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Sitting outside the detox centre right now. H wanted to go in himself. Made sure I could see him walk thru the doors. They were locked, he has to be admitted and it went OK. Bit I'd a wait, sketchy part of town, that's OK. Just waiting to get the following ahead from H that he has been admitted and processed.
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Sitting outside the detox centre right now. H wanted to go in himself. Made sure I could see him walk thru the doors. They were locked, he has to be admitted and it went OK. Bit I'd a wait, sketchy part of town, that's OK. Just waiting to get the following ahead from H that he has been admitted and processed.
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Back home now. H is there. Dd is angry and I don't know what to do. She says he's ruined Christmas. I feel so bad for her, she doesn't understand this can be a real start for h.
I'm confused and conflicted too. What if this doesn't work? Today h said it'll be interesting to see what's left of our marriage after this, because I'm certainly not innocent. That scared me. What if I truly have caused all of this?
This is a seven day program. He won't be anywhere near good after seven days. I'm thinking he may not even be fully detoxed. How long does it take? And then what? I don't even know when to pick him up, not even which day! Does the seven days start today or tomorrow since it's already night? I hope someone tells me something or what to expect or something!!
I should feel happy he's doing this. And i do. He even told his boss, which was huge! And judging by the reaction his boss had no clue. But oh my I am so scared and sad and angry and tired. Very tired.
Well that was strange, h just called! He had to surrender his cell phone but can make calls out from a phone there. Says it's a full schedule and a mixed bag of people. Also asked me to get rid of the 55oz bottle he was drinking last night. K, if I had any reservation about him not needing to be there, him drinking the majority of a 55 Oz bottle just changed that. How is that man even alive??!!
I'm exhausted so I'm going to try to sleep. I took a bit of cough syrup to help. Just a half dose because I'm hyper sensitive towards that sort of thing and never want to become reliant!! Thank you for all your prayers, I really appreciate them, and please keep them coming. This is just the beginning of a very hard journey. But with God's help...anything can happen.
I'm confused and conflicted too. What if this doesn't work? Today h said it'll be interesting to see what's left of our marriage after this, because I'm certainly not innocent. That scared me. What if I truly have caused all of this?
This is a seven day program. He won't be anywhere near good after seven days. I'm thinking he may not even be fully detoxed. How long does it take? And then what? I don't even know when to pick him up, not even which day! Does the seven days start today or tomorrow since it's already night? I hope someone tells me something or what to expect or something!!
I should feel happy he's doing this. And i do. He even told his boss, which was huge! And judging by the reaction his boss had no clue. But oh my I am so scared and sad and angry and tired. Very tired.
Well that was strange, h just called! He had to surrender his cell phone but can make calls out from a phone there. Says it's a full schedule and a mixed bag of people. Also asked me to get rid of the 55oz bottle he was drinking last night. K, if I had any reservation about him not needing to be there, him drinking the majority of a 55 Oz bottle just changed that. How is that man even alive??!!
I'm exhausted so I'm going to try to sleep. I took a bit of cough syrup to help. Just a half dose because I'm hyper sensitive towards that sort of thing and never want to become reliant!! Thank you for all your prayers, I really appreciate them, and please keep them coming. This is just the beginning of a very hard journey. But with God's help...anything can happen.
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Keep that thought soverylost! It's just the beginning and with God's help anything can happen! Just think...he's safe tonight, getting the help he needs. You can relax now. Try to get some sleep. Please try not to over think....he will call you when he needs to be picked up.
DD will be ok. It's just one Christmas in a lifetime of many...but she's a child and doesn't see that. Give her some time. Plus, you guys could still have a Christmas together without him couldn't you? It might be a pretty peaceful one? Not sure what you usually do? Maybe open a few gifts and save a few for when he's home? Make a nice meal...doesn't have to be huge...just stuff the kids like?
But don't worry, he said some things, but he said them after all the drinking he'd been doing. You know he says things while drunk. But I can guarantee that you did every single thing right this time! Everything! So do not second guess yourself!
