Beginning my taper
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Join Date: Feb 2012
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Beginning my taper
For anyone who needs a little background info on my story. I'm an oppiate addict. My doc were oxy, percs, hydro and morphine tabs. Basicly anything I could find oppiate. My first run with this began in 2000 after my doctor prescribed them for pain. After about 3 years of addiction and my life spiraling out of control, I was mandated to an IOP by ACS. I completed the program and continued about 5 years clean time. At that time I was only on naltrexone for the first 3 years. About three years ago my av tricked me into believing I was somehow cured of this disease and could take a few recreationally from a neighbor who's nephew was selling them. WRONG!!! It only proved to put me on a fast track to active addiction once again. This last relapse really brought me to my knees and tried numerous time to CT only to fail again and again. So with the help of my family I found a suboxone Doctor and began taking sub as maintenence while I attend my second IOP. I'm now in my 8th month on sub and am grateful for this med since I'm not sure if I could have collected this many months clean time without it.
Well, last week the beast came back. Not in the form of my original DOC oppiate pain pills but in the amount of sub I was taking. About 4 weeks into my sub maintenence plan I tapered down to a lower amount of 6mgs then the 8mgs being prescribed to me. This left me with quite a few extra strips each month. Well having those extras on hand I tricked myself into thinking I could dabble in those occasionally increasing my daily dose to 12mgs or even 16mgs per day. Now mind you, this sub has never made me high but I felt it gave me an energy burst right after taking it. Honestly I'm not even sure that's true when I really think about it. I think it's another lie my AV was telling me.
The last couple of days I struggled with taking the 8 mgs prescribed. I had awful cravings that just wouldn't let-up putting me in a horrible mood. I was snapping at everyone in my family! NOT GOOD! So I decided to pull my husband aside and have a long discussion with him about what was happening. No offense to hubby, but he just doesn't get it. He thinks he does and really tries to understand and help me so he deserves the credit for that. He deserves awards just putting up with his crazy addict wife. Anyway, he has agreed to hold on to my sub and dole it out to me daily.
Due to the nessesity of making sure my monthly supply lasts the rest of this month until I see the doctor and also to try to gain some control over my recovery I've decided to taper to 4 mgs until my next appointment.
The last couple days I successfully took the 8 mgs that are prescribed. Today I took my 4 mgs for the day and hopefully will not have too many problems until tomorrow's dose of 4 mgs. And so on. I've read here that people don't usually feel WD when tapering until they reach 2 mgs or less. So lets see how it goes!
As always thanks to all of you here at SR for your wonderful support!
Any advice or experience would be appreciated.
Well, last week the beast came back. Not in the form of my original DOC oppiate pain pills but in the amount of sub I was taking. About 4 weeks into my sub maintenence plan I tapered down to a lower amount of 6mgs then the 8mgs being prescribed to me. This left me with quite a few extra strips each month. Well having those extras on hand I tricked myself into thinking I could dabble in those occasionally increasing my daily dose to 12mgs or even 16mgs per day. Now mind you, this sub has never made me high but I felt it gave me an energy burst right after taking it. Honestly I'm not even sure that's true when I really think about it. I think it's another lie my AV was telling me.
The last couple of days I struggled with taking the 8 mgs prescribed. I had awful cravings that just wouldn't let-up putting me in a horrible mood. I was snapping at everyone in my family! NOT GOOD! So I decided to pull my husband aside and have a long discussion with him about what was happening. No offense to hubby, but he just doesn't get it. He thinks he does and really tries to understand and help me so he deserves the credit for that. He deserves awards just putting up with his crazy addict wife. Anyway, he has agreed to hold on to my sub and dole it out to me daily.
Due to the nessesity of making sure my monthly supply lasts the rest of this month until I see the doctor and also to try to gain some control over my recovery I've decided to taper to 4 mgs until my next appointment.
The last couple days I successfully took the 8 mgs that are prescribed. Today I took my 4 mgs for the day and hopefully will not have too many problems until tomorrow's dose of 4 mgs. And so on. I've read here that people don't usually feel WD when tapering until they reach 2 mgs or less. So lets see how it goes!
As always thanks to all of you here at SR for your wonderful support!
Any advice or experience would be appreciated.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: San Jose , CA
Posts: 65
Congrats Clean ,, once you jump try to make your bedroom as dark & quite as possible. Not being able to sleep is awful, all the other w/d only lasted about 8 days for me. but the non-sleep issue stayed around for 20 to 21 days
Good luck my friend
Good luck my friend
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,125
I ran into similar issues when taking sub, but mine was worse than you describe. I found myself taking more than prescribed when I would feel anxious or just looking for a buzz. I know it feels like saying you felt high or took it to get high seems a bit like defeat, but it is important to be honest. I think there is this feeling that we want everyone to think we are doing okay or that if you struggle a bit while taking a maintenance med some people are going to say I TOLD YOU SO which is a blow to our ego and makes us feel vulnerable and I commend you for being honest and speaking up.
