How to stay sober when you’re really craving a drink
 

I know there’s lots of great advice here on SR, and I really love reading people’s stories about how they get and stay sober. These are the things that help me, but I’m always looking at new ways to add to my sober toolbox to make sure I stay sober this time. I’ve had a few hiccups along the way, and I really want to stay sober this time.

I check in here to SR every day, to read and post.

I take things one day at a time.
Some days are easier than others to stay sober.
Some days are harder.
On the harder days, I sometimes stay sober for an hour at a time, sometimes it’s a moment at a time:
“I won’t drink right now”.

In the really tough moments, during those awful cravings, when the desire for a drink can seem too overwhelming, and I just want to give in to the AV (addictive voice) I accompany the “I won’t drink right now” with a distraction:
“I won’t drink right now, I’ll _______ instead”.
The blank can be lots of different things.
My favourites are: go for a long walk, do some exercise, water the garden, have a cup of tea, have a big glass of water/sparkling water & lemon/ other n/a drink, cook some dinner, eat a snack, have a glass of milk, eat a chocolate bar, eat an icecream (icecream is great to stop cravings). Sometimes I just go to bed instead, no matter how early it is. I go to bed really early sometimes.

And if I still feel tempted to drink after distracting myself, I remind myself of the absolutely awful consequences of drinking, I play the tape forward in my mind to the awful hangovers, the memory loss, the arguments with people I love, the anxiety and depression and despair afterwards. I try to really immerse myself in remembering how absolutely dreadful I felt and how dreadful I’ll feel again if I drink.

More recently (in the last few days) I’ve started a gratitude list. This one has taken me a long time to start.
What am I grateful for in my life?
What good things does sobriety bring to my life?
My list is growing. These are just a few of the things on my list so far:
Having a clearer head
Feeling really alive (as opposed to half dead)
Being able to appreciate the little things I’d forgotten to notice, like: the beauty of nature, fresh air to breathe, the wonderful scent of rain, dew drops on leaves…
Fresh clean sheets :)
Having time to do things that are actually constructive

How do other people get and stay sober? I would love to hear about your favourite tools :)

When I was about 3 months sober and wasn't 'feeling it', I was advised to start practicing gratitude every day. No matter how bad things were, I was to think of at least one thing I was grateful for. It was hard at first but I kept doing it until it became a habit. And it followed that I lost my desire to drink. Might have been around 6 months, but the urge to drink just faded away. I still had moments of wanting to drink but they were few and far between. I still practice gratitude every day and it gets me thru about anything. :)

I think the term 'stay sober' can imply that this is a punishment of sorts, or something we have to do.
It is a choice....a desire to be free from something that was destroying us. So stay sober can come to mean: stay free. Stay safe. Stay connected. ❤️

Apologies to Julie Andrews but these are a few of my favourite things :)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-cravings.html
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I have started a gratitude list which helps shift my focus to positive things..even if they are small like a cup of coffee. I have also been keeping busy with long walks, cooking, sewing, trying to teach myself guitar, woodworking..etc. It has helped quite a bit. I just can be idle as that is when my AV is around. I am definitely more productive now which makes me happier and has decreased my depression which in turn was increasing my drinking. It was a bad cycle to be in.

Dee, now I have that song in my head..LOL

At least once a week I go and read the Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum to remind myself of the husband and father I used to be, how much pain my drinking caused the people I love the most. I leave that forum knowing "never again"....

I used to think about "day 0". The idea of restarting. If I took a drink I had to then gather all the strenght to go back into a full 24 hours of not drinking to complete day 1 and then day 2, etc. It reminded me of how difficult it was to make it through the first few days, how much I had accomplished. While it took me a very long time to really feel the benefits of not drinking, I could always see the horrors of going back to my drinking.
This kind of thought still helps me more than 2 years after

When I'm wrestling with my AV I just pause.....wait a minute...are you seriously trying to tell me that going back to that madness is what I need right now?.... Sometimes I laugh out loud.

Reading and learning about alcohol addiction and use, it’s physiological effects on brain. How it effects our spirit, mind, and body.

Recall misery. Recall that sometimes I have missed portions of my life. Recall how free i was when I was 14 months sober, and understand that I confused abstinence with control. That’s a huge understanding.

Gratitude

Exercise


SR
SR
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Thankmyou for the great post, Willow, my classmate and friend.

Thank you SR FAMILY 😍🥰😘❤️🤓

Discovering that being sober - sobriety - is not a punishment, not a prison, far from it, I have discovered it's an adventure, it's a bit like I have been given a 'second chance' - Imagine you were told that your life will always be haunted by regret and shame and fear - and then - that is all wiped away, no fear, no shame, no regret. When I consider that I am so very grateful for that second chance I have no intention of handing it back - I am hanging on to it.

