m1sgt

Just to give a brief history on my background...Was in the military for 9 years. 2 deployments to Iraq. First deployment was hell. 2003 the initial war on Iraq itself. I managed to make it threw it. The second deployment was a whole new ballgame. We were no longer fighting uniformed soldiers. It was insurgents who blend in and hide. 2005 Luhtafia Iraq just south of FOB st. mike. And IED exploded on the HUMVVEE, flipped over and landed on the roof. I broke my back in 3 places, that was the first time I had ever been giving a pain killer. I.V morphine. Thats all it took...I was med evaced to bahgdad and was sent home for several sergeries. Now my back is on big metal rod...after i was medicaly discharged in late 2006. I have been taking every kind of pain killer I can get. I somehow overtime built up a very large tolerance for oxycodone. I have been taking roughly 20-30 oxy 10mg. a day. I have fallen into a cycle of using as much as I can get and then going through the withdrawals. It’s a cycle that has been going on for 4 years now...today is day 2 for me dealing with the withdrawl deamons. And as everyone knows is the worst. I did go 3 weeks once and then hurt my back... Went to the E.R and that’s all it took. Anyway I feel as though i have lost my life to drugs. This has to be the hardest thing I have had to do in my life. I sit and try to remember what it was like before drugs. And I miss that person. My wife misses that person also. So this has to be it for me.. I have to take control and due what I know needs to be done in order to get my life back again.

windysan

First of all I want to say THANK YOU for everything you've done for us at home. You have paid a huge sacrifice and I respect you. My brother was 82nd and died a couple of years ago(not in combat). I'm sorry you're having this struggle. Quitting is difficult but not impossible. The best way is with medical supervision. Some people "taper" down dosage(I couldn't do it), some use maintenance drugs(Suboxone), some get medical help(medical detox/rehab), some quit cold turkey. Whatever you do make sure you get help from a doctor. Your body will "create pain" in order to get more of the drug. You have legit pain issues and probably chronic pain so it'll be tough. The opiates will make that pain worse by telling your brain to put more dope in your body. The addiction only gets worse so doing something today is important. There are a few options. Explore them and kick that 5hit. Good luck.

m1sgt

Thank you for the support..i am going to do this on my own...no drugs to help...i really want to remeber this horror as a reminder. I am sorry to hear about your loss. there is nothing that compares to lossing someone. i have lost many friends. In 2003 i was with 2/70th AR. 1st armor div ft.Riley KS. we lost 3 in my company. In 05 I was with 1/108th AR. 3rd INF. Ft. Stewart GA. We lost 23 in our company. So i figure if i can make it through all that. then i can make it through this.. just take it 1 day at a time..And i remind myself what it was like before pain killers.

Jerry B.

Hang in there man, you can do it. I too was introduced to the "love of my life" morpine when i was 14. i lost my right leg in a hay mower, laid out in the field for 7 hrs. before i was found. i dam near blead to death and to this day no dr. can tell me why i didn't. Had a horrible time with gangrene and that about did me in also. i was getting massive doses of i.v. morphine for 73 days. I had many surgeries and was even getting hooked on the sodium pentathol they used to put me to sleep. it kept taking more and more to put me under and I loved how it made me feel. When i left the hospital I was a full blown junkie. I started using anything I could get my hands as long as it would change the way I felt. i exsisted this way for 20 yrs. I have been in and out of more rehabs and recovery houses than i care to think about. I've tried NA, AA , church, marriage, divorce, having kids, changing relationships, no relationship, living in total solitude, moving around the country, job changes just to name a few of the things I have tried to quit trying to kill myself slowly, and when i look at, thats exactly what i was doing.

When i realized the problem was not the dope i was putting in my body, but that the common denominator in all my past drug use and failiures in life was....me. No matter where I ran, me was in the picture. I think you have the right thought about starting your recovery. You Must Do It For Youself And Be Willing To Do What Ever It Takes Not To Use, Just For Today.

I don't want to say to much and run you away with a bunch of preaching, so I'll stop now.
I'm stuck in a hotel room In nashville with my wife who is on here on bussiness for 5 days, so if you need to talk, Im hear.

Remember, all us recovering people love each other as well as you!
Keep coming back

Jerry

larrylive

Just wanted to say Thanks for your service, I sleep better at night because of people like you. I wish I could be of help, but we come from different....things.

"To those who have fought for it, freedom has a taste the protected will never know"
Author Unknown


Regards,
Larrylive

m1sgt

Well made threw another day...thank god...some of the symptoms are not as bad....i still have the achy body and very low energy...but just knowing 1 more day closer to getting my life back. I have spent alot of time today reading other post. alot of post have been very helpfull. I wish the best for anyone dealing with their addiction...

windysan

Just remember to STAY HYDRATED. That's very important. Hot baths/showers may help. If you smoke then stock up on cigarettes. Eat when you can if only a milkshake or one of those Ensure shakes old people drink.

Dee74

Welcome to SR M1sgt

As you've already seen, you'll find a lot of support here. You're not alone.
Hang in there.

D

change4penny

M1sgt,

First of all thank you for serving our country, God bless you for that.

