How to stay sober when you’re really craving a drink
Bim thank you 
Member
Join Date: May 2021
Location: England
Posts: 1,850
Just to mention it again...walking. I walk everyday whether that's in the nearby fields and woods or a more urban stroll into the city, I don't always have a destination, it is just the act of walking and the sensation of looking around me, watching people, trees, buildings, anything!
Also I think it's important to try and remember to plan something each week that will be a 'look forward to' thing, so that if ever there is that pang of craving there is instead the look forward to moment to think about. It's important to remember that our brains are re-wiring - it's useful to be kind and reward our brains!
This week I am planning a morning with phone off, no distraction, large pot of coffee, a couple of madeleines, a book and two hours of reading. For the evenings, which can be difficult I have a trip to the cinema planned.
Also I think it's important to try and remember to plan something each week that will be a 'look forward to' thing, so that if ever there is that pang of craving there is instead the look forward to moment to think about. It's important to remember that our brains are re-wiring - it's useful to be kind and reward our brains!
This week I am planning a morning with phone off, no distraction, large pot of coffee, a couple of madeleines, a book and two hours of reading. For the evenings, which can be difficult I have a trip to the cinema planned.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 743
Sobriety is not a prison but drinking is.
Think about it. When you take that first drink... I guess some may have that occasion where they have 1 and turn back. Chances are I would have an uneventful drunk and not drink any spectacular amount but... It would not be one or two that I know.
That first drink would be like locking myself in king alcohol's prison. I would have to pick up another drink i would no longer have any say in the matter. How much I drank, how I behaved, what other substances I did would not be up to me. Thats prison. I would temporarily turn my life and my will over to king alcohol. I did this for decades without even realizing it.
I will skip the higher power thing for now I know not everyone is into that.
Along those lines though, sort of, if this makes sense. Its easier said then done but building that sense of trust that I had with alcohol. A big one was building a sense of trust of with exercise.
It doesn't even have to be a bad day at work. All I would need is to sense something a little out of the ordinary. A regular work day that I don't plan on drinking that day or several days later for that matter. Boom, 2 in the afternoon on a Wednesday and the obsession to drink hits. I will not relax until I promise myself a trip to the liquor store right after work. Just the promise of a drink in a few hours provided a sense of ease and comfort.
I had built a sense of trust in alcohol. I knew no matter how good or bad the day i could trust in alcohol to make me feel the way that i want to.
I also built a sense of trust in exercise. Even in those drinking days I knew deep down that a run or weight lifting would make me feel the way that I want to feel. It just would seem so much easier to pick up a drink. But is it really? You have to drive out of your way. You have to stand in line and deal with people. Easier to just change clothes, stretch and run. Put one foot in front of the other. How hard is that? You know you will feel better.
Alcohol makes you look and feel like crap!
That conviction that exercise will make me feel better should be so obvious but can be tricky to drive into the mind. Its like part of us thinks, you mean hard work, no not that. We are fooled into easy is hard. Hard is going to work hungover.
Think about it. When you take that first drink... I guess some may have that occasion where they have 1 and turn back. Chances are I would have an uneventful drunk and not drink any spectacular amount but... It would not be one or two that I know.
That first drink would be like locking myself in king alcohol's prison. I would have to pick up another drink i would no longer have any say in the matter. How much I drank, how I behaved, what other substances I did would not be up to me. Thats prison. I would temporarily turn my life and my will over to king alcohol. I did this for decades without even realizing it.
I will skip the higher power thing for now I know not everyone is into that.
Along those lines though, sort of, if this makes sense. Its easier said then done but building that sense of trust that I had with alcohol. A big one was building a sense of trust of with exercise.
It doesn't even have to be a bad day at work. All I would need is to sense something a little out of the ordinary. A regular work day that I don't plan on drinking that day or several days later for that matter. Boom, 2 in the afternoon on a Wednesday and the obsession to drink hits. I will not relax until I promise myself a trip to the liquor store right after work. Just the promise of a drink in a few hours provided a sense of ease and comfort.
