fishkiller

Awesome!

Scot64

Hi , I am also new ( again ) , after being off the forum for more that 4 years ,maybe nearer 5 .
I couldn't find the introduce yourself part so apologies for jumping in here .
Its amazing to see some very familiar names still doing amazing work staying sober and helping others and keeping this site running .Anna ,Dee ,ScottfromIW and more .
You might remember me as Thomas . I could not remeber my old login details or email I used so created a new account .
By the grace of God I am sober all this time even though I don't know the date of my last drink .

Thanks

birddawg

Good job.


Day 10 here. I have been sleeping all night since I got my first nights sleep on day 5 or 6. Zero sweats. I had the itchies two nights ago. Last night there were none.

Around 4pm yesterday I was standing in my garage and got an overwhelming desire to drink. I didnt act on it, but it was weird. One of the things that trigger me to drink harder has been talking on the phone with my friends at night. I have my son 50% of the time so I am alone a fair amount. I knew my cousin in Nevada was going to call (they are 3 hours behind us, so I am good and drunk by the time he calls) and somewhere deep in my brain I think it made me crave it. Why, I don't know. I can't tell you how many long conversations I have had with girlfriends, friends, and family that I flat out don't remember the second half of the convo due to alcohol. You know, the dreaded wake up phone check. "I spoke to her for three hours? Oh crap, I can only imagine what I said." I don't want to do that anymore.

On another note, back to my cousin, I came clean with him a few nights ago about how bad my drinking had gotten. Me and him are really close. His family is a mess also and me and him are the only sane (semi) ones in the bunch. He just got his divorce finalized this week. He really leaned on me for help and advice as did I when my loved ones died. All that chaos brought us really close. We have always been tight, but this stuff made us completely trust each other and we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. He's a very positive influence in my life. He is always so upbeat and positive. He is a soldier in the Army, so he has a discipline in the way he carries himself. He was very supportive of my decision and said he has a lot of respect for me to face it and try to make a change. It made me feel good.

Anyways, that's my latest and greatest. Ten days and I feel human again. The first five sucked, but so did being drunk and hungover and malnourished all the time, so its just another type of pain, but it passes fairly quickly. To the others starting this journey, it does get better.

Dave

fishkiller

Good work on Day10!

Those cravings will hiwisdom nowhere sometimes. Just be ready for then and

fishkiller

Good work on Day10!

Those cravings will hit from nowhere sometimes. Just be ready for them and let them pass.

Great you have support from someone close.

birddawg

I made it 14 days or so. Then I not only fell off the wagon, I rolled it into the ditch and set it on fire. My ex and her family took my son to the mountains on Friday. First thing I did was went and got a pint bc I figured I was kid free and I could unwind. It's just a pint, what's the harm? I mean at my worst I could drink a fifth of vodka or a box of wine (classy I know, they sell it at the gas station around the corner.) Five days later I woke up, feeling like death, and staring at five empty bottles of cheap vodka. Happy Fourth of July! (sarcasm)

Today is day two. I feel like I have been run over by a truck. Ive been reading on here a bunch the past two days. Seeing people relapse and then come on here and beat themselves up about is sort of depressing, but it is good in a sense to see others (and myself as this is the point of my reply) own their mistake. It is also embarrassing bc I feel like a failure, but as my cousin told me, its not a failure, its a setback. Learn from it.

My sleep schedule is so messed up and Im back to square one on the withdrawals. And for what? So I could drink in my room alone and watch stupid shows on Netflix for a long weekend. That was really worth it.

Ive read on here and other forums where people say that when they relapse, each one is worse than the previous until the addict finally makes a real change and cuts it out. I am learning real quick that seems to be true, for me anyways.

Boondock

Sorry to hear that Birdawg. I was wondering where you went had a feeling that's what was going on. Well, you know the drill, hydrate ,eat well and such. Todays a new day there's nothing you can do but start over and think about why you did it...hang in there, man.........hope you feel better soon

Anna

This was definitely the case for me. Each time was so much worse. T

Stopping for good can change things for you. I think it's really important that you can never drink alcohol again, ever. For me, accepting that fact, led me to begin finding new ways to manage life. But, you've learned from the experience and you can move on. You can be prepared for the next time that you are alone on a weekend and make plans ahead of time.

fishkiller

Hopefully this is the last time.