I'm a recovering opiate/cocaine addict. I began abusing pain pills after an accident more than ten years ago. Before rehab, I was swallowing 30, 10mg pills (hydro or oxycodone) each day along with snorting/smoking a LOT of cocaine. So, I was basically 'speedballing'. I od'd several times, and only by the grace of God, I'm alive today and 18 months clean.
Have you ever considered Suboxone. It has really helped me to get my life back. Your pill habit was as big as mine so you might want to consider it.
Just hang in there and keep posting. You'll get a lot of support and good advice here from those who've been exactly where you are right now.
It's not easy to get clean, but, it's so worth it. Do it for you....do it for your family.

Penny

Missybuns

welcome to SR

windysan

hope you're okay, man. hang in there.

krissypissy

welcome to SR-i also want to thank you for your service--i dont want to say our situations our the same but in a way they are....i had an accident/injury in 2006 and my life has never been the same...$hit painkillers to me were totally foreign before my injury and 6 surgeries following....you CAN do this...as windy said stay well watered up, dehydration is the big issue in MY opinion...recovery is what i am trying to find...being clean is one thing, but recovery is another. there are things you AND i will have to find to deal with our ongoing and chronic pain that are non-narcotic---i truly wish you all the best...these people here are awesome...SR has been a lifesaver....even just reading other peoples posts have saved me a many a time. i am almost 6 months clean on the 8th of this month and my pain has gotten better as windy mentioned...there is something that pain meds mind f*ck you into thinking or doing that pain gets worse and the cycle just continues rapidly...i was on 600mg of roxicodone a day and i just got off one day ....just tired of being sick and tired...worried i wouldnt wake up one day and leave behind my girls...my family-despite how much pain i was in/am in...i dont want that for my family or myself...God bless you--you take care of yourself...keep on posting and you WILL make it...if you can do what you did with you service for this country you sure as $hit can do this buddy--blessings, krissy

FanofJoeMcQ

I was raised by my grandfather. USMC. 1st Airborne. WWII. Guadalcanal.
There is help here. We are very honored for your service. You came to the right place. We can overcome addiction. No matter what walk of life.

Jacob

Thank you so much for your service! When I read stories like yours I am filled with gratitude.

It sounds like you have a legitimate need for pain management and no advice you'll find on the internet will substitute for the care of a doctor familiar with your particular case and all the treatment options available.

However, I can suggest something for you to bring up with your doctor. A friend of mine also had a back injury from a car accident and found herself addicted to oxycontin. That in and of itself is not necessarily bad for someone in real pain, but the problem was she would take more and more and her prescriptions would run out before they were supposed to. She had trouble differentiating when she was taking pills for pain versus taking pills to "feel good."

The solution that her doctor gave her was a fentanyl patch. Fentanyl is a powerful painkiller and it comes in a patch which you stick to your skin. It releases over a 72-hour period. So instead of taking pills, she would just put on one patch and know that was the correct level of medication. Every couple of days she would change it. No more escalating cravings! Just food for thought. You should of course ask your doctor.

Marshgirl

God Bless you and thank you for serving our country. I have severe back problems that had me in a pain management program before I confessed to my pm doctor that I was abusing the rx and seeking more online. He recommended a psych who specializes in pm for addicts. I am on suboxone. I have discovered that Aleve is much more helpful for pain than I thought. When I was on opiates, I took Aleve, but never gave it much credit. I have discovered that is much more helpful than I thought. I should also mention that I do NOT have a metal rod in my back. I am sure that rocks you to the core.

Good luck and God bless friend for a speedy withdrawal and lengthy recovery. Thank you for your story.
Court

windysan

Thanking a soldier for sacrificing his life so that we all can b1tch about things here at home is one hell of a sacrifice. I had an uncle who came back from Vietnam and was treated like 5hit. I had a brother who was 82nd Airborne and he made lots of sacrifices then passed away while I was partying. I just got a tender spot in my heart for the soldiers. I know they aren't very popular now but we owe it to this guy to offer some of our help. I hope he comes back but I'm afraid that maybe he's gone. Sucks how they come and go and we don't ever know. Maybe he'll come back.

Peter

Welcome to the forums m1sgt. Check in soon and let us know how you doing okay.

m1sgt

Hate to admit this but I am back to square one. I managed to go more then a week. Then the very overpowering feeling of getting pills took over. Its like I have no control of what I was doing. I kept telling myself " awe, I can control the intake". Then before I knew it i was back to taking 20-30 oxy 10mg all overagain. And now I am back to day 3 w/d. How does NA help with the overpowering urge to get more pills?

m1sgt

Also wanted to thank everyone for the support. Its good to know that we are not hated because some people dont believe in what is going on over seas...Just remember one thing...Its better to fight in their yard then ours...

Peter

NA helped me in many ways by providing a support base i could turn to whenever I felt weak.

NA didn't make the urges go away but being able to talk to others who understood what i was feeling gave me the strength i needed to get through them.

The urges don't last forever. The pain don't last forever.

I am sure you understand what it means to endure and to just push through it.