AH just got KICKED out of rehab.
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AH just got KICKED out of rehab.
I am shaking so bad that I could explode. AH's counselor just called and said AH was packing right now he was kicked out. Counselor said AH asked that he not tell me. From what I can gather it's from ujsing drugs. I guess 2 were kicked out yesterday and ah today. He will die from this disease. He was in a great rehab. He will die from this. I just have to figure out how to let go. I am just beside myself right now.
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I have friends who were kicked out of rehab. One in particular will be celebrating one year sober in just a few days.
Still, not a good sign.
What do you think your HP is trying to help you learn by this?
Still, not a good sign.
What do you think your HP is trying to help you learn by this?
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: little rock, ar
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Infection: Avoid the Unhappy and Unlucky
You can die from someone else’s misery – emotional states are as infectious as disease. You may feel you are helping the drowning man but you are only precipitating your own disaster. The unfortunate sometimes draw misfortune on themselves; they will also draw it on you. Associate with the happy and fortunate instead.
that is from the 48 laws of power.
it's good to want to help someone like that that you love and care about but that will kill you just as fast as your diease will. you are putting more effort into his recovery than he is.
You can die from someone else’s misery – emotional states are as infectious as disease. You may feel you are helping the drowning man but you are only precipitating your own disaster. The unfortunate sometimes draw misfortune on themselves; they will also draw it on you. Associate with the happy and fortunate instead.
that is from the 48 laws of power.
it's good to want to help someone like that that you love and care about but that will kill you just as fast as your diease will. you are putting more effort into his recovery than he is.
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Originally Posted by justanothrdrunk 
What do you think your HP is trying to help you learn by this?
I think my HP is hitting me across the head with a 2 x 4 telling me to move on. MY AH has said that if he doesn't have me (and my family) that he chooses to be high for the rest of his life and only sober up when he sees the kids. He's now lost his job, his house, his wife, gotten himself kicked out of rehab. His family will turn their back on him (except for his extremely codie mom). What does he have to live for. That will be his mentality. I haven't even spoken with him yet.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Toronto
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I was kicked out of rehab.
I lost my job, my house, my husband, and alot of time with my son. I didn't speak to my family and only had 1 close friend.
This september I will have 10 years clean.
Stay strong. He will just have to figure out what he wants on his own.
I lost my job, my house, my husband, and alot of time with my son. I didn't speak to my family and only had 1 close friend.
This september I will have 10 years clean.
Stay strong. He will just have to figure out what he wants on his own.
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Just talked with Ah - he tried to lie about why he was kicked out (which I knew he would). I said he could either man up and tell the truth or I would hang up. He ended up telling me that on Sunday @ family day their were about 4 guys who hung around because they didn't have family there. One of the guys who had about 17 days clean was allowed to leave. I guess he came back with percocet. He said he gave it to AH. AH took it and I guess all four guys were kicked out. AH said he'd been really sick (day 8 of withdrawal). They kicked him out today.
I know what you'll tell me so I'm going to just state what he said. He wants to come home, he says he can stay clean here. He said he wants to keep clean. Said I can test him every week if I want. He said he doesn't want to go to meetings - he knows all of what they're telling him. He said he doesn't want to live that life. He said he only took it because it was right in front of him and he knew it would make the sickness go away. Said he's still sick.
I will not let him come home right now. When he started to tell a lie on the phone when I first talked with him I blew up and said he could not come home, I would be filing for divorce immediately. (Which I may do). He said fine he'll just go to xyz and get his pills.
I still cannot believe he would even take something at REHAB after having 8 days clean. I'm just beside myself right now. RA's can you set me straight about what he's really capable of with 8 days clean (well only 2 I guess). What would need to be his next steps if he has said he doesn't need IOP? He says he wants sobriety, but not without me. I sound pathetic I know.
I know what you'll tell me so I'm going to just state what he said. He wants to come home, he says he can stay clean here. He said he wants to keep clean. Said I can test him every week if I want. He said he doesn't want to go to meetings - he knows all of what they're telling him. He said he doesn't want to live that life. He said he only took it because it was right in front of him and he knew it would make the sickness go away. Said he's still sick.
