Progressively getting worse
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 259
Im in my 40s and my weight fluctuated a lot as 210 seemed to be my most athletic place to be but one measure I used to keep drinking was if I could get off the couch and do 30 pushups, 30 sit-ups, and jog 3 miles straight. As long as I could hit that I was ok I told myself. Right before recovery, I was inactive for a full year and up to 280 pounds and was still able to go to the park and hit these standards but, my drinking was much worse and so was my health, as revealed by my blood tests. At least for me, physical fitness ability was a bad measure for how much damage alcohol was actually doing to me.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,787
Welcome to the family Eric! 
You've made a wise decision to stop drinking. I got sober for good over 11 yrs ago and don't regret a minute of it. And never once have I woken up and wished I had drank the night before.
You've made a wise decision to stop drinking. I got sober for good over 11 yrs ago and don't regret a minute of it. And never once have I woken up and wished I had drank the night before. 
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
Originally Posted by KingEric 
Let me be clear there is zero issue with my sex life, it's fantastic.
I'd like to steer away from that part of my original post to be fair, look back at it I'd rather not have mentioned it.
.
I'd like to steer away from that part of my original post to be fair, look back at it I'd rather not have mentioned it.
.
When I talk about a plan it’s more than just. ‘I plan to stay sober’ it’s about how exactly you will stay sober, and about the changes you make and about the support you’ll find to help you keep to those changes.
for the moment reading and posting here on SR is a good start I think, but this link may be good further reading.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post5314914 (Recovery Programs & What to Expect (What We Did))
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2021
Posts: 39
Okay, so did my usual night off of the week last night no ill feelings just pure relief at a good nights sleep and fresh feeling in the mind when I wake for work. Night two is always the most difficult because your fresh you feel fine and worst still tomorrow I don't have to be up for work so the temptation will be huge.
My plan was to plan something for Saturday that meant I'd have the extra motivation to stay sober and feel brilliant tomorrow, that's now gone out of the window as well as the weather is shocking up here in the North of England. Nothing worse than boredom at home over the weekend for thinking about having a drink.
Going to try and stay strong over the weekend, I know it's going to be extremely hard to get through it.
My plan was to plan something for Saturday that meant I'd have the extra motivation to stay sober and feel brilliant tomorrow, that's now gone out of the window as well as the weather is shocking up here in the North of England. Nothing worse than boredom at home over the weekend for thinking about having a drink.
Going to try and stay strong over the weekend, I know it's going to be extremely hard to get through it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
We have monthly groups, Eric. We’d love to have you join us in the May 2021 group if you’d like, in addition to posting any other concerns or need on this Newcomer page. You’ll find others, like me, in early sobriety facing similar challenges. There’s the Weekenders thread too.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,171
Originally Posted by KingEric
I
I won't be drinking tonight but I know tomorrow is another day and another mental battle. I will try and reason that it's a Friday and you should relax on Friday with a few drinks but what I've got to tell myself is that I've been living every day like a Friday for years now and my body no longer wants to play along.
I've not done more than three days sober since I broke my leg in 2004 and was in hospital for two weeks. That's a long time.
Thats my first target get over the third night and if I do that I will go from there.
I won't be drinking tonight but I know tomorrow is another day and another mental battle. I will try and reason that it's a Friday and you should relax on Friday with a few drinks but what I've got to tell myself is that I've been living every day like a Friday for years now and my body no longer wants to play along.
I've not done more than three days sober since I broke my leg in 2004 and was in hospital for two weeks. That's a long time.
Thats my first target get over the third night and if I do that I will go from there.
It may not be like that for everyone, although I believe it probably is. I would suggest that right now you might do well to give some thought to permanent abstinence. I'm sure it's occurred to you already, but think about embracing the idea right now, making that your goal rather than 3 days. If you cave and don't make it to forever, no one is going to read you the riot act, and would be remiss if they did.
But in the end, it has to be forever, because it's not just the goal. It's actually the CURE.
