greygravykat

Hey everyone,

I've been away from this forum for a long time now. My sobriety date is 8-3-06 and I have been DOING GREAT! My girlfriend however was still using (Oxy's) after I quit and went into detox and rehab and was doing well for over a year but one day I found 1/2 of a darvocet in one of her dresser drawers and confronted her about it. She said that she took half of it for pain in her back ... which I believe because she had hurt her back and was not able to stand up straight. She said that she only took that one half and was not planning on taking the other half and that she felt bad about taking it in the first place but was in so much pain and Motrin was not working. So we go through that. And everything was fine. Well, this morning she was in bed sleeping (she works nights) and I went in one of her pockets to get her cell phone so that I could plug it in for her and charge it (which I do every morning) and I found an empty prescription bottle. It was a prescription for Vicodin and only part of the label was ripped off as to not show who the prescription belonged to. I woke her up and questioned her about it. My problem is that she seemed really anxious & nervous. She said that she had found the empty bottle in her brother's truck when she was driving it and put it in her pocket (she was wearing cargo shorts) to throw it away and just forgot that it was in there. I don't know if I should give her the benefit of the doubt or not. I don't know if I should trust her. I don't get the sick feeling in my gut when I think about it like I usually do when I suspect someone I care about doing drugs. So I don't know what to think. Right now my plan is to stop at Walgreen’s after work and buy an at Home Drug Test and drive straight to her first job and have her take it. When I mentioned to her this morning that I was going to have her take a drug test she said that she would. I don't think that she believes that I really will go and get one because I have said it before and have not done it. So, if she is using or has used then I am not worried about her trying to clean her system out. What I really want to gain from posting on this forum is some advice. Should I go through with buying a drug test and having her take it or should I just trust her and believe that she is not using again? We have talked about what would happen if she started using again and hid it from me and I found out. She knows that I will leave her. It would be different if she was honest with me when I asked her. I gave her the opportunity to tell me if she was using again this morning but I just don’t believe her. She was acting too weird like she was guilty.

I would greatly appreciate any advice!

Thank you!

canuhearme

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this, I don't know if she's using or not but I think you should trust your gut.

bval

Well ... hmmm.

I don't know enough from what you've posted to make any grand proclamations about what is going on. But I will tell you the parts that make me suspicious.
1) I've gotten a WHOLE LOT of dope that came in leftover pill bottles from dealers in my day. One thing that's almost universal that they do before handing them to you this way is to eradicate the name that's on the bottle via one means or another. So there's that.
2) The story itself makes little sense. She's driving *his* truck around, and because she finds an empty pill bottle she takes it upon herself to put it in her pocket to eventually throw it away, but then forgets about it? This seems like an odd thing to do, frankly. Not enough in and of itself to necessitate 'guilt', but combined with what your gut was telling you about her reaction, it is definitely worthy of concern.
3) Lying and hiding drug-use amongst opioid addicts is a practically universal behavior pattern. Even when the consequences of that lying are more severe vs. simply telling the truth, people still lie. These drugs ... especially in a relapse scenario, begin to strongly influence people's behavior and thinking extremely quickly. The addiction will *make* you lie to protect itself.

I can think of some 'things' you could do that are not so overtly 'distrustful' of her (in a way she'll know about) as making her take a drug test. You know the brother's name, right? And you know the doctor's name on the pill bottle, right? AND you probably also know have the info on the pharmacy from which it was prescribed, right?

I'd bet that if you think long and hard on the fact that you have these three bits of information at your disposal, you could come up with a way to make use of this information in a way that does not jeopardize anyone's legitimate 'care'.

One very obvious thing to consider would be whether or not the geography of the doctors office and the pharmacy 'makes sense' with regards to where the brother actually resides and/or works.

But ... there's more you can safely do with this info, if you give it careful consideration ...

Good luck, and welcome back to the forums

Oh, and also, you may want to make sure, if you DO decide to go the drug test route, that you get one that SPECIFICALLY tests for opioids, *NOT* just opiates. Hydro and oxycodone (for example) are not technically 'opiates' and are unlikely to show up as 'positives' in tests for opiates.

SlvrMag

I think a drug test is a good idea-but going to her work to do it may not be!

SlvrMag

I'm still thinking about this and, coming from an addict "-if she IS guilty, she may get pretty pissed if you put a drug test in front of her. My husband asked me to take one (yes, I was dirty) and I RAGED!!

Now though, I am clean and if he asked me to take one, I might be a little bummed because I would feel like "I'm doing all this to stay clean and you STILL don't believe me?" But I WOULD do the test...and when it came back clean I would stick out my tongue and say "I told ya' so!"

greygravykat

So, I got home last night and brought a drug test home with me and she flipped out and refused to take it. I told her just to take it and PROVE ME WRONG and that will be the end of it.