I had built a sense of trust in alcohol. I knew no matter how good or bad the day i could trust in alcohol to make me feel the way that i want to.
I also built a sense of trust in exercise. Even in those drinking days I knew deep down that a run or weight lifting would make me feel the way that I want to feel. It just would seem so much easier to pick up a drink. But is it really? You have to drive out of your way. You have to stand in line and deal with people. Easier to just change clothes, stretch and run. Put one foot in front of the other. How hard is that? You know you will feel better.
Alcohol makes you look and feel like crap!
That conviction that exercise will make me feel better should be so obvious but can be tricky to drive into the mind. Its like part of us thinks, you mean hard work, no not that. We are fooled into easy is hard. Hard is going to work hungover.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
I agree Reckless, about being a slave to King Alcohol. One drink just triggers the insatiable thirst and sets off the whole sorry cycle again.
I won’t be falling under it’s horrible spell again.
I feel like running is hard work, but walking, well that’s fun
I have heard people say they enjoy running but it definitely seemed like hard work whenever I have tried it
I won’t be falling under it’s horrible spell again.
I feel like running is hard work, but walking, well that’s fun
I have heard people say they enjoy running but it definitely seemed like hard work whenever I have tried it
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,945
When we think about it, how long does a craving actually last? I reckon it’s around twenty minutes before we think about something else. As a drinker, there’d be times when alcohol wasn’t available if I’d been travelling or whatever, and I’d go to bed slightly stressed but sober; the world was still spinning despite the rare occurrence of me not having a drink.
Easy to say ignore cravings - something I never did for a decade and a half - but if we occupy our mind with other things, they do go away for the day.
It’s odd, though. I go for months without cravings and then they come back. They’re mere remnants of the monster cravings from my bad days, but caution is needed. If any of us develop cravings during a time of stress and if the location or circumstances are a factor too, the risk of relapse definitely goes up. Be wary, folks 🙂
Easy to say ignore cravings - something I never did for a decade and a half - but if we occupy our mind with other things, they do go away for the day.
It’s odd, though. I go for months without cravings and then they come back. They’re mere remnants of the monster cravings from my bad days, but caution is needed. If any of us develop cravings during a time of stress and if the location or circumstances are a factor too, the risk of relapse definitely goes up. Be wary, folks 🙂
Member
Join Date: May 2021
Posts: 177
The "playing the tape forwards" works well for me. When I crave a drink I only have to think about how miserable I will be the next day when that same familiar anxiety and pain, from the hangover, kicks in.
Rewinging that tape backwards, and playing it again in my mind, works even better. I remember how I used to be and how I know I just quite simply do not want to ever be that way again. I can't be that way again. During one of my relapses, of which I have had a few before I got to where I am now, I remember being at a brewpub, getting that first buzz on again after having been sober for three months, and realized, after a few beers, that I wasn't even enjoying myself. I didn't like how I was feeling. It was like the alcohol wasn't working anymore the way it used to. Nonetheless I still drank for several more months before I managed to quit again despite it feeling like such a waste to have drank again.
Now I have deeply internalized that remembrance so I do not forget it.
Rewinging that tape backwards, and playing it again in my mind, works even better. I remember how I used to be and how I know I just quite simply do not want to ever be that way again. I can't be that way again. During one of my relapses, of which I have had a few before I got to where I am now, I remember being at a brewpub, getting that first buzz on again after having been sober for three months, and realized, after a few beers, that I wasn't even enjoying myself. I didn't like how I was feeling. It was like the alcohol wasn't working anymore the way it used to. Nonetheless I still drank for several more months before I managed to quit again despite it feeling like such a waste to have drank again.
