Life
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Join Date: Oct 2021
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Wow! The incredible responses just keep coming!
Anna- so good to hear from you. I’ve got to have a plan when I’m considering drinking. Those hours from 5p-9p are killing me. Especially with family who need me s we go down this path of grief and all. Wishing that I’d be healing more quickly. But I’m head of schedule with everything according to ortho so far!! And that’s because I’m fit to begin with.
hevyn- you sound like my twin. I act so unlike myself when I drink. Once I left my dog on the kitchen counter. Awful stuff. Who does that? Thanks for what you wrote. I feel less alone!
steely- you’re right, I did get a decent concussion. A friend told me to expect to be more down than usual. (He’d suffered head trauma while climbing.) when I look down I don’t recognize my left leg. It’s crazy. But I’m here! And not a single broken bone. I’m so lucky!!
Delilah- six traes of sobriety!! Wow. That’s incredible. It makes me feel hopeful. Thanks for your kind words of support.
Thanks again everyone.
Anna- so good to hear from you. I’ve got to have a plan when I’m considering drinking. Those hours from 5p-9p are killing me. Especially with family who need me s we go down this path of grief and all. Wishing that I’d be healing more quickly. But I’m head of schedule with everything according to ortho so far!! And that’s because I’m fit to begin with.
hevyn- you sound like my twin. I act so unlike myself when I drink. Once I left my dog on the kitchen counter. Awful stuff. Who does that? Thanks for what you wrote. I feel less alone!
steely- you’re right, I did get a decent concussion. A friend told me to expect to be more down than usual. (He’d suffered head trauma while climbing.) when I look down I don’t recognize my left leg. It’s crazy. But I’m here! And not a single broken bone. I’m so lucky!!
Delilah- six traes of sobriety!! Wow. That’s incredible. It makes me feel hopeful. Thanks for your kind words of support.
Thanks again everyone.
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Life
Is So Much Better without alcohol in it.
Sorry for your struggles and your loss. Unfortunately life is just not fair. We use alcohol as a coping mechanism but it really is just making things worse. The only way to truly deal with and handle what life throws at us is to be sober.
It aint always easy but it is Much Better.
Is So Much Better without alcohol in it.
Sorry for your struggles and your loss. Unfortunately life is just not fair. We use alcohol as a coping mechanism but it really is just making things worse. The only way to truly deal with and handle what life throws at us is to be sober.
It aint always easy but it is Much Better.
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Join Date: Oct 2021
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So sorry for your loss. I can not even imagine. Do not think that you let anyone down, I know you did not let me down. You are dealing with a lot and as for drinking alone, that is how I drank. I never really drank with anyone once I started to drink to excess. Continue to do your walks and core exercises. I know you would like to be more active then that...I am very much like you in that department. It will come with time. I wish you the very best.
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Thanks so much for your thoughtfulness Alpine and Fishkiller.
Gosh it feels so good being sober tonight. Everything will be so predictable tomorrow. I won’t have to scramble to find my glasses. Or clean up the spills +messes that I’ve made. Yay for tonight!
Gosh it feels so good being sober tonight. Everything will be so predictable tomorrow. I won’t have to scramble to find my glasses. Or clean up the spills +messes that I’ve made. Yay for tonight!
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Join Date: Nov 2018
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Recovery is about not drinking during times of crisis. Well, it's about a lot of things to be sure, but these crisis situations, which seemed to have piled up on you all at once, are both a test of your sobriety as well as a learning experience. Coming through them sober in spite of those desires for "drinking a bottle and a half of wine at night by herself" are big steps toward cementing recovery. Eventually those desires will abate as they expose themselves as nothing more than addictions that help not one bit in a crisis and actually diminish your quality of life, rather than enhance your life. Those desires will be exposed as the life plan of your alcoholic voice, not the person who tries to appear normal by hiding her dirty secret, which is most likely less secret than you think, anyway.
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dri guy- as always your advice is concise and honest. I’m probably not fooling anyone. Drinking during times of stress is probably pretty weak of me.
least and Delilah- thank you so much checking in with me!!
Hi friends-
I need you so much right now because I'm terrified.