She said that she isn't going to take it because I should trust her and believe her when she tells me that she hasn't done anything wrong. She said that I'm always accusing her and that I don't know how that feels and that she shouldn't have to prove to me that she is clean, I should believe her when she tells me that she is. She said that if she were using or had used then I would be able to tell.

She ended up leaving for her night job without taking the test and now I don't know what to do.

My brother has been here visiting for awhile and he does not do drugs. He has been around her all day long and said that he knows that she isn't doing anything. He also said that if I asked him if he was doing drugs and he told me no and I still didn't believe him and I wanted him to take a drug test then he wouldn't do it either.

I was thinking about doing one of two things:

- Getting a hair test and trying to cut enough hairs off of her head over a couple of days for the test while she is sleeping (because you can't use hair from a brush or pillow)

OR

- Just dropping it and trying to believe and trust her.

What would you guys do???????

PeachyClean

I would drop the subject and waite. If she is using, you'll know soon enough and can deal with it then. In the meantime, take care of your sobriety.

Impurrfect

This is just MY personal thoughts. I was addicted to crack. If I were to be driving someone's vehicle and found a crack pipe, I would throw it out the window going down the interstate (I did, only it was my car but someone else had left the crack pipe when I relapsed and I found it 2 months later). I would not pick it up, put it in my pocket, meaning to throw it away.

If she's using, it will become obvious. The main issue, right now, is are you comfortable not trusting her? What are you going to to do if she IS using? Please focus on YOU and keeping YOUR peace and serenity.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

VengeanceofRain

dude, i hate to break it to you but she is so using.


you called her bluff. You called it right on. she didn't think you had the balls to actually test her. when you did she came up with the entire "trust" issue. your rebuttle is that you love her, but you love yourself more and that you love yourself too much to put your life at risk.

think about it in these terms, YOU ARE TOO A RECOVERING ADDICT. you can't take that type of chance. she is effecting YOUR soberity.


if it were me, and it's not, and she better be happy, she would ahve had her stuff packed when she refused to take the drug test.

bval

Is there some reason you cannot call her brother and find out whether this bottle was really his? Is he not aware of her drug problems in the past? I would not think he would react negatively about your concern if he cares about her like one would think he would. At the very least, that will give you more information about whether or not you need to be insistent upon her taking the test ...

greygravykat

Her brother has just recently become clean. He was addicted to Oxy's too and my girlfriend and I helped him detox at our house. He went and got the Naltrexone Pellet injected into his arm and has had that for a few weeks. He is doing really well, and I know that he is clean. So I know that it's not his bottle. He owns a pizza shop and a lot of people drive his truck all day long. The delivery kids use it for deliveries and he lets people borrow it constantly while he is working. So I know that there were several people in and out of that truck the day that she 'found the bottle'.

Her brother knows about her drug problems. He was the one who told me that she was still using after I had quit .... even though I already knew that she was. He just confirmed it for me.

I have talked to her brother about drug tests and I asked him after we helped him that if in a few months someone were to ask him to take a drug test if he would do it and he said NO. He said that we would be able to tell if he were using again without taking a drug test so there is no need for that. So, I don’t really see the need to talk to him about it. Sorry that I didn’t give more details before.

My thoughts have changed a little after thinking about everything over the past few days. I really think that because of my own past experience that I will KNOW in my gut if she is using without a drug test. And I don’t have that gut feeling yet.

If she is using I am not worried about that affecting my sobriety. I became clean for me and no one else. What someone else is doing isn’t going to affect whether or not I use. If she is using, it will however obviously affect other aspects of my life.

TTOSBT

Good for you! As long as you are strong in your sobriety, no one can take you out. Yup, you will know soon enough if she is using. Keep watching. Thjough I do think it is bull she wouldn't take the test. I have been clean off alcohol for over 3 months but if my hgusband asked me to prove it, I would have no problem. After all, it is no one else's fault that I was a liar for years!!!

wendyarb

When I was with my ex, things that he did would do would make me suspicious and when I would confront him, his answer was obviously "No, I'm not on drugs". I would drop the subject, but deep down in my gut I knew he was lying.
Days, weeks or months later I would find, while cleaning, empty bags hidden obviously from him and that would confirm to me that he was still using at the time I had confronted him, eventually I became too consumed in playing detective and it got tiring and old.
I'm sure if she is using, it will come out and you will know the truth. But what if she is using? Are you ready to leave her? Or are you just going to fight about it, talk about it and forget about it? Think about yourself and your health. It's not good to be feeling untrusting towards the person you love and share your life with. I hope for your sake that she is telling you the truth and she's not using, but why not take the test? Good luck.

Impurrfect

I DO agree to go with your gut feeling. Mine has always been pretty darn accurate, even if it's just telling me "something's not right".

Good for you for staying strong in your recovery!

Take care of YOU and you'll be okay.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy