Newcomer
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2021
Location: Charleston, SC
Posts: 80
Newcomer
Hello,
I posted a few times on somebody else's thread but I wanted to start my own to introduce myself. I'm Dave. 43. Have had more "day ones" than I care to think about. Like most of us, "one drink" or "one bottle of wine" turns into a 4-5 day vodka bender that I come out of when my son who just turned 8 comes to stay with me on my weekends. The first day I am normally pretty worthless due to my bender and it bothers him. I don't drink heavily around him but I still drink. I don't want to be that guy.
Why I drink after what I have been through is beyond any rational thought. My mom was a raging alcoholic in high school and my parents got divorced. Dad remarried later. Watched his new wife and sit in her chair and drink scotch until we had to put her in hospice with cirrhosis. Dad was a heavy drinker and went off the rails after her death and drank himself to death before shooting himself. Alcohol hasn't done a damn thing positive for me. I am not even a social drinker. I drink alone at my house with my labs.
And here I am, still drinking. I own a successful business and have a nice life and I am throwing it away, Not gonna lie. It depresses the **** out of me. My ex wife and I are really close and she has been supportive but she's really worried about me, and so am I. I am going out of town to see my mom and sister (mom gave up alcohol years ago and my sis doesn't drink) this week and I am going to start going to a therapist when I get back who specializes in addiction and depression.
Thanks for listening and also thanks for posting the stories that ya'll post about your struggles. It makes me not feel alone and gives me hope. I hope that doesn't sound bad bc it's not. This is an amazing place.
I posted a few times on somebody else's thread but I wanted to start my own to introduce myself. I'm Dave. 43. Have had more "day ones" than I care to think about. Like most of us, "one drink" or "one bottle of wine" turns into a 4-5 day vodka bender that I come out of when my son who just turned 8 comes to stay with me on my weekends. The first day I am normally pretty worthless due to my bender and it bothers him. I don't drink heavily around him but I still drink. I don't want to be that guy.
Why I drink after what I have been through is beyond any rational thought. My mom was a raging alcoholic in high school and my parents got divorced. Dad remarried later. Watched his new wife and sit in her chair and drink scotch until we had to put her in hospice with cirrhosis. Dad was a heavy drinker and went off the rails after her death and drank himself to death before shooting himself. Alcohol hasn't done a damn thing positive for me. I am not even a social drinker. I drink alone at my house with my labs.
And here I am, still drinking. I own a successful business and have a nice life and I am throwing it away, Not gonna lie. It depresses the **** out of me. My ex wife and I are really close and she has been supportive but she's really worried about me, and so am I. I am going out of town to see my mom and sister (mom gave up alcohol years ago and my sis doesn't drink) this week and I am going to start going to a therapist when I get back who specializes in addiction and depression.
Thanks for listening and also thanks for posting the stories that ya'll post about your struggles. It makes me not feel alone and gives me hope. I hope that doesn't sound bad bc it's not. This is an amazing place.
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
Welcome birddawg 
You will find a ton of support and understanding here at SoberRecovery.
It sounds like a great plan for you to visit your mom and sister.
I look forward to "seeing" you around!
You will find a ton of support and understanding here at SoberRecovery.
It sounds like a great plan for you to visit your mom and sister.
I look forward to "seeing" you around!
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 365
Hey Dave, thanks for sharing your story. Isn't it strange how horrible this stuff is, how many lives it ruins and ends, yet we get sucked back into it over and over even knowing this!
I'm Day One (again) too so dealing with the same mangled mess of a psyche. Good luck.
I'm Day One (again) too so dealing with the same mangled mess of a psyche. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,544
We all get the asterisk from time to time birddawg. 
Asterisks can still add meaning. It's ok.
Alcoholism in my family too, and I followed suit, unfortunately. Didn't make a conscious choice, just seemed to happen. For a long time.
You have had a tough history, like many of us here, but history is not immutable and can change as result of our actions. I'm acting in my own better history now birddawg. Changing history. I know I'm worth it now.