Now I have deeply internalized that remembrance so I do not forget it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
For me a revelation in regards to my sobriety, while I was struggling, and now my life more generally, now that I am sober is Urge Surfing. I know Dee has a link to a great post on it but you can google it as well. Just the method of mindfulness where you recognize the urges, refuse to act on them, stay present while the thrash about and surf them until they fade. The realization that the urge always ends up fading, even for a few minutes, no matter how strong it is while it is surging, was an essential "ah-ha" moment of my sober path. And now whether I'm trying to get in great shape and want to limit my eating, or if I am angry and don't want to lash out, I use the same mindfulness technique regularly. Very important to my sobriety and I owe it to SR.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Hodd I find that if I can distract myself long enough, the cravings do go away for a time. I’m hoping that with longer sober time they’ll be less intense when they come. They’re often out of the blue, but something has triggered them. A memory of early drinking days, or a scene I associated with drinking, like holiday places. There’s a bit of nostalgia and rose tinted glasses. So I have to remind myself of the downside. The consequences.
So yeah, you’re spot on TroubleAfoot, playing the tape forward to the horrible consequences of drinking. I think it’s one of my biggest tools when things get a bit tricky.
Lessgravity I have looked at that link to urge surfing too, it was really good. I don’t think I’ve practiced it very well though. I think I have gotten caught up in the wave, followed the AV and got dumped and spat out. I could do with working in mindfulness without getting carried away by my thoughts. Staying in the present and not letting my mind take over. I have been using distraction more often I think. It will take more practise to stay present and urge surf. I’m just worried about getting caught up in the craving. I usually try to not think about drinking so that I don’t get caught up in the desire to drink.
So yeah, you’re spot on TroubleAfoot, playing the tape forward to the horrible consequences of drinking. I think it’s one of my biggest tools when things get a bit tricky.
Lessgravity I have looked at that link to urge surfing too, it was really good. I don’t think I’ve practiced it very well though. I think I have gotten caught up in the wave, followed the AV and got dumped and spat out. I could do with working in mindfulness without getting carried away by my thoughts. Staying in the present and not letting my mind take over. I have been using distraction more often I think. It will take more practise to stay present and urge surf. I’m just worried about getting caught up in the craving. I usually try to not think about drinking so that I don’t get caught up in the desire to drink.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2021
Posts: 81
Willow, this is such a helpful and wonderful post. I also use many of the tools that you mentioned, including a gratitude list that is mental. I am going to follow your advice and write down what I am grateful for now that I do not use alcohol.
I would like to share that when I experience a craving while grocery shopping, I instruct myself to physically bypass the cooler where the wine lives, and I remind myself that alcohol is just like my ex-boyfriend whom I would never, ever let back into my life again! And then, like you, I mind myself to not drink in this moment of grocery shopping.
With gratitude,
Kitty-Mama
I would like to share that when I experience a craving while grocery shopping, I instruct myself to physically bypass the cooler where the wine lives, and I remind myself that alcohol is just like my ex-boyfriend whom I would never, ever let back into my life again! And then, like you, I mind myself to not drink in this moment of grocery shopping.
With gratitude,
Kitty-Mama
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Hi KittyMama 
I’m grateful for your post
And I’m grateful for all the posts here, and all the people on SR ❤️
I do the same when grocery shopping, although I hadn’t equated alcohol to an exboyfriend, that’s gold!
And where I live, the alcohol is in a separate shop, often right next door to the supermarket, but at least not in the same shop! So I would have to pay for my groceries, walk out, and walk back in another door to go into the liquor store. It does cross my mind, so I tell myself, keep on walking Willow, walk straight past, you don’t need that in your life!
I’m grateful for your post
And I’m grateful for all the posts here, and all the people on SR ❤️
I do the same when grocery shopping, although I hadn’t equated alcohol to an exboyfriend, that’s gold!
And where I live, the alcohol is in a separate shop, often right next door to the supermarket, but at least not in the same shop! So I would have to pay for my groceries, walk out, and walk back in another door to go into the liquor store. It does cross my mind, so I tell myself, keep on walking Willow, walk straight past, you don’t need that in your life!
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,945
Originally Posted by Willow00 
Hodd I find that if I can distract myself long enough, the cravings do go away for a time. I’m hoping that with longer sober time they’ll be less intense when they come.
