mav

hey all. day 15 for me.

and i'm in a slump. got a funk on. feels like boredom, but not sure. it started a few days ago, can't explain it. all sorts of thoughts and feelings going on. this constant sucky weather is definitely not helping, that's definitely affecting me more than usual, but i think maybe the initial euphoria of not drinking has worn off a bit and so the AV swine is super hyperactive trying to get me to give in.

i run a small business and took all my staff out over the weekend... big meal and everything. I played the "i'm driving" card for not drinking whilst they all got hammered (at my expense, lol). i didn't feel good or bad about not drinking... just nothing... (didn't miss the hangover the next day though!)

have got blood tests tomorrow and results with Doc on thursday to see if i've done any serious damage. how stupid is this... part of me hopes there is something there because if they turn round and say I'm all clear then that's going to be a big green light to just start drinking again.

i'm beginning to wonder if the drink has been masking a deeper depression and now that the drink has gone, that's now taking over. might ask the Doc about that.

it's just so tiring. i don't want to drink gdi yet it's all that's going through my head. eugh.

anyway. today is today and I'm not going to drink.

Anna

Hi mav, It wouldn't be surprising that your drinking was masking other issues in your life. That was the case with me. So, stopping drinking was the beginning of an ongoing journey. I do hope you stick with your sobriety. It will be worth it.

Hevyn

Hi mav.
That same uneasy feeling hit me too in the early months. I felt adrift for a while. We're making a big adjustment - learning to live in a different way after years of numbing ourselves. I was thrilled to be free of it, yet nostalgic for the days when I still had control. But - I knew I could never return to trying to be a social drinker.
I got past those feelings & they haven't resurfaced. I think they're part of healing.

It's a great idea to speak to the dr about this. Congrats on your 15 days free of it.

Oglsby

15 days is excellent, Mav! I think most of us have felt the way that you do in early sobriety. I think it is our brains' way of trying to recalibrate, especially if it has been a long time since you have last tried to quit.
Talking to your doctor is an excellent idea, though, just to share your feelings. One reason doctors cannot diagnose folks with anything while someone is drinking is because they have to rule out that drinking is the cause. I'd say if you have struggled with something in the past, you could be masking it, but if not, it might just be the good ole blahs. When I felt that way I always tried to do nice things for myself, whether it be a great meal or just whatever. Extra sleep if you need it. A walk if you're ready. What you might also be experiencing is that feeling of 'what do I do now?' with all of this extra time you have now that you are not drinking and recovering from hangovers. Just know--above all else--that it is totally normal in early sobriety. Give yourself HUGE credit for 15 days. If you can go 15 days you can go a lifetime. You do NOT want to start over on day 1--none of us does. You've got this!!

biminiblue

I would just add that unless your doctor is in recovery himself or is an addiction specialist, I wouldn't count on him to have any answers about mood after quitting. Their job is to prescribe drugs, so if you talk to him about possible post acute withdrawal mood symptoms he's likely to give you a pill.

When I first quit drinking I had decided I was not going to take any prescribed medication. I have been given too many pills in the past and they all had side effects that were as bad or worse than the malady for which they were prescribed. I wasn't willing to tamper with my body again.

I found it took a good three months to feel a baseline of real happiness on a daily basis and it took a lot longer to work through the stuff that was bothering me in general, outside of drinking problems.

There was damage done: physical, psychological and spiritual. It took me nine months before I really exhaled and found peace.

Good nutrition and daily exercise, sleep, water, meditation, prayer. All those things did the trick. Not right away, but at least I know I don't need pills any more. That was my decision, so I had to find other ways. There are other ways!

FiveTries

Hi Mav,
I got the all clear from a doctor around 15 years ago about a kidney issue and I was off to the races. I completely missed the 'no matter what' part of quitting. Outside circumstances can't determine my decision about alcohol. Good health or bad health...I don't drink. It's over. Back then I thought I was quitting but I was really just taking breaks. Finally found out that in order to get sober I had to make a decision and stick to it for good.

Gymbunny7

Hi Mav I'm UK to and totally agree this weather is seriously rubbish, its never affected me as much before but really feel the winter blues. 15 days is brilliant. I'm recently sober to and after the initial high wore off I was left with a bit of doubt, fear and panic. It was also quite scary actually having to deal with coping with stuff that were triggers without alcohol involved. I'm having a crappy day today fantasising of sunny holidays just generally that kinda can't be arsed day. But I kinda go with it now everyone has rubbish days and tomorrow is usually better. I had much worse days when I was drinking and hungover.

Generally I feel amazing physically and mentally much better since stopping so stick with it. If you are concerned talk to your doctor. 15 days is a really good achievement.

joe801

I've been there, and desired to drink, especially if there are no physical issues on a medical report. There isn't a strict agreement on how many days because of metabolism, weight, and underlying issues, but typically after five days, everything is more of a mental/ psychological struggle. In most cases the body feels better before the mind can get stronger. It's the reason for the old saying that the mind makes a better servant than a master. Try your very best to control it.


Stay away from the first drink.

