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"Vertigo" in avrt

Old 11-02-2016, 02:28 AM
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"Vertigo" in avrt

I am new to this site and new to avrt (11 days without drinking)
In the past the thing that always "got" me was that sudden attack of F- it just drink.
It always seemed to come "out of nowhere" and as if on automatic pilot, in a matter of minutes, I'd be on my way to get alcohol.
Trimpey names this sudden attack "vertigo" (just for the sake of giving it a name I suppose lol)
Yesterday, I had my first "attack" of this since stopping drinking. I recognized it as a Beast attack right away.
What amazed me though, was what I had thought of as being on automatic pilot and something that "just happened" actually had a lot of steps to it.
I was overcome with thoughts of "get a drink"
And I thought "No, I don't drink, It wants drink, but It can't drink unless I bring It the drink" Then I thought of the actual steps I would have to take to get It the drink.
1. Check how much money I had so I could decide what to buy
2. Get to the supermarket
3. Choose what to buy
4. Stand in a queue and pay for it
5. Get home and pour it
6. Lift the glass to my mouth and drink it.
It never "just happened" I the thinking, reasoning, me, had to make it happen.
Once I thought of this, the urge disappeared and thoughts of drinking disappeared
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Old 11-02-2016, 03:31 AM
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Well it's not quite true to say that "vertigo" attacks were the only thing that "got" me.
The thoughts (that I now recognise as Beast attacks too) of "just have a few then stop" did too.
When I was a teenager, living at home, my brother a lot of times when I went in the bath would tell me someone was on the phone for me (days before mobile phones). Then he would fall about laughing that I had gotton out of the bath dripping wet, standing freezing in a towel in the draughty hallway where the phone was, with no one on the other end.
I fell for this a lot before I wised up.
I view the Beast when it puts the idea of "a few drinks then stop" up, in the same light that I got to view my brothers bogus telephone calls for me shouts.
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Old 11-02-2016, 05:21 AM
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Congratulations on your decision Nectar!
You can do this, as you have proven! Don't let the beast (through the AV) try and un-convince you, try and get you to accept to unknow what you know.
"I will never drink agian, and I will never change my mind" stops 1-6 dead in Its tracks , everytime!
Onward!!
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Old 11-02-2016, 07:15 AM
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Congratulations, Nectar. Well done. It sounds like you got this!

I agree with you. When I hear 'I got drunk - I don't know how it happened. It just did', I feel sad. It speaks to a profound lack of mindfulness and self-awareness. A simple moment of self-reflection can be life-changing, if we only allow it to be.

I am really happy to see you post here, and share your story. Welcome! And as dwtb says, Onward! You can do this thing, and having done it, what the heck else can you accomplish?
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Old 11-02-2016, 08:03 AM
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I can do it dwtbd and freshstart, and I amazed myself lol.
Those two things, the "vertigo" and the "just a few" of the AV have had me trapped for years. 25 years to be precise. I wanted to stop drinking years ago, have tried everything over the years. But always drank again when the urges "overpowered" me

I cannot believe something as simple as separating the errant survival drive to drink (the Beast) from me works so well!
I don't think I have ever managed to resist a strong urge ever before, my not drinking only ever lasted as long as the urges stayed away. Usually when I had knocked myself very sick from it, or gotton in enough trouble to put myself off it for a while.
Now it doesn't matter if I have the urge to do it or not. Just because the urge is there, doesn't mean I ever want to go back to drinking. I don't! And I never will want to again, and I will never change my mind. My Beast will always want to, nothing will change there, and never will. But I don't mind, I can live with that. It may be able to access my thoughts and emotions, but luckily for me, it cannot access the use of my arms and legs, and in the end, I am also the one in charge of my thoughts and emotions. And I can now recognise when they are being manipulated by the Beast
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Old 11-02-2016, 09:24 AM
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It really is amazing! Don't downplay this achievement because it is truly and deeply profound. This is a triumph of your spirit over fear and self-doubt. All around us are those who simply don't believe what we have done is possible, there must be some sort of trick.

Please take some time to yourself, maybe an afternoon, say, to simply congratulate yourself. This is a triumph, Nectar. Look around you because the world you now have is a different one. You have opportunities previously denied to you. You are a badass, no doubt about it.

Congratulations to you. Awesomely well done.
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Old 11-02-2016, 10:34 AM
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Nectar, this is so inspiring -- it's just awesome what you did! Really well done. How great to have your whole life ahead of you drink-free.

I have had several attacks of vertigo since starting AVRT. For me they seem to strike when I'm at a restaurant table and others are having drinks right in front of me. The Beast seems to want to "speed up time" and get me to focus ahead to the taste of a drink. It's tricky because there are fewer steps -- I don't have to get my wallet and go to the store, etc. So I've been learning to "slow down time" in those moments -- breathe deeply, notice my feet on the floor, my chair underneath me. When I slow down, I can see there are still steps I would have to take -- I would have to reach for a glass, pick it up, and move it to my mouth. Which I will not do. Now that I've practiced that a couple of times, the vertigo attacks have stopped occurring. Not that it matters either way -- attacks or no attacks, I'm a non-drinker.