But don’t be too disheartened by my staunch tactics 🙂 Yes, the cravings start to fade over time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Hodd, I wish there was no booze in the house, but my partner has a bar full of grog. He’s a normie. Sadly I have previously succumbed to the temptation of it too, and it’s unfortunately been the source of a couple of previous relapses. I feel like I’m getting stronger, but at not yet 6 months this time around, I’m not getting complacent. I have a long way to go yet.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,945
Can’t sugar coat it, but that sucks, Willow 
I’d relapse if my house had a bar full of drink.
Life must go on. If he’s a normie then that’s reasonable. Fair play to you as your willpower is stronger than mine. Not being funny, but can he lock the booze away?
I’d relapse if my house had a bar full of drink. Life must go on. If he’s a normie then that’s reasonable. Fair play to you as your willpower is stronger than mine. Not being funny, but can he lock the booze away?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Yeah it does suck somewhat. But I just keep on playing that tape forward. Over and over.
It would be hard to lock it away because the bar is in the living area, and short of building a cage around the whole thing, it wouldn’t really work. But that’s ok, I got over a year sober once before, and it wasn’t the bar that got me, it was holidays and drinking at a friend’s place.
I just stay away from that area, never go in behind the bar and mostly just try to pretend it doesn’t exist. I pretty much ignore that area of the house. I figure I’m always going to be exposed to alcohol somewhere, so I may as well learn to live side by side with it without actually drinking it. I would rather not have it around at all but I’m getting used to ignoring it.
My temptation is usually when I’m out, to go and buy sneaky alcohol at a liquor store. So that’s what I have to watch out for more.
It would be hard to lock it away because the bar is in the living area, and short of building a cage around the whole thing, it wouldn’t really work. But that’s ok, I got over a year sober once before, and it wasn’t the bar that got me, it was holidays and drinking at a friend’s place.
I just stay away from that area, never go in behind the bar and mostly just try to pretend it doesn’t exist. I pretty much ignore that area of the house. I figure I’m always going to be exposed to alcohol somewhere, so I may as well learn to live side by side with it without actually drinking it. I would rather not have it around at all but I’m getting used to ignoring it.
My temptation is usually when I’m out, to go and buy sneaky alcohol at a liquor store. So that’s what I have to watch out for more.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Originally Posted by Hodd
Can’t sugar coat it, but that sucks, Willow I’d relapse if my house had a bar full of drink.
Life must go on. If he’s a normie then that’s reasonable. Fair play to you as your willpower is stronger than mine. Not being funny, but can he lock the booze away?
I’d relapse if my house had a bar full of drink.Life must go on. If he’s a normie then that’s reasonable. Fair play to you as your willpower is stronger than mine. Not being funny, but can he lock the booze away?
Originally Posted by Willow00
Yeah it does suck somewhat. But I just keep on playing that tape forward. Over and over.
It would be hard to lock it away because the bar is in the living area, and short of building a cage around the whole thing, it wouldn’t really work. But that’s ok, I got over a year sober once before, and it wasn’t the bar that got me, it was holidays and drinking at a friend’s place.
I just stay away from that area, never go in behind the bar and mostly just try to pretend it doesn’t exist. I pretty much ignore that area of the house. I figure I’m always going to be exposed to alcohol somewhere, so I may as well learn to live side by side with it without actually drinking it. I would rather not have it around at all but I’m getting used to ignoring it.
My temptation is usually when I’m out, to go and buy sneaky alcohol at a liquor store. So that’s what I have to watch out for more.
It would be hard to lock it away because the bar is in the living area, and short of building a cage around the whole thing, it wouldn’t really work. But that’s ok, I got over a year sober once before, and it wasn’t the bar that got me, it was holidays and drinking at a friend’s place.
I just stay away from that area, never go in behind the bar and mostly just try to pretend it doesn’t exist. I pretty much ignore that area of the house. I figure I’m always going to be exposed to alcohol somewhere, so I may as well learn to live side by side with it without actually drinking it. I would rather not have it around at all but I’m getting used to ignoring it.