I will not let him come home right now. When he started to tell a lie on the phone when I first talked with him I blew up and said he could not come home, I would be filing for divorce immediately. (Which I may do). He said fine he'll just go to xyz and get his pills.
I still cannot believe he would even take something at REHAB after having 8 days clean. I'm just beside myself right now. RA's can you set me straight about what he's really capable of with 8 days clean (well only 2 I guess). What would need to be his next steps if he has said he doesn't need IOP? He says he wants sobriety, but not without me. I sound pathetic I know.
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(((Callie)))
To put it bluntly, he doesn't want to stay clean, no matter what he says. He is quick to say "well I'll just go get high" to try to make you feel guilty. He's not doing it to you...he WANTS to get high.
We did he use in rehab? Because he doesn't want recovery. He wants to keep using, and he will tell you whatever he thinks you want to hear to keep stringing you along.
I'm sorry this sounds harsh, but as a recovering addict who TREASURES recovery, that's what I see.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
To put it bluntly, he doesn't want to stay clean, no matter what he says. He is quick to say "well I'll just go get high" to try to make you feel guilty. He's not doing it to you...he WANTS to get high.
We did he use in rehab? Because he doesn't want recovery. He wants to keep using, and he will tell you whatever he thinks you want to hear to keep stringing you along.
I'm sorry this sounds harsh, but as a recovering addict who TREASURES recovery, that's what I see.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Please let go. He is just manipulating you big time. He is refusing to get help from any other resource...because he does not want to get clean and sober. If us addicts are really serious about getting clean and sober...we become willing to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to get us there. He is not serious about getting clean in any way. I can promise you that.
He knows all he has to do is sweet talk you and he's got you jumping through hoops with "hope" and "fear" as your major motivators.
Let him go to Mom, or the streets. But let him go. If you take him back you are helping to keep him an addict. If you really love him put up that wall of protection around you, and refuse to budge.
I know it is hard. (And by the way...I'm speaking from HIS side of the fence.)
He knows all he has to do is sweet talk you and he's got you jumping through hoops with "hope" and "fear" as your major motivators.
Let him go to Mom, or the streets. But let him go. If you take him back you are helping to keep him an addict. If you really love him put up that wall of protection around you, and refuse to budge.
I know it is hard. (And by the way...I'm speaking from HIS side of the fence.)
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Oh, Callie. I'm so sorry 
I'm afraid you're dealing with that particular type of addict who simply isn't going to find his way to get clean without truly losing *everything*. And I'm afraid that pretty much has to mean ... everything he's already lost, plus you and the kids. And probably a bunch more on top of that.
I will say this, though. If he was on suboxone, even for a day or two, in that place, the reality of the situation is that he was probably in the very worst of his withdrawals at the time this percocet magically presented itself. It must have seemed like some kind of gift from God to him when he was in that state. When that situation happens to someone, frankly, it's damn near impossible to resist taking it. I know for a fact I wouldn't have been able to resist either.
Personally, to a certain extent, I would blame this rehab for letting this happen. This is WHY you friggin GO to a detox/rehab facility, ya know? To GET AWAY from the stuff that you have NO CONTROL over for awhile.
Even if he didn't have any suboxone (which matters because it would have delayed the onset of w/d's considerably), the first week, if you've really been going hard for awhile on oxy's, is absolutely BRUTAL. I mean ... if a pill magically appears when you're in that state ... there's just no way you're not gonna take it. You really don't have a choice.
In a way I guess what I'm saying is it's not really his fault this happened. Seems like it to you, I'm sure, but that's cause you've never 'been there'. You have no real grasp of what hardcore withdrawals are like. You are very lucky in that regard, lemme tell ya.
I'm suggesting you cut him a little slack for this fact. The fact that he would choose to take the pill doesn't necessarily indicate he doesn't *want* to get clean, in and of itself.
