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Attitude problem

Old 05-13-2009, 09:00 PM
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Attitude problem

I have suddenly lost the ability to bullsh!t. I used to be quiet, sort of shy. And when people were rude to me I wouldn't say anything. Everyday rudeness from strangers doesn't bother me, I let it roll off. But lately when people I know are rude or mean to me I can't seem to keep from saying something to them.

My sister yelled at me tonight, she's been on one of her rampages for a few days. And I told her, "Bite me," rolled my eyes, and walked off. A girl I know started making her stupid excuses for not doing what she said she would do (happens daily with her) and I told her off. My ex's current gf texted me just to be mean so I told her-- truthfully-- that her bf continues to pursue me romantically while dating her. And then I told her to leave me alone and lose my number.

Those little white lies I used to tell my friends that sort of grease the wheels of life and make things easier have just disappeared. I feel like I am being kind of b!tchy, but at the same time for the first time in my life I feel like I'm really being myself and if someone does not like it, that's ok. It's not like I'm begging them to hang out with me. Letting people push me around and talk me into doing things I did not want to do got me a drug addiction.

I'm mad as hell and I won't take it anymore! Haha. Interestingly, about me telling off his gf, my ex said, "It's cool. I wish you hadn't told her, but you didn't do anything wrong. I wouldn't let someone treat me like that either. As far as I'm concerned we are still friends, nothing has changed."

I'm finding out fast who my friends are. Some people apparently only liked the more docile version of me and have basically stopped talking to me (you know, I was the one who was too nice to say no, the one they could use the easiest). Some are cool with it (the ones who didn't generally ask me for favors without reciprocating). And one friend told me he likes my attitude problem and wishes I'd had it a long time ago. I can't decide if this is a phase, a recovery thing, a permanent attitude adjustment, or I'd just had the last straw.
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Old 05-13-2009, 10:08 PM
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Have you ever watched single people? Who they date, why they connect, what kinds of things they are willing to tolerate?

I was having a conversation about this kind of thing with a group of people. Some of them single, some of them married. It was actually a married woman who said that older single people have a hard time settling down because they are too picky.

I believe that as we introspect, (in healthy ways) we begin to discover our own values and beliefs. Then we start to draw lines in the sand. We begin to say (just for example) I donít like [smokers, liars, Christians, people who are rude, lazy people, people with cats, people who donít like cats]Öyou get the idea. Then we donít mix words about it.

Its not spiteful or personal, in some cases we donít even love them any less. Itís just that there are 6 billion people in the world, and maybe all the cat people can hang out together and all the people who donít like cats can hang out together. Itís just a matter of preference.

It seems to me that you are just separating fact from fantasy and what you will put up with from what you will not put up with and youíre letting people know it.

Nothing wrong with that.
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Old 05-13-2009, 11:26 PM
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Originally Posted by gneiss View Post
I have suddenly lost the ability to bullsh!t. I used to be quiet, sort of shy. And when people were rude to me I wouldn't say anything. Everyday rudeness from strangers doesn't bother me, I let it roll off. But lately when people I know are rude or mean to me I can't seem to keep from saying something to them.

My sister yelled at me tonight, she's been on one of her rampages for a few days. And I told her, "Bite me," rolled my eyes, and walked off. A girl I know started making her stupid excuses for not doing what she said she would do (happens daily with her) and I told her off. My ex's current gf texted me just to be mean so I told her-- truthfully-- that her bf continues to pursue me romantically while dating her. And then I told her to leave me alone and lose my number.

Those little white lies I used to tell my friends that sort of grease the wheels of life and make things easier have just disappeared. I feel like I am being kind of b!tchy, but at the same time for the first time in my life I feel like I'm really being myself and if someone does not like it, that's ok. It's not like I'm begging them to hang out with me. Letting people push me around and talk me into doing things I did not want to do got me a drug addiction.

I'm mad as hell and I won't take it anymore! Haha. Interestingly, about me telling off his gf, my ex said, "It's cool. I wish you hadn't told her, but you didn't do anything wrong. I wouldn't let someone treat me like that either. As far as I'm concerned we are still friends, nothing has changed."

