slimjim30

Day 7 and the anxiety is gone - thank- whatever. I just weighed myself and found I've lost another 20kg. Insane. Only 30 more to go. Goddam opiates gave me a sweet tooth (I also had a gastric sleeve done)..

I saw my Doctor in person last week (telehealth due to COVID for the last 18 months). He didn't even recognise me. Walked right past me.

I've never been able to diet until they cut most of my gut out and I quit opites. Nearly 70kg lost now. That's what? 170lbs ish. Times 2.4 right?

slimjim30

9 days of methadone now. I've started exercising - 2 days in a row. I never could as an addict as I was obese, had hypertension, and would get arrythmia's when exerting myself. A cardiologist confirmed they were harmless arrythmia (PVCs) BUT they caused me to panic and then use drugs/alcohol to calm down.

I'm still obese but by nowhere near as much. 20kg more to lose til I'm overweight and 30ish til I'm upper normal BMI. BP is low normal now (I think I said all this before but I'm so happy about it I'm gonna repeat it ).

Exercise is damn hard at my weight and fitness level, but I am surprising myself with how much I am capable of. My muscles are sore (lactic acid not strain). My heart is maintaining a healthy rhythm the whole time - just higher than a fit person's would for the level of exertion. This is gonna be a long road, but I'm really, really trying to commit to it.

I get a small dose of endorphins from exercising already. It's not what I would "like" but I guess my receptors have become pretty muddled with 30+ years of near constant drug & alcohol use and abuse.

I know these posts are pretty self serving - I'm using this as a place to let it all out to save the wife from my verbal diarrhoea. I'm no narcissist, I just need to tell someone and don't have any desire to be in NA (I am too recognisable for anonymity - and this secret getting out would ruin my career).

Thanks for letting me unload. I'll be back with more whatever happens.

Dee74

Its hard for me to exercise too Jim - but even 10 mins here and there makes me feel better
We just have to keep at it

D

slimjim30

Yep - I'm starting slow - but not so slow that it's pointless. I'm having a break day tomorrow as I remembered my foot is fractured, plus my legs are sore. Then on Tuesday I'll get back to it.

Every little bit counts, and I've heard exercise can help with so many of the issues I have, so I am going to give it a damn good go to see where it takes me.

Thanks for responding.

slimjim30

10 days on just methadone now. Feeling pretty good at the moment. I have incredibly sore legs and a toe blister from starting walking, so I have taken a day off from that. As long as my feet / legs are somewhat improved then I'll be back out walking again tomorrow.

Double figures is a good fresh start. I feel pretty clear mentally as well which is nice. I have nothing much more to say - I'm just making sure to check in most days as part of keeping myself honest.

Dee74

well done on 10 days Jim
D

slimjim30

11 days on methadone. I am still struggling a bit with motivation. It seems like my motivation comes and goes. It's hard to live life without motivation.

Anyone got any tips for getting motivated? I used Heroin for anti-depressant and motivational reasons, and without it I feel like just having a shower is as hard as climbing Mt Everest. Fortunately mood-wise I am not depressed, it's just hard to do anything.

I know time will likely heal it to an extent, but still, if anyone has any advice or tips on self-motivation I'm open to hearing them. I feel like the sooner I can get back to "normal life" without drugs the faster I'll be able to move on from them.

Dee74

I pulled a couple of old threads that might be useful reading Jim
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-v-driven.html (Motivation v. Driven)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...otivation.html (So nervous...life is going on around me...I have no motivation)

D

slimjim30

Thanks Dee - some of those were pretty helpful. 12 days on methadone and today was a good day (thus far). I had more motivation today which was incredibly fortunate as I've been procrastinating

Another week or two and I'm hoping to be closer to where I want to be. I am doing pretty well today. Ups and down are par for the course, so I am enjoying an up today.

I'm going to keep on checking in until I feel I have reached some stability. So here I am

slimjim30

13 days on methadone. All the tasks I was avoiding via procrastination got done yesterday so I am reaping the rewards by having a guilt free relaxing day and it's glorious.

