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Hen House Talk With All Our Friends - Part 9

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Old 12-03-2010, 08:41 AM
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Hey guys, hey ((((40T))))) you must live in the south also. It's been freezing here. I've dug out the winter mittens, scarves and heavy coats.


Dealing with stress today. The phone rang about 9 am I was in the bath and hubs answered it and told them I was not home. It was a woman and I think it was Washington DC. I am struggling with worry now about what on earth could be wrong with all my paperwork and wanting to just scream at him for not giving me the opportunity to talk to her. She probably won't call back today, and its Friday so I will worry all weekend. I don't know why he does this stuff, the phone has an answering machine I would have been able to get the number to call back but he has done this a couple of times, I don't know why, I don't know what he's thinking. But I could beat him silly right now. and he knows how stressed out all this has been making me...... clueless okay he's just clueless. I had to get this out. I usually don't feel much in the way of anger, I know all about stress and anxiety but anger is something I haven't felt much and I got it in buckets. I hope I'm not in denial and blaming.
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Old 12-03-2010, 08:44 AM
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Amy we posted at the same time. You're dealing with anger too, but yours is much more serious than mine. Mine will be gone in a day and that's the stuff you're dealing with that nightmares are made of. I am sorry it's brought the whole thing back up for you but it's good they are put away now. I am sorry. Hugs for you sweet one.
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Old 12-03-2010, 09:02 AM
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(((Med))) - do you have caller ID? If they want to know something, they'll call you back, sweetie, but I understand the stress. Apparently, the detective called me, when I was asleep, but he did, at least, leave a message.

I don't know what I feel....totally off balance would best describe it. I may see if the treadmill is ready to use and go walk on it for a while. I would THINK I'd be okay...validated, or whatever, that my gut was right, but "okay" is NOT what I'm feeling.

I WILL be okay, though. I have tools to work through this stuff

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 12-03-2010, 09:03 AM
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I'm still hopeful Jason will get some sort of internet access long enough to check in

Not much to say here....
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Old 12-03-2010, 09:12 AM
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I know Amy, the best therapy for anger and stress is physical. I want to go out and do something outside that I can attack with a rake. But I'm fearful of leaving the landline to go out there. He's asleep so no telling what he'd say. And you're right, I know if it's something they will call back but it just means more delay.
Get on your treadmill and try to find some manageability if you can. This could be a way though for you to deal with this ptsd, I find I avoid things that are uncomfortable to deal with and all this has to be bringing back up your fears about that night. I don't think it's wrong for you to feel anger towards the boss or the workman's comp people. You are still feeling very victimized about this and it's towards the people that should have been there to either help you or to prevent this happening. I don't know how to get rid of that other than maybe trying to write a letter to each person and then burning it or heck just send it, they need to know how actions and misrepresentations affect people.


Anada, I bet they won't let anyone near a computer, They would not let me near a phone in rehab. I think he's in a good place now. I hope you're doing okay.
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Old 12-03-2010, 09:36 AM
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(((Nands))) - I miss ((Jay)), too, but I'm trying to trust that he's getting the help he needs. I understand him, even more, today - being a victim of other people's horrendous treatment to us causes so many feelings, and he went through way worse than I did. I do know, however, that with help we can get past that, and he SOOOOO deserves a good life. Love you ((Nands)).

(((Med))) - I rebel at being a victim, but that doesn't change the facts that I WAS a victim. It's up to me to get back my power, and if it takes walking, finding a pillow to punch, or have a "conversation", while in my car, with everyone I'm ticked off, well...I'm determined to work it out.

Going to find out if the treadmill is up and running. It's a great day to walk in the park, but don't have enough time before work.

I am sooooo glad that I have this thread, and a few others, here, who "get" me and are there for me. I love you all!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 12-03-2010, 09:43 AM
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Such strength and resolve, determination, you go girl!!! But be kind to yourself too.:ghug3
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Old 12-03-2010, 09:52 AM
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Treadmill isn't functioning yet, so going to the park to walk the short route. Thank God, that's my first instinct, these days....not getting high and drowning it out.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 12-03-2010, 12:37 PM
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Posted in your other thread, but Amy
to you too Nands - don't isolate too much, ok?

and to you too J

D
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Old 12-03-2010, 01:23 PM
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Sweet Dee.

The missed call was the p-doc. I wasn't able to get back in touch, I guess she's wondering if I lived lol through my side effects. I talked with hubby and plan to try maybe one more time on a different one. I hope it goes easier and smoother. I know my mom got on one and they gave her something like xanax to get on it but I can't do anything like that to ease on, they'd have a fit on my program.I knew whoever it was that called would return the call, just my anxiety about all this stuff out to different agencies and hoping I got all the T's crossed and the I's dotted, nothing horrible, it's just not easy dealing with it because everything requires notary and copies of things. I hope I'm done with my end and just waiting on all the resolution of it all.