In my case, when I decided to reach to "forever", just as a "try it and see" at first, I was on my way, and I never looked back after that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2021
Posts: 39
Originally Posted by phoebe64
We have monthly groups, Eric. We’d love to have you join us in the May 2021 group if you’d like, in addition to posting any other concerns or need on this Newcomer page. You’ll find others, like me, in early sobriety facing similar challenges. There’s the Weekenders thread too.
Aren't you all based in the U.S or Australia.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2021
Posts: 39
Originally Posted by DriGuy
Three days was my limit before I quit. I was crawling the walls on day 3, and caved in too many times to remember how many. Three days may seem like a bench mark to shoot for. I don't know. Maybe someone can go 3 days and cave, then 5 days and cave then 10 days and cave, and so on. But from my experience that doesn't sound like the best approach, because every time you cave it reinforces the addiction and brings you back to zero. In affect, you gain nothing.
It may not be like that for everyone, although I believe it probably is. I would suggest that right now you might do well to give some thought to permanent abstinence. I'm sure it's occurred to you already, but think about embracing the idea right now, making that your goal rather than 3 days. If you cave and don't make it to forever, no one is going to read you the riot act, and would be remiss if they did.
But in the end, it has to be forever, because it's not just the goal. It's actually the CURE.
In my case, when I decided to reach to "forever", just as a "try it and see" at first, I was on my way, and I never looked back after that.
It may not be like that for everyone, although I believe it probably is. I would suggest that right now you might do well to give some thought to permanent abstinence. I'm sure it's occurred to you already, but think about embracing the idea right now, making that your goal rather than 3 days. If you cave and don't make it to forever, no one is going to read you the riot act, and would be remiss if they did.
But in the end, it has to be forever, because it's not just the goal. It's actually the CURE.
In my case, when I decided to reach to "forever", just as a "try it and see" at first, I was on my way, and I never looked back after that.
This will hopefully get my head and mind through the night and then tomorrow is another day to do battle. I wish I'd found this place last Sunday and then it would be easier because the weekends are mentally my biggest weakness, no work tomorrow and Sunday. Nothing forcing me to get up early. I think if I'd have found this place last Sunday I'd have had the motivation to not drink through the week and the sense of achievement would push me through the weekend.
Just wish the weather was better so we could get out and about and do something productive.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Somerset
Posts: 937
Originally Posted by KingEric
How does that work Phoebe?
Aren't you all based in the U.S or Australia.
Aren't you all based in the U.S or Australia.
(I’m pretty sure Phoebe was referring to virtual on-line groups slash classes, just not Zoom style gigs)
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Now is the time! You are on the road now!
Keep moving forward. The gym and a movie sounds like a really good night. You got this. Stay close and post often. You will get through tonight and be THANKFUL when the morning comes.
Keep moving forward. The gym and a movie sounds like a really good night. You got this. Stay close and post often. You will get through tonight and be THANKFUL when the morning comes.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
It's great that your wife has that attitude as it sounds like she is a good influence on your in general. Eventually the desire to quit drinking has to come from within though, so perhaps focus on finding your own motivations. Scheduling things like gym, movie or whatever for the times when you potentially get the desire to drink is great - I just made a post about how important active "distractions" were for me in the first month, don't think I would have ever made through that phase without them. Some people like to schedule something like that for every day in advance - I did that too, it becomes part of our recovery plan and can help to reinforce the discipline.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post7635938 (The urge and cravings)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post7635938 (The urge and cravings)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2021
Posts: 39
I want to get something off my chest, growing up we hold a close knit group of friends in our area and one of the more popular characters and a good friend of mine Pete had a drink issue from a very young age. He battled with this issue for a number of years until eventually on one of his multiple nights spent in a hospital a doctor told him for a man of his age (23) his body was weak and it couldn't take the daily battering he was giving it.
Pete initially was strong, he got help and with the support of his family he rebuilt his life and got himself on the right track, he was studying in college and was set to go to University. We spent many a night together and I always admired his strength to abstain from alcohol and any other drug that was going around at the time. Around the time I met my now wife and we settled down and like nearly everyone you see less and less of your friends before eventually we moved on an bought home together across town.