My husband may have gotten some bad news with respect to his health. As we wait for the results to come back, he absolutely cannot drink. Last night was a sober night for us. Sadly I felt that this bad news is forcing us both to get sober *now*. As opposed to making these ridiculous promises that hold absolutely no weight. Our mortality is on the line.
I need a sober buddy. I need my husband to get on board with this too. Although I mostly drink alone, I often have done it with him.
Thank you for listening.
least and Delilah- thank you so much checking in with me!!
Hi friends-
I need you so much right now because I'm terrified.
My husband may have gotten some bad news with respect to his health. As we wait for the results to come back, he absolutely cannot drink. Last night was a sober night for us. Sadly I felt that this bad news is forcing us both to get sober *now*. As opposed to making these ridiculous promises that hold absolutely no weight. Our mortality is on the line.
I need a sober buddy. I need my husband to get on board with this too. Although I mostly drink alone, I often have done it with him.
Thank you for listening.
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I hope your husband gets good results too.
I think, although it would be great if your husband stops drinking, it would be a mistake to make that prerequisite for your own recovery.
That sounds like a get out of jail clause on behalf of your addiction to me.
I hope your husband can be your sober buddy but if not there are 1000s of us here
D
I think, although it would be great if your husband stops drinking, it would be a mistake to make that prerequisite for your own recovery.
That sounds like a get out of jail clause on behalf of your addiction to me.
I hope your husband can be your sober buddy but if not there are 1000s of us here
D
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Peke, I can't even fathom your sadness regarding the loss of your cousin. I am so, so, sorry.
As for your drinking, I pretty much get every inkling of all those feelings. The wanting to make everything go away, the inability to stop, the guilt, the remorse. I live alone, therefore, I drank alone. EVERY NIGHT. Sometimes starting way earlier than night, actually. So alone or not, that made no difference to me. I was also convinced I was two different people, and it was so disturbing. How could I want to stop drinking yet keep doing it?? How could I neglect my beloved dog- one freezing cold morning I woke in a panic because I wasn't sure I had let her in from her nighttime pee! No walks, no ball toss, just drunk mom sitting around and apologizing yet again that nothing fun happened for dogs that day. I wanted to be a good dog mom, a good friend, a good person, but I just couldn't be any of those when my first choice was always alcohol. I was sad, embarrassed, guilty and hopeless and defeated. Like so many others, I understand all the feelings that come with uncontrolled drinking.
You have been through a lot, being hit by a truck and now the loss of your cousin, and that's all just terribly horrible. That means that now is the time to critically think about what drinking/getting drunk will make better. Drinking will take some of your sadness away, maybe. Briefly. Or it can make it worse. And even if you feel better, briefly, that's not real. We can't process new information or grief very effectively when we are actively drinking so you kind of get stuck in this cycle of feeling terrible then drinking to not feel terrible, then feeling even a little more terrible because you're not processing grief AND you feel guilty. Bingeing can quickly turn into frequent/daily- and you don't want to turn that corner. Another thing to consider is the rest of your family who are grieving as well, no doubt you will all lean on each other, so being present for them is important. Why do you drink? It doesn't matter right now. What matters is stopping. There is plenty of time to figure out the WHY later on, and to be honest, the importance of that fades away the longer you don't drink. Why did I drink? I really am not sure yet, but I know I was feeding myself a whole bunch of lies about how well I was managing, and I know I am no longer a person who will turn to alcohol as an answer for anything. You will probably figure out the same thing.
Work through your sadness by crying, talking to your family, coming here or keeping a journal. Try hard to find a little bit of pleasure in each day and honor your cousin's memory by staying sober. It's obvious you want to be here and be sober, keep fighting and gathering the tools you need. Life is so much better without alcohol, even when it's still hard. You can do it.
I hope your husband has a good result, and I would sure take this as a jumping off point rather than a "sadly" start for sobriety, and as Dee said, his result should not have any impact on you stopping. Sobriety is a gift, not a punishment- it does take a bit of effort for this mind shift, but once it happens, wow.