Getting sober has been the best thing I have done for myself.
Hope you continue to post.
Asterisks can still add meaning. It's ok.Alcoholism in my family too, and I followed suit, unfortunately. Didn't make a conscious choice, just seemed to happen. For a long time.
You have had a tough history, like many of us here, but history is not immutable and can change as result of our actions. I'm acting in my own better history now birddawg. Changing history.
I know I'm worth it now.Getting sober has been the best thing I have done for myself.
Hope you continue to post.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2021
Location: London
Posts: 333
Welcome friend. I'm great with words, a private education will do that for you! I've got a mate, went to state school, thick as two short planks! Says to me, with regards to kids, actions speak louder than words and i always argue and after many minutes end up losing. I had not an entirely dissimilar introduction to alcohol as you did, yet was exactly as you are! Why? I think my mate is right?! I guess, for me, my caretakers were the world to me even though they sucked at it so it was difficult as an adult to go a different way. I know it's illogical but emotions are. I had to take a real close look at what benefit alcohol gave me before i could top long term as casting it as evil didn't work for me. Stick around here!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Welcome, Dave. I think it’s a good idea to be in an alcohol free environment as you begin your new life. It sounds like you have supportive family too and that’s a great thing. There are so many wise and wonderful folks here. You are not alone. Staying close to the forum, reading and posting as you feel, will help. Looking forward to your future posts. 🤗
Member
Join Date: Jun 2021
Location: Florida
Posts: 2,077
Welcome Dave, I knew you were from the south as soon as I saw Birddawg lol...I was also a binge drinker and more often than not it ended with vodka. I'm referring to it in the past tense because I don't plan on ever going back there again. It was a self induced living nightmare. I have alcoholism in my family as well it wasn't my mom or dad it was my grandad and a few uncles and aunts. I'm glad your here seeking help, stick around for awhile.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,536
Hi Birddawg - it's wonderful to have you join us. I felt so much hope & encouragement when I found this group. Not to be alone anymore meant everything.
I'm glad your mom & sister don't drink - visiting with them sounds like a great idea at this time. Good that you're seeing a therapist. Sounds like you're ready to get free of the poison that intends to kill us. I once couldn't imagine my life without my 'friend' alcohol - surely it would be boring & monotonous? Yet what was really boring was staying numb & foggy most of the time. Living for the next drink & sabotaging my life. I'm so glad I don't live that way anymore. You can do it!
I'm glad your mom & sister don't drink - visiting with them sounds like a great idea at this time. Good that you're seeing a therapist. Sounds like you're ready to get free of the poison that intends to kill us. I once couldn't imagine my life without my 'friend' alcohol - surely it would be boring & monotonous? Yet what was really boring was staying numb & foggy most of the time. Living for the next drink & sabotaging my life. I'm so glad I don't live that way anymore. You can do it!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Welcome, Dave.
I think that your plan to see a therapist who specializes in addiction and depression is a good one. I have a lot of alcoholism in my family, too. Have faith that you can be the person you want to be.
I think that your plan to see a therapist who specializes in addiction and depression is a good one. I have a lot of alcoholism in my family, too. Have faith that you can be the person you want to be.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
I hear you taking action. That is really what this is all about, in my opinion. Good for you! I do hope you stick around and get to know the forum. We are all here to support and to be supported. You have the power to change your life, Dave. Looking forward to hearing more from you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2021
Location: Charleston, SC
Posts: 80
Thanks y'all. I am from Georgia but live in SC now.
Somebody mentioned above the key for them staying sober is remember how bad it sucked on the first day. In 2021, I have made it 6-7 days I think four times, but maybe three, and six weeks. That was March 15 until May 22 (whatever day mothers day was.) I felt like death yesterday at my sons pool party and didnt drink last night or tonight.
I went to my in-laws for mothers day. My brother in-law offered me a rum drink as a night cap. Their family knows I struggle with this, but I don't tell them when I am not drinking. I have never been drunk around them anyways (you know, hiding the problem). I drank it and left a little while later. I wasn't intoxicated bc he poured the drinks, and pours them like normal folks, not one of us.
