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I'm feeling lonely.

Old 04-16-2009, 06:38 AM
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I'm feeling lonely.

Where is everyone? Still off on vacations or not posting because you don't feel well? Come back and post some, getting things off your chest might help you feel better, and from my selfish point of view, it will give me something to react to. I might just post you back. I've been posting in Health and Fitness, and then in Eating Disorders recently, I figured they were "safe". But today I've gone so far as to post in Newcomers, and Alcoholism. Where will it end?

Oh, and I'm sur Phaleron feels the same way, I see he's been posting in Women Only. You see! This is getting out of hand, please come back:ghug3
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Old 04-16-2009, 07:06 AM
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Hi Poppy.
I am still hanging around but don't have much yo say here. I spend most of my SR time at newcomers trying to encourage new members where I think I can be helpful and at whiners where I like to post my daily whine.
The only thing I need to get off my chest is a little flab and for that I go to the OS thread.
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Old 04-16-2009, 09:07 AM
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Hi there CP!

This is so weird, but I was going to post a thread in here last night asking "what do you do when you feel lonely?"
And here you are posting just what I wanted to post only I felt like I should not, as I tend to post in here a lot. I wish more people would post more threads so I don't feel like I am a forum-hogger.

Anyway, I hope you are feeling better today. BTW, what do you do when you feel lonely? When I go to my group I feel good. But then when I get home this loneliness sets in. Last night I just distracted myself by writing an email and watching TV and sleeping. I have a busy day today in which I have to write coping strategies for each trigger for each letter of the alphabet and then a summary of for this milestone #1, plus I need to look at bills (and even pay them) and clean and then go to group tonight.

Oh, and one more thing your post made me think of - I am now outnumbered by AA people in my group. This really got on my nerves last night as there was this one woman who joined who said AA is new for her and she wants to know all of the slogans. It was a bit much for me and, since this group is based on CBT, I did feel uncomfortable. I hope more people who don't do AA join this group, as I have 19 more groups to go and that is too much if everyone is an AAer. I have kept my mouth shut, for the most part, about my feelings re: AA, but when someone tells me to "call my sponsor" I just cringe. Good news is the therapist always makes it a point to look at me and say "or SMART recovery, there are many paths out there." Ok, talking too much but am only on second cup of coffee here.

Ok, thanks for posting this thread!
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Old 04-16-2009, 09:48 AM
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Hey Katie,

Yay! I'm happy to hear that you are enjoying your group!

Yes I would find it annoying if some of the group members were engaging in AA speak and suggesting sponsors. In fact when I was in AA, I used to be bothered by the hardliners. Maybe you could politely mention that you do not use AA. Thing is though, there probably will always be some AA'ers where ever you go and as long as they aren't trying to indoctrinate the group with the 12 steps, since it's CBT try to tune them out. I would think the facilitator would step in if it became too much. He/she has already demonstrated that he/she is hearing it by adding SMART etc.

Like everything in life we have to learn patience and tolerance because we can't always pick and choose who we engage with. I hear ya though.

This is great news that you are enjoying your group. Great therapist too!
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Old 04-16-2009, 10:44 AM
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Originally Posted by gerryP View Post
Hey Katie,

Yay! I'm happy to hear that you are enjoying your group!

Yes I would find it annoying if some of the group members were engaging in AA speak and suggesting sponsors. In fact when I was in AA, I used to be bothered by the hardliners. Maybe you could politely mention that you do not use AA. Thing is though, there probably will always be some AA'ers where ever you go and as long as they aren't trying to indoctrinate the group with the 12 steps, since it's CBT try to tune them out. I would think the facilitator would step in if it became too much. He/she has already demonstrated that he/she is hearing it by adding SMART etc.

Like everything in life we have to learn patience and tolerance because we can't always pick and choose who we engage with. I hear ya though.

This is great news that you are enjoying your group. Great therapist too!
Thanks, gerryP. Yes, he is very good and super perceptive, plus I was very upfront before signing up that I did not want to be in a group promoting AA. And I do agree about tolerance, but it's hard. I think I will start to speak up more about my feelings, without infringing or not respecting the fact they've chosen AA. And I have gotten the standard "well, it didn't work for me before but this time it is (with the implication that I should give it a go again). I ended up saying that I am happy that this person found something that is working for him, but I do NOT want anyone suggesting it didn't work "because I didn't work it."
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Old 04-16-2009, 10:54 AM
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The practice of tolerance is difficult at times. Sometimes it comes easier to me than other times. I think it often comes down to where I am emotionally. Ya know how some days you can be bothered by things that you normally are not?