It is definitely important to catch it quickly before things get completely out of control and as I am sure you have seen in the past things can go from bad to worse in the blink of an eye. I would routinely run out early then have to try to move my appointment up then started playing games at the pharmacy again and was so depressed because I felt like I was almost back to square one. The suboxone has obviously been a big help to you getting your life back, but it is easy to get complacent and unfortunately many of us find out the hard way that if we don't ramp up our recovery efforts we will be destined to repeat the past.
I think backsliding a little happens to the best of us. Life has its ups and downs and so does recovery. It is not linear and some days / weeks will be easy and you don't have a care in the world and others you feel like you are scratching and clawing to keep your head above water. I would caution you not to make decisions too quickly based off a bad day or bad week. I have seen many people including myself hit a rough patch and then say to hell with it I am getting off this stuff now which only speeds up the downwarad spiral. It is like ditching your life boat while you are still out in the middle of the ocean. Slow and steady usually wins the race.
Being honest with your husband and your doctor is a good idea. You might want to try reaching out for some more face to face support. I see you on the forums quite a bit and while they can be a tremendous help I often need more. You have been doing great so remember that. Don't psyche yourself out and start with the stinking thinking. Take it slow and BREATHE. It might just be the time of year or the weather changing or you are just in a bit of a rut. Fight through it and you will come out on the other side and realize just how much strength you really do have. Take Care. You can do this!!!
It is definitely important to catch it quickly before things get completely out of control and as I am sure you have seen in the past things can go from bad to worse in the blink of an eye. I would routinely run out early then have to try to move my appointment up then started playing games at the pharmacy again and was so depressed because I felt like I was almost back to square one. The suboxone has obviously been a big help to you getting your life back, but it is easy to get complacent and unfortunately many of us find out the hard way that if we don't ramp up our recovery efforts we will be destined to repeat the past.
I think backsliding a little happens to the best of us. Life has its ups and downs and so does recovery. It is not linear and some days / weeks will be easy and you don't have a care in the world and others you feel like you are scratching and clawing to keep your head above water. I would caution you not to make decisions too quickly based off a bad day or bad week. I have seen many people including myself hit a rough patch and then say to hell with it I am getting off this stuff now which only speeds up the downwarad spiral. It is like ditching your life boat while you are still out in the middle of the ocean. Slow and steady usually wins the race.
Being honest with your husband and your doctor is a good idea. You might want to try reaching out for some more face to face support. I see you on the forums quite a bit and while they can be a tremendous help I often need more. You have been doing great so remember that. Don't psyche yourself out and start with the stinking thinking. Take it slow and BREATHE. It might just be the time of year or the weather changing or you are just in a bit of a rut. Fight through it and you will come out on the other side and realize just how much strength you really do have. Take Care. You can do this!!!
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Join Date: Feb 2012
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Thank you yesimready, I'm so happy to see you again and know that you are doing so good!
Also, Marcus, you really know how to get inside my mind. Thank you for that! I thought it was a kind of high, although I hate to admit that fact. When I went back down to the prescribe dose of 8 mgs I was looking for that brief high I couldn't find it which led me to believe it was all in my my head. Av voice playing tricks on me. So it could have been a sort of high. Nothing compared to the oxy, or pill high that I was getting before. Just a little feeling of well being. You are right I hesitated to admit that I could become addicted to sub because I didn't want people to think bad about sub since it really has helped me a great deal. I'm sure if I hadn't of gone this route I doubt I could have had these 8 months to turn my life around. I think as you said catching it quickly and being honest with those around me will hopefully head off a complete relapse. As far as developing an ego?..Hmm... Certainly food for thought! Perhaps I was getting a little cocky about my recovery.
I do attend an IOP twice a week for 4 hour groups and meet with my counselor twice a month. In fact today I brought this up in group. The group lead suggest I get in with the doctor early before my next appointment. Will see if it can be arranged. I am not closed minded to going to NA or AA meetings. I'm sure they would be helpful. My only problem is my husband's attitude that talking about drugs and addictions all the time is triggering. Concentrating on other things in life would be better for me. I guess that's debatable.Lol Not sure how much he really understands addiction. He does think I should limit my time on SR and that in itself has become an addiction. Probably. Lol but I'd take that doc over oxy or sub any day! As long as it does not interfere with my family or other important things in my life.