^^^ Love that Dusty ❤️

Yeah Dusty, that's part of a conversion experience such as AA suggests, or that is found in the Bible and other spiritual books. It's powerful, it's available to everyone and once it is internalized there's really no going back.

IIRC Dusty, you used AVRTwhich is often called "secular," so there are many roads to success and it seems we all find our inner Truth along the way.

Thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts :tyou
:) Such great responses ❤️

Yes Least and Alpine, I think gratitude is becoming more obvious to me. I always thought I was grateful for the good things in life, but I didn’t really focus on it, really feel it. Writing down what I’m grateful for is really helping me at the moment. The little things, like the whisper of breeze on my skin, the song of a bird, the flight of a butterfly, the opening blossoms on flowering bushes. And yes, a lovely cup of tea.

I really like that Suze, stay free, stay safe, stay connected ❤️

Dee, Carol and her thread have some great ideas! Thank you :)

Cowboy that’s a great idea. I’ve certainly had some doozies of arguments when I was drinking. It must’ve been awful for my partner. It wouldn’t hurt me to read there too.

Free :hug: my original classmate ❤️ Yes I need to recall all of that too, I had a similar time sober before falling back down. I have read a couple of books, but need to read more. This Naked Mind definitely helped me figure some things out, about how alcohol really is poison.

BackandScared, that really helps me too. Stopping drinking is way harder than staying stopped. Those first few days and weeks, ugggh, I don’t ever want to go back there!

Triggered you’re so right, it really is madness. Playing the tape forward really helps stop me picking up.

Dusty, yes, sobriety is an adventure. I’m thinking of all the things yet to do and discover, I’m only just now able to see past the fog that my mind was mired in for so many years. Seeing past the fog to all the adventures possible in a sober life.

Bim I think I’m still looking for my inner truth. What I do know, is that I won’t find it in a bottle.
Believe me, I’ve looked! So many times. Nothing but misery in there.

I’m feeling a little melancholy today, but I’m also feeling grateful.
I’m grateful to be sober, and I’m grateful to all of you here on SR :grouphug:

Great post Willow!

I think writing down anything that’s bothering us, helps.

Sometimes I’ll write a post out but when I’ve completed it I don’t post it because I seem to have sorted the problem in my head whilst writing it down. And other times sharing my post and getting feed back helps me too.

I always used the ‘play the tape forward’ too in my early recovery. Along with SR and reading posts, they were my lifeline.

Thanks Mags :hug:
I totally agree :)

SR has been my lifeline. It’s my main support. Reading other people’s stories on here really helps keep things in perspective for me.
And writing out my feelings and thoughts really helps clarity things too. I don’t always post what I write, but sometimes just writing it out helps me figure things out.

And playing the tape forward to the consequences of drinking is really really useful. Remembering how awful it is AFTERWARDS.
That’s a big one.
I’ve read a few times, “nobody ever regrets not drinking yesterday”.

So I try to remember to ask myself “how would I feel if I’d been drinking yesterday? Like utter crap, and I probably won’t remember half of it anyway, and I’ll wish to God that I’d never had that first drink, because it invariably leads to more, maybe not this time, but it always creeps back up again, so I may as well just stay sober, I’ll thank myself for it tomorrow!”

The AV is such an insidious sneaky liar, promising happy but giving misery.
It whispers of relief from anxiety and depression and pain, but in reality it delivers much worse than that. It just compounds the anxiety, depression and pain, and adds more trouble and pain, making everything so much worse than it was before.

So we need to find new ways to cope with the stress and worries and anxieties in life. I think exercise is key for me. I really need to do more exercise, but it’s hard to get motivated when feeling unmotivated. I read that you need to find exercise that’s fun. Is any exercise fun? The only one I seem to be able to do when I’m lacking in motivation is walking. I guess that’s better than doing nothing.

Walking can be everything.....it is for me....it is the exercise I love. Bim walks for hours....I am betting she loves it as well.
When I am walking every day I am 100% fit and happy. ❤️

Did someone mention me??

I do walk hours. I try to walk for an hour and a half every day. It never fails to reset and renew me. The beauty of nature, the repetitive movement, the breathing, the release of those feel-good chemicals. I can make it as vigorous or as relaxed as I want. Hills or flat. Do my errands on foot or just go for the fun of it. Green spaces are said to be calming for the nervous system.

Not to mention how well it works for fitness and sleep.

I don't take music with me either. Just me, the plants, the trail, the "regulars" - people walking their dogs, the birds and wildlife.

Oh yes!!!

To all of that. ❤️

Yes! Thanks Suze and Bim :hug: ❤️
Walking. And nature. Walking in nature. I think I’ve always thought it wasn’t enough, no idea why. I do enjoy walking in nature. So maybe that’s my fun exercise, and perhaps it’s enough :)

You are enough, Willow. Just as you are.