I tried to keep the thought in my mind...That's their experience.... That's their experience, That's their experience.

Take everything that applies to you for all the help you can get. Keep moving forward Katie. Yay...
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Old 04-16-2009, 02:20 PM
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Hi people. I have no complaints so I don't post much and since I don't do AA people often don't seem to appreciate my "advice". When I'm lonely I usually rearrange some furniture or other decor.

I have been getting really annoyed at people (not online) lately whenever they talk about drinking! These people are not alcoholics but most of them know that I am and yet they casually talk about some great drink they had and I just want to smack them over the head! It doesn't make me miss drinking it's just I hate alcohol because I spent decades of my life at the bottom of a bottle. I have this 1 neighbor who always carries a drink with her while she walks her dog and it is quite obvious it's not soda or water. She very well may be alcoholic but that's her problem. Anyhow every time I see her I just want to I don't know hit her or something! I don't even know her except I see her walk her dog some times she lives a couple of blocks from me. Does anyone else ever have the urge to beat up drunks??? :
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Old 04-16-2009, 10:13 PM
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I'm feeling lonely too. Very lonely. I don't know why??? What do I expect from people? Friends are nice.. they give advice.. support you, yada yada. But that seems to not be enough for me. I hate this about me, but I definately need reasurrance from people that they care about me, even though I'm not good at expressing myself in that regard. I don't need compliments to boost my ego, or to be told I'm needed.. not that.. Just *lots* and *lots* of affection as proof of feelings...probably more than most people are willing to give.
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Old 04-17-2009, 08:26 AM
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Originally Posted by Phaleron View Post
I"m sorry I missed you, CP. I'm only returning the gender cross forum posting favor (you women have been posting in the beard thread!)
Hmmm, that's probably because some women after 50 start growing a beard. NOT ME ! At least not yet anyway. Oh dear, that's probably next
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Old 04-17-2009, 08:33 AM
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Originally Posted by jamdls View Post
Hi people. I have no complaints so I don't post much and since I don't do AA people often don't seem to appreciate my "advice". When I'm lonely I usually rearrange some furniture or other decor.

I have been getting really annoyed at people (not online) lately whenever they talk about drinking! These people are not alcoholics but most of them know that I am and yet they casually talk about some great drink they had and I just want to smack them over the head! It doesn't make me miss drinking it's just I hate alcohol because I spent decades of my life at the bottom of a bottle. I have this 1 neighbor who always carries a drink with her while she walks her dog and it is quite obvious it's not soda or water. She very well may be alcoholic but that's her problem. Anyhow every time I see her I just want to I don't know hit her or something! I don't even know her except I see her walk her dog some times she lives a couple of blocks from me. Does anyone else ever have the urge to beat up drunks??? :
I'm sure we'd all accept your advice on secular, not too many of us do AA.

As for the urge to beat up drunks, no I can't recall ever feeling that way, but I do get a smirk on my face now when I watch someone who has had a little too much do silly things. I'm so glad it isn't me !
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Old 04-17-2009, 08:45 AM
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Originally Posted by Eroica View Post
I'm feeling lonely too. Very lonely. I don't know why??? What do I expect from people? Friends are nice.. they give advice.. support you, yada yada. But that seems to not be enough for me. I hate this about me, but I definately need reasurrance from people that they care about me, even though I'm not good at expressing myself in that regard. I don't need compliments to boost my ego, or to be told I'm needed.. not that.. Just *lots* and *lots* of affection as proof of feelings...probably more than most people are willing to give.
Gee, I wish I could give you advice on that, but I must be just the opposite of you. I shy away from signs of affection except from my grandkids. It's probably because I'm so sensitive. If anyone shows me too much gratitude or affection I end up crying. I can't watch lots of movies and TV shows because I tear up so badly that I can't even appreciate them, and of course I worry that someone would make fun of me, not that it really matters, there's nothing I can do about it. So just keep posting you won't feel so alone with all of us here on the forum.
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Old 04-17-2009, 08:52 AM
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I'm doing better today, didn't beat up anyone last night. I know it was my body just reacting to the the steroids the doctor put me on this week for joint inflammation.

I'm with you Californiapoppy, I'm not that found of affection either except from my 3 year old grandson and I imagine if he was too affectionate it would bother me. I get most of the affection I need from my dog, and she's a Pekingnese and they are not a very affectionate breed but she lets me cuddle with her with 20-30 minutes a day usually and that is sufficient.
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