2019 I quit for 3 weeks right before Christmas. Plan was to drink Christmas Eve and day. Then New Years Eve. Then not again until next big event.

Started Christmas Eve and drank straight through to January 15th.
That's when I realized I can't moderate. I cant have just a couple.
I wanted out of that vicious cycle and have been since.

I don't miss it. Neither will you

Hevyn

Birddawg - You've learned something valuable & life changing. It took me way too long - I kept insisting willpower would save me. I could have 'a few' now and then if I just tried harder to control myself. It never, ever worked once. Each time alcohol was in my system it led to dangerous & reckless behavior. I'd buy one bottle of wine, figuring I couldn't get into too much trouble. By the time the bottle was empty, early in the evening, I'd be off to the liquor store for more - no longer caring about the promise I'd made to myself. The only way to be safe was to stop all together. I wish it hadn't taken me decades to finally get it.
You sound ready to get free - we know you can.

birddawg

Thanks for the kind words of support. This whole thing hasn't been as easy as I thought. The physical addiction is miserable to break but its relatively short lived. It is the battle between my ears that is proving to be tough. Ive never really faced my demons. I always just drowned them.

When y'all were on a bender, would you eat poorly or just not at all? I think I feel as bad from the lack of nutrition as from the booze. I am not justifying drinking at all so please don't take it as such. Obviously drinking a fifth of vodka is gonna leave a mark. Whenever I have a "first day" (That sounds so bad I know) I got to the store and buy pedialite and healthy food from the perimeter of the store. Today I loaded up on apples, bananas, a Publix sub, some pasta salad they make in the deli that's really good, and some yogurt and strawberries. Its amazing how fast the human body heals itself.

Boondock

Yeah, when I went on my horrendous binges I would eat terribly and very little if anything so my detoxes were worse I think and at the end of them I would kind of slowly reintroduce food to my system. With white rice, yogurt, milk and juice stuff like that. Almost like someone who had been lost in the wilderness and gets rescued you can't just pig out on a pepperoni pizza, you know?

birddawg

Publix has really good hot soups. Thats what I had tonight and ill eat before I go to bed later. Im not gonna be able to sleep but I'll make a big bowl of yogurt and fruit. Normally on the third day a switch goes off in my body and I eat like a teenager. And I feel better. Go figure. Take poison out of your diet and replace it with nutrients and mix in some good sleep and I feel better.

Why this is so hard to figure out is frustrating bc its so simple if you look at it in black and white.

Dee74

I hope you'll start to feel better day to day from here on in, birddawg

D

birddawg

Thanks Dee.

I have an engravement on the band of my Fitbit watch thingy that says "One day at a time. A great example or a terrible warning? (that's bc of my late dad, he was both) and my son's initials." Im gonna go charge that thing and start wearing it again. I had it done not too long after he died but stopped wearing it.

Surrendered19

I'm glad you made it back out birddawg. A wise member here on SR recently observed that we must view the progression of our drinking as an unbroken downward arc that has no gaps. We can step off that ride, even for long periods of time, but when we get back on, this thing rips at us and places us back into our assigned seat as if we'd never even taken a break. Right back to it with consequences as if we'd never stopped. For some reason that really resonates with me and hope it does with you too after your recent experiment with moderation.

birddawg

Well said.

Mizz

Birddawg. It is so good you made it back to sobriety. Life has so much to offer us without active addiction. You can change your life!
I do hope restful sleep comes soon.

birddawg

Day four in the books. Felt good and took my son go cart riding on the family land and have been eating pizza and popcorn watching Austin powers. He's blown away how many characters Myers played. My son is eight so its fun to watch him learn.

Hope y'all are well and have a safe weekend. Dave

Dee74

day 4 is great Dave

D