help
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,606
aaaw (((((soverylost))))) Not sure what to tell you since i have never been in that situation! maybe it's what needs to happen so that your life can become better either with or without your husband! I send you a huge bear hug and lots of strenght!!!! You're a very brave and strong woman and we are here rooting for you!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Hi SVL.. Im happy to hear you ok and with your BIL.. I know things have been rough lately and basically I feel like he's just losing control.. you are doing the right thing by sticking to your safety plan, and turning to your family. I know they care about all of you very much. Im not sure what else to say, but please know I will be praying for all of you. I think your doing all the right things, but I know it also has to be incredibly painful and terrifying.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Canada.
Posts: 795
Hi everyone, thank you for your prayers. If you could, please say a couple more tomorrow.
Basically h lost it. I was home for literally four minutes and he was screaming and swearing because dd didn't want to answer the door when the Chinese food he ordered arrived. He told her we were getting a divorce and it was her fault. And then she put her hand on his shoulder and he pushed her!! Screaming and swearing, at her, at me, about her, about me, and then pushing her??!!!!
She was cowering on the couch, crying and saying she didn't want to be part of our family anymore and it was all her fault. And Ds? Completely unfazed like this was normal. And know what? It is. That is the sad part.
I called bil and he came and got us. Dd went with him and I took our car with Ds. H stood outside as we left but bil is bigger and H didn't fight us leaving.
Tonight bil called a residential detox and they are reserving a bed for h. But h needs to be sober and commit himself voluntarily. It would be seven days, he'd miss Christmas. I don't even care, he needs this. We can have Christmas anytime.
I've been getting text after text. He's sorry, he loves me, and he didn't push dd. Oh, and he's done. I answered only to tell him we will talk tomorrow and goodnight.
Tomorrow bil will take h out for breakfast, sober him up because, although he wasn't drinking when we were at home, I'm sure he did after we left. And hopefully take him home to pack his bags. The detox usually doesn't have beds available but they do and see holding one for him. They have counsellors and medical staff 24/7. And no visitors.
I am lost. Sad. At the end of my rope. Exhausted. He's gone too far. Pushing dd, her not wanting to be part of the family anymore and Ds acting like this was normal. Nothing changes if nothing changes. I hope I'm doing the right thing. I've prayed so hard that God sends me a sign. I think He has. He showed me I need to take action
Please say a prayer if you could. I'll update as I can.
Thank you all so much for your love and support. I
Basically h lost it. I was home for literally four minutes and he was screaming and swearing because dd didn't want to answer the door when the Chinese food he ordered arrived. He told her we were getting a divorce and it was her fault. And then she put her hand on his shoulder and he pushed her!! Screaming and swearing, at her, at me, about her, about me, and then pushing her??!!!!
She was cowering on the couch, crying and saying she didn't want to be part of our family anymore and it was all her fault. And Ds? Completely unfazed like this was normal. And know what? It is. That is the sad part.
I called bil and he came and got us. Dd went with him and I took our car with Ds. H stood outside as we left but bil is bigger and H didn't fight us leaving.
Tonight bil called a residential detox and they are reserving a bed for h. But h needs to be sober and commit himself voluntarily. It would be seven days, he'd miss Christmas. I don't even care, he needs this. We can have Christmas anytime.
I've been getting text after text. He's sorry, he loves me, and he didn't push dd. Oh, and he's done. I answered only to tell him we will talk tomorrow and goodnight.
Tomorrow bil will take h out for breakfast, sober him up because, although he wasn't drinking when we were at home, I'm sure he did after we left. And hopefully take him home to pack his bags. The detox usually doesn't have beds available but they do and see holding one for him. They have counsellors and medical staff 24/7. And no visitors.
I am lost. Sad. At the end of my rope. Exhausted. He's gone too far. Pushing dd, her not wanting to be part of the family anymore and Ds acting like this was normal. Nothing changes if nothing changes. I hope I'm doing the right thing. I've prayed so hard that God sends me a sign. I think He has. He showed me I need to take action
Please say a prayer if you could. I'll update as I can.
Thank you all so much for your love and support. I
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Soverylost you ARE doing the right thing! DO NOT second guess yourself. Your husband will feel sorry...he will apologize and he will make promises. But I pray to God to give you the strength to not give in to him. Because I know he will say everything you want to hear. He will be very convincing. But you know deep down he's said those things before and until he can back it up with action you must stick with your decision. Remember actions speak louder than words!!! He has to understand that you will protect your children above all else. DD and DS need to know that too.