Really, the two biggest problems at hand are the fact that you absolutely cannot trust him to tell you truth about anything. And the fact that this dude thinks he's 'too smart' for AA/NA, thinks he can do this all on his own. Ask him ... if that were the case, WHY haven't you already DONE IT? WHAT has magically changed here, smart guy?
If the situation were a little different, I would say *if* he were willing to start going to meetings of some kind regularly, and get onto suboxone, and stay on it for a while, and wean off over time, and get clean within x months (6 is usually a good number) that maybe it might be worth sticking with him through, giving that plan a whirl. But the trouble there is ... you can't trust him to tell the truth. And things are too far gone for you to give him the slack that that plan might require. You can't just say 'okay, do this, but if you f*** up, you have to tell me'. Cause he'll know what that means if he does. So he won't.
I just don't see any other way for you other than to say 'bye'. I'm sorry Callie, you obviously love the man, he's the father of your kids, and as I've said before, I *HATE* to have to give this particular advice to someone. I really never do around here.
But Callie, sweetie, I just don't think he's gonna stop until he's lost everything. He shows absolutely NO signs of being serious about getting well. He's stubborn, he thinks he's some kinda genius, he won't take advice, he refuses become humble in the face of this problem. He thinks HE knows what it takes to get well, when in reality he knows jack-diddly SH!T.
He's going to have to go through becoming a totally broken man before he 'gets it'. His pride, and his intellect ... they will be his downfall. There is nothing else for you to do but to shut the door on this person, at least for the time being. And put him out of your mind. Focus on you and the kids. You've done all that could possibly be expected of you.
Again, I'm sorry about this outcome, Callie, I really am. But you're gonna be okay, okay?
I'm afraid you're dealing with that particular type of addict who simply isn't going to find his way to get clean without truly losing *everything*. And I'm afraid that pretty much has to mean ... everything he's already lost, plus you and the kids. And probably a bunch more on top of that.
I will say this, though. If he was on suboxone, even for a day or two, in that place, the reality of the situation is that he was probably in the very worst of his withdrawals at the time this percocet magically presented itself. It must have seemed like some kind of gift from God to him when he was in that state. When that situation happens to someone, frankly, it's damn near impossible to resist taking it. I know for a fact I wouldn't have been able to resist either.
Personally, to a certain extent, I would blame this rehab for letting this happen. This is WHY you friggin GO to a detox/rehab facility, ya know? To GET AWAY from the stuff that you have NO CONTROL over for awhile.
Even if he didn't have any suboxone (which matters because it would have delayed the onset of w/d's considerably), the first week, if you've really been going hard for awhile on oxy's, is absolutely BRUTAL. I mean ... if a pill magically appears when you're in that state ... there's just no way you're not gonna take it. You really don't have a choice.
In a way I guess what I'm saying is it's not really his fault this happened. Seems like it to you, I'm sure, but that's cause you've never 'been there'. You have no real grasp of what hardcore withdrawals are like. You are very lucky in that regard, lemme tell ya.
I'm suggesting you cut him a little slack for this fact. The fact that he would choose to take the pill doesn't necessarily indicate he doesn't *want* to get clean, in and of itself.
Really, the two biggest problems at hand are the fact that you absolutely cannot trust him to tell you truth about anything. And the fact that this dude thinks he's 'too smart' for AA/NA, thinks he can do this all on his own. Ask him ... if that were the case, WHY haven't you already DONE IT? WHAT has magically changed here, smart guy?
If the situation were a little different, I would say *if* he were willing to start going to meetings of some kind regularly, and get onto suboxone, and stay on it for a while, and wean off over time, and get clean within x months (6 is usually a good number) that maybe it might be worth sticking with him through, giving that plan a whirl. But the trouble there is ... you can't trust him to tell the truth. And things are too far gone for you to give him the slack that that plan might require. You can't just say 'okay, do this, but if you f*** up, you have to tell me'. Cause he'll know what that means if he does. So he won't.
