Katie09

You are preaching to the choir on this one. I used to go to this 4 p.m. meeting on the days where there were topic days. I thought, great, now we can talk about a topic like...how to handle the depression one gets when one stops drinking or....how to manage anger or....how to deal with feeling lonely or....how to recover and move on and integrate into society and meet other people...any myriad of topics. Much to my dismay, someone would pick a step to talk about.

These are the life issues, IMHO, that are not tackled in AA and that are crucial to achieving and maintaining healthy sobriety - the real life stuff, the nuts and bolts of how to make it through the day and handle real life situations that come up.

So....I went to CODA, thinking maybe there I could learn how to do some of the above. There were actually a few times I did get something out of a CODA meeting. Those meetings are very different. Whereas in my experience AAers jump in to speak, the CODA people take a minute to see who wants to go first, LOL! It's really quite cute.

Anyway, I've blabbed on long enough, but it DOES help to get this stuff out and I appreciate all of your patience with Katie on day 4. :ghug2

DISCLAIMER: Anything I say that seems to go against AA is a funtion of my desperately wanting to do this deal and not intended to hurt the feelings of any AA people. As I have said, there are wonderful people in AA.

spark42

I've experienced a few aa meetings where they do tackle those sorts of topics, even a big book one believe it or not!

So i do think it's possible that there are meetings that could work for you, i guess it might take a bit of time finding them though.

I'm not saying you *must* persevere with aa - it's your choice of course - and if you have SMART recovery or LifeRing meetings to try that's a great alternative. AA is not the only way to get sober.

The problem is that a lot of us need that group support and being able to talk honestly and openly about alcoholism with other alcoholics, and for a lot of us, aa is the only game in town.

However i think that it can be done, meetings can be found that can fit your needs, that allow for discussion to go onto the sort of topics you mentioned, that don't push god or the steps onto people, where you can introduce yourself without having to say "and i'm an alcoholic" and so on.

Either way, i hope you find something that works for you and helps you.

Pagekeeper

Katie,

I feel for ya! At least there are some secular meetings in your area. I'm in the stinking Bible Belt, and oh boy--it about drives me crazy sometimes.

What I've done is branched out and started going to NA meetings as well. Alcohol was my DOC, but alcohol is also a drug. I've found NA meetings to be somewhat less influenced by Christain doctrine, though not totally void of it -- I wouldn't want to mislead you. But NAers around here just seem to be less fanatical about religion.

Good luck!

spark42

Is it true that a lot of aa meetings in the US close with "the lord's prayer"?

That'd do my head in!

All the UK ones i've attended close with the serenity prayer, it's not mandatory to join in though, although if i do, i still refuse to start it with "god"...

TryingSoHard

The ones I went to did. They opened with the serenity prayer (and yes, I skipped the word "god", too) and closed with the Lord's Prayer. Haven't had to say that since I went to Catholic church as a child!

doorknob

I've never lived in the Bible Belt, but the Inland Northwest couldn't be too far off... I'm really lucky to have that one atheist & agnostic AA meeting. There is also an SOS (LifeRing's predecessor) meeting that meets at a bakery/cafe on Sunday nights, if it's still going.. there's no contact number and I haven't wanted to risk driving all the way into Spokane on Sunday night to find out, especially since I've often already driven in and back on Sunday morning for the AA meeting. I hate being 35 miles out from civilization...

I found this to be true in the last area I lived in. I'm still meaning to check some NA meetings out here. Alcohol is most certainly a drug, and I'm actually a bigger pothead than an alcoholic. And, like Gneiss, I've done 'em all...

Bamboozle

I detect sarcasm....but it's okay...it made me laugh.


Far from being smart, I just avoid uncomfortable situations whenever possible.

I'm one of those people who has a sign on my forehead that says something to the effect of, "I don't believe in any deities, so please feel free, perfect stranger, to talk to me and try to help me find GOD."

About the “associate with people who don’t use” thing. I don’t know anyone around me who doesn’t use, so I don’t talk to anyone.

Perhaps I formed my post poorly…so I apologize.

I want to add that when my heart dropped upon seeing the 12 steps layed out, I had a sinking feeling that I would never be able to beat this thing. I had an assumption for the longest time that I would need to do AA in order to become sober.

I’m so happy I found this website…many here are sober without groups…this gives me hope and strength.

I hope things work out well for you, Katie, whatever you decide to do.

gneiss

So I'm not the only one with that sign on my forehead?! I try to keep in mind that they probably mean well, but I've never once tried to convince them they should be agnostic like me, so why should I be religious like them?

A few months ago, with my first (rather feeble) attempts to sober up, I saw the 12 steps for the first time. The ones about HP turned me off, and the rest, far from giving me hope, made me feel like I was being asked to climb a flat brick wall with no handholds. I knew I couldn't do it and for a couple of weeks I resigned myself to being a drunk drug addict. I felt like I was the only person who felt that way about the 12 steps though; I'm glad I'm not.

For me being sober is a learning process. I had to learn how to stay sober, learn how to beat my brain at its own game. I had a few bumps along the way, a few times I did drugs again. I suppose it might happen again but somehow I feel like it won't. I won't let it happen. I've been through the fun and joy of withdrawal and I am not eager to do it again.

lunarise

I can say that I am not an AAer but I was once a church going non drinking no sex having save them all before they burn Christian. There is nothing wrong with that if it works for ya, it doesnt work for me anymore. My point is that gneiss is right about people meaning well. I can say with all honesty that when I tried to "save " someone I was thinking about them and seriously wanted nothing less than their happiness, however, I was obviously misled at the time thinking that the only way anyone could truly be happy was to follow what I had found that was working for me. I chalk that up to being young. Anywho, as annoying as it is for people to try to convert others to AA to God or whatever the flavor of the week is, for the most part these people are just trying to share what they believe is a gold mine of spiritual knowledge. Most people mean well, but you know what they say about good intentions.......There is a difference between wanting to share and wanting to choke you it. Wow I am a babbler today!:chatter