It won't be easy, you might feel uncomfortable over at BIL's house and just want to give in to go home....but please persevere...a little discomfort for a short time is well worth the chance of a better life for you and your darling kids...okay? We are here...please come back and say whatever is on your mind...this is your safe place and non judgement zone. I don't think I've ever told you this, but I have been where you are...many years ago. The day my ex husband pushed me down the steps and told me happy birthday. (It was on my birthday) I finally left him. It took a lot to get me to leave....and it was not the first time he abused me..physically and emotionally. I left with my 1 year old daughter. It was hard...every hard...but I made it thru and ended up marrying a nice man a few years later. (Husband I'm married to now)
I'm not saying this is your story...or that this is the end of your marriage. It might not be...it might be just what your husband needs to get serious about his behavior and his drinking. More will be revealed. Just take it one day at a time...try not to project into the future. Just get thru each day as it comes. Give it up to God...He will guide you. I believe you are right....tonight was a sign....He wanted you to take action...and you did the RIGHT thing!
Write here or pm me anytime...I'm here for you dear friend!
It won't be easy, you might feel uncomfortable over at BIL's house and just want to give in to go home....but please persevere...a little discomfort for a short time is well worth the chance of a better life for you and your darling kids...okay? We are here...please come back and say whatever is on your mind...this is your safe place and non judgement zone. I don't think I've ever told you this, but I have been where you are...many years ago. The day my ex husband pushed me down the steps and told me happy birthday. (It was on my birthday) I finally left him. It took a lot to get me to leave....and it was not the first time he abused me..physically and emotionally. I left with my 1 year old daughter. It was hard...every hard...but I made it thru and ended up marrying a nice man a few years later. (Husband I'm married to now)
I'm not saying this is your story...or that this is the end of your marriage. It might not be...it might be just what your husband needs to get serious about his behavior and his drinking. More will be revealed. Just take it one day at a time...try not to project into the future. Just get thru each day as it comes. Give it up to God...He will guide you. I believe you are right....tonight was a sign....He wanted you to take action...and you did the RIGHT thing!
Write here or pm me anytime...I'm here for you dear friend!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
((Hugs)) Im so sorry this is happening to you, and your daughter too. Is she ok? Dont doubt yourself, stay calm and you will get through this. You did it, you stuck to your bottom line, and all the girls are right in everything they already posted. Ms Butter texted me, I was out last night, we had a xmas party to attend. Im praying for him to say yes to the detox, and for you to feel a sense of peace. What Clean said, remember how I told u my husband made me feel so guilty trying to avoid rehab, but he nčeded it. I know its hard but stand your ground because you do have influence. Way to go BIL, Im gonna be praying. Update when u can here or pm, we're all here for you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Canada.
Posts: 795
Thank you every one for your support and prayers. H is still out with bil, and I haven't heard it h is going to detox yet. We went home because h is out with bil
Will keep updating as I know.
Will keep updating as I know.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Canada.
Posts: 795
K. He's going and he's very angry. Check in is tonight and I'm taking him. No outside contact for seven days, no passes for Christmas. That's OK, we'll have to when he comes home. He's very upset at me. I don't know how to deal with that. I'm scared that he'll come back and not want to be married. I guess that's a bridge to cross in a week.
He's been drinking over night and this morning, he stinks. They need him sober so I'll make some coffee and hope for the best.
Thank you for all the prayers. Please keep them coming. I'll update after I get him there.
He's been drinking over night and this morning, he stinks. They need him sober so I'll make some coffee and hope for the best.
Thank you for all the prayers. Please keep them coming. I'll update after I get him there.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Soverylost! That's awesome news! Don't worry...of course he's angry! Of course he doesn't want to go! That's normal! I didn't want to go either...neither did Blue's husband.
But you are handling it perfectly! Dont let him get under your skin. Let what he says go in one ear and out the other. But why isn't BIL taking him? Are you sure you don't need backup?
Continued prayers going up soverylost!
But you are handling it perfectly! Dont let him get under your skin. Let what he says go in one ear and out the other. But why isn't BIL taking him? Are you sure you don't need backup?
Continued prayers going up soverylost!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Canada.
Posts: 795
I'm taking h because he asked me to. He's coming around. Ds was playing with my phone and played the video from last night. That was a rough patch. H was very upset but then said he needed to hear it. We drove past the place so we know where we're go tonight.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Good news he's coming around. Yep my husband didnt want to go, but we did both things like your doing showing him this is out of control, you cant work like this. But we also did as much support as we could. Its a blur, I was so upset but I remember trying to make it as positive as I could, and he wasnt bad or horrible, but he needed more help than we could give him, and we told him about the rehab and a doctor from there came to talk to him while he was in the hospital. I thinks its good you drove by, maybe it will settle in his mind you know. I had practice for our church play and choir presentation tomorrow. I asked my choir group and the pastor if they would pray for one of my friends and her family. Prayers are being sent from all over. Stay strong my friend, giant hugs of support coming your way!
This is hard, but Im so proud of you!
This is hard, but Im so proud of you!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