I just don't see any other way for you other than to say 'bye'. I'm sorry Callie, you obviously love the man, he's the father of your kids, and as I've said before, I *HATE* to have to give this particular advice to someone. I really never do around here.
But Callie, sweetie, I just don't think he's gonna stop until he's lost everything. He shows absolutely NO signs of being serious about getting well. He's stubborn, he thinks he's some kinda genius, he won't take advice, he refuses become humble in the face of this problem. He thinks HE knows what it takes to get well, when in reality he knows jack-diddly SH!T.
He's going to have to go through becoming a totally broken man before he 'gets it'. His pride, and his intellect ... they will be his downfall. There is nothing else for you to do but to shut the door on this person, at least for the time being. And put him out of your mind. Focus on you and the kids. You've done all that could possibly be expected of you.
Again, I'm sorry about this outcome, Callie, I really am. But you're gonna be okay, okay?
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Thanks guys. I just met AH at his mom's. He basically said the same thing you said BV. He was put into extended detox. He was taking 2 80 oxy's @ breakfast, 2 @ lunch and 2 @ dinner just to keep from getting sick. He would chew them all up. At the tale end (prior to rehab) he was taking 6-10 at a time throughout the day.
I guess there were 4 guys who didn't have family show up this weekend. They have classes on Sunday where family can attend. I'd spoken with AH's counselor prior to all of this and it was decided that I wouldn't be up on Sunday (this past Sunday). I was very busy with work and I didn't want to "run to him" at the first chance that I could. These 4 guys basically had free time. All did pills prior to rehab. AH was the newest. AH said that they started talking about the homework they had, this, that and the other. One genius got the idea that he would call whomever to come to family day. He did and brought percocet with him. AH said he did try to talk him out of it for about 4 hours. (verified by ah's counselor). Said the guy basically avoided ah after this. When he did get the pills he came to AH with 2. AH had 10 dollars left, gave him 8. AH said he's been sicker than a dog. Throwing up, weak, chills, sweating all of it. He said he knew the percocet would give him temporary relief and he thought just these 2 and that's it. (His counselor also verified this as well). Ends up that the guy that got them was basically "high" all day and it was very obvious.
Rehab pulled him in and he rolled on AH and the 2 other guys. All 4 were kicked out. AH's counselor was very upset and tried to keep AH in. He said he's a newly recovering addict who is in the throws of withdrawal. Also said that if you stuck those pills infront of 100 people, 99 would take them every time given the withdrawal stages he was in. But their policy is to give them the boot. AH's counselor said he can be re-enrolled, but wasn't sure how much time frame had to pass before they could do that. I found out that this is a world renowned rehab. People fly in from all over the country. I REALLY liked it and AH said it was very good as well.
Since talking with AH he has changed his tune. He set up an IOP assessment for tomorrow. He's also working with the original counselor to go back to the rehab. He said he would not do rehabs again, but would go back to where he came from. We talked for about 2 hours. He said he has learned that when he talks to me he needs to look me in the eyes. He was sobbing and said he just couldn't because of all that he's put me through. I asked him what his plans are for tonight. He's clean right now (percocet were Sunday late). I know he could teeter either way - he said he wants to be clean but it's the hardest thing he's ever done. He told of the speakers that he'd heard up there, talking with the counselors, talking about what he's done to me and the path that has lead to where he is. He's very emotional right now, which is very unlike him. I hope for his sake that he can make it through the next few days and not use.
He asked to come home. I said no - he changed his tune a bit on that too because he said he understands I've had enough for now. My family is utterly shocked. Speechless. I am too. Thank you so much for talking me down today. I am completely astounded that this happened. I am so mad that another human being would provide pills to not only 1 person, but 4 that were in rehab to get better.