Then one day me and my wife were shopping in town and noticed Pete in the distance, he could barely stand he was that drunk as he made his way towards me unware I was there I decided to tie my shoelace and let him walk by. Several days later my wife received a text message off her friend whilst we were out driving saying Pete had been found dead in his bedroom, it was found that high levels of alcohol in his system had caused him to have a brain haemorrhage and he'd passed in his sleep.
I'd ignored my childhood friend in a time of need and that's lived with me ever since to this day.
The only other person I've shared this story with was my wife, I think about it pretty much once or twice a week every year of my life and especially when I see his brother. I doubt I could have done anything to help him in truth but the reality that haunts me is I didn't even say hello one last time or tried to help him home. What if he'd noticed me and was too ashamed to stop and say hello himself.
Life is full of what ifs but this will always haunt me to my dying day.
Pete initially was strong, he got help and with the support of his family he rebuilt his life and got himself on the right track, he was studying in college and was set to go to University. We spent many a night together and I always admired his strength to abstain from alcohol and any other drug that was going around at the time. Around the time I met my now wife and we settled down and like nearly everyone you see less and less of your friends before eventually we moved on an bought home together across town.
Then one day me and my wife were shopping in town and noticed Pete in the distance, he could barely stand he was that drunk as he made his way towards me unware I was there I decided to tie my shoelace and let him walk by. Several days later my wife received a text message off her friend whilst we were out driving saying Pete had been found dead in his bedroom, it was found that high levels of alcohol in his system had caused him to have a brain haemorrhage and he'd passed in his sleep.
I'd ignored my childhood friend in a time of need and that's lived with me ever since to this day.
The only other person I've shared this story with was my wife, I think about it pretty much once or twice a week every year of my life and especially when I see his brother. I doubt I could have done anything to help him in truth but the reality that haunts me is I didn't even say hello one last time or tried to help him home. What if he'd noticed me and was too ashamed to stop and say hello himself.
Life is full of what ifs but this will always haunt me to my dying day.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2021
Posts: 39
I want to get something off my chest, growing up we hold a close knit group of friends in our area and one of the more popular characters and a good friend of mine Pete had a drink issue from a very young age. He battled with this issue for a number of years until eventually on one of his multiple nights spent in a hospital a doctor told him for a man of his age (23) his body was weak and it couldn't take the daily battering he was giving it.
Pete initially was strong, he got help and with the support of his family he rebuilt his life and got himself on the right track, he was studying in college and was set to go to University. We spent many a night together and I always admired his strength to abstain from alcohol and any other drug that was going around at the time. Around the time I met my now wife and we settled down and like nearly everyone you see less and less of your friends before eventually we moved on an bought home together across town.
Then one day me and my wife were shopping in town and noticed Pete in the distance, he could barely stand he was that drunk as he made his way towards me unware I was there I decided to tie my shoelace and let him walk by. Several days later my wife received a text message off her friend whilst we were out driving saying Pete had been found dead in his bedroom, it was found that high levels of alcohol in his system had caused him to have a brain haemorrhage and he'd passed in his sleep.
I'd ignored my childhood friend in a time of need and that's lived with me ever since to this day.
The only other person I've shared this story with was my wife, I think about it pretty much once or twice a week every year of my life and especially when I see his brother. I doubt I could have done anything to help him in truth but the reality that haunts me is I didn't even say hello one last time or tried to help him home. What if he'd noticed me and was too ashamed to stop and say hello himself.
Life is full of what ifs but this will always haunt me to my dying day.
Pete initially was strong, he got help and with the support of his family he rebuilt his life and got himself on the right track, he was studying in college and was set to go to University. We spent many a night together and I always admired his strength to abstain from alcohol and any other drug that was going around at the time. Around the time I met my now wife and we settled down and like nearly everyone you see less and less of your friends before eventually we moved on an bought home together across town.