On the way home I stopped and got a bottle of wine. I'll just have one and go to bed. I basically came out of my haze from that bender this past Sunday. I felt like death yesterday at my sons pool party and didnt drink last night or tonight. It was unreal how easy it was to go back to it. I felt like death again today until dinner. I went to my ex's and she fed me a healthy meal. My kidneys have sort of stopped screaming at me after I ate and drank literally a gallon of gatorade. Thats why the comment about remembering how bad the first few days were is important to burn into my brain. I thought when I made it six weeks I had it licked. Boy was I wrong. In hindsight, and I spoke to my ex about it, that happening was a good thing bc I am your typical male of not learning a lesson unless I get my but kicked by it at least once.
Somebody mentioned above the key for them staying sober is remember how bad it sucked on the first day. In 2021, I have made it 6-7 days I think four times, but maybe three, and six weeks. That was March 15 until May 22 (whatever day mothers day was.) I felt like death yesterday at my sons pool party and didnt drink last night or tonight.
I went to my in-laws for mothers day. My brother in-law offered me a rum drink as a night cap. Their family knows I struggle with this, but I don't tell them when I am not drinking. I have never been drunk around them anyways (you know, hiding the problem). I drank it and left a little while later. I wasn't intoxicated bc he poured the drinks, and pours them like normal folks, not one of us.
On the way home I stopped and got a bottle of wine. I'll just have one and go to bed. I basically came out of my haze from that bender this past Sunday. I felt like death yesterday at my sons pool party and didnt drink last night or tonight. It was unreal how easy it was to go back to it. I felt like death again today until dinner. I went to my ex's and she fed me a healthy meal. My kidneys have sort of stopped screaming at me after I ate and drank literally a gallon of gatorade. Thats why the comment about remembering how bad the first few days were is important to burn into my brain. I thought when I made it six weeks I had it licked. Boy was I wrong. In hindsight, and I spoke to my ex about it, that happening was a good thing bc I am your typical male of not learning a lesson unless I get my but kicked by it at least once.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,544
I fell for the 6 weeks I've got it licked trick too, Dave.
The only way I've beaten it has been to quit entirely. One day at a time to begin, then onwards and upwards from there.
Keep posting Dave, this is a good site and people on your side. We've been there, and understand.
The only way I've beaten it has been to quit entirely. One day at a time to begin, then onwards and upwards from there.
Keep posting Dave, this is a good site and people on your side. We've been there, and understand.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2021
Location: Florida
Posts: 2,077
First I fell for the 7 years I got it licked trick and then for 5 years I repeatedly fell for the 6 weeks I got it licked trick until finally and gratefully I was defeated by the borderline DT's a** kick.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 525
I have come to conclude that there is a type of alcoholic who can only get sober by fully committing to the program of recovery set forth in Alcoholics Anonymous. I am one of those alcoholics. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more about that.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,057
When I first came here I think I was looking for a magic wand. I couldn't believe it could be as hard as it seemed to give up the drink. I thought I must be missing something, sadly not.
It took me a long time to grasp that it takes real commitment and an iron will. The arguments I would have with myself or AV as we call it were relentless, especially in the first year. I would go in the shop, pick up the bottles, put them down - leave the shop go back in. An absolute battle.
Eventually I won and now have 2.7 years sober. I was raging alcoholic, well actually I still am but I no longer drink no matter what. I still sometimes have the battles but I always win.
Good luck on your journey birddawg. It's tough but it is doable.
It took me a long time to grasp that it takes real commitment and an iron will. The arguments I would have with myself or AV as we call it were relentless, especially in the first year. I would go in the shop, pick up the bottles, put them down - leave the shop go back in. An absolute battle.
Eventually I won and now have 2.7 years sober. I was raging alcoholic, well actually I still am but I no longer drink no matter what. I still sometimes have the battles but I always win.
Good luck on your journey birddawg. It's tough but it is doable.
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