I guess there were 4 guys who didn't have family show up this weekend. They have classes on Sunday where family can attend. I'd spoken with AH's counselor prior to all of this and it was decided that I wouldn't be up on Sunday (this past Sunday). I was very busy with work and I didn't want to "run to him" at the first chance that I could. These 4 guys basically had free time. All did pills prior to rehab. AH was the newest. AH said that they started talking about the homework they had, this, that and the other. One genius got the idea that he would call whomever to come to family day. He did and brought percocet with him. AH said he did try to talk him out of it for about 4 hours. (verified by ah's counselor). Said the guy basically avoided ah after this. When he did get the pills he came to AH with 2. AH had 10 dollars left, gave him 8. AH said he's been sicker than a dog. Throwing up, weak, chills, sweating all of it. He said he knew the percocet would give him temporary relief and he thought just these 2 and that's it. (His counselor also verified this as well). Ends up that the guy that got them was basically "high" all day and it was very obvious.
Rehab pulled him in and he rolled on AH and the 2 other guys. All 4 were kicked out. AH's counselor was very upset and tried to keep AH in. He said he's a newly recovering addict who is in the throws of withdrawal. Also said that if you stuck those pills infront of 100 people, 99 would take them every time given the withdrawal stages he was in. But their policy is to give them the boot. AH's counselor said he can be re-enrolled, but wasn't sure how much time frame had to pass before they could do that. I found out that this is a world renowned rehab. People fly in from all over the country. I REALLY liked it and AH said it was very good as well.
Since talking with AH he has changed his tune. He set up an IOP assessment for tomorrow. He's also working with the original counselor to go back to the rehab. He said he would not do rehabs again, but would go back to where he came from. We talked for about 2 hours. He said he has learned that when he talks to me he needs to look me in the eyes. He was sobbing and said he just couldn't because of all that he's put me through. I asked him what his plans are for tonight. He's clean right now (percocet were Sunday late). I know he could teeter either way - he said he wants to be clean but it's the hardest thing he's ever done. He told of the speakers that he'd heard up there, talking with the counselors, talking about what he's done to me and the path that has lead to where he is. He's very emotional right now, which is very unlike him. I hope for his sake that he can make it through the next few days and not use.
He asked to come home. I said no - he changed his tune a bit on that too because he said he understands I've had enough for now. My family is utterly shocked. Speechless. I am too. Thank you so much for talking me down today. I am completely astounded that this happened. I am so mad that another human being would provide pills to not only 1 person, but 4 that were in rehab to get better.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: md
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Poor thing. He is really putting you through it. Detach, detach, detach.
I'm sorry Callie, but the reality is that he is probably not clean now. Might be why he doesn't look you in the eyes now, they could be pinpointed from opiate use.
Anyone who has it so bad that they can't abstain in rehab, certainly will use on the street. Especially if he isn't on suboxone or anything else now. What do you think has changed since Sunday? That's only a day and a half ago. And those 2 pills slow down the w/d by another day, so he might still be in w/d. I'm just saying, I bet he's using. I would be.
Don't let him come over the house. Don't take him back. Worry about the kids for now. Let him fall all the way down, if that's what he needs to do, to the lowest bottom. Don't cushion the fall at all. Let him go to the streets if he has to.
It takes whatever it takes for him to be ready for recovery. He just isn't there yet, I can guarantee that. Let him get clean and stay clean on his own for at least a few months before you let him into your home if you decide to stay in the marriage.
For now, focus on you. It would not be easier for him to get clean at home. He used drugs at home before, so that didn't stop him, did it? He needs to do this with other recovering addicts. You can't go there with him and you shouldn't even try.
I'm so sorry that you got hurt by this horrible disease. Don't trust him Callie. This disease is a liar.
Love from
KJ
PS: I'm available at any time to talk on line. Let me know if you want to chat some time.
I'm sorry Callie, but the reality is that he is probably not clean now. Might be why he doesn't look you in the eyes now, they could be pinpointed from opiate use.
Anyone who has it so bad that they can't abstain in rehab, certainly will use on the street. Especially if he isn't on suboxone or anything else now. What do you think has changed since Sunday? That's only a day and a half ago. And those 2 pills slow down the w/d by another day, so he might still be in w/d. I'm just saying, I bet he's using. I would be.
