's hooking up stepmom's new 40-inch HDTV. We have more TV's than people in this house, not counting the 2 old ones out on the carport.

I tried out the treadmill. Boy, that's a bit tougher than the park, but I did a mile and figure I can go down there and walk 15-20 min., whenever I want to (or need to) and I will build up. Patches had to supervise me, sat there looking like "WTF are you DOING?" then snooped around the basement.

(((Windy))) - I'm watching the Falcons game, missed the Saints. I always thought I didn't like curry, but apparently I'd never even tried it? My cousins took me to an Indian restaurant, in MN, and damned if the chicken curry wasn't yummy!! I don't do the spicy stuff, so I stuck with things that wouldn't set my mouth on fire (it was a buffet).

I need to review for my test tomorrow, but all I really want to do is crawl back in bed, with Mots and Elvis and sleep. At least, with such a good day, McD's and D are a million miles away, in my head, and that's a good thing

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

karma35

i've just had a mate ask me bout how i got here... i looked at the clock and smiled... i cant go into why really without boring the pants off you.. but i'm free of what i see as my 'jail' term.. (listening to music helps me deal - lyrics make it or break it for me.)..i'm sat here after my conversation wondering bout the questions he asked me and my own replies..
i come here because i'm inspired that there are hundreds of us out there trying to resolve ourselves our lives and how those are affected around us... taking responsability for it round those who never think about it.. - my heartfelt respect anew to anyone who questioned enough to get here at all... i hope you make it - i hope i make it...it never stops amazing me that still...we are all worth it..........

its difficult to not want others to feel the same at the same time..thank you all for giving me that space to say anything..

and i'm glad i can waffle randomly knowing u get it....

hey no way do i get to see the world without you all... soo meditation - pics will be forthcoming... thanks for being there.. amy and all... nuff said xxxxxxxxxxxxx sorry on one a lil from the last 6 hrs....
light up the dark..for you, my family
Karma

meditation

Karma, that was soooooo sweet and it made me feel so nice. what a nice family this is.

meditation

Amy, Wow so glad your demo went wonderfully. I somehow knew you'd be hooked on these things. Now if you get one of those meat ones, the ones with them handing out cooked up bits of meat on a toothpick I bet it goes even faster. My hubs swarms around those guys/gals. He literally can be lured away with meat. haha. I don't have to worry about another woman unless she has steak earrings. He'd like Lady Gaga.

So glad to know you've got TV's under control and good news about that treadmill being hooked up. I've got one that I can adjust the slant tension and it is supposed to be like walking up a cliff.. I can barely do the geriatric speed. I've got to get healthy. It's only 30 pounds but have you ever hauled a 30 pound bag of something around it gets old fast.
I am glad you checked in and let us know how the day went. I do the same thing, I worry for 3 people in advance and it's never ever as bad as how I think it's going to be but I continue to do the same thing over and over and as they say that's the definition of insanity. Yep I'm certifiably insane. Love to all.

Dee74

I must be tired - thought I posted about your demo, (((Amy)))...congratulations anyway
enjoy portugal, (((Karma)))

I can be lured away with supermarket meat treats too, (((J))) LOL

karma35

um i think this might grate with you cultured lot but i love lyrics right ... so this chorus is ours...



good thought to all...
hugs Karma

meditation

Thanks I've been looking for that one. I've been hung up on Johnny Cash's cover of NIN's song called Hurt. the video on youtube is unreal. It's somewhat about addiction. It gets me everytime.

Impurrfect

(((Karma))) - I LOVE that song and have it on my mp3, and I listen to it often. The part I sing the loudest is:

Now, I just can't keep living this way,
so starting today I'm breaking out of this chain
I'm standing up, gonna face my demons,
I'm manning up, gonna hold my ground
I've had enough, I'm so fed up,
It's time to put my life back together, RIGHT NOW!

To me, it's a great recovery song and it gives me a boost every time I listen to it.

I really love your post, and am so glad you're part of our family

I realized, today, that I'm broke again? Sheez, it doesn't take long...hair cut, dye (on sale), stuff for the demo, a couple of sweaters, new work shoes, gas in the car...sigh. I got paid today, but that goes toward the car payment. So, I'm paying all of the school off, except for $100, and they'll get it when they get it.

I forgot to get my paperwork stamped and signed at the store, yesterday, so need to go back and get that done, then head to school and take my test.

I slept something like 14 hours? My alarm went off and I just shut it off. I still need to do stores, but it's early in the month, and I need to sleep whenever I can. This 3-5 hours a night just isn't cutting it.

It's cold here, I just turned my desk lamp on for Elvis as he couldn't curl up in a ball any more than he was. I tried to show him his heating pad is on, but he doesn't get it yet. I don't think he realizes what he lays on is heated...he thinks it all comes from the lamp he got so cozy with, last winter. I tried to explain it, but he doesn't get it.

Okay, time for me to get dressed and get busy. I'll check back in later.

Love ya'll!!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Lenina

(((HenHousers!))) Good morning to all! I'll try to catch up a bit.

(((karma))) When are you going to Portugal? If you have the time, you might want to go to Sintra. It's just a short train ride from Lisboa up the hill to a very cute and fun little place. It's been a few years (maybe two?) since I was there last but it was very cool. There's a fabulous view of the ocean. And an old Moorish castle that's mostly in ruins. Worth seeing though.

There's also a little village, I'm not remembering the name, it has a legend that's fun. Something about rooster coming back to life at the end of the day to prove the innocence of theft who had been put to death for his crimes, I think. So, you can see lots of cockerel things. I can't remember the name! Anyway, I know you'll have fun. Eat some Brazilian BBQ for me!

(((Amy))) You're doing so well! I'm so very happy for your progress!

(((med))) I hope all is going well for you too!

Well, my life is pretty peaceful. I didn't get much done this last week. I was just too tired from lack of sleep. I swear, if I could only sleep I know I'd feel so much better.

So, just a quick check in. I hope you all know I do try to read in so I can stay current with you all. I do keep you in my best thoughts. I just don't have too much to say! Which is good! LOL

I send my love to you all! (((Dee)) (((windy)) (((Jay)) (((glitter))) (((norty)) (((nands)) (((Bear))) (((40T))) ((((CQ))) Hugs to any who need them!

Oh, and thinking of our ((Bear)) I did some shopping at Walgreens and got some of those battery operated candles! Two for $5. I hope we have time to get a tree up before the 25th. I have to leave tomorrow and won't be back until the 22nd.

Well, that's all from me. I'm the most boring person in the Hen House. LOL And so grateful my life is peaceful!

Much love to all!

Lenina