I hope Amy got a good theraputic walk in. I feel silly posting my stupid stuff when Amy's got some issues that are real and serious. I really am praying for you Amy.
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Old 12-03-2010, 01:52 PM
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More good news. I got a letter from Washington and I am off that medicare list. Only one small stepping stone left. I mailed that thing a week ago and amazing how fast that worked. unreal. The letter did say that I could use the letter as an employment tool or wait till the monthly update to be removed. My case manager said to just wait to job hunt till it's updated but I really need an active license to do that anyway but great news. One more hurdle done.
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Old 12-03-2010, 01:55 PM
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your stuff is important too J - everyone's is

I'm glad the obstacles are falling for you - and good luck with a new med :ghug3

D
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Old 12-03-2010, 02:09 PM
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I know Dee but sometimes when good things happen to me I feel bad if they aren't happening to everyone. I know I need to get over that, everyone has their moments or days or months in a dark valley but eventually the sun does shine.

And there were some really dark days in the last 2 years, days I really did not believe any of this would come to be, and it was plodding one foot in front of the next, pity pots and tissues but doing the right thing as they say and continuing to do it despite any evidence to keep on doing it well it does work!!! But I don't think I could have done this without the love and the support of this board. It's been my mainstay to grit through, fear through and love through this recovery. Thank you everyone.
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Old 12-03-2010, 02:17 PM
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You're not responsible for other peoples bad day J...nothing to feel guilty about either

S..tuff happens LOL
D
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Old 12-03-2010, 02:21 PM
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Jen, celebrate this awesome news!!! Sometimes we have to see the dark to get blinded by the light!!

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Old 12-03-2010, 02:25 PM
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heya Mark

D
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Old 12-03-2010, 06:52 PM
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****{Amy}}} I Googled and read about the gang that attacked you. No wonder you are upset! To think that someone so violent and pathological as to do these crimes also walked into your place of employment and attacked you,,,well that would shake anyone's sense of security, no matter that those particular people are locked away now. That sense of security that we all feel from things like this is false, isn't it? And that knowledge that you now have won't go away now that you experienced it. You can't "unring a bell" as they say. But you've already worked through the worst of it and this is just a bump in the road I hope. I'm so sorry you had to go through such a traumatic event, but so glad that you were not killed by these thugs.

Love, hugs and prayers~40
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Old 12-03-2010, 11:47 PM
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(((Med))) - YAY!!!!! Remember your case manager saying this may all be done by Christmas? Well, he may be right - wouldn't THAT be an awesome Christmas present!

I understand about the feeling bad when things are going good for us, but not for people we care about, but I have to remember that, as ((Dee)) said, "stuff happens" and if weren't for my friends here, I wouldn't have gotten through so many bad times.

((40)) - yeah, the articles I read really threw me for a loop....especially since I knew 3 of them, and Darryl used to bum cigarettes off me...sigh.

I did go for a walk..took the shorter route so I'd have time to get to work. Listened to my mp3 and had a talk with God.

Work....well, I have to accept that the only way I'm going to survive there with the 2 people I'm having trouble with (D and the store owner) is to just not say a word, do whatever, and get through the shift. It goes against every bone in my body to DO that, and may need some duct tape over my mouth, but no matter what I say, with them, I'm either "argumentative" or told "you talk too much and don't listen"..sigh.

D DID change her attitude when she sent most of the shift home at 10, and at 10:30 we got 50-70 kids in there from a high school basketball game. She yelled at them that they couldn't just hang around...either eat or get out, and that "the dining room smells like marijuana".

I stayed a couple hours later, to help Dotty out, as they didn't have her staffed well enough and I can use the hours.

Came home and there were 4 deer standing at the end of my next door neighbor's driveway. I had stopped and waited as they ran across the road. They're so beautiful.

Got Elvis curled up on my lap, and going through all I have to be grateful for.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 12-04-2010, 07:15 AM
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Amy,

I want to say this, if it will help you at all. I admire your strength, and your ability to carry on with the crap you have been dealt with and surviving your addiction.
You don't quit the job, you keep going and finding ways to deal with it, not finding excuses to use.
You are a person I admire. Believe me, I don't say that much in public.
Thank you for sharing your struggles and triumphs, it is an honor and a pleasure.

Beth
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Old 12-04-2010, 09:15 AM
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(((amy)))) I love how at the very end of a bad day you found these beautiful deer. That's some powerful stuff. A sign, an omen, God showing you that things are going to work out in the end. I pm'd you. Much love to you.
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