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The work of Byron Katie

Old 02-10-2014, 09:39 AM
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The work of Byron Katie

This is it, I've finally found something that's started to answer my questions and really open my eyes to the truth of things. AA does a good job of dealing with resentment, but for some people that way of thinking just doesn't make sense. I always knew that I had a lot of resentment, but I didn't understand what it meant to hand it over to a higher power, that concept was completely meaningless to me. The work of Byron Katie is kind of like a fourth and fifth step, but it's a different way to look at it, and it makes much more sense to me.

Basically you take a resentment, and then turn it around at yourself to see if it is true for yourself.

For example, I felt that my friends judged me and did not respect who I was and it made me angry. Why do their words and actions effect me so strongly? Is it because I feel what they say is true? Maybe I don't respect myself, maybe I judge myself and do not accept who I am...

Doing this honestly can be shocking, and once you realize that all resentment is internal, you can see it for what it is and let it go.

About The Work :: The Work of Byron Katie

If you have resentments but feel that AA isn't the right angle to approach it, try this instead.
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Old 02-10-2014, 10:03 AM
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Interesting! I will do some research on this!
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Old 02-10-2014, 09:57 PM
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I was talking with my councilor today actually and realized that I do the same thing with practically every aspect of my life. I always second guess every decision I make and if that decision don't seem to pan out I beat myself up over it, I never really believe what people tell me when they are talking about me I always try to analyze some hidden message that most times isn't even there. I realize that this is an internal problem but I've done it for so long that it has become more like a reflex than an action. I just wish I could find a way to shut this "reflex" off.
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Old 02-11-2014, 01:48 AM
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Just looking briefly at her site it looks like kind of standard CBT-type stuff. Probably very useful.
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Old 02-11-2014, 12:08 PM
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I love Byron Katie! I liked her facebook page and she just has the best inspirational quotes. We are all fighting against our selves. She really opened my eyes too.
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Old 02-11-2014, 12:35 PM
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Originally Posted by rbragg05 View Post
I always second guess every decision I make and if that decision don't seem to pan out I beat myself up over it, I never really believe what people tell me when they are talking about me I always try to analyze some hidden message that most times isn't even there. I realize that this is an internal problem but I've done it for so long that it has become more like a reflex than an action. I just wish I could find a way to shut this "reflex" off.
Ugh, me too. I fret about what everyone else will think.... Every woman I've dated, in the back of my mind I've wondered "will my friends think she's pretty enough?". Every job I've taken I've thought "will this look good enough to others?". Every apartment I've rented I've thought "will people make fun of me if I live here?" When I confronted my alcoholism and quit drinking, I thought "will everyone think I'm a weak and pathetic individual"?

It's relentless, and exhausting.
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Old 02-11-2014, 07:22 PM
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Originally Posted by bigsombrero View Post
Ugh, me too. I fret about what everyone else will think.... Every woman I've dated, in the back of my mind I've wondered "will my friends think she's pretty enough?". Every job I've taken I've thought "will this look good enough to others?". Every apartment I've rented I've thought "will people make fun of me if I live here?" When I confronted my alcoholism and quit drinking, I thought "will everyone think I'm a weak and pathetic individual"?

It's relentless, and exhausting.

That comes at us from both directions! Many of us also rotated liquor stores for fear that the clerks would judge us for drinking so much!
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Old 02-11-2014, 10:16 PM
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Originally Posted by rbragg05 View Post
I was talking with my councilor today actually and realized that I do the same thing with practically every aspect of my life. I always second guess every decision I make and if that decision don't seem to pan out I beat myself up over it, I never really believe what people tell me when they are talking about me I always try to analyze some hidden message that most times isn't even there. I realize that this is an internal problem but I've done it for so long that it has become more like a reflex than an action. I just wish I could find a way to shut this "reflex" off.
Trying to shut off or fix parts of us doesn't really work in my experience. I tried to do that for years, with no real change. I too realized that the problem was internal, but I didn't really understand it. I think anyone who is at least somewhat conscious can recognize that their thoughts are not always rational.

What happens if I decide to think more positively? I'll get all pumped up and go "Yeah, healthy living! I'm going to be positive today!". Okay, so what happens when anger arises? "Ahhh, there it is, it's anger, but nope, we're gonna be positive today... Yep, can't let it get to me...". what happens when you do that? It blows up in your face. Maybe not the first time, but sooner or later, if you try to shut off or push feelings, they push back, and it just wears you out.

A solution can be found in the failure of the above exercise. What went wrong? I made expectations that the future would be a certain way, and reality did not match up to those expectations, and disappointment and frustration resulted. The solution then, is to not have expectations. I can still get angry, but I have a choice to participate in that reaction. I'm not pushing it away or denying it, I'm just allowing it to be as it is.