Glad you're posting here, and congratulations on your awesome achievement!
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Old 11-02-2016, 10:36 AM
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It is profound and yet so simple. Like all such truths we fall prey to its quality of 'unbelievableness', I had first to take a leap of faith and soon enough I was a Believer
Like you I didn't take that leap for years, for all possible unbelievers reading ,take the leap become a believer in yourself !
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Old 11-02-2016, 10:40 AM
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I really am a badass! I did it again!
Thankyou Freshstart, I really do feel like the world has opened up.
Same thing as yesterday, except, I found a long forgotton bottle of JD in the house. The Beast really sprang into action. "Just drink it, it's expensive, it will be the last time"
Only trouble is, I never drink now, and I will never change my mind the Big Plan has already been made, no negotiations.
Down the sink it went, with a smile on my face and a distant howl in the midbrain lol
If I did it once, and did it twice, I can do it forever.
As soon as it was drained down the sink, the Beast quieted.
It's not even a case of fighting the urge, it's a case of ignoring the urge and sticking to my own true self
It really is an awesome feeling!!
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Old 11-02-2016, 10:44 AM
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Originally Posted by tursiops999 View Post
Nectar, this is so inspiring -- it's just awesome what you did! Really well done. How great to have your whole life ahead of you drink-free.

I have had several attacks of vertigo since starting AVRT. For me they seem to strike when I'm at a restaurant table and others are having drinks right in front of me. The Beast seems to want to "speed up time" and get me to focus ahead to the taste of a drink. It's tricky because there are fewer steps -- I don't have to get my wallet and go to the store, etc. So I've been learning to "slow down time" in those moments -- breathe deeply, notice my feet on the floor, my chair underneath me. When I slow down, I can see there are still steps I would have to take -- I would have to reach for a glass, pick it up, and move it to my mouth. Which I will not do. Now that I've practiced that a couple of times, the vertigo attacks have stopped occurring. Not that it matters either way -- attacks or no attacks, I'm a non-drinker.

Glad you're posting here, and congratulations on your awesome achievement!
Tursiops, we just cross posted, I did that, I had it right in front of me earlier..and I tipped it. That is a good technique you have for those situations, if needs be, I will bear that in mind. Thanks for the congrats, lol I have been congratulating myself no end, it's so simple yet so effective.
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Old 11-02-2016, 10:46 AM
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Originally Posted by dwtbd View Post
It is profound and yet so simple. Like all such truths we fall prey to its quality of 'unbelievableness', I had first to take a leap of faith and soon enough I was a Believer
Like you I didn't take that leap for years, for all possible unbelievers reading ,take the leap become a believer in yourself !
It is unbelievable, but I am a true blue believer now!
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Old 11-02-2016, 10:50 AM
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Originally Posted by nectar View Post
I can do it dwtbd and freshstart, and I amazed myself lol.
Those two things, the "vertigo" and the "just a few" of the AV have had me trapped for years. 25 years to be precise. I wanted to stop drinking years ago, have tried everything over the years. But always drank again when the urges "overpowered" me

I cannot believe something as simple as separating the errant survival drive to drink (the Beast) from me works so well!
I don't think I have ever managed to resist a strong urge ever before, my not drinking only ever lasted as long as the urges stayed away
Oh, Nectar, I can so relate. I too suffered for over two decades. Tried everything and finally suspended disbelief, after reading the posts on this Secular Connections forum and learning AVRT.

The rest, as they say, is history. I'm now a non-drinker and I can't believe how relatively simple it was, after thoroughly digesting mentally and ingraining the fact into my brain; that the Beast's misdirected survival drive, transmitted to me via the Addicitive Voice and images, was NOT ME. Just my brain's faulty wiring due to neuroplasicity, as a consequence of my drinking too much, for too long! The Beast has no power, it can shout and scream at me with it's cravings through the AV. But I have the have the power, as I'm in control of my arms, legs and mouth.

And yes, those faulty thoughts, deceptive brain messages, 'you need a drink', 'you deserve a drink' etc., aren't true and don't need to be wrestled with, fought with, grappled with: but simply ignored! No white knuckling, no one day at a time, no counting days.

This mindset change is powerful, beyond belief and I'm in still in awe, that I've finally managed to stop drinking, forever!

I'm so pleased for you, Nectar.
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Old 11-02-2016, 01:32 PM
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The R in AVRT is critical. When you recognize what is going on, it's like a light bulb lighting up! I haven't experienced a true vertigo moment in a long time, but have had occasional passing thoughts from time to time. It's like the old lover who contacts you out of the blue. If you haven't severed that tie completely in your mind, then you get the heart fluttering and the warm glow of hope. You may even go meet up with them, even though you know it will end the same way. If you have fully made the decision that you will not waver on that, then when the lover comes calling you look at them and say, "Seriously...are you f*cking kidding me right now? then lol"
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Old 11-02-2016, 03:47 PM
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Tatsy, that's fantastic. It is great to read the motivated and enthusiastic people on this thread, makes all the difference in the world. Sometimes I think people can be told too much how hard stopping drinking is, and makes you half defeated before you start. It is very very refreshing to read the people on this thread. And like you say, no white knuckling, I am surprised at how easily the AV quiets and the Beast backs down when recognised for what it is
Soberlicious, I agree with you 100% it's the recognition of the AV and the drive of the Beast that makes it so easy to seperate yourself from it.
I love your analogy lol
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Old 11-02-2016, 06:43 PM
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Analogies are great for pointing out and focusing perspectives. Changing or adopting new perspectives can help tremendously.
The perspective I gained from using AVRT , let me see that prior to recognizing the Beast and separating from its voice, the 'difficulty' I associated with quitting was being generated by my Beast 'hearing' and repeating the bleetings of others' beasts.
Ideas like relapse is part of quitting, that staying sober requires meeting conditions x,y,z irrespective of picking up a drink, abstinence is a grueling hard fought 24/7/365 unending grind, that it could slip away without being conscious of it happening,, ect ect ,
All just beast talk , mine and those at large and my beast reinforcing those ideas. Shutting down mine is infinitely doable and leaves nothing but empathy for those whose beasts are still active and controlling.
Plus I've got a heightened badass radar now, and it's pinging all over the place in here
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