Thank you for sharing your experience its very helpful as always. After I speak with my doctor I will decide what to do about sub. All I know is at this moment I will have to limit myself to 4 mgs per day or I will run out and be forced into WD. I'm just thankful that the sub is not in my possession or I really doubt I have enough control to limit myself. Pretty sad after 8 months. It makes me wonder what exactly have I learned these past months.
Thank again!
Also, Marcus, you really know how to get inside my mind. Thank you for that! I thought it was a kind of high, although I hate to admit that fact. When I went back down to the prescribe dose of 8 mgs I was looking for that brief high I couldn't find it which led me to believe it was all in my my head. Av voice playing tricks on me. So it could have been a sort of high. Nothing compared to the oxy, or pill high that I was getting before. Just a little feeling of well being. You are right I hesitated to admit that I could become addicted to sub because I didn't want people to think bad about sub since it really has helped me a great deal. I'm sure if I hadn't of gone this route I doubt I could have had these 8 months to turn my life around. I think as you said catching it quickly and being honest with those around me will hopefully head off a complete relapse. As far as developing an ego?..Hmm... Certainly food for thought! Perhaps I was getting a little cocky about my recovery.
I do attend an IOP twice a week for 4 hour groups and meet with my counselor twice a month. In fact today I brought this up in group. The group lead suggest I get in with the doctor early before my next appointment. Will see if it can be arranged. I am not closed minded to going to NA or AA meetings. I'm sure they would be helpful. My only problem is my husband's attitude that talking about drugs and addictions all the time is triggering. Concentrating on other things in life would be better for me. I guess that's debatable.Lol Not sure how much he really understands addiction. He does think I should limit my time on SR and that in itself has become an addiction. Probably. Lol but I'd take that doc over oxy or sub any day! As long as it does not interfere with my family or other important things in my life.
Thank you for sharing your experience its very helpful as always. After I speak with my doctor I will decide what to do about sub. All I know is at this moment I will have to limit myself to 4 mgs per day or I will run out and be forced into WD. I'm just thankful that the sub is not in my possession or I really doubt I have enough control to limit myself. Pretty sad after 8 months. It makes me wonder what exactly have I learned these past months.
Thank again!
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,142
Clean I myself couldn't take subs because I abused them. I don't know if its an actual high or what but I liked the feeling. I can't moderate even with subs so they weren't an option for me. The fact that you're being open about it and see that its a problem is wonderful. You're trying to fix it and that shows you're serious about your recovery. My advice would be stick to the 4 mgs and try to taper off completely but I know you say its your life line. Slow and steady. You've been under a lot of stress with the home situation so I can understand that you're looking for some extra energy. You're on a deadline. I'm proud of you for trying to get this under control.
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Thank you decbaby, your support means everything to me as does the others! Thank you so much. I must admit I feel beat by the beast! I might just do that. Taper off. As soon as I speak to my doctor I'll know a little more what I should do. You are right I'm feeling pressured by this move and trying to buy the house. I just realized that I will have to put this as well as my addiction onto my Higher power! I just can't deal with it anymore!
Thanks for being here for me!
Thanks for being here for me!
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Buffalo, ny
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The worst thing I had when I went below 2 was anxiety but no cravings as of yet! You can so this. It's difficult but and it'll be one of the hardest things you'll ever do but it's worth your life. If you can do this, you can do anything! I'm auditioning for The Voice in January. I figure if I can go through this and come out the other end, nothing will scare me
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Join Date: Nov 2011
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I also abused them so I couldn't take them> THey never made me high, but I never got withdrawals, so I would just use them until my hook up came through again. Glad you are aware of your abusing them, and sounds like you are a lot like me, you will do whatever it takes to find some sort of feeling.
Hang in there, proud of you for being honest.
Hang in there, proud of you for being honest.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Houston Texas
Posts: 676
Wow. I am wondering if that is where I went wrong with sub. I started sub a month ago. Coming off 120mg oxy habit. But I was scared of sub. I took no more than half a strip
A day but broke that down. I tried to take 1/4 strip in the AM, but by lunch I was craving. So I would take the remaining 1/4 strip and half it and take it. Cravings went away. Few hours later they returned so I took the rest of that quarter and limped through the day. Repeat the next day. I did this for a week then caved to the cravings.
I think sub will work for me, but think I need a higher dose or something.
A day but broke that down. I tried to take 1/4 strip in the AM, but by lunch I was craving. So I would take the remaining 1/4 strip and half it and take it. Cravings went away. Few hours later they returned so I took the rest of that quarter and limped through the day. Repeat the next day. I did this for a week then caved to the cravings.