I'm finding out fast who my friends are. Some people apparently only liked the more docile version of me and have basically stopped talking to me (you know, I was the one who was too nice to say no, the one they could use the easiest). Some are cool with it (the ones who didn't generally ask me for favors without reciprocating). And one friend told me he likes my attitude problem and wishes I'd had it a long time ago. I can't decide if this is a phase, a recovery thing, a permanent attitude adjustment, or I'd just had the last straw.
That's what happened to me and I think it's good news !!! Don't worry about that at all ! What's more I'm sure it's good for you to vent a bit !
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Old 05-14-2009, 02:58 AM
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What a great post, gneiss. I don't think that's having an attitude problem at all. Too bad you can't retitle your thread. I like to call this having a positive attitude:




Originally Posted by gneiss View Post
Those little white lies I used to tell my friends that sort of grease the wheels of life and make things easier have just disappeared. I feel like I am being kind of b!tchy, but at the same time for the first time in my life I feel like I'm really being myself and if someone does not like it, that's ok. It's not like I'm begging them to hang out with me. Letting people push me around and talk me into doing things I did not want to do got me a drug addiction.

That's absolutly right. If they don't like it, tough cookies. You need to be true to yourself and to others. I'm learning the same things myself.

I find your post to be inspiring this morning. Thanks a mil.
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Old 05-14-2009, 05:32 AM
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You know, I think the "codependency" thread/school of though, what ever is mislabeled. For me none of it has to do with any particular person, addict or otherwise, in my life. The stuff in the daily thoughts book "Language of Letting Go' is ALL about learning to take care of yourself first. It is changing my life, maybe more than being sober. It talks about identifying what makes us happy, angry, uncomfortable, etc and how to set boundaries so that only WE are effecting how we feel. Anyway, you can just goggle the name and a link at Hazelden comes up for the readings, you might want to check it out. At the end of each reading is a short prayer, feel free to adjust or omit at your discretion
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Old 05-14-2009, 05:52 AM
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Good for you Gneiss! Feels good doesn't it. Be true to yourself, in the grand scheme of things I believe we only have ourselves to count on, people will come and go in our lives-we can move from place to place-have different careers-but no matter what the changes you are still you, so be the you you should be.

J
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Old 05-14-2009, 07:30 AM
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Love it!

There was a point in time with me when I thought, I'll be friendless and alone for the rest of my life if I keep this up. It all balanced itself out with time and I find I make better choices now from the beginning.

I remember myself saying things like Yeah, ya don't like it, sc*ew off.

Your either with me, or your not....I could go on. As I say, I found some balance. Hahaha
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Old 05-14-2009, 08:38 AM
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Assertiveness is what I read you are saying. Being able to be honest about how you feel without being aggressive is a likely expression of your positive self-worth. Way to go!
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Old 05-15-2009, 09:00 PM
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Originally Posted by gerryP View Post
Love it!

There was a point in time with me when I thought, I'll be friendless and alone for the rest of my life if I keep this up. It all balanced itself out with time and I find I make better choices now from the beginning.

I remember myself saying things like Yeah, ya don't like it, sc*ew off.

Your either with me, or your not....I could go on. As I say, I found some balance. Hahaha
Ha! Mostly I haven't gone too overboard. I've told my sister off a few times now. I accepted a long time ago that we will never be close and it no longer bothers me EXCEPT when she decides that we should be bestest buddies because we are sisters. I'm quite happy not really talking to her (hell, we were roommates for a while and I went over a week without seeing her and didn't notice), I don't want a better relationship with her and when she tries to force it... it really gets on my nerves. I don't understand why she decides we need to be friends; 99% of the time she doesn't care whether I exist, and the other 1% she is mad at me for repeatedly rejecting her attempts to become friends.

Frankly, there are maybe 6 or 7 people I see regularly I actually care enough about that I would like to not drive them off. The rest of them, most of my family included, could pretty easily disappear without affecting my life too significantly. Not that I want to wander around being a b!tch just because I can, but if they don't like me... ok.

I'm glad I'm not the only one, at least. I have a lot going on at the moment, a fair amount of stress, and I thought maybe things were just getting to me?? But maybe it's a good thing though.
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Old 05-15-2009, 09:35 PM
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Family...yeah...

I refer to mine as my biological acquaintences.
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