As for your drinking, I pretty much get every inkling of all those feelings. The wanting to make everything go away, the inability to stop, the guilt, the remorse. I live alone, therefore, I drank alone. EVERY NIGHT. Sometimes starting way earlier than night, actually. So alone or not, that made no difference to me. I was also convinced I was two different people, and it was so disturbing. How could I want to stop drinking yet keep doing it?? How could I neglect my beloved dog- one freezing cold morning I woke in a panic because I wasn't sure I had let her in from her nighttime pee! No walks, no ball toss, just drunk mom sitting around and apologizing yet again that nothing fun happened for dogs that day. I wanted to be a good dog mom, a good friend, a good person, but I just couldn't be any of those when my first choice was always alcohol. I was sad, embarrassed, guilty and hopeless and defeated. Like so many others, I understand all the feelings that come with uncontrolled drinking.
You have been through a lot, being hit by a truck and now the loss of your cousin, and that's all just terribly horrible. That means that now is the time to critically think about what drinking/getting drunk will make better. Drinking will take some of your sadness away, maybe. Briefly. Or it can make it worse. And even if you feel better, briefly, that's not real. We can't process new information or grief very effectively when we are actively drinking so you kind of get stuck in this cycle of feeling terrible then drinking to not feel terrible, then feeling even a little more terrible because you're not processing grief AND you feel guilty. Bingeing can quickly turn into frequent/daily- and you don't want to turn that corner. Another thing to consider is the rest of your family who are grieving as well, no doubt you will all lean on each other, so being present for them is important. Why do you drink? It doesn't matter right now. What matters is stopping. There is plenty of time to figure out the WHY later on, and to be honest, the importance of that fades away the longer you don't drink. Why did I drink? I really am not sure yet, but I know I was feeding myself a whole bunch of lies about how well I was managing, and I know I am no longer a person who will turn to alcohol as an answer for anything. You will probably figure out the same thing.
Work through your sadness by crying, talking to your family, coming here or keeping a journal. Try hard to find a little bit of pleasure in each day and honor your cousin's memory by staying sober. It's obvious you want to be here and be sober, keep fighting and gathering the tools you need. Life is so much better without alcohol, even when it's still hard. You can do it.
I hope your husband has a good result, and I would sure take this as a jumping off point rather than a "sadly" start for sobriety, and as Dee said, his result should not have any impact on you stopping. Sobriety is a gift, not a punishment- it does take a bit of effort for this mind shift, but once it happens, wow.
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Anna, thank you for such sweet thoughts.
Dee,
you’re absolutely right: I need to quit drinking for myself. But you can imagine that this desire is made harder when your spouse is drinking and laughing and you’re sitting there sober. It’s more difficult. Not impossible. But more of a challenge. Thank you for your reply.
Least-
I will get sober for me. I noticed that when I drank my wound (the 46 staples that went across my knee) swelled up the next day. I need to be sober to heal my body!!!
Viking…
wow! We’re so similar. I can relate to what you wrote about being concerned that you left your dog outside. I had the same Issue. I used running as way to cope with uncertainty. I can’t do that right now. So I’m forced to find other strategies. I’m grateful for the days that I haven’t drank. At least I’m trying.
I appreciate the point that you made about occasional night drinking creeping into day drinking. I’m always telling myself that I’m heading down that pathway. As it is, I drink myself so sick at night that I can’t imagine drinking the next day. But everyone’s tolerance can increase and I’m no different. I might start drinking during the day soon. I can’t say that I won’t. I need to quit now. I want to quit now. I’m tired of this. I deserve to be sober.
I could use the accident, my cousin’s death and my husband’s Heath issue as reasons to drink tonight. I really could. As I drove home I toyed with the idea of buying wine. But I can’t. I just can’t. I’m so tired of this. I drove past the grocery store and headed home. It’s worth it. My dogs are so happy.
I can’t thank all of you enough. You’re such kind people. You’re such selfless people. I’m sure that you’ve all seen so many ppl come and post here with the intent of quitting and who then disappear only to have thrown in the towel. I can tell you that I’m going to try my hardest. I really feel stronger now. I will try not to throw in the towel. I read every word that you all write. I time and the attention that you’ve given to me.
we’re still waiting on the autopsy results for my cousin. His wife sent my husband his most recent blood work. It was stellar: he was as healthy as a horse. He’d been doing sprints (25mph). That’s a high speed for someone not in their 20’s. We’re thinking it was a massive heart attack.