Then one day me and my wife were shopping in town and noticed Pete in the distance, he could barely stand he was that drunk as he made his way towards me unware I was there I decided to tie my shoelace and let him walk by. Several days later my wife received a text message off her friend whilst we were out driving saying Pete had been found dead in his bedroom, it was found that high levels of alcohol in his system had caused him to have a brain haemorrhage and he'd passed in his sleep.
I'd ignored my childhood friend in a time of need and that's lived with me ever since to this day.
The only other person I've shared this story with was my wife, I think about it pretty much once or twice a week every year of my life and especially when I see his brother. I doubt I could have done anything to help him in truth but the reality that haunts me is I didn't even say hello one last time or tried to help him home. What if he'd noticed me and was too ashamed to stop and say hello himself.
Life is full of what ifs but this will always haunt me to my dying day.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2021
Posts: 39
I want to get something off my chest, growing up we hold a close knit group of friends in our area and one of the more popular characters and a good friend of mine Pete had a drink issue from a very young age. He battled with this issue for a number of years until eventually on one of his multiple nights spent in a hospital a doctor told him for a man of his age (23) his body was weak and it couldn't take the daily battering he was giving it.
Pete initially was strong, he got help and with the support of his family he rebuilt his life and got himself on the right track, he was studying in college and was set to go to University. We spent many a night together and I always admired his strength to abstain from alcohol and any other drug that was going around at the time. Around the time I met my now wife and we settled down and like nearly everyone you see less and less of your friends before eventually we moved on an bought home together across town.
Then one day me and my wife were shopping in town and noticed Pete in the distance, he could barely stand he was that drunk as he made his way towards me unware I was there I decided to tie my shoelace and let him walk by. Several days later my wife received a text message off her friend whilst we were out driving saying Pete had been found dead in his bedroom, it was found that high levels of alcohol in his system had caused him to have a brain haemorrhage and he'd passed in his sleep.
I'd ignored my childhood friend in a time of need and that's lived with me ever since to this day.
The only other person I've shared this story with was my wife, I think about it pretty much once or twice a week every year of my life and especially when I see his brother. I doubt I could have done anything to help him in truth but the reality that haunts me is I didn't even say hello one last time or tried to help him home. What if he'd noticed me and was too ashamed to stop and say hello himself.
Life is full of what ifs but this will always haunt me to my dying day.
Pete initially was strong, he got help and with the support of his family he rebuilt his life and got himself on the right track, he was studying in college and was set to go to University. We spent many a night together and I always admired his strength to abstain from alcohol and any other drug that was going around at the time. Around the time I met my now wife and we settled down and like nearly everyone you see less and less of your friends before eventually we moved on an bought home together across town.
Then one day me and my wife were shopping in town and noticed Pete in the distance, he could barely stand he was that drunk as he made his way towards me unware I was there I decided to tie my shoelace and let him walk by. Several days later my wife received a text message off her friend whilst we were out driving saying Pete had been found dead in his bedroom, it was found that high levels of alcohol in his system had caused him to have a brain haemorrhage and he'd passed in his sleep.
I'd ignored my childhood friend in a time of need and that's lived with me ever since to this day.
The only other person I've shared this story with was my wife, I think about it pretty much once or twice a week every year of my life and especially when I see his brother. I doubt I could have done anything to help him in truth but the reality that haunts me is I didn't even say hello one last time or tried to help him home. What if he'd noticed me and was too ashamed to stop and say hello himself.
Life is full of what ifs but this will always haunt me to my dying day.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2021
Location: London
Posts: 333
I know quite a few people that drink between 2-3 bottles of 700ml spirits (between 50-80 UK units) per week, ages from 30 to 70. None of them see it as a problem at all and would never ever question it. They have no health issues caused by drinking and are not mentally affected by it as they see it as their choice, their body and their life. I never fit into that category as it was always a problem for me in my mind since i started, it was never ok for me and i was the one making that judgement from the start. I needed to figure out why i felt that way and where it came from and why i really wanted to stop before i could make any headway. This forum is a good place to hang out and do some reading and connecting, just keep looking after yourself as you are doing until something clicks. The GP will just send you to STAR if you are in the UK as they aren't allowed to help problem drinkers themselves anymore. STAR is like the alcohol and drug place for help to stop. If you haven't got any young kids in your home then STAR might be worth trying? (i mention kids as they are required to inform social services as soon as they put you on the books which is a great thing if you are neglecting and abusing your kids because of alcohol but doesn't sound like you fit that picture).
