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Enough is enough. Today is day 1 ~Newbie here

Old 06-04-2013, 05:00 PM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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Thank you guys. I look back over my posts and am disgusted with myself. When I first read about RR online I immediately ordered the book. I will admit that I have not read it fully and have not utilized it's tools.

I am not doing AA (btdt), don't like the powerlessness aspect of it. I went smart recovery meetings, which I can relate more too. I need to make some connections on SR and utilize the tools that are offered here. I feel like I've been floundering all over the place. I can do fine for a week and then think - just one more time. I've been doing so well. I'll just drink at night after the kids are in bed and nobody will ever know. Well, the night blended into the next day this last time.

I am so fortunate with all that I have. I do not want to risk losing anything more than I already have. I've never been on SR chat. I'll look into it later this evening. Thank you for your kind words and gentle call outs. I really can't take the in your face approach right now. My self esteem is at an all time low right now, as it should be.

As far as saying I was a binge drinker instead of I am... You are right. I need to do more positive self talk.
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Old 06-04-2013, 05:10 PM
  # 42 (permalink)  
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Mag and Non,

Do you know about the Tuesday night and Friday night group meetings here at SR? They take place at 6PM pacific time - which is in 2 hours from now.

Go to the chat room labeled, "meeting room."

Hope to see you there!

-first
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Old 06-04-2013, 08:45 PM
  # 43 (permalink)  
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I was able to join the meeting for a bit once I figured out how to get there! Thanks for the invite. Feeling better tonight. I have some damage to undo with my family though. I'm feeling so much guilt and shame for what I've put them through. They don't deserve any of this. I'm trying to use this feeling that I've felt all day to never repeat this again. I've got lots of reading to do in my RR book, also picked up Allen Carr's the easy way to stop drinking (thoughts on the latter book?) as well as the Power of Habit. Thanks all for the hand holding and kind words today. Night's are the worst for me, so I'll be spending a lot of time on SR from here on out.
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Old 06-05-2013, 02:57 AM
  # 44 (permalink)  
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Thanks for the invite. By the time 9 rolled around I knew I wouldn't be able to stay awake through the whole meeting. I was in bed at 9:30. I lead such an exciting life!
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Old 06-05-2013, 04:29 PM
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Mag and Non,

Please come to the meeting on Friday, if you want.. It is at 9 PM EST (6PM PST).

I am glad you both are better today. It is so very hard to deal with the emotions and physical symptoms of (yet another) relapse.

-first
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Old 06-05-2013, 08:43 PM
  # 46 (permalink)  
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Yeah, I felt crappier today than I expected. The physical withdrawals are getting worse for me. More reasons to avoid them altogether.

I might have a date with my wife tomorrow. She is just getting back from her brother's and wants to discuss my bender.
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Old 06-06-2013, 07:58 AM
  # 47 (permalink)  
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Ahh discussing your bender. I don't envy you non! I hate discussing my mess-ups. I just want to move on and leave it behind. Good luck!
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Old 06-06-2013, 08:47 AM
  # 48 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by MagRich View Post
Ahh discussing your bender. I don't envy you non! I hate discussing my mess-ups. I just want to move on and leave it behind. Good luck!
I would prefer to avoid it and just move on, but it's not up to me.

Well, I suppose I could refuse to participate in the discussion, but there's no happily ever after to a story going that direction. My discomfort won't even be 5% of the pain I have put her through. I can hack it.
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Old 06-06-2013, 09:35 AM
  # 49 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Nonsensical View Post
I would prefer to avoid it and just move on, but it's not up to me.

Well, I suppose I could refuse to participate in the discussion, but there's no happily ever after to a story going that direction. My discomfort won't even be 5% of the pain I have put her through. I can hack it.
What do you think the chance is that she will give you an ultimatum?
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Old 06-06-2013, 10:24 AM
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Let me take that to a new thread, because I have a follow-up...
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