I think sub will work for me, but think I need a higher dose or something.
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Originally Posted by finaltime 
I also abused them so I couldn't take them> THey never made me high, but I never got withdrawals, so I would just use them until my hook up came through again. Glad you are aware of your abusing them, and sounds like you are a lot like me, you will do whatever it takes to find some sort of feeling.
Hang in there, proud of you for being honest.
Hang in there, proud of you for being honest.
Not looking forward to the next experience just to get on sub.
Maybe my heebie jeebies over WD is from the fact I have to hide them? Anyone else have to hide WD and find it makes them worse ?
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,142
I've used suboxone also like fancy has.
Mk with the right dose you should be pretty comfortable and have no cravings.
Clean the beast didn't win. My beast comes around in many forms poking me, pulling my hair, looking for a fight. You're not letting him win. That's the important part.
Mk with the right dose you should be pretty comfortable and have no cravings.
Clean the beast didn't win. My beast comes around in many forms poking me, pulling my hair, looking for a fight. You're not letting him win. That's the important part.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: alabama
Posts: 222
CleaninLI-
I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling. You have provided so much support to me and this entire community. Read back over some of your old posts and take the advice that you gave to others. Don't give up, this is just a bump in the road. I have no doubt that you can get this under control and continue your recovery. Whether that is tapering from 4mg starting now or whether that is stabilizing on 8mg again and then proceeding as planned is up to you and your doctor. Don't forget about the clean time you have and how long you took your medication as prescribed. I can be done and you can do it. I wish you all the best.
I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling. You have provided so much support to me and this entire community. Read back over some of your old posts and take the advice that you gave to others. Don't give up, this is just a bump in the road. I have no doubt that you can get this under control and continue your recovery. Whether that is tapering from 4mg starting now or whether that is stabilizing on 8mg again and then proceeding as planned is up to you and your doctor. Don't forget about the clean time you have and how long you took your medication as prescribed. I can be done and you can do it. I wish you all the best.
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Mk, I think you did need a little higher dose. Honestly, I did not have cravings until recently. I'm not sure if a person builds a tolerance with sub. When I went to my IOP yesterday and talked about what happened the counselor said I should check with my doctor about increasing my dose. That might be what happened. I do understand when people say they still crave while on sub. This happened to me as well. Also, sub is still an oppiate and mind altering. So there is still a chance of becoming addicted to the sub. I know that I am famous for switching doc's and can become addicted to just about anything. Like people say addiction is the disease and has nothing to do with the substance. I agree with you that hiding WD makes it even harder. You can not just lay in bed and moan and thrash. You have to act normal. Not easy to do during WD. Mk next time use the flu excuse. Everyone gets sick at some point in their lives.
TE you are a tough guy to be able to go through that and act normal!
Decbaby, you are right! Thanks for reminding me. I took my 4mgs for the day and feel pretty good. That doesn't mean I don't have cravings but whatever happens I've decided that today I will not use! I can not let this beast win!
Alabama, thanks for the kind words! It feels good to be appreciated! You may not realize it but you have been a great asset to these boards, also. Thanks for reminding me that I haven't lost this war yet! I will try to practice what I preach! Lol Oh, btw, if I come to find that there is truth to building a tolerance I'll let you know. I think I've been on this stuff longer than you. That way you will know what to do if you should start craving again. It makes it worse when they creep up on you without you realizing.
In fact everyone of you has been a wonderful asset to this forum! We are all unique in our own situations with one commonality! TO FIGHT THIS HORRIBLE DISEASE called ADDICTION!
WE WILL WIN!!!!!
TE you are a tough guy to be able to go through that and act normal!
Decbaby, you are right! Thanks for reminding me. I took my 4mgs for the day and feel pretty good. That doesn't mean I don't have cravings but whatever happens I've decided that today I will not use! I can not let this beast win!
Alabama, thanks for the kind words! It feels good to be appreciated! You may not realize it but you have been a great asset to these boards, also. Thanks for reminding me that I haven't lost this war yet! I will try to practice what I preach! Lol Oh, btw, if I come to find that there is truth to building a tolerance I'll let you know. I think I've been on this stuff longer than you. That way you will know what to do if you should start craving again. It makes it worse when they creep up on you without you realizing.
In fact everyone of you has been a wonderful asset to this forum! We are all unique in our own situations with one commonality! TO FIGHT THIS HORRIBLE DISEASE called ADDICTION!
WE WILL WIN!!!!!
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