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
Then one day me and my wife were shopping in town and noticed Pete in the distance, he could barely stand he was that drunk as he made his way towards me unware I was there I decided to tie my shoelace and let him walk by. Several days later my wife received a text message off her friend whilst we were out driving saying Pete had been found dead in his bedroom, it was found that high levels of alcohol in his system had caused him to have a brain haemorrhage and he'd passed in his sleep.
I'd ignored my childhood friend in a time of need and that's lived with me ever since to this day.
I'd ignored my childhood friend in a time of need and that's lived with me ever since to this day.
The fact is its far more likely that we couldn't change the outcome for them.
We can't love someone into recovery Eric. They have to want it.
Your mate had obviously been on that downward trajectory for a while. Some of us pull out, some do not.
When I was in my kamikaze dive, I was past listening. I'd already burned a lot of bridges,.
I would not have listened to anyone however well meaning.
I'm speaking generally here and mean no offence.
I'm trying to present an alternative reading.
I understand your pain and your guilt - but I think it might be misplaced.
But...out of all of us here, only you knew Pete....and I'm very sorry for your loss.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2021
Posts: 39
Originally Posted by Dee74
I think that's pretty common. We all have people in our lives who have died, often tragically, and we think 'if only I'd'...
The fact is its far more likely that we couldn't change the outcome for them.
We can't love someone into recovery Eric. They have to want it.
Your mate had obviously been on that downward trajectory for a while. Some of us pull out, some do not.
When I was in my kamikaze dive, I was past listening. I'd already burned a lot of bridges,.
I would not have listened to anyone however well meaning.
I'm speaking generally here and mean no offence.
I'm trying to present an alternative reading.
I understand your pain and your guilt - but I think it might be misplaced.
But...out of all of us here, only you knew Pete....and I'm very sorry for your loss.
D
The fact is its far more likely that we couldn't change the outcome for them.
We can't love someone into recovery Eric. They have to want it.
Your mate had obviously been on that downward trajectory for a while. Some of us pull out, some do not.
When I was in my kamikaze dive, I was past listening. I'd already burned a lot of bridges,.
I would not have listened to anyone however well meaning.
I'm speaking generally here and mean no offence.
I'm trying to present an alternative reading.
I understand your pain and your guilt - but I think it might be misplaced.
But...out of all of us here, only you knew Pete....and I'm very sorry for your loss.
D
Which it eventually it did.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,937
Welcome to SR!
As you are probably aware, alcoholism is progressive. You are in your late 30's now, if you maintain your present behavior where do you think you will be in 10 years?
I guarantee you, your life won't get better. The analogy I have is water circling the drain in a bath tub. At first as the bathtub drains the water circles slowly, but as time goes on it circles faster and faster until it's empty.
That's sort of like what alcohol does to a person over the years. If you keep drinking the way you are, in 10 years you might be circling the drain very fast.
As you are probably aware, alcoholism is progressive. You are in your late 30's now, if you maintain your present behavior where do you think you will be in 10 years?
I guarantee you, your life won't get better. The analogy I have is water circling the drain in a bath tub. At first as the bathtub drains the water circles slowly, but as time goes on it circles faster and faster until it's empty.
That's sort of like what alcohol does to a person over the years. If you keep drinking the way you are, in 10 years you might be circling the drain very fast.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Originally Posted by KingEric
How does that work Phoebe?
Aren't you all based in the U.S or Australia.
Aren't you all based in the U.S or Australia.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-one.html
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
Life is full of what ifs but this will always haunt me to my dying day.
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