(((Soverylost)))
DD will be ok. It's just one Christmas in a lifetime of many...but she's a child and doesn't see that. Give her some time. Plus, you guys could still have a Christmas together without him couldn't you? It might be a pretty peaceful one? Not sure what you usually do? Maybe open a few gifts and save a few for when he's home? Make a nice meal...doesn't have to be huge...just stuff the kids like?
But don't worry, he said some things, but he said them after all the drinking he'd been doing. You know he says things while drunk. But I can guarantee that you did every single thing right this time! Everything! So do not second guess yourself!
(((Soverylost)))
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I hope your able to get some rest tonight. Its been a very hard 36 hours for all of you. Your absolutely right, with Gods help anything is possible. I truly believe this..
I wouldn't worry about anything he said today. You didn't cause this.. just looking at his history logically will confirm this... This is just a start but I think its more than he has ever done before? I think its huge he told his boss. I remember my husband telling his employer and he was scared to death. They were wonderful about all of it which was a relief.. but do you see addiction likes to stay hidden; and now your husband's issues are coming out in the open. Its a very good thing IMO...
Your daughter has been through a lot these hours also..but from hearing you talk about her.. she sounds very smart... I think she will realize soon this is something that was necessary.. theres no good time for a person to get sick.. to need to be hospitalized... its very much like this.. he has control, but yet he doesn't.. he needs the help he's getting. My prayers are this goes well and he see's it through.. Im sure you will learn a lot more in the days to come. One step at a time.
I also just have to say.. you did great because you've already got your daughter a therapist prior to this, so now she will have another person to confide in.. I really do believe God has been helping you prepare for what was to come.. so there is no need to believe he isn't with you now. He will see you through whatever comes next.
For now. REST.
I wouldn't worry about anything he said today. You didn't cause this.. just looking at his history logically will confirm this... This is just a start but I think its more than he has ever done before? I think its huge he told his boss. I remember my husband telling his employer and he was scared to death. They were wonderful about all of it which was a relief.. but do you see addiction likes to stay hidden; and now your husband's issues are coming out in the open. Its a very good thing IMO...
Your daughter has been through a lot these hours also..but from hearing you talk about her.. she sounds very smart... I think she will realize soon this is something that was necessary.. theres no good time for a person to get sick.. to need to be hospitalized... its very much like this.. he has control, but yet he doesn't.. he needs the help he's getting. My prayers are this goes well and he see's it through.. Im sure you will learn a lot more in the days to come. One step at a time.
I also just have to say.. you did great because you've already got your daughter a therapist prior to this, so now she will have another person to confide in.. I really do believe God has been helping you prepare for what was to come.. so there is no need to believe he isn't with you now. He will see you through whatever comes next.
For now. REST.
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It's 4:30 am. Been up since 2. I am so tired but I can't sleep. The whole thing just keeps playing over and over. Getting home from work, the fight between dd and H when I walk in, the fight after I'm home, taking the kids, coming home today, h's words yesterday and today about this being my fault, dd's fault, everyone else's fault. H hearing that recording I made of him screaming swears at us. Leaving him there at the detox. The phone call where he told me about how much he drank last might.
The next seven days. Christmas on my own with an angry teenager and an energetic toddler.
I'm overwhelmed.
The next seven days. Christmas on my own with an angry teenager and an energetic toddler.
I'm overwhelmed.
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Yes I can only imagine how overwhelmed you are right now. Can you make an appointment to see your therapist? Maybe talking all this out with someone can help? Maybe she has some ideas or tips to get you thru this? It's a lot to sort thru....plus some people get PTSD from traumatic experiences such as that explosive night you just went thru. It is very much a traumatic and shocking experience!
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Hi Sovery,
Can I first ask what you mean by dd and ds in your posts?
Also, when you came home to that fight between your husband and daughter concerning the food he ordered, was he drinking at that time? I think you said in your post that he wasn't at that time, just wanted to clarify?
I am sure it is difficult what you are going through right now. We all want peace in our families and for everything to be okay. When things are gloomy, they bother us and we just want to escape these situations.
I was thinking it is too bad you do not have any in person support groups to go to? I know when these things happen to me, I am able to go to AA meetings and mingle with people since I am also a recovering alcoholic (by the way, I combine 12 step and secular approaches and leave what I don't like, so I am able to find all kinds of meetings, LOL)
Can I first ask what you mean by dd and ds in your posts?