Don't let him come over the house. Don't take him back. Worry about the kids for now. Let him fall all the way down, if that's what he needs to do, to the lowest bottom. Don't cushion the fall at all. Let him go to the streets if he has to.
It takes whatever it takes for him to be ready for recovery. He just isn't there yet, I can guarantee that. Let him get clean and stay clean on his own for at least a few months before you let him into your home if you decide to stay in the marriage.
For now, focus on you. It would not be easier for him to get clean at home. He used drugs at home before, so that didn't stop him, did it? He needs to do this with other recovering addicts. You can't go there with him and you shouldn't even try.
I'm so sorry that you got hurt by this horrible disease. Don't trust him Callie. This disease is a liar.
Love from
KJ
PS: I'm available at any time to talk on line. Let me know if you want to chat some time.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 381
He used drugs at home before, so that didn't stop him, did it? He needs to do this with other recovering addicts.
When he gets sick and tired enough of the active addiction maddness...I'm sure he'll find his way.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
My son got kicked out of his rehab after two months.
When he was kicked out he knew coming home was NOT an option...only the street.
When he called from the major city that they had dropped him off in I gave no lecture, no advice, no shaming, etc, because he's heard it all before. I only gave compassion that I understood how bad he must feel, how obvious his level of sickness is and asked him what he planned to do. The next day he called and said he had asked the rehab to go back and they were coming to get him.
He's now been inpatient at that facility for coming on 6 mos.
He's relapsed two times while there, but he bounces back to the path of recovery.
I was devastated the day he called to say he was out on the streets.
But like you, I knew I couldn't save him.
I understand addiction and know the struggle addicts have. I have
hope and faith my son will get well.
At the same time, I must make my own life a priority and live the joyful productive life
that I am capable of and allow him to live his life w/o me
when he is using.
Stay strong in your own march toward a healthy joyful life.
Turn him over and keep the faith he will return to recovery. He may come to see that is his next best option or his only option.
When he was kicked out he knew coming home was NOT an option...only the street.
When he called from the major city that they had dropped him off in I gave no lecture, no advice, no shaming, etc, because he's heard it all before. I only gave compassion that I understood how bad he must feel, how obvious his level of sickness is and asked him what he planned to do. The next day he called and said he had asked the rehab to go back and they were coming to get him.
He's now been inpatient at that facility for coming on 6 mos.
He's relapsed two times while there, but he bounces back to the path of recovery.
I was devastated the day he called to say he was out on the streets.
But like you, I knew I couldn't save him.
I understand addiction and know the struggle addicts have. I have
hope and faith my son will get well.
At the same time, I must make my own life a priority and live the joyful productive life
that I am capable of and allow him to live his life w/o me
when he is using.
Stay strong in your own march toward a healthy joyful life.
Turn him over and keep the faith he will return to recovery. He may come to see that is his next best option or his only option.
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Join Date: Aug 2008
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Oh Callie - I've been on before under a different login and I've been reading your posts for awhile. I'm watching my Joyce Meyer program that I record every day and someone on the forum has the quote from her about I may not like where I am, but it's better than where I've been (not exact, but to that effect). When I read what you write, from one of your first posts on, I see you going through what I've just been through. I just wonder if your AH was where mine was. Contact me if you can - I can fast forward you through the next year if you don't believe the great advice you've been given here.
I still love the man I divorced 8 months ago. When he is clean, he is allowed to be here, but he is currently in day 6 of a god-awful relapse. I've never let him fall quite far enough. He "just can't do those meetings" and "just won't have a reason to stop if he's not here with me and the kids" and on and on. One of the best parts of this sight is realizing they don't have one original line between the whole lot of 'em! I have not read one quote or story that made me say, well, at least mine hasn't done that! It's like they all took the same class.
Another site had this "no contact" policy. I swear to you if you would give yourself a minimum of 48 hours of NO CONTACT AT ALL, and just take care of yourself, you would be in better shape to make some of the decisions you're about to be facing.