​​

Hodd

All the best for the blood tests, Mav. A lot of people are scared to have tests, so well done. We can’t say “all will be ok” because we don’t know, but my results were surprisingly fine after years of drinking and all sorts of aches and pains. But … if all is OK, think if it as dodging a bullet and a springboard to a better life. Don’t do what so many do (me too) and see it as a green light to carry on drinking.

It’s still early days. Your body chemistry is all a bit haywire. Don’t worry. It looks like you’re doing ok 👍

DriGuy

Bored or not, you handled this well, and that's what recovery is about.

KneePads

Hey Mav,

Ugh, I hate that part of the journey too. Pink cloud gone. Just an apparent eternity of light grey nothingness to look forward to.

BUT NO! It’s all a trick. Your brain is trying to rebalance itself. It’s going to swing like a pendulum for a bit until it reaches a new normal.

Just remember this: If you cave in, you are going back to the start again and be so annoyed with yourself.

You know (like I do about myself too) that at some point in your life you can’t continue with alcohol. Otherwise you wouldn’t keep attempting to quit. So you might as well stick to your guns now, or you’ll be in this same state of mind in 6-12 months wondering why you didn’t persist this time.

That seemingly innocent drink will take you back to utter misery within a week.

You and me are on the same day in our sobriety, so I feel like I really, really, REALLY want you to stay with me!

I haven’t hit the grey nothingness stage yet. But I have been exercising a lot and listening to lots of dance music on my headphones to try and get some sort of energy buzz and feeling good about that instead of wanting to drink. So far it is working! I joined a kickboxing gym. So far it has saved my arse.

xxx

DeplorableDog

It gets difficult at two weeks I remember that. That was when I began to teach myself that I will always be an alcoholic, there is no cure. The only way to control my drinking and never get drunk again, never have a hangover again is to never take the first drink. If you never take the first drink that is all you need. Without the first drink there will be no 2nd, 4th, 8th or 16th drink. Since I taught myself that it has steadily become easier. The only chance of controlling my drinking I have is to never take the first drink.

fishkiller

This is where No Matter What comes in.

I drank from a pretty young age until 51yo so I didn't know anything else.
What I do know is that wasn't life.
Although fun at first it became misery.

It's taken me quite a while to learn to live without alcohol.
I'm loving it.
Even the boring, sucky miserable days. Being able to get through anything sober and not falling for the lies alcohol tells us gives me a feeling drugs and alcohol could never give me.

You're doing it. Just keep doing it no matter what and you'll get there.

brighterday1234

Recovery starts once one is sober. A program of recovery is required to stay sober in my experience as this works through the many underlying issues that an alcoholic inevitably has 🙏

Dee74

Hi Mav

early recovery was an emotional rollercoaster for me for a while - just without the high bits ...

I figured I'd been drinking for 20 years - it was going to take more than 2 weeks to feel better not only physically but mentally too.

I wondered if I'd ever feel joy again but I didn't just took a few months rather than a few weeks -
please hang in there - this is not the best you will feel

Naturally you've experienced depression before, it might be a good idea to mention that to your Dr.

and in the very unlikely event you get bad news, don't let that slimy opportunist Addiction drive the bus.

Keep your hands on the wheel

D

mav

Thanks all, very much appreciated

Day 16 and feeling a little bit brighter. Although randomly burst in to tears walking the dogs this morning. Was running through all the thoughts and feelings and got to a point where it was all just a bit too much. Weird. I do wish my thoughts would just STFU once in a while and give me a break.

Blood tests done. Got them to add the PSA test to the list since a friend of mine recently got diagnosed with prostate cancer... no symptoms, but caught early so treatment should be effective.

Thanks..! I don't usually get SAD... (as far as I recall, anyway) so seems like a combo of this constant rain/wind/mizzley stuff and the rollercoaster my emotions are obviously on right now!

Yesssss KP... keep that infectious strength up please.... we've got this

Today is today and I'm not going to drink.

DriGuy

That's the way I did it. Your AV will shut up after you do this for awhile. There may be other ways to shut it up, but honestly, you may have to find those on your own by trying new things. I always assume abstinence is what does it for most of us. The AV is persistent, but what helped me was to treat it like petulant child. After I got my feet planted a little more firmly on the ground, I would listen to it, and than chuckle to myself at its ignorance, and go forward with my day. Keep in mind that you are better than your AV. It doesn't have to go away completely, but you don't have to take it seriously. It's just noise.

KneePads

Go Mav! Well proud of you. Let’s kick alcohol’s arse xxxxxx

mav

Got a call from the GP... blood test results... was a bit worrying to begin with as they normally only phone you when there is something to talk about... but apparently "all normal"... which tbh is a bit surprising... the last time I had test results they all showed things that were to be worried about and my drinking only got *worse* since then...

but that was literally the receptionist person reading off the sheet... have the appt with the Doc tomorrow to talk about what that means.

it's a lovely fresh sunny day here today and amazing what impact that has on my mood.

Day 17 and i'm not going to drink today.

biminiblue

Good news. Enjoy the sun!