Also, when you came home to that fight between your husband and daughter concerning the food he ordered, was he drinking at that time? I think you said in your post that he wasn't at that time, just wanted to clarify?
I am sure it is difficult what you are going through right now. We all want peace in our families and for everything to be okay. When things are gloomy, they bother us and we just want to escape these situations.
I was thinking it is too bad you do not have any in person support groups to go to? I know when these things happen to me, I am able to go to AA meetings and mingle with people since I am also a recovering alcoholic (by the way, I combine 12 step and secular approaches and leave what I don't like, so I am able to find all kinds of meetings, LOL)
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((Soverylost))
Of course your overwhelmed, and replaying this in your mind is normal because your trying to process it. I hope u can talk to your BIL because he was there and witnessed a lot of it, plus has his own experience to share. You went from speed of 150 down to 50, let yourself adjust. I know 7 days isnt a lot, maybe they offer additional support services, something he can do to bridge the therapy sessions? Christmas will be different, but you and the kids can still celebrate, maybe save some gifts for after he comes home but open some on Christmas Eve or Christmas day as usual. It will work out.
Of course your overwhelmed, and replaying this in your mind is normal because your trying to process it. I hope u can talk to your BIL because he was there and witnessed a lot of it, plus has his own experience to share. You went from speed of 150 down to 50, let yourself adjust. I know 7 days isnt a lot, maybe they offer additional support services, something he can do to bridge the therapy sessions? Christmas will be different, but you and the kids can still celebrate, maybe save some gifts for after he comes home but open some on Christmas Eve or Christmas day as usual. It will work out.
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Thank you, Clean, I'm going to try to get an appt tomorrow. I feel so out of sorts, I have no idea what this program is like or what to expect.
H wanted some basic toiletries dropped off and I had buzz to get thru the two heavy steel doors that were locked with four different locks. And then a gentleman opened the door just enough to let me slip the items thru. Hardcore and so not my normal. Wow.
Justbreathe, dd is dear daughter, Ds is dear son. Dd is 15, Ds is 2. I didn't think he was drinking but I'm starting to realize, I'm not sure he ever stopped. I think he just went from bottle to craving to bottle. He once told me the fighting that happened when he seemed "sober" was his body screaming at him for more and feeling like death at the same time.
I confided in a couple of people today who both had their opinions on what to do next. One said I should not allow him home, have him take a cab to the nearest hotel and he can live there. The second wanted me to move out while he was gone.
I'm exhausted. And i don't know which way is up. H called tonight and sounded great. The cravings have obviously not hit yet. I miss him. And how do I not let him home if he's trying? So flipping confused!
No meetings for me. Been there, done that, can't do it again. H is going to aa meetings at detox and maybe he'll get something out of it. Only thing I get out of al anon is how to be angry and bitter and I'd better divorce him because he'll never get better. Probably just hit bad meetings but just don't have the energy to try again.
H wanted some basic toiletries dropped off and I had buzz to get thru the two heavy steel doors that were locked with four different locks. And then a gentleman opened the door just enough to let me slip the items thru. Hardcore and so not my normal. Wow.
Justbreathe, dd is dear daughter, Ds is dear son. Dd is 15, Ds is 2. I didn't think he was drinking but I'm starting to realize, I'm not sure he ever stopped. I think he just went from bottle to craving to bottle. He once told me the fighting that happened when he seemed "sober" was his body screaming at him for more and feeling like death at the same time.
I confided in a couple of people today who both had their opinions on what to do next. One said I should not allow him home, have him take a cab to the nearest hotel and he can live there. The second wanted me to move out while he was gone.
I'm exhausted. And i don't know which way is up. H called tonight and sounded great. The cravings have obviously not hit yet. I miss him. And how do I not let him home if he's trying? So flipping confused!
No meetings for me. Been there, done that, can't do it again. H is going to aa meetings at detox and maybe he'll get something out of it. Only thing I get out of al anon is how to be angry and bitter and I'd better divorce him because he'll never get better. Probably just hit bad meetings but just don't have the energy to try again.