I'll be praying for you!
I still love the man I divorced 8 months ago. When he is clean, he is allowed to be here, but he is currently in day 6 of a god-awful relapse. I've never let him fall quite far enough. He "just can't do those meetings" and "just won't have a reason to stop if he's not here with me and the kids" and on and on. One of the best parts of this sight is realizing they don't have one original line between the whole lot of 'em! I have not read one quote or story that made me say, well, at least mine hasn't done that! It's like they all took the same class.
Another site had this "no contact" policy. I swear to you if you would give yourself a minimum of 48 hours of NO CONTACT AT ALL, and just take care of yourself, you would be in better shape to make some of the decisions you're about to be facing.
I'll be praying for you!
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Join Date: May 2008
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Geeze guys (abs and AH). I am completely torn. It's not that I want to stay with him or be married to him. It's just that I completely see his heart and who he can be. He's played me, no doubt. He's played my family whom I cherish - no doubt. BUT I see him today and I KNOW he's clean and trying. He asked what can I do to relieve the W/D's and I told him what I've learned here. He's abided by everything that I've said about doing/telling the kids because he "knows I've got their very best interests @ heart." He's said "I want this so very badly" but I cannot promise you tomorrow or next week or next month. He DID choose to take those pills. I KNOW he did, but again I've never been in the massive throes of withdrawal.
He's only 8 miles from here right now, but my kids think he's miles away "getting better". He's abided by everything I've layed down for him thus far as far as not disrupting their world. For that I'm grateful.
I guess I'm at a point where "I" can let go myself as painful as it will be. But whether we're together or not I don't want to bury him. I don't want to be standing OVER him putting him in the ground. I want to help him for himself. For the person that I and everyone else sees him for. I KNOW it's not a healthy R or M. But I just believe in him so much. I KNOW he can do this. Maybe not enough to meet my standards, but he can at least lead a right life for himself, his family, my family and most importantly MY family (kids).
I realize through all of this that I may be deemed "sick as him". I don't deny that. But ya know I don't come from addiction. I come from trust. I don't surround myself by people who willfully lie to me on a daily basis. From my world, I trust most everything that everyone tells me. If I catch them in a lie, what do I do? Most likely forgive them. It takes a few 2 x 4's to get me to never trust you again. Call it naieve, stupid, dumb or whatever, but that was the way that I was raised. I come from a GREAT family, with a GREAT childhood. All of this is foreign to me. I know many think I'm a complete codie and I'm not denying that. But damn#t I see him and KNOW him to be better than this.
If I leave he has NOTHING but his codie mother. She's EXTREMELY codie. The roles between mother and son are completely reversed because AH is in control of that. Without me his entire family (except his mom) turns their back on him. My entire family turns their back on him. Does he deserve all of this -- probably yes. But that means taking my kids, ah, his family down too. I'm not trying to toot my own horn but there is NOBODY in his family who will stand up and fight for him. NOBODY. His very own dad who he loves and cherishes hasn't called for 1.5 weeks. I tell you if it were )MY( son I'd be fighting tooth and nail. AH's dad has his "own life' and can't be bothered. Foreign to me I guess.
For tonight only he's clean. I hope he's had a trip instead of an entire fall. Thanks for reading. and I welcome ANY advice good or bad. Anvil - I didn't want to hear it, but I'm so glad for the 2 x 4's. I truely mean that girl. Again, nobody will hurt my feelings, I'll take all of the shout outs or advice that I can get.
He's only 8 miles from here right now, but my kids think he's miles away "getting better". He's abided by everything I've layed down for him thus far as far as not disrupting their world. For that I'm grateful.
I guess I'm at a point where "I" can let go myself as painful as it will be. But whether we're together or not I don't want to bury him. I don't want to be standing OVER him putting him in the ground. I want to help him for himself. For the person that I and everyone else sees him for. I KNOW it's not a healthy R or M. But I just believe in him so much. I KNOW he can do this. Maybe not enough to meet my standards, but he can at least lead a right life for himself, his family, my family and most importantly MY family (kids).