Dee,
you’re absolutely right: I need to quit drinking for myself. But you can imagine that this desire is made harder when your spouse is drinking and laughing and you’re sitting there sober. It’s more difficult. Not impossible. But more of a challenge. Thank you for your reply.
Least-
I will get sober for me. I noticed that when I drank my wound (the 46 staples that went across my knee) swelled up the next day. I need to be sober to heal my body!!!
Viking…
wow! We’re so similar. I can relate to what you wrote about being concerned that you left your dog outside. I had the same Issue. I used running as way to cope with uncertainty. I can’t do that right now. So I’m forced to find other strategies. I’m grateful for the days that I haven’t drank. At least I’m trying.
I appreciate the point that you made about occasional night drinking creeping into day drinking. I’m always telling myself that I’m heading down that pathway. As it is, I drink myself so sick at night that I can’t imagine drinking the next day. But everyone’s tolerance can increase and I’m no different. I might start drinking during the day soon. I can’t say that I won’t. I need to quit now. I want to quit now. I’m tired of this. I deserve to be sober.
I could use the accident, my cousin’s death and my husband’s Heath issue as reasons to drink tonight. I really could. As I drove home I toyed with the idea of buying wine. But I can’t. I just can’t. I’m so tired of this. I drove past the grocery store and headed home. It’s worth it. My dogs are so happy.
I can’t thank all of you enough. You’re such kind people. You’re such selfless people. I’m sure that you’ve all seen so many ppl come and post here with the intent of quitting and who then disappear only to have thrown in the towel. I can tell you that I’m going to try my hardest. I really feel stronger now. I will try not to throw in the towel. I read every word that you all write. I time and the attention that you’ve given to me.
we’re still waiting on the autopsy results for my cousin. His wife sent my husband his most recent blood work. It was stellar: he was as healthy as a horse. He’d been doing sprints (25mph). That’s a high speed for someone not in their 20’s. We’re thinking it was a massive heart attack.
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Peke - You are so right that tolerance can increase. I drank 30 yrs. In the beginning I felt dizzy after 2 beers. In the end I could drink all day & still be coherent. It was terrifying that weekend drinking led to 24/7 drinking & a ruined life. I never dreamed it could happen to me - that I somehow would justify it. I'm so glad you are aware of where it could lead.
Hoping all will be ok with your husband's health.
Hoping all will be ok with your husband's health.
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Hevyn- thank you for sharing that info with me. I saw a movie once and a woman drank an entire bottle of whiskey and she was able to function. I know that it can happen. It’s like anything else, your body gets used to something. Thank you again for reaching out to me and for reminding me what could happen in the near future.
Thanks least! Xo
Thanks least! Xo
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I need some help for this evening.
Friday nights are the worst for me. Especially if my husband is working the overnight. Which he is.
I don’t like to drive at night. But I have a repair who is here and who won’t finish until 5ish. After that I must get an Rx filled for my husband. I have to go to do that. That will take me to the supermarket. Which has wine.
ok. I’m just not going to buy any. I don’t want to have any alcohol. I will not buy any alcohol. I will not buy any alcohol. I will not buy alcohol.
okay. I feel better.
Friday nights are the worst for me. Especially if my husband is working the overnight. Which he is.
I don’t like to drive at night. But I have a repair who is here and who won’t finish until 5ish. After that I must get an Rx filled for my husband. I have to go to do that. That will take me to the supermarket. Which has wine.
ok. I’m just not going to buy any. I don’t want to have any alcohol. I will not buy any alcohol. I will not buy any alcohol. I will not buy alcohol.
okay. I feel better.
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Good for you Pekelover. Just deal with today is all we can do. No need to buy any alcohol. It is awesome you posted. So many of us here are with you tonight. I'm sober, in the process of cooking a good meal, and going to sit by the fire and watch some Netflix. I always think about what I want to get accomplished tomorrow in the way of working out, etc., and I simply wouldn't do any of that if I drink tonight.
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