My temptation is usually when I’m out, to go and buy sneaky alcohol at a liquor store. So that’s what I have to watch out for more.
My house is still nominally dry...although I have bought alcohol as presents for other people in the past and had that in my house a few weeks with no drama and no obsessional thoughts or wobbles.
Sometimes its not possible to have that dry house tho and that's the time where you have to work on building that sober life you're happy in, crazy about, and do not want to leave.
If your sober life gives you all you need and your recovery is strong enough you could theoretically live in a brewery
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Originally Posted by Dee74
I'd definitely advise anyone new and or struggling to have a dry house where possible.
My house is still nominally dry...although I have bought alcohol as presents for other people in the past and had that in my house a few weeks with no drama and no obsessional thoughts or wobbles.
Sometimes its not possible to have that dry house tho and that's the time where you have to work on building that sober life you're happy in, crazy about, and do not want to leave.
If your sober life gives you all you need and your recovery is strong enough you could theoretically live in a brewery
D
My house is still nominally dry...although I have bought alcohol as presents for other people in the past and had that in my house a few weeks with no drama and no obsessional thoughts or wobbles.
Sometimes its not possible to have that dry house tho and that's the time where you have to work on building that sober life you're happy in, crazy about, and do not want to leave.
If your sober life gives you all you need and your recovery is strong enough you could theoretically live in a brewery
D
I would totally advise anyone newly sober to live in a dry house. I would much rather live in a dry house for certain. Especially the first month or so, that was a real challenge. And probably contributed to the sneaky AV thoughts that led me to drinking repeatedly before I managed to stop again.
And sure, I guess theoretically one could live in a brewery if your sobriety was strong enough, but oh the stink!
I think staying away from alcohol as much as possible is really important in the early days of sobriety. I mostly still stay home and avoid parties and alcohol infused social gatherings whenever possible.
Being designated driver has been helpful on the occasions when I couldn’t avoid social activities that involve alcohol.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Originally Posted by saoutchik
I was rubbish at dealing with cravings so I put all my efforts in to activities that meant I had the fewest number of cravings as possible for an alcoholic.
Mr
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: FRANCE
Posts: 5,230
Hello Willow.
I suffer and suffered with just the same thing.
I had incredible amounts of energy and time to deal with.
When i didnt deal with it and some trigger came along it would be horrible cravings.
Any excuse would do. My favorite was little disputes with mrs Vman. We would drive each other nuts.
I had to get out of my head and i think what Sao is referring to is that too. I like old cars and motorbikes. I have two bikes so i would occupy myself with that. I like DIY and metal working welding etc so i would find jobs to be done at home or in the garage... Gardening was also good. But in the end anything which occupies your head or mind, occupying your head or mind could be as simple as clearing it for a while.... Camping shop, go for a walk, go fishing, go cycling, make something, go to a class, try going to a class that you thought was not for you. I do sophrology and if you had said that to me 2 years ago i would have hit myself in the head...
The craving is in your head its not external factors, there are no excuses for drinking.
Surf that craving out to the shore.
Take care.
I suffer and suffered with just the same thing.
I had incredible amounts of energy and time to deal with.
When i didnt deal with it and some trigger came along it would be horrible cravings.
Any excuse would do. My favorite was little disputes with mrs Vman. We would drive each other nuts.
I had to get out of my head and i think what Sao is referring to is that too. I like old cars and motorbikes. I have two bikes so i would occupy myself with that. I like DIY and metal working welding etc so i would find jobs to be done at home or in the garage... Gardening was also good. But in the end anything which occupies your head or mind, occupying your head or mind could be as simple as clearing it for a while.... Camping shop, go for a walk, go fishing, go cycling, make something, go to a class, try going to a class that you thought was not for you. I do sophrology and if you had said that to me 2 years ago i would have hit myself in the head...
The craving is in your head its not external factors, there are no excuses for drinking.
Surf that craving out to the shore.
Take care.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