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Thanks Blue. I've decided we'll open one gift and save the rest. Talked a lot with bil today, seems he went thru the same program years ago. Said they have a 75-80% success rate so that's good but part of me says he could be the 20% hate how my brain works!
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Im sorry theres so much confusion. Im not sure it matters if he stopped drinking for a day, or cut back when all this happened. All the tnings we've learned about how the different parts of the brain and how the chemicals are all out of whack. He was just between, I mean u guys had to sober him up so he could sign himself in. That says a lot.
What did u BIL do when he finished, did he go home? I think a hotel would get expensive if he did it for very long? And like u, If he shows effort ? Its a tough decision if u can be home with him. He needs to present a treatment plan, action plan I think and be accountable for following it.
What did u BIL do when he finished, did he go home? I think a hotel would get expensive if he did it for very long? And like u, If he shows effort ? Its a tough decision if u can be home with him. He needs to present a treatment plan, action plan I think and be accountable for following it.
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Yes Blue, that's very true. 30 oz of hard liquor in one night is never good and I'm positive he wasn't sober when he checked in still after all the coffee and cold showers.
I'm not sure what BIL did after. I never thought to ask. Lol! BIL did say H will have a sponsor and will be assigned a counsellor that he will have daily meetings with. These counsellors are covered by our provincial health care so much different than the marriage one we see and will continue to see.
BiL also said h should come home with a "prescribed" plan of action. Actually he said h should have a lot of informational papers to bring home. It'll just be whether he shares them with me.
I'm not sure what BIL did after. I never thought to ask. Lol! BIL did say H will have a sponsor and will be assigned a counsellor that he will have daily meetings with. These counsellors are covered by our provincial health care so much different than the marriage one we see and will continue to see.
BiL also said h should come home with a "prescribed" plan of action. Actually he said h should have a lot of informational papers to bring home. It'll just be whether he shares them with me.
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Yikes.
He's being discharged Christmas morning.
That's far too soon.
He's so excited, and it was hard to be excited with him. I asked him if he feels prepared. He said it will be a life long learning and he has some "tools" in his "toolkit" he'll have weekly sessions with an addiction counsellor. Just weekly? oh crap.
He wants all the presents wrapped and under the tree. He'll take a cab home and surprise the kids.
How the h-e-double-hockeysticks do I deal with this??!!
He's being discharged Christmas morning.
That's far too soon.
He's so excited, and it was hard to be excited with him. I asked him if he feels prepared. He said it will be a life long learning and he has some "tools" in his "toolkit" he'll have weekly sessions with an addiction counsellor. Just weekly? oh crap.
He wants all the presents wrapped and under the tree. He'll take a cab home and surprise the kids.
How the h-e-double-hockeysticks do I deal with this??!!
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Oh my I'm completely panicking!! I love my husband, why am I so upset? I am completely unprepared for him to come home on Thursday. How do I ever trust him again? How do I move past this? Dd is going to be upset. She will be happy he's home but she doesn't believe he'll work on getting better. He asked how she's been and I was honest. I felt he needed to know. Conversation ended quite quickly after.
Crap crap crap crappity crap crap!!!
Crap crap crap crappity crap crap!!!
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Oh my I'm completely panicking!! I love my husband, why am I so upset? I am completely unprepared for him to come home on Thursday. How do I ever trust him again? How do I move past this? Dd is going to be upset. She will be happy he's home but she doesn't believe he'll work on getting better. He asked how she's been and I was honest. I felt he needed to know. Conversation ended quite quickly after.
Crap crap crap crappity crap crap!!!
Crap crap crap crappity crap crap!!!
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No its only four full days. Five nights. Oh wow not nearly enough! He said there is a residential 28 day treatment but he can't take that long from work.
I asked him if he would have an action plan and he said his toolbox would be well equipped. That means nothing to me.
I didn't tell him how I really feel, he was talking about how guilty he feels creating all of this havoc and I couldn't add to his guilt. I want to be supportive but I don't know how!! How do I move forward??!!
I asked him if he would have an action plan and he said his toolbox would be well equipped. That means nothing to me.
I didn't tell him how I really feel, he was talking about how guilty he feels creating all of this havoc and I couldn't add to his guilt. I want to be supportive but I don't know how!! How do I move forward??!!
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