Here's to a new life with new possibilities.

slimjim30

Sorry for my absence. Normally when I go AWOL it's because I relapsed but this was just me being both lazy and busy. I've stayed sober.

Everything has been going well - I feel pretty good except for anxiety. Day 22 on methadone alone and I feel all the better for it.

Everything is all good - hope you're all well.

Dee74

Congrats Jim

slimjim30

Gosh I'm getting worse and worse at posting. I'm 42 days on Methadone alone now. Heading toward my record.

I must admit I am craving. A dealer called me with some cheap brown H (we only get white H here - brown is rare and unwanted - and therefore comparatively cheap). It took all my strength to say NO.

I start working again soon (had 8 unplanned weeks off) and have found my happy place on Methadone. One use would set me back into that downward spiral of "I need to use to get up, I need to use to go to work, I need to use to finish this project, I need to use to play this boring kids game...........aaaaaaaaaaagggggggggggghhhhhh".

I don't want to go back there - so I won't - but I let it all out here because apart from my wife nobody knows how recently I last used and therefore how weak I am. She is the primary bread-winner until a week or two from now. Then I get to go back to earning the "big H bucks" and I'm a bit scared what I'll do with them (by big H bucks - I don't mean I deal, I mean I go back to earning enough to support a nasty habit).

Someone please offer me some strength

Dee74

You know what the right thing to do is Jim.

D

CobraCommander

not to discourage you or anything. methadone is a good first step for some people. i quit oxys nearly the same time as a friend did. they wanted to put me on subs. after doing research i said no. unfortunatley my friend was put on methadone.

essentialy methadone is still the same drug. but you dont get high. so i guess thats good to stop your brain from wanting to get high. but now your addicted to methadone. this is only suppose to be temp. unfortunately its a money maker so some drs will keep you onit for a long time. my friend has been on it for nearly 10 yrs now which is beyond absurd. and she gets withdrawals from the methadone if she dont take it. so youve traded one vice for another. but you dont get high from it.

at some point prepare yourself to get off the methadone and your going to have all the withdrawals you would of had before anyways. but its prob a safer way to withdrawal, especially from heroin. so i sympathize. but it sounds like your on the right track. just dont let anyone fool you that methodone is a miracle drug. it should only be taken a short time to help you totally detox safer. but what methodone is made of is the same thing as oxys and heroin. its a synthetic opiod. you know what else is a synthetic opiod? tramadol which is a low tier oxy. so its all the same. but get those cravings out of your system and now your brain is knowing what its like to not be high everyday thats the positive of methadone. but still like i said youll have to detox from methadone and face the withdrawals at some point. because if your on methadone your entire life its the same as being on drugs all your life. its just less of a chance of dying from a hot dose like heroin does

slimjim30

The medicl system works differently here. Tapayes (inlcluding me) pay for it.

I'm sober 3-4 months now and arting to slow wean off. I've lost interest in H and cansee it stayin tht way.

Wish me luck.

Dee74

Good to see you posting again slimjim - good luck

D

slimjim30

Thanks - i replied at the crack of dawn so hopefully people can see through the typos

slimjim30

Sorry for the lack of paragraphs. When I post on my phone the paragraphs don't show up. I'll edit on my PC tomorrow but it's early in the AM and still packed from Christmas holiday. Once again I disappeared but i DIDN'T relapse. My rapid methadone wean (110-0 in 6 weeks) ended December 2nd. I didn't realise how badly I was functioning or felt until after I started improving. I feel great actually. I finally had my epiphany. I assume other addicts know what I mean as I can't explain it. All interest in methadone and heroin is gone - so I'm starting 2023 in a great place. I was numbed one way or another from ages 12-44 so it's eye opening. ​​​​​​​​​​​​​​I'll try to keep coming back but I'm doing well and I think it's sticking this time.​​​​​​​

Dee74

Great update Jim- I’m glad for you man

D