birddawg

I haven't slept a wink since 8am Wednesday. It's 0243 Saturday here and I am still up. This is annoying. Meeting friends at 0900 so I hope I can get a nap in. I feel good. I ate a lot today and got some yard work done, completely cleaned my kitchen, and hung out with my kid. It was good feeling like a productive citizen. I have more work than I know what to do with, but I couldn't get it done being that drunk all the time and it would make me depressed. Its a cycle.

My friends know when I am sober bc more house projects get done. I called them out on it when I came clean to them about me giving this an honest go at sobering up.

I am going to hunt club for the day with my son and buddy so that will be fun to get outside.

Dee74

It can take a few days for a sleep cycle to bed in (no pun intended).
It would take me a week to ten days of progressively better sleep after I quit..

D

anxiousrock

Wow you have been through a lot, and all I can say is that you are in the right place. Sounds like you could use a bit more support and I find SR so good for that welcome.

birddawg

Thanks. So here's an update/story.

I finally fall asleep around 0400. I wake up at 0530 to this event. I have vivid dreams sometimes but they are usually random. I am terrified of snakes (mainly bc we have a good bit of venomous ones around here, and yes, all my hunting buddies razz me about it constantly). I think I sleep still but I've been told all my life that's bs and I talk in my sleep and move around and sometimes flail and yell when I'm having a violent dream but I don't have that many of those.

I have two black labs that were hogging my bed so I was on the edge anyways. In my dream I am reaching towards the floor under the bed to get something and three snakes pop out and strike me on the hand and I flip out screaming (I was in real life at this point). My theory is I was rolling off and put my hand towards the floor. Hitting the floor is what sort of jolted me out it but I was screaming. I try to retreat and wolves were behind snapping at me towards the snake. By now the nightstand is knocked over, lamp on the floor, I had a glass of milk and gatorade on the table. They are all over the place and now I'm wet, further adding to the chaos. The wolves snapping at me was actually me kicking the bed post (that felt great btw). I finally get untangled from the bed and bang my elbow on the floor.

I don't overanalyze most of my dreams but this was so clear the meaning its cliche. I am not injured and I really am not going to read into the meaning that much. I just figured I'd share. I'm on day five and I haven't really had any cravings other than a few moments where I think "man a cocktail or glass of wine would be nice right now" but none that got to me like on other detoxs.


Oh, and my dogs didnt even get off the bed to check on me. Haha. Gotta love labs.

advbike

Hahaha funny story birddawg! I love labs, have had two before - a chocolate male and a back female. She was the protector haha.

birddawg

Day 5. was a breeze after my crazy nightmare. I stayed busy all day yesterday with my son working on the boat. Ended up not going to hunt club. I had a big dinner and my lack of sleep caught up with me. I fell asleep on the couch at around 930 and woke up at four to go the the bathroom and was so tired I went right back to bed and slept until 930am. I feel recharged finally. I'm taking my kid to the lake to go fishing today. I have a Butt on the Traeger (pellet smoker) and have friends coming over later for dinner.

I hope all of y'all are doing well and enjoy the rest of the weekend. Sunday Funday is a bit different but better now. Way more productive than brunch with mimosas and spending the day drinking.

fishkiller

I don't have many vivid dreams but when I do it is definitely disorienting.

Good work on 5 Days!

nez

Of course not, they had more room now that you weren't hogging the bed.

birddawg

I take it you are a lab owner as well?

nez

Former lab owner. Not at the present time. Absolutely love labs, just happen to be owned by a German Shepherd at the moment. :~)

birddawg

Day 7 here we go. I've been sleeping like a normal human being the past few nights. It's been great.

I haven't gone to any meetings or anything, just posting here and trying to stay busy and eat right. I have a long time friend who is 14 years older than me. I used to drink and party with him and his wife and their friends years ago. They were our neighbors. They were bad into cocaine and liquor. I watched it ruin their business and family. The daughter and son at the time were young and I always felt terrible for the kids. It got to where I stopped hanging out over there bc it was a bad scene. These people lived in a nice neighborhood. From the outside, they appeared normal. I reconnected with the daughter years later when she was 23. We ended up living together for a time. The point of me sharing the daughter part is that I always stayed in touch with her dad. He got sober 12 years ago and turned his life around, and I always respected that.

He called me yesterday to catch up. He was involved in AA when he got sober, but he never pushed it. He has made comments through the years like "better go to a meeting" when his daughter, me, or her friends did stupid stuff related to alcohol. He earned that right. He did some really stupid/bad stuff under the influence and atoned for his actions, and I respect that. He doesn't hide it or run from it, he changed it.

I told him about where I am at in my life and he was so supportive. We spoke for about an hour about it. I am going to go to a meeting with an open mind just to see what it's about. He reiterated that if I ever need anything, call. Any time, day or night. My other friends say the same thing, but it rang different knowing what he has been through.

Sunday I had a really bad day. Nothing went right. I was mad at the world. I sat on my couch and tried to apply what I have learned from you guys. I sat there and thought about all the bad things that would happen if I drank. I wanted to go to the store, but I didnt. Surprisingly to me, it worked! The urge passed, and I felt better. I know if I had booze in my house I would have drank every drop.

I know this is sort of rambling but I have been busy and haven't really had a chance for an update/mind dump. Thanks for listening. I hope all y'all are doing well and have a great week!

Dave

birddawg

It has been said a million times but it bears repeating to all of you that are scared of the first step. The first week absolutely sucks, but it will get better. My insides finally feel better. After one week, my kidneys feel normal as does my liver. I know I'm not healed, but at least I am not "feeling" them. My hands are still a little shaky if I don't eat, but they get more solid each day.

Why do we do this to ourselves?

reroute

Hey BD,

Your struggle and plight speaks to me. You've been through the wringer. I ask myself the same question, "Why do we do this to ourselves?"... Counselling helped me enormously, in discovering my answer to that why. Not sure if you've ever considered it?

I'm a newcomer to the site too, hope to see you kick this demon for good.

fishkiller

Doing great birddog!
Glad your old neighbor is being supportive.
We can't have too much support.

Dee74

congrats on the week birddawg

D

birddawg

Checking in. Day 11. All is good here. No drinking for me.

I was invited to go to Atlanta to hang out with some women I know. I really wanted to go. One of them is pretty hot and she's into me, but I passed. They are all drunks and I would either be annoyed by them all weekend or drinking with them all weekend. Neither is a good outcome, so I stayed home.

I hope y'all have a great weekend. Dave

fishkiller

Excellent decision!

11 Days is great!

Dee74

I think you made the right choice Dave.

D

Surrendered19

You no doubt made the right decision Dave. Tell the young lady that you would like to see her soon for a long hike and a good meal.

enaiddes

Thank you so much for your post. Your honesty bodes well for a successful recovery from alcohol abuse. It’s almost as if your background trained you to drink. I hope you will continue to post here as it can be very helpful in your desire to become sober.

And I truly hope you don’t have to lose everything before you acquire the strength to give up alcohol.