I realize through all of this that I may be deemed "sick as him". I don't deny that. But ya know I don't come from addiction. I come from trust. I don't surround myself by people who willfully lie to me on a daily basis. From my world, I trust most everything that everyone tells me. If I catch them in a lie, what do I do? Most likely forgive them. It takes a few 2 x 4's to get me to never trust you again. Call it naieve, stupid, dumb or whatever, but that was the way that I was raised. I come from a GREAT family, with a GREAT childhood. All of this is foreign to me. I know many think I'm a complete codie and I'm not denying that. But damn#t I see him and KNOW him to be better than this.
If I leave he has NOTHING but his codie mother. She's EXTREMELY codie. The roles between mother and son are completely reversed because AH is in control of that. Without me his entire family (except his mom) turns their back on him. My entire family turns their back on him. Does he deserve all of this -- probably yes. But that means taking my kids, ah, his family down too. I'm not trying to toot my own horn but there is NOBODY in his family who will stand up and fight for him. NOBODY. His very own dad who he loves and cherishes hasn't called for 1.5 weeks. I tell you if it were )MY( son I'd be fighting tooth and nail. AH's dad has his "own life' and can't be bothered. Foreign to me I guess.
For tonight only he's clean. I hope he's had a trip instead of an entire fall. Thanks for reading. and I welcome ANY advice good or bad. Anvil - I didn't want to hear it, but I'm so glad for the 2 x 4's. I truely mean that girl. Again, nobody will hurt my feelings, I'll take all of the shout outs or advice that I can get.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CA Native
Posts: 2,509
Jesus, 6-10 Oxy 80's a DAY? You realize every one (1) of those is 16 percocets?
Coming off a habit that big ... if he's telling the truth on that account ... my God. That would be so brutal it literally defies imagination.
If he couldn't do it in rehab, he sure as sh!t ain't gonna do it at home, nor at his mom's. He either HAS to go back, this time to a place where people are NOT allowed to leave, or searched with a fine-tooth comb when they return, OR ... he needs to get on buprenorphine and wean down and quit that way. 6-10 OC80's a day ... I'm sorry, but there's just no way you go cold turkey off that level of dope without being put in jail or a strait-jacket.
He has literally almost a 0% chance of getting/staying clean (whichever is the actual truth doesn't matter too much actually) right now unless he is seriously *locked up*, and I mean tight as a drum. And to be honest, I wouldn't wish cold turkey off that level of dope on my worst enemy.
Methadone, Buprenorphine, or some form of a jailed, living hell ... be that continued dope use, or some jail-like rehab facility where he kicks cold-turkey. Those are the guys options at this point. Honestly, bupe is the man's best shot, in my humble opinion.
Hang tough Callie. BTW, being all emotional ... that is what dopesickness does to you.
Coming off a habit that big ... if he's telling the truth on that account ... my God. That would be so brutal it literally defies imagination.
If he couldn't do it in rehab, he sure as sh!t ain't gonna do it at home, nor at his mom's. He either HAS to go back, this time to a place where people are NOT allowed to leave, or searched with a fine-tooth comb when they return, OR ... he needs to get on buprenorphine and wean down and quit that way. 6-10 OC80's a day ... I'm sorry, but there's just no way you go cold turkey off that level of dope without being put in jail or a strait-jacket.
He has literally almost a 0% chance of getting/staying clean (whichever is the actual truth doesn't matter too much actually) right now unless he is seriously *locked up*, and I mean tight as a drum. And to be honest, I wouldn't wish cold turkey off that level of dope on my worst enemy.
Methadone, Buprenorphine, or some form of a jailed, living hell ... be that continued dope use, or some jail-like rehab facility where he kicks cold-turkey. Those are the guys options at this point. Honestly, bupe is the man's best shot, in my humble opinion.
Hang tough Callie. BTW, being all emotional ... that is what dopesickness does to you.
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