It can also be helpful to see the bigger picture, and that's where the work can be really helpful. Since you project yourself onto other people, doing the work can uncover old thought patterns that you might not even be completely aware of. As you uncover them you can watch them as well, not judgmentally, but neutrally.

For example, I've been angry and bitter for about as long as I can remember. I hate this person, I hate that person, this person is so annoying, this person is an idiot... I examined a particular event at work where someone was bossy and pushy and it really got to me. I discovered that they weren't really the problem, I was. When they boss me around I feel inadequate and incompetent at my job, I hated them for making me feel that way, but the thing is, those thoughts already existed, and the reason that the person made me so angry is that she shed light on those pre existing thoughts. I already had the fear and belief of being inadequate and useless. I said that she was arrogant for being that way, but when I turned it around and questioned it, I found that I was arrogant. When this person gets mad and starts lashing out at people, I judge her, and hold myself above her. I can control myself, I'm more mature than she is, what a selfish little *****... I discovered that I actually hold myself above almost everyone around me, and it was so clear and out in the open, I can't believe I never noticed it before.

So now when I am confronted with a situation like that, I can see much MORE than I did before. I used to observe the anger in myself, and allow it to rise and fall, now I can see not only that, but the fear of inadequacy, and the bitter thoughts of arrogance as well. Darkness cannot exist in the presence of light, and that's what this work does, it sheds light on our buried fears and flawed beliefs so that they can be seen and allowed to dissolve, and that's all that really needs to happen; these things need to be seen and let be, and in time they will weaken.
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Old 02-18-2014, 10:45 AM
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thanks for the heads up on this. I checked out some of Byron Katie's methods last night and printed out some worksheets. I think it's going to be really helpful for both my BF and I in our recovery program.
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Old 02-19-2014, 07:41 AM
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Originally Posted by Admiral View Post
Trying to shut off or fix parts of us doesn't really work in my experience. I tried to do that for years, with no real change. I too realized that the problem was internal, but I didn't really understand it. I think anyone who is at least somewhat conscious can recognize that their thoughts are not always rational.

What happens if I decide to think more positively? I'll get all pumped up and go "Yeah, healthy living! I'm going to be positive today!". Okay, so what happens when anger arises? "Ahhh, there it is, it's anger, but nope, we're gonna be positive today... Yep, can't let it get to me...". what happens when you do that? It blows up in your face. Maybe not the first time, but sooner or later, if you try to shut off or push feelings, they push back, and it just wears you out.

A solution can be found in the failure of the above exercise. What went wrong? I made expectations that the future would be a certain way, and reality did not match up to those expectations, and disappointment and frustration resulted. The solution then, is to not have expectations. I can still get angry, but I have a choice to participate in that reaction. I'm not pushing it away or denying it, I'm just allowing it to be as it is.

It can also be helpful to see the bigger picture, and that's where the work can be really helpful. Since you project yourself onto other people, doing the work can uncover old thought patterns that you might not even be completely aware of. As you uncover them you can watch them as well, not judgmentally, but neutrally.

For example, I've been angry and bitter for about as long as I can remember. I hate this person, I hate that person, this person is so annoying, this person is an idiot... I examined a particular event at work where someone was bossy and pushy and it really got to me. I discovered that they weren't really the problem, I was. When they boss me around I feel inadequate and incompetent at my job, I hated them for making me feel that way, but the thing is, those thoughts already existed, and the reason that the person made me so angry is that she shed light on those pre existing thoughts. I already had the fear and belief of being inadequate and useless. I said that she was arrogant for being that way, but when I turned it around and questioned it, I found that I was arrogant. When this person gets mad and starts lashing out at people, I judge her, and hold myself above her. I can control myself, I'm more mature than she is, what a selfish little *****... I discovered that I actually hold myself above almost everyone around me, and it was so clear and out in the open, I can't believe I never noticed it before.

So now when I am confronted with a situation like that, I can see much MORE than I did before. I used to observe the anger in myself, and allow it to rise and fall, now I can see not only that, but the fear of inadequacy, and the bitter thoughts of arrogance as well. Darkness cannot exist in the presence of light, and that's what this work does, it sheds light on our buried fears and flawed beliefs so that they can be seen and allowed to dissolve, and that's all that really needs to happen; these things need to be seen and let be, and in time they will weaken.
Thank you I have started a notebook of every time I start to feel that way and It has helped me get over the anger sooner and also when I go back and look at what I wrote I